My Mom Is Taking Advantage of Me

[Music] brought to you by the every dooll app start budgeting for free today my mom is kind of given up on her career field and is depending on me to uh fund essentially everything for her now a little bit of background uh I don't have any brothers and sisters and my my parents uh divorc early on how old is your mother uh she's 52 and so you're supposed to support this 52 year old woman for the rest of her life who doesn't want to work much um well the thing that's happened is essentially she worked at a university she went to school got her PhD and was was really trying to break uh into the medical field with her her doctorate and she just wasn't able to get a job uh and so now you know it's going on about a year and a half now where she essentially hasn't had a job and has been was using all of her uh I guess money that she had saved pretty irresponsible for somebody smart enough to get a PhD what's your degree in uh something medical research she was working she actually was doing uh some sort of um job at the CDC during covid that was you know an assignment for I think six months or something like that uh but before that she was working with infectious disease in uh well here's the deal University does she have her name on your checking account no okay she can only get money if you give it to her that is correct and so she can't take it from you she can't steal it from you she can just ask you for it wait a minute let's stop a second okay let's pretend that this wasn't your mom for a second and you just you're talking to your best friend's mom who's 52 is it good for her to do nothing and drain her kid let's talk about her is it good for her yeah it's not a it's not it's not a rhetorical question I'm asking you is it good for her oh of course not okay then if you assist her in doing something that's not good for her you are not doing good sir follow me yeah you're giving a drunk a drink I'm with you you're giving a drunk a drink I'm so what's happened is is her heart got broken and her confidence got shaken after she went and got her PhD she thought she had a me meal ticket and it turns out you still got to go out there and shovel the ditch and and she shook up and she's Lo her heart's messed up and instead of actually re-engaging life she's trying to escape and in the process suck the marrow out of your bones The Only Way Forward good man is to sit down and have an across the table conversation with your mom yeah it's good for her to re-engage life honey I love you and you got knocked down hard and I'm so sorry I'm and I'll walk with you I'll be your biggest cheerleader I'll pick you up I'll dust you off but I'm not going to support you while you do nothing because it's not good for you you're way too smart to waste your life away sitting and watching reruns right yeah yeah that's that's right and I promise you there's a job at a university for and if she tries to be a travel agent for guilt trips don't let her yeah Mom I I I'm not an ungrateful son that's why I'm sitting here but I'm so grateful and I love you so much that I will not participate in your destruction I will not participate in you turning a wonderful life into a pool a pile of poop I'm not going to participate in that I love you too much to do that I'm going to walk with you I'm going to hold you accountable I'm GNA dust you off I'm G to cheer you on I'll call you back I'll coach you I'll buy you books I I'll be your biggest cheerleader but I'm not going to give a drunk a drink because something knocked her out of the saddle and now she's scared of horses isn't she she's afraid I think isn't she yeah I don't know if he really wants to anymore to be honest well that that hopelessness that hopelessness comes from not believing anymore that's a type of fear Proverbs says hope deferred makes the heart sick but desire but when desire comes it is the tree of life and and so if I called her up tomorrow out of the blue and said the CDC is on the other line they want to pay you 140,000 a year can you be there Monday suddenly she wouldn't have given up Suddenly she would light up like a dadgum Christmas tree so she's not done she's heartbroken hopeless and so part of your job is not to give her money but to inject hope into her life and help her get back on the horse and don't you dare give her any more money you dare give her any more money if you want to buy some food and drop off a bag of food do that but don't you give her cash to sit on her butt don't participate in her own destruction that's the worst kind of enabling you're not being nice you're being mean when you do that is that making sense cuz you're she it's not good for her and the byproduct of you doing this right is it actually does protect you but that's really even down the list I would let you suffer if I thought it was the right thing to do to pour money over there yeah not good for her not good for her how does this conversation go how's it sound when you talk to her next time really well um no I don't I don't have any problem really having the conversation with her um I just was really wondering how to navigate it you know uh it is touchy for in person holding one of her hands you P you pick up the tab for the breakfast you're looking into her eyes and just tell her how much you love her 22 times during the thing and I love you so much that I'm going to help you get back on the horse cuz Mama I can tell your heart's broken I can tell you've lost hope and you you're too smart you got a freaking PhD you're too smart to waste your life away and I'm not going to stand by as someone who loves you and allow you to do that I'm going to be cheering you on I'm kick in your butt huh yeah go for it what's up can I ask you one quick thing um So currently she she's moved out of her house into what my I had a I have a rental property it's the only debt that I have left uh and you know now it went from you know me being able to put an extra, 1500 it made towards that mortgage to me now paying probably another 7 or 800 out of my yeah put a put a time limit on how long she stays 6 months or 6 months she got 6 months in the house mom and then I got to sell it need to put a deadline on it yeah cuz otherwise this goes on for 15 years that was a bad move by the way hey hang on I'm going to send you Ken Coleman's books for her from paycheck to purpose and proximity principle maybe they'll help her get started create your free every dollar budget today the simplest way to budget for your life