[FULL] Breaking Point: Telling My Wife I'm Exhausted From Raising Someone Else's Child

My breaking point and told my wife I'm tired of raising a kid that's not mine and now she isn't speaking to me. I, 31, am married to my wife Amber, 30, and we have a daughter named Emma, who is 7 years old. The problem is that my wife's best friend Jennifer has a daughter as well named Harper, also 7 years old. Our girls are best friends. Harper's dad is a lazy sack of crap and refuses to do anything with his daughter. He is the type of guy that brags about how he never changed the diaper. Jennifer and Harper are usually at Amber's and my house on the weekends because Harper's dad is drinking and watching sports all weekend. On Saturdays, I normally spend all day with my daughter because I don't see her as much as I want during the week. However, with Harper being there every Saturday, anything I do with Emma, I have to do with Harper as well. Take Emma to the zoo? It's Emma, Harper, and me. I taught them both how to ride bikes, took them both to dance class, took them both to the kid's salon, and so on. Mother's Day was the last straw. I took them both to dance class Saturday morning. Amber and I also pay for both dance classes because the deadbeat won't. On the way home, Emma asked if we could stop to get something for mom on Mother's Day. I said sure, but then it ended up that I had to buy something for Harper to give to her mom as well. On the way home, I just kept thinking, why am I buying someone else's wife a Mother's Day gift? That's his job. A few days later, because I did not want to ruin Mother's Day, I told my wife that I am tired of raising Harper. Her real father needs to step up. I'm tired of it taking away time I get to spend with Emma. She said that Jennifer is her best friend and we need to be there for Harper. Now she's not speaking to me and sleeping in the guest room. I don't think I'm the jerk here, but I don't know. I guess I'm just looking for some outside perspective. So quite a few people have asked for an update on this situation. Sorry it's taken so long, but it's been a hectic few weeks. As for the update, Amber and I are fine. Her reaction was based on poor word choices by me, poor communication by us, and some things I was unaware of at that time. The short version is, things at home were much worse than I was aware of for Jennifer, and my wife had only recently found out how bad things were. Mother's Day was the straw that broke the camel's back for Jennifer as well. She was raised in a you-must-stay-together for the kids family. When Harper came to me for a she realized that her daughter did not see her sperm donor as a father, so it was time to get out. Jennifer came to my wife to ask for help leaving because she had no family in the area, and Jennifer does not have the financial resources to leave on her own. So the night my wife was going to ask me if we could help her is when I told her I was tired of raising someone else's kid. That's what caused her reaction. The Saturday after our initial argument, Jennifer did not come over and Emma went to her grandparents, so the wife and I had a long discussion about what was going on. That's when I found out all the stuff going on with Jennifer. The wife and I decided that Jennifer and Harper can stay with us for the time being. My problem was never with those two. It was that I had to take over for the deadbeat. When we told Emma about this, she was super happy her friend was staying with her. We had a conversation with her that if she wants to have time with either parent without Harper, just let us know, and we do not want her to feel left out or anything. Last weekend, with the help of a U-Haul and some friends of mine, we got all Jennifer's and Harper's stuff and moved into our house. The good thing is we have a four-bedroom house, so everyone gets a bedroom. The bad news is my wife's office got moved to the basement. Wish me luck, we shall see how this goes. So it's been almost a year since my last update, but with Mother's Day upon us, I thought I would post an update and try to answer the questions I've gotten. Jen and Harper are still living with us. As I mentioned before, Jen did not make that much money. She worked as a phlebotomist at our local health network. The good news is with the current nursing shortage, they have a program where they will pay for employees to go to nursing school. She was able to start that at the end of August. The bad news is it's an 18-month program, and they only let you work 20 hours a week while you are in the program. So the arrangement is once she graduates, she will move out. That should be next May. The divorce with Deadbeat is still ongoing. Once he found out that he was going to have to pay child support, he tried every dirty, nasty trick he could think of. No idea when it will be finished. My wife is doing good. She is happy, she is helping her best friend, but five people in a house is a lot work than three. Since she works from home, the pre- and post-school work falls on her. Emma and Harper are still best friends. Shockingly, Harper is doing much better in this environment than before. They don't do everything together anymore. Harper quit dance class, but she started with soccer. I think knowing that she will get fatherly attention no matter what she's doing is giving her some freedom to pursue her interests. Harper has turned into my Lego buddy. Emma never had any interest, but Harper and I have done some nice sets together. Emma and I still have our daddy-daughter dates on the weekend. I still take her to dance class, and she started to take fencing classes. I don't know if I should be proud or scared that she could defeat me in a sword fight. I think I'm doing better a year later. That there is a plan with a timetable for Jen and Harper has relieved a lot of stress from my life. Not having to see Deadbeat has also been a relief. I also try to take a few hours a month for me time and to do my hobbies. The bad part is, I thought that I was done with my portion of my life where I had roommates. It will also be nice when Jen either gets her nursing job and or gets child support so that Amber and I can stop footing the bill for so much. For all the people that said Jen was going to become our sister wife, or that I was going to cheat on my wife with her, or that she was going to ruin my marriage out of spite, or any of the weird intimate fantasies some of you people had, absolutely nothing happened.