“How Do I Know If He’s Attracted to Me?” (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)

Work your magic on this one. Are we rolling? Yeah. Wasn't ready. This is question time. A new thing we're doing where we answer some questions that have been sent to us by email. I've never seen them before, so see what we've got. Just wondered what advice Matt would give to know whether the guy who works in my local coffee shop likes me. Be careful of the local coffee shop because that's where you go to get your coffee every morning. If they do really good coffee, take it slow. He's very shy. But he flirted a little bit recently. I think. This guy looks like Superman. Seriously. LOL. So next time I saw him, I said, Hey Clark. As in Clark Kent. And he paused in his tracks and smiled at the floor. That's quite esoteric. Would you... That's quite difficult to just pick up on the fact that she's calling him Su... He probably just thought, My name's not Clark. Do you know what I mean? That's quite hard to immediately get that. Especially if he's shy. His self-esteem is not going to be in a place where he's like, I look like Superman. A few days later, I explained why I'd called him Clark. And he said, It's okay. It's er... Christopher Reeve you mean? I said, Yes. Well, any of the Superman actors. They're all hot. So it's all good. Again, he laughed, slash, smiled, and looked down. Any ideas how to read this? He's always eager to say hi, but he's so shy. Many thanks. You're always looking for these little moments where somebody shows you a little bit of interest. And usually interest comes in the form of someone trying a little bit. I was out the other day, and I walked out of the gym. And I walked past these two women. As I walked past, she looked at me and she goes, Oh, sorry. But she hadn't actually done anything wrong. It's not like she bumped into me or anything. So in my head, I sort of went, Maybe that was sort of her way of saying, Hey. But you never know. One thing on its own doesn't represent a pattern. It's just an isolated event. So you can read into it, but it's sometimes difficult. When I got to my car, like 30 seconds down the street, I was opening the door to my car. And then by the time I'd opened the door and put my stuff in, they'd caught up to me. And she looked at me and she went, Oh, don't worry. We're not stalking you. And I thought, Ah, there's like a bit closer to a pattern. Because she didn't need to speak to me again. But she chose to go out of her way to speak to me again. People are going to be like now, Jameson, so what did you do? Did you like ask her out or whatever? You don't get to know that. Because this isn't about me. It's about Marissa. How do I know if he's attractive? Well, the point is, you look at the pattern of his behavior. You can't just look at one thing, because maybe he's shy and he's looking down because he's not really sure what to do next. Maybe he's sort of boring and doesn't really have many things to say in response to something you say. So he just looks down as a protection mechanism. Maybe he does like you and he's shy. You're going to have to like push it just a little bit further in order to see what that means. Now that might come in the form of trying to have, there's like, can you hear? Do you think they'll hear that? It's just kids screaming. It's like not the next door neighbors, but like two over. Just kids screaming. You don't want to necessarily go up to him and be like, hey, I really like you. You want to just see where it goes. Basketball now. So, this is, do we carry on? I think we carry on. So what you want to do is take a few more risks, but little risks, to see what he thinks. So it might be that you smile at him from across the room and give him a bit of eye contact and you see if he gives it back to you. You might see if one time when you go in there he goes out of his way to talk to you. You might ask him what he's into. So if you just saw a movie last night, you could say to him, he'll say, how are you today? And you'll be like, I'm amazing. I just saw that movie, blah, blah, blah. Little moments where you do a bit more than you normally would. Just a little bit more. And you see if he responds. If he's never responding, it's a sign of one of two things. Either he's incapable of reciprocating because he's so deathly shy that he can't do anything. Now I would suggest that that may not, I'm all in favor, ladies you know this, I'm all in favor of making a move so that a guy doesn't have to do everything. But if a guy's not doing anything, that's a different story. Then I start to be like, I don't know if this is the person I want to be with because I want a guy who can step up sometimes. He's either so incapable that he's not doing anything or he's not interested. Either way, I think you now know, okay, I've tried a few risks. He hasn't responded. So go try a few risks. That's pretty good. Lesson, look at the pattern of someone's behavior. Don't try and overjudge one particular action because that's really dangerous. People do that all the time. So obviously the psychology we've talked about here is the idea of the pattern. Look at the pattern of people's behaviors. But the actual practical how-to of how to have all of these conversations, that's something that my program How To Talk To Men can help you with. All you need to do to find out about that is go to GetTheScripts.com I'll see you there.