Dr. David Maloney is a Psychologist and a therapist/counselor. His has trained in a variety of techniques (person-centered, Gestalt, ACIM, psychodynamic) and works with people on a wide variety of issues. His main areas of expertise are in self-esteem, motivation, self-actualization, spirituality, relationships and dating, overcoming procrastination, and living authentically. If you feel like you're are holding yourselfback in life, or just need someone to talk things through with, his online coachng service might be perfect for your needs. From the comfort of your own home, you can work with a highly trained and experienced therapist, and for a price that is highly affordable. Prices are on a sliding scale, so if you are experiencing financial difficulties, you can still work with David. Visit here to contact Dr. Maloney today: https://www.drdavidmaloney.com/skype-coaching
Hey guys a quick video today for you on sleep. It's me David here and I
Was inspired I got the idea to make this video about sleep because it seems a lot of people out there
have problems getting to sleep at night and
You know we there is a lot of advice out there in terms of how to sleep better
But as you can see from the picture there, you know, this is sleep tips when nothing else works
Maybe you know, you've got some thoughts going on in your head
This is not really about the behavioral things. You know, the the tips you see that are kind of
Things we all kind of know about okay, I'm gonna kind of talk about three
Ways to approach maybe getting a better night's sleep that it are less well-known
Okay, less well-known approaches because you know, not everyone needs most of us most people that can just change
these obvious things and these obvious things will be
Okay, here's captain obvious to spell them out for us turn off screens at night
Reduce your coffee intake exercise a bit more and maybe change your diet a little bit. Okay, so not wrong in any of that advice
It's all very true and it's something I would tell people to do as well
But for some of us even if we try those things
Doesn't always work. Okay, there is still sometimes
a reluctance to
Sleep or a difficulty in getting a good night's sleep
Sometimes you might only get five six hours sleep and that might be a regular thing and then it can become kind of a problem
Okay, so let's
Look first at why this is important what happens to us very briefly
What happens to us when we don't get enough sleep? Okay. So why is sleep important?
Well, first of all, it's very closely related to your feelings your emotions. So if you're emotionally kind of you have kind of ups and downs
When we have
Reduced sleep or we're sleep deprived our emotions are very much
More unstable or they're more erratic. We've less control over how we feel more erratic decision-making
We're less focused. We have this thing tangential thinking we're thinking one thing and then we're off distracted by something else. Okay
Sometimes we might be more defensive or we might get hurt more easily or we might feel angry
More easily than we normally would if we had enough sleep. Okay, so this these are reasons why sleep is important
okay, and obviously, you know a
Reduced immune system if we don't get enough sleep, we might start to get sick or get more of colds and flus and things like that
So another thing another way to look at it is when we don't sleep
So what would happen and the reason this is why we know sleep is important is because as with a lot of things
researchers look at the most extreme case of it and
This was Randy Gardner and he is extreme because he is the world record holder for the longest person
Or the longest time ever without sleep 11 days 27 minutes. How could you do personally? Maybe not that long?
But what happened to him he became very very paranoid he had a lot of short-term
Memory loss he had hallucinations things like that were happening to him. So
Clearly, you know, that's an extreme case, but it does kind of show sleep is important for our feelings and our psychological health, right?
Also, the last thing there is just to mention that in terms of extremes is that sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture
So therefore we know how important it is. Okay, so
We don't want to torture ourselves. So let's see if we can start getting to the bottom of this first of all
Yeah, just final one other thing is it is important for your emotions
You know this because deep relaxation is required when you sleep and your body becomes fully paralyzed
Okay, so in certain deep sleep cycles your body literally is paralyzed or you can't move it at all
So what's going on here is your past experiences and new experiences
That you've had in the day are kind of been integrated
your your mind is busy putting all this together and your emotional pain has been sort of processed and addressed and figured out and
You know, you'll see this in in dreams dreams are often very
Emotive a lot of emotions and dreams. Sometimes it can be very scary. Sometimes it can be very uplifting
So that's kind of what's going on. So
Let's look at maybe so let's say for instance if you've you have an issue with sleep and you've tried all the
Things that you know how to try now. We need to look a little bit deeper. Okay, if there is something maybe going on, right and
These are all sort of you don't believe these you could just I'm gonna outline what these problems are and give solutions to them
You don't have to think do you believe these are true?
You can just sort of see it as an experiment and try it if you want
First one is why we resist sleep and this is in relation to the rebellious inner child that we all have, right?
So when we're growing up as kids, okay
We're told you have to go to bed or you have to get up go to school
You have to have to have to have to so we're kind of we've no choice about that, right?
so we repress this this is kind of frustrates us when we're younger and
The it gets kind of buried in the back of our mind, okay and
It comes out when we grow up. Okay, it comes out when we grow up
The weird thing about this is um, you know, we resist sleep because you know
You stay up late on our screens and we we don't go to bed when we know we should go to bed
Okay, but the strange thing about this is really that
Before any of this you have to go to bed stuff blah blah
We were all sort of naturally very good sleepers. We do go to bed
When it gets dark and we get up very very early
Okay, so we're naturally good sleepers. It's just
It's just one of those things. Okay that happens. So that's the first issue
that could be that reluctant inner child that has you a
Rebellious inner child that has you you know fight and sleep. Okay, because it's a past feeling that you had and you still have it
So I know that sounds a bit out there
But well, we'll come on to what you can do with that information if that is the case, maybe it is the case
Okay, the second thing is why we resist sleep is worry. Okay, so worry is a big big one
Overthinking sometimes people call it. The interesting thing is when you're worrying you're not actually thinking. Okay people make that mistake sometimes
But it's more like something called rumination
Where you just got thoughts going around and around in your mind all the time and you're not actually going anywhere with them
Okay, it's just same images popping up same scenario pops up
That's not really thinking
Okay, so what happens then is you know, you're worried and then you're saying to yourself. Well, I have to sleep
I have to sleep if I fall asleep now, I'll have six hours. Okay, so I better fall asleep now that kind of thinking goes on
Okay, so that's the second one and we'll talk about how to address that as well
And the last one we're going to talk about something I call the cycle of guilt. Okay
This is for anyone out there who is into self-development and is trying to get up earlier and earlier
They don't have a lot of time to play with they want to be super productive
so
how this works is I
Have to get up early tomorrow. I have to I have to get up early tomorrow. This is what we tell ourselves and
What happens is we sleep it, okay
There might be a more a morning debate in her own head about should I get up? Should I start my day?
Maybe I'll hit the snooze button, but there's this sort of debate going on right and it's
psychologically draining debate
So you stay in bed you feel guilty and
Then what happens is you make more plans
in order to
Fix the problem. Okay, make more difficult demands of yourself. Okay, really what you're doing is you're making more promises that you might break
Okay, some people might know what I'm talking about there with that. So if you if you recognize that cycle of guilt
You know making plans to get up earlier not following through feeling more guilty
Then we'll talk about the way to just a quite practical way to address that one. So let's
delve into some of these
so
First thing you could do when it relates that rebellious inner child. The first thing we want to do is acknowledge the rebellious inner child
You think you have to go to bed to this very day
If you ask someone, you know, do you have to go to bed early?
Do you have to get up early to say yes, I have to so it's still this this language
Okay, that's outdated because you know, we're all in charge of our own lives. We're not children anymore
So we do have complete control over that, right?
I choose to I want to I like to I feel like going to bed at this time
Okay, these are all far more empowering thoughts. So it's really just a change of language that can stop that old mentality. Okay?
There may be consequences, you know, you can tell yourself. Am I really free to go to bed whenever I want?
Sure, you are there are consequences to some of those choices, but it always it's always true that you are in charge
Second one we talked about was this idea of worrying
So don't force sleep. Okay, that's the solution there. Don't force sleep. So only fall asleep once
That's a very practical piece of advice. I heard a while ago and it's basically
Sometimes people come home. They they want to get to sleep early. They might put their head down
When they're on the couch and they fall asleep for half an hour and then really have to wake up and
Later on they go to bed and when they're in bed, they realize they can't sleep
So what's actually happening there is it takes it taxes your body every time your body puts you to sleep
It has to release melatonin to knock you out
Right, so you only want to your body to have to do that once because it have if it if it has to do it
more than once
Your body's getting a signal. Okay, we tried before but this guy
Doesn't really want to go to sleep right now. Okay, so
Only fall asleep once that means you look at your things like your sleep sleep hygiene
You come home and you start to relax immediately
Make yourself comfortable and as soon as you start getting that sleepy feeling you want to be near your bed and ready to go to
Sleep whenever it hits you. Okay, so only fall asleep once and
What we want to do is to avoid
We want to allow sleep to chase you and not the other way around if you like
So if you're not tired
Right, you have alternatives to worry
First thing you could do is you know, you don't want to sit there just worrying ruminating about tomorrow, right?
So you can either relax do something that you enjoy or you can actually and here's something a lot of people do
But it is an option. It's to do something productive
until
Feeling sleepy, of course, you can also do things like mindfulness. You can meditate and all those things and I
Would probably start there to be honest rather than jumping into product productive work
But if you have done that and you still can't sleep and you feel okay emotionally maybe use your time
Okay to do something. Maybe not too energetic. Okay?
The last one then guys I'm gonna talk about is remember cycle of guilt that issue
Don't make big promises in terms of changing your behavior
That's the approach. Okay. Now, here's something else something very practical you can do with that is
When we're trying to beat the alarm clock all the time, we're saying okay. I have to set the alarm clock early tomorrow
So we're always talking about how early we can set the alarm clock and then fail at the follow-through with it, right?
So what you do instead is you reverse it completely and you set your alarm for the latest possible time not the earliest
Okay, what you're gonna do with that is it takes out all the second-guessing out of rising. Okay
so you set it at the very latest time that you know, you can be on time for your your work or college or wherever it
is and
At that point you wake up and you either go or you're late or there's no debate about it anymore
It's this debate in your head that takes out the mental energy away from you
Okay
So it gives you also this approach gives you more time to sleep and if you wake up any earlier than that and the late
Time when your alarm will go off. That's a bonus. You've got some more time there. Okay, so it's a win-win situation
You want to avoid feeling guilty for sleeping too much?
Okay, so if you set goals with this in terms of when you when you wake up
Set very easy goals achievable goals. Okay, don't go from someone who wakes up if you're
Say you're you're working late. Okay
You might wake up at 11 in the morning. Okay, don't become someone who's gonna wake up at 7 in the morning
Okay overnight just gradually you would wind that back
So I think that's it guys they are three sort of
Approaches that are more based around your psychology or your mindset less. So the behavioral ones
But bear the mind try the behavioral ones first, you know the screen time
the caffeine all that stuff and then maybe try a few of these approaches as well and
Hopefully that will help
With any sleep issues you might have
Guys thanks a million and I will talk to you again soon