Trying Is Succeeding

shooting pain coming down from the top of my head from my neck all the way down to the back of my hand and I can't really move my ankle my knees to touch the gas pedal over the brake pedal that dry home was excruciatingly long and very very painful and at that moment I kind of thought about ending my life as soon as i got home i just fell fell to my knees and I started crawling and - the Ottoman of my living room and I just told my boyfriend like I can't do this anymore like and then so much mean I can't be all these drugs anymore things you can change your medicine let's just go to holistic route I changed my diet completely to an organic anti-inflammatory diet at removes a lot of dairy and gluten which really implements my body I meditate into yoga and I do a lot of acupuncture and so that's a lot of the homeopathic stuff that I do and holistic stuff to treat Mary that's the really kind of a big thing was living with you know autoimmune arthritis is that it is so different than just you know your grandma has a funky it's really good stomach issue that dictates much my life when you stop and start listening to yourself and when you start taking stock of where you are in that moment and allowing yourself to just be in that moment and home in that moment for yourself in that moment is for nobody else in this really magical thing happens where you can just sort of let go and you you know I i I've happens at Tiffany's well you know sitting and meditating and starting to understand the past two things that happen in my life for things that are dealing with right now and it's amazing new just carve at that time for yourself you know what it can do for you what is beautiful in your point of view right now it's just like for me as soon as I start running like I think I get in the zone where it's just like I guess it's automatic the station it's just me and pavement my own thoughts and it's just my doctor stain run again you're never gonna do this never going to we are too weak you're never going to the last my race we're running and I see the finish line in the back of my head I always have that understand I hate you you're ready grace you are meeting our a because look at you you ran this raised those are really awesome you know I wrote my first blog post in the middle of the night to start putting it together and you know we're at first it was really just cathartic because i was going through so much of the time with my own health that it was really healing for me to just put it out there and just sort of creatively write about it in my experiences and hope that others have learned from it and you know I thought okay you know i started this blog and I've got my name the hurt locker and everything I thought well I might as well reserve Twitter whatever that thing is I love blogging and writing and you know what I've been able to grow it into but yeah I mean blog and started as a way for me to mint and grew into a way for me to help support my community to help people understand what it's like to live with the two types of arthritis that I have with rheumatoid arthritis and so on the lights and no let them understand that he and keep living despite these i find this real beauty in the struggling parts of nature like I love taking photographs of you know these weird little plants that will crop up in the middle of the sidewalk that by all means look like they shouldn't live there but you know somehow they're they're growing their plans that are somehow thriving in the midst of like all this adversity in the obvious metaphor is there you know with me living with my disease and so forth and me we're really helps me find perspective about you know my place in the world and how how I deal with you know my disease in other ways yeah i mean that the term you know being a you know right exactly re actually I mean it's super empowering to me and I think a lot of being an athlete is setting those goals and you know finding ways to meet them so i think it's much more about a mentality that it is necessarily about you know the physicality of it in sperm over inspiration hope I inspire before you know whatever challenges and whether it's ra whether it's trying to live a healthy lifestyle whether it's something completely different for me a big part of it is just committing to trying every day and you know I try to tell people is that if you're trying each day you're succeeding when someone you have to tell yourself that try it yeah