How Men Fall In Love - Psychology of the Male Brain in Love

Have you ever wondered how men fall in love? What goes inside their minds and hearts when they start to develop an infatuation? Throughout my years of personal experience and research, I tried to gain a deeper understanding of human relationships, right? And one of the things that I noticed is that although falling in love is a universal process, there's some key differences between the way that men and women behave during the love stages. So in this video, I want to share my insights with you and by the end of it, I hope that you have a greater understanding of the male perspective on love, which can help you to navigate your own relationships. So grab a seat and let's dive in. Now, let's take a closer look at the stages that we go through when falling in love. Understanding these stages can give us, you know, valuable insights into the emotional journey that men experience. And according to the research of Dr. Helen Fisher, she's like a renowned biological anthropologist, love can be divided into three main stages, okay? So pay attention to this. The first stage is called lust. And it's important to know that lust is not the same as love. It's driven by hormones like testosterone in men and estrogen in women. And lust is just like a temporary feeling on the desire for sexual gratification. It's a natural instinct, right? That helps us find potential partners for reproduction. It's when you see somebody and you really check them out and you're like, damn, I really want to be with that person, you know, physically. So then there's stage two, where we have attraction, also known as romantic love. During this stage, your focus and energy are directed towards that one person. You think about them constantly, right? And you crave their company. This stage is driven by three chemicals in our brain, norepinephrine, dopamine, and serotonin. It's like a powerful rush of energy and excitement. Scientists even compare this stage to addiction because it activates the brain's reward center almost like the same as when people have cocaine. That's how impactful this is. And it has a strong impact in your emotions and behavior, right? So typically, the attraction stage lasts from like six months to two years. And finally, then we have stage three, attachment. This is a crucial stage for men seeking long-term relationships. It's a more stable and lasting form of love, right? Compared to the intense attraction that you feel on that stage. And after around four years in the relationship, you know, the initial infatuation starts to fade. Maybe you experienced this, right? However, something beautiful happens when this occurs, right? Two hormones, oxytocin and vasopressin come into play. And they create a sense of attachment and nurture your bond with your partner. And don't think about, you know, there is healthy attachment. And don't think about this as codependency. This stage is about building a life together, you know, raising a family and finding contentment in each other's presence. Now, let me point out that love doesn't always follow, you know, a strict progression. This is not like a complete, you know, map that everybody follows. But while most relationships start with lust and then move into attachment, some guys may skip these two and go straight into attachment. And this can happen in situations like arranged marriages, right? Where love and connection develop over time. Or some other guys may only feel lust and they never get to feel attraction and even less attachment. And that's when they, you know, stop replying to you. They pull away or they ghost you. Never make a man chase you. I know some of the most popular videos that you ladies watch say things like, how to make him chase you, right? Well, here's what you haven't thought about. A secure man will never chase. He will express that he's interested in you. But if you start playing hard to get or any other manipulative game, he will direct his attention somewhere else. A man that chases you intensely is a man that likes the feeling of pursuing what's out of his reach. So once he has you, a few months or a few years may pass. But eventually, in most cases, he will have to drive to chase someone else again. Now, let's dig deeper into how men actually fall in love. Like I mentioned before, you know, men and women have different chemical players, right, when it comes to falling in love. And one of the most important differences is the role of oxytocin, which remember, oxytocin is as the chemical that creates kind of like a sense of attachment with the other person. And an interesting fact is that when men are in the early stages of dating, their testosterone levels actually tend to be higher. So this increase in testosterone blocks the bonding effects of oxytocin. And as the relationship progresses, actually, oxytocin gradually begins to play a more prominent role for men. So what does this mean? It means that genuine love takes a lot of time to develop in a man's brain. And it's not solely based on physical attraction. So if you want a man to experience the depths of love, you need to make sure that you build a strong emotional connection with him over time. Now, let's address a common misconception in society that men fall in love solely through physical intimacy, right? One of the experts I follow online, she's a biologist named Dawn Maslar. And you can check some of her work here on YouTube. She's got some TED Talks. But basically, she points out that the notion that men automatically fall in love in the bedroom is not entirely accurate. In fact, some men may even lose interest if intercourse happens too quickly. And this phenomenon is known as the Coolidge effect. This is a phenomenon observed in animals, where males lose interest in mating with the same female, but show increased interest in new females. And this effect can sometimes come into play when sex happens too quickly in human relationships, potentially leading to a loss of interest. However, you know, it's important to note again that the Coolidge effect doesn't apply in every case, right? Men can still fall in love with women they have early sexual encounters with, but I would say it's less likely. And I have experienced this in my own life where I slept with someone and right afterwards, I realized that I only had lust for them and I completely lost interest in a week. That's why I always give the advice to wait to get to know each other better, especially if you're a woman trying to get to know a man. And let the initial lust stage fade out. Because it's like if you swallow food, right, without chewing it first, you cannot really appreciate the taste of it. And let me confess to you that I've had a lot of casual sex in the past. And although it may have felt good, right, at the moment for a couple of hours or sometimes for a couple of minutes, I always craved something more. But I couldn't point out what it was because I had not experienced it. Like I explained in the last stage, our testosterone levels are higher and we want to satisfy our needs. So a lot of men are not conscious enough to play the long game and they go for instant gratification because doing the opposite is basically fighting against your animal instincts and hormones, especially when you find the woman quite attractive. And it's definitely an inner battle that a lot of men cannot really face. And it took me almost a decade to realize that. But once I experienced profound intimacy and genuine love for a woman, I understood that, you know, it took time for that to develop. And now, since I've been single for 2023, I actually I try to abstain from sleeping with women that are not in a relationship with me. And I try to encourage other men and women like yourself to do the same. OK, so that's it for today. I hope that you learned a lot about the male psychology and falling in love. And if you like this video, please subscribe to the channel and also give it a thumbs up. I hope that you have a beautiful day and always remember that for your relationships to change, you need to change.