Matt Walsh Eats A VEGAN Christmas Meal

I shouldn't complain about this. I will complain about it, but I shouldn't, because the truth is, I have to take responsibility. Like, this is my fault, what you're seeing here. This is really my fault, that's the truth. We were talking about, yeah, we'd do some videos around the holidays. There were some suggestions, some video of me eating something that's kind of unappealing. And then I actually said, I said, I said, why wouldn't I have a vegan Christmas holiday meal? It was at this moment that I knew I messed up. I said, I don't know why I said that. I don't know why, I cannot tell you why I said that. It was just temporary psychosis, or maybe not so temporary. And so that's where we are now. This is where we are. This is a vegan Christmas holiday meal. It's all vegan. Mashed potatoes, that can't be too bad. So that's mashed potatoes. I think potatoes themselves are vegan, right? So that's probably not terrible. And then we've got the vegan fruitcake. So it kind of get progressively worse. Then we have the vegan eggnog. And then this year, I don't know what, this I can't even, I can't even look at this. This is vegan turkey, tofurkey. This is just horrifying. I don't know. Oh my, okay. This smell coming from this is extremely upsetting to me. It smells a bit like going into a porta potty on a hot day. And it looks like it too. It looks a little bit like it, like what you might see when you go inside one. All right, we'll start with the mashed potatoes. These can't be that bad. I know famous last words, but it's just potatoes, right? Well, they're actually worse than you think. They're somehow bad. How are these bad? They're just potatoes. How did the vegans find a way to screw up potatoes? They're pretty bad. I guess cause they have vegan, they like vegan butter in them. And that's what ruins it. You don't need the butter. Just do, just, we don't, just take regular potatoes and mash them up, put nothing else in them. They would at least be edible. This is not edible. And I take personal offense to it as an Irish, as an Irish American myself, I take potatoes very seriously. And so that is, that's a crime. All right, we move to the vegan fruitcake. Of course, I don't, you know, fruitcake in general is pretty bad. I don't think anyone even likes fruitcake. I'm not sure why. I'm not sure why fruitcake is even a thing, but now we're gonna try the vegan version of it. Doesn't smell terrible. There's a little bit of like a potpourri sort of smell to it. It doesn't smell edible either. Don't get me wrong. It doesn't smell like something you'd eat, but it doesn't smell bad. Like if I just had to smell this, but I didn't have to actually consume it, I wouldn't be too upset about it, but that was too big a bite. I don't know why I took such a big bite. All right. Actually not terrible. I mean, that is pretty bad. By, by vegan standards, it's not so bad, but it's also the butter, this is fruitcake. So you go in expecting something horrifying and that's what you get. Okay. So that could have been worse. The potato is actually worse than the fruitcake. The vegans have found a way to do that. I don't know how. It's the season of giving, but you've already given enough to your internet service provider. If you haven't been using ExpressVPN when you go online, and I'm not just talking about the enormous internet bill you pay every month. Every time you go online without ExpressVPN, your internet service provider can see and log every single website that you visit. And yes, that includes all the sites you visit in incognito mode. In addition to overcharging you, your ISP is legally allowed to sell all of your browsing activity to third-party advertisers for massive profits. I'm done giving to my internet service provider. I always go online with ExpressVPN. The app encrypts and reroutes 100% of my network data through their secure servers. So my provider can't see a thing. 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Smells like a cleaning, some kind of cleaning, like a dish, like some kind of chemical you use to clean your countertop. Pretty bad, and especially in comparison to what eggnog is supposed to be. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's bad. It's a little closer to eggnog than I thought it would be. I'm slightly impressed. I would never drink that again, of course. I'll try. I would like to know what's in that. Now we have the main event. Okay, oh man. So this is turkey, but there's no turkey at all. This is made of tofu. I don't even know what tofu is. I've never consumed tofu in my life. So we have our vegan Christmas turkey. McKenna, did you try this? No. You didn't try it? No. You wanna try it? No. Oh my God, no, I can't. This is not even food. I don't know what this is. This should not be in my mouth right now, and I wish I didn't just say that. There's no way anyone eats this on purpose. Oh, what the? I can't even describe this. Hang on. Oh my God. Okay. It's not just, it's not just the taste. I mean, the taste is bad, but it's everything. It's the texture, it's not food. Like you're not, you can tell when you're eating it, you're not supposed to eat this, whatever it is. It's otherworldly. It's like one of my aliens landed on earth and we killed it and ate it. Like it's almost, it does not have, the texture is not, it's got a little bit of styrofoam to it. Oh God, that is, that is really quite unpleasant. That is quite unpleasant. And this is, and vegans subject themselves to this on purpose. It's no wonder they're so ill-tempered and surly all the time, the vegans. If I had to eat this every day, I mean, I would hate, I would hate the world too. All right. I'm gonna go throw up now.