arizona van life is over

On the road again, like a band of gypsies we go down the highway. We're the best of friends insisting that the world keeps spinning our way and our way. On the road again. I'm running out of food so I have to go to town soon. I don't really want to. How anyone comes out here without food is very surprising to me. I don't know if y'all can see but there's no way to come out here in sneakers. It's sticking. These are sticking through my boots. To me at this stage of my life as a 25 year old woman there are two parts that separate. There is the life that I lived before I moved into my car and now there's the life after. Moving into a vehicle, hands down best decision that I ever made. I never felt more free and weightless and literally like gave away everything that I owned and it's just extremely liberating you know. Especially this time of my life where I'm like single and have no kids and can just do whatever I want and nobody cares. Before I moved in my car I honestly didn't know what I was gonna make of myself. It took me way too long to realize that being in your 20s does not mean that you are an adult. Like yeah okay legally I can drive and drink and stuff not not the same time but I feel like I'm still a kid sometimes you know. Like I am truly still just figuring it out and the crazy thing is once you get to this age you realize everyone else is in the same boat. People older than me are in the same boat. Like I don't think anybody actually ever figures it out. I think we're all just going day to day and I also do not think there's anything wrong with that. Like what Speaking of having our ---- together I got a new power station. Here it is. This is from Rock Pals. It's the 300 one and they sent me this for review and I have tested it out. In fact it's still on because I was just charging my phone before I started filming this. It is great. It's awesome. And finally now I have a a 12 volt plug-in because as you guys know before I was using a tiny Jackery 160 because it lives in my car and that's really all that could fit. I'm excited to have this because and now I can actually use a fridge. So yeah it's got three um USB ports. It has an AC plug and of course the 12 volt plug that I just showed. It is definitely heavier than my tiny little Jackery 160 but it's also like double the power so this is great. And it came with a car charger and I have the wall charger so I can charge it in Starbucks. My head is almost the same size as this. Thank you Rock Pals. This is really cool and I am excited to use it more. I'm leaving the desert soon because it's way too ******* hot but before I left I want to take a memento because this place is really special to me and I want to remember it forever. I mean not that I'm never gonna forget it and honestly not that I'm not gonna be back. I just wanted to take a memento. Thank you desert for being my home when I had nowhere else to go. I think this is gonna press flowers. A lizard! I'm gonna have a number five with the coke. Yes. Yes. Medium. Barbecue. A coke. That's all. I'm lonesome but happy. Rich but I'm broke and the good lord knows the reason. I'm just a cowpoo. McDonald's is the best place to stop when you're heading off for a road trip. There's no place better. There's just no place better. It reminds me of my childhood, reminds me of movie, reminds me of summer vacations. Usually I go somewhere a bit more scenic for my dinners but today I just said **** it so I'm eating dinner in the McDonald's parking lot. Sometimes I get this feeling like there's a weighted blanket on my brain. I'm not sure if that resonates with anybody else but that's how I've been feeling lately. I'm not sure why I'm choosing to include this in the video but that's how I feel. Like there's a weighted blanket on my brain and on my body and it makes it hard to think and do things. Some people might call that depression and I'm not saying it's not but this is the type of depression that I have not experienced before if it is. Anyway I've been doing a lot of introspection. Is that it? I've been having a without over analyzing myself because I used to have a bad habit of doing that and I don't want to do that anymore but gently looking inward I've been wondering why I like being alone so much. People ask me on Instagram when I do the Q&A's how do you not feel lonely on the road and the thing is I don't really feel lonely in life in general and that's not a flex okay. I'm fully aware that that's probably like a mental disorder or something but it is handy living my style of lifestyle. I don't think it's cool to want to be alone all the time. It's actually kind of weird. I think that humans innately want to connect with each other but I also know that the times in my life where I was around other people the most, like when I lived in LA, I was always the most stressed. I went to college in LA so I knew a lot of people. There were a lot of people around that had a lot of different friend groups and even if I just hung out with one person from four different friend groups once a week I was still hanging out with somebody every single week and that's not even seeing like the other 75% of my friends and I would just feel so burnt out and I would also feel extremely guilty for not wanting to hang out with people all the time and so I was feeling guilty and they were probably feeling like what the **** she never wants to hang out with us and then and nobody wins and everybody's feeling like not good. I didn't like feeling guilty or like I was constantly disappointing people around me that I cared about. Why is it that I don't like to be around people? Do I feel like I can't be myself? Do I genuinely just hate everyone? Am I scared that I'm gonna be constantly disappointing everyone around me? I don't really know. I mean it could be as simple as just you know my social batteries get depleted around other people. For now I'm not gonna overthink it. I am the way I am and to be honest I think I'm pretty cool. It's time for me to get out of Arizona. I've been hanging out here all winter and now it's not winter anymore. I believe it's officially spring. I'm assuming the country has warmed up. My plan is to go lay in some sand. If you can guess where I'm gonna go lay in some sand at, I'll send you a postcard from from the sandy place. It's gonna be Stevie's first time leaving the state so please pray for us because this this girl is high maintenance. Oh my gosh. My driver's side door doesn't work. I can't get out or in from that side. I'm just really excited to travel again. I think that that's what I need in my life right now. I get kind of um when I'm stationary for too long. I'm real excited to sleep in random places, ---- with strangers, wake up with the sunshine every morning and hopefully I'll be cold. That's just something that that um I know will make me feel good. Jesus take the wheel. Actually no I'll take the wheel because I'm gonna be driving now and hopefully I'll see you on the road. Dear lord please lower these gas prices so that I can feel less guilty about roaming around on the highway again. I just want to see beautiful places while I still can and please lord do not let this McDonald's I'm about to get go straight through me like I know it's going to. Please lord amen.