A bad custom and population problems make marriage unaffordable

For many Chinese, marriage has become an unaffordable luxury and a costly dream. The number of marriages in China has steadily declined since 2013, dropping by half in 10 years and reaching an all-time low in 2022. Although there was a rebound in 2023 after COVID lockdowns were lifted, divorces surged significantly. In fact, the total number of divorces grew 28% in 2023, outpacing the rise in new marriages by 2.3 times. It's not only difficult for many Chinese to get married, but even more challenging to stay married. Hi, welcome to Lei's Real Talk. I'm Lei. Chinese men and women are not getting married. This worries not just their parents, but also the Chinese Communist regime. The CCP is very concerned about the fact that the birth rate has tanked, and the number of people getting married also has tanked. However, the trend isn't going to be reversed. Four decades of the single-child policy and four decades of warped economic growth have put permanent dents in Chinese population. First, the population is aging at an unprecedented rate. China entered an aging society in 2000, with people aged 60 and above accounting for more than 10% of the total population. By 2023, this percentage more than doubled to 21%. By 2035, China is expected to have 30% of its population over the age 60. While it took other countries 80 years to develop an aging population, China completed this process in 34 years. Consequently, the proportion of Chinese of childbearing age, that's ages between 20 and 34, declined by 10%, from over 35% in 2000 to 25% in 2020. The second impact of the one-child policy is gender disparity. The traditional preference for sons led families to prioritize having a boy, causing Chinese male population to exceed the female population by approximately 35 million. Please note that this the real number may be much higher. Many Chinese men cannot find wives. Poor rural men are the hardest hit. According to matchmakers who service rural areas, men outnumber women 10 to 1 in the marriage market. Since the number of men outweighs the number of women, you'd think Chinese women should have no problem finding a partner. Unfortunately, that's not true. During the economic reforms, Chinese society experienced increased mobility. Women tended to move to more prosperous areas to look for a job and a husband. Rural women left their villages en masse and moved to towns or cities in search of a better life. Similarly, women from towns and smaller cities moved to large or mega cities for better opportunities. This reallocation of resources has resulted in a situation where in rural areas where the desire to get married and have children is highest, many men are unable to find a woman and are destined to be bachelors for life. Meanwhile, in urban areas, women are concentrated and they compete for fewer eligible men. This has created a mismatch in which a large number of men in rural areas and a large number urban women can't find partners. Urban Chinese women are unwilling to date poor rural men. Chinese women with good education or high-paying jobs are the biggest victims in this population mismatch. Wealthy and accomplished urban men have an unlimited pool of women to choose from, while ordinary men are very limited in their choices. An analysis by sociology professor Wang Feng at the University of California, Irvine, shows that the proportion of Chinese urban women aged 25 to 29 who have never been married rose from 8.6% in 2000 to 40.6% in 2020, nearly five times higher. At most urban matchmaking events, women outnumber men. Sometimes the ratio of the genders can be as high as 1 to 10. There is one male participant for every 10 female participants. At a matchmaking event in Hangzhou in April this year, the majority of the attendees were women. The organizer invited the men to sit in chairs while the women walked in line in front of them. The phenomenon of a large number of women not finding a life partner is worrisome to their parents and the Chinese government. These women are mostly in large cities and over the age of 27. Age 27 is the demarcation line for Chinese women to get married. The Chinese call single women over 27 leftover women. Beijing leads in all Chinese cities in having the most leftover women, with an army of 800,000 strong, and the number is still rising. In wealthy cities such as Shanghai and Shenzhen, the number of leftover women is approaching 800,000. In China, getting married can be an ugly business between the bride and the groom's families because of the issue of a bride gift. Traditionally, marriage proposals are made by the groom's parents to the bride's parents. When a man's family makes a marriage proposal, they usually send a set of gifts, including jewelry, food, and wine, to the woman's family. The value of the gifts varies depending on the family's financial situation and local customs. If the woman's family accepts the gifts, it means that they've accepted the marriage proposal. Out of graciousness, they return a small gift. Then the couple is considered engaged. The gift that the man's family offers is called a bride's gift. Now, under the CCP's rule, after traditional values and faith have been destroyed, today's Chinese have changed the custom into an ultra-materialistic practice. The woman's parents usually demand a large sum of cash or even direct deposit from the man's parents at the time of a marriage proposal. The traditional goodwill gesture has become what I call an act of family merger and acquisition. According to a Chinese media report in 2023, Zhejiang province has the highest average bride gift at 220 yuan. Tibet and Hainan have the lowest average at 10,000 yuan. The national average is 70,000 yuan. The practice of a bride gift is very common. According to Chinese media, since 2000, approximately 79% of marriages in China involved the payment of a bride gift. Shandong province leads the country with over 89% of brides' families receiving gifts from grooms' families. In contrast, Shanghai has the lowest rate at 37%. Beijing fell in the middle with 51%. The amount of the bride's gift is first discussed by the couple and then agreed upon by both sets of parents. The negotiation can be long and cruel, as the next parody shows. In addition to cash, the groom's family is often obligated to give the bride physical gifts. About 75% of people give jewelry. 43% give real estate. 41% include a car. Other gifts include expensive tobacco and alcohol, household appliances, and furniture. The value of these physical gifts is sometimes several times higher than the cash gift. But the newlyweds only get 30%. The other 70% is controlled by the bride's parents. Also, 64% of parents determine the amount of the gifts they demand for their daughters. The practice has put tremendous financial pressure on families that have sons. While 61% of women believe that the amount of the gift they receive matters, only 15% of men think it matters. Men believe that a reasonable bride gift is between $10,000 to $50,000 yuan, which is between $1,400 to $7,000. While women think it's between $50,000 and $100,000 yuan converted to U.S. dollars, that's between $7,000 to $14,000 U.S. dollars. Nearly half of the men think the bride gift should be abandoned, whereas 63% of women believe the gift proves the groom's sincerity in marrying her. These differing attitudes often lead to breakups and serious family conflicts, in which the in-laws are also involved. Data shows that over 40% of Chinese families have experienced conflicts related to bride gifts. I think these unnecessary financial disputes before marriage are a main reason why the Chinese divorce rate is climbing up. In a divorce, things can get very ugly when the groom's family demands the return of part of the bride's gift, if it included real estate, cash, and a car. To avoid such troubles altogether, more and more young people don't want to get married. Young women don't want their parents to control their life. In this video, a young woman is seen riding a bicycle, holding a flag with words that say, Mom, I seriously don't want to get married. This young man explains why he chose to be a four-no man. He explains why he chose to be a four-no man. The high cost of marriage is another reason why so many Chinese women can't find a husband, because more and more men choose to be a four-nose man. Even China's Supreme Court recently felt obligated to do something about the country's ugly business of family merger and acquisition. On January 18, the Supreme People's Court issued the provisions on several issues concerning the application of law in the trial of cases involving bride gift disputes, which regulates the scope of bride gift recognition, the principles of return, and more. The provisions took effect in February. However, the practice of bride gift has crossed the borders. Some of the Chinese young women, after moving to the West, continue to demand bride gifts. I heard a story about a Chinese woman who dated a European man. After a few years, they got serious and talked about getting married. One day, the woman asked the man's parents to give her and her parents a six-digit amount of cash. The man broke up with her and sued her for fraud. You'd think it's the cultural gap between the East and West, but it's not. It's the gap we have with the warped Chinese culture today. This is why I have kept saying that what Chinese people need the most is to be reunited with their traditional culture and values. Without that, they pay a price, and so does the rest of the world. Now, about that woman who demanded money from her boyfriend's family in Europe, do you think he should spend some time helping her understand that demanding money from the parents of your boyfriend isn't appropriate? Depending on where she came from, she may or may not understand it. But do you think the man should still make an effort? Let me know what you think by leaving me in comments. That's all for today. I thank you for watching. Please subscribe for more, and I'll see you next time.