SML Movie: Loch Ness Monster

So Cody. Yeah? Um, underneath your hat, is your head like, shaped like a cone? Yeah, I always wondered that dude. Yeah. You see, I've never been able to take off all the hats, so I don't even know. Well, can I take off another hat? Yeah, yeah, I guess if you want. Okay. Yeah. It's always gonna be another hat? Yeah, pretty much. How many hats do you think there are? Yeah, I don't know. I'd say millions at least. Well, have you ever tried to take all of them off? Oh yeah, yeah. I've sat in front of a mirror for like an hour just pulling them off one at a time and nope, just same, same thing, just hats. Well, that doesn't freak you out? Oh, it does. It's kind of a nightmare actually, but you know, I just try not to think about it. Oh. Yeah. Well, you guys want to watch TV? Yeah, sure dude. That would be good to get my mind off all the hats. All right. Hello children! It is me, Dr. Friedrich Finkelschutz, and today we will be discussing the Loch Ness Monster. Hello, I'm the Loch Ness Monster. I live in Lake Loch Ness. Yes, that is right. This is the only known photograph of the Loch Ness Monster. You see how he pokes his head up out of the water like a jellyfish. You see, I created the Loch Ness Monster, otherwise known as Nessie. Yes, I created him in my basement. Yes, some people think I am cuckoo for saying this, but no, I am not cuckoo. I am not a cuckoo bird. Do I look like a cuckoo bird? Whoa! The Loch Ness Monster! Oh, he looks so cool! What a long-necked dinosaur. I didn't even know dinosaurs still exist! I thought they were extinct! I thought they were dead! Oh my God! We should go try to find him. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cody, you want to go find the Loch Ness Monster? No, Junior, because the Loch Ness Monster does not even exist. What? Wait, what are you... Another hat. Yes, it does, Cody, because Dr. Finkelschutz has a picture of him. Yeah! That could be anything. It could be a duck or like a goose. Or a pig like your mom. Woo-hoo-hoo, bro! It could be like a hippo like your mom. Cody! Because he's fat. How dare you! What? You don't even know your mom. Come on. Too savage, Cody. Too savage. It's okay, Junior. I don't... My mom's dead, okay? Oh, yeah, your mom's dead. At least my mom's somewhere out there. All right, Cody. We're gonna go find the Loch Ness Monster in my backyard, because I have a lake in my backyard. But, Junior, that's not... Oh, come on, guys. Let's go find him. Okay, dude. Junior, this is stupid. The Loch Ness Monster isn't even real. And if he was real, he wouldn't be in this lake. He lives in Loch Ness. Oh, shut up, Cody. Junior knows what he's talking about, right? Yeah, Cody, I know what I'm talking about. The Loch Ness Monster is gonna be in this lake. He can transport from lakes by going through a warp hole. Yeah, I've seen it. What? Where did you even get that from? Dr. Finko shit! Yeah! So, look, we're gonna sit here and we're gonna wait until the Loch Ness Monster comes out of the lake. We're gonna be waiting for a long time. Well, when he comes out, I'm gonna catch it on camera, okay? Fine. We're gonna be celebrities, dude. Don't worry, guys. Any second now, the Loch Ness Monster is gonna come out of that lake. Junior, this sucks. We've been out here for eight hours. I've been bitten by at least 35 mosquitoes. I've counted. I think I'm just ready to go home. Well, then, fine, Cody. Go home. But when the Loch Ness Monster comes out of that lake and we get it on camera, me and Joseph are gonna get all the credit, right, Joseph? Well, I don't know, dude. I'm kind of tired, too. I'm ready to go home. Well, then, fine, guys. Bail on me. Go home. Go have gay butt sex. Yeah, I know that's not gonna happen. See you later, losers! I'm gonna get all the credit. Come on, Loch Ness Monster, come out. I'm gonna get all the credit. This is getting stupid. What if I just faked it? What if I got one of my toys and I just faked it? I pretend the Loch Ness Monster came out. Oh, yeah, I can make it believable. I can make it believable. All right, you stupid Loch Ness Monster, you don't want to come out of the lake? Well, I can fake it and everyone's gonna believe me. All right. Okay, oh, yeah, that looks believable. Really believable. I'm gonna go show Cody. Oh, man, I can't wait for them to get here and watch it. Hey, Junior, we let ourselves in, but you sounded really excited over the phone. Yeah, dude. Okay, guys, guess what I have? A secret deep-seated love for me that you've always wanted to express, but you couldn't until right now because your heart's too full and you want to kiss me on the mouth. Have me, Junior. No, Cody. Oh, well, what could it be? Because it can't possibly be bigger than that. Well, I have actual footage of the Loch Ness Monster. No, you don't. Whoa, no way, dude. No, I mean, really, you don't. There's no way. I do, Cody. It's on my camera right now. I've been waiting days for it, and he finally came out of the lake this morning. Well, let me see it, Junior. Okay, watch, guys, watch. Monster! So what do you guys think? Whoa, that's so crazy, bro. You're right, it is crazy. Yeah, yeah, it's so crazy how it just comes right up out of the water like that and starts barking like a chihuahua. Yeah, yeah, it is crazy. It's fake, Junior. What? What are you talking about, Cody? It's clearly just you holding a toy dinosaur. No. I can see you in the video, Junior. You can see me in a lot of videos. Check out SML on YouTube. It's a pretty good show. Junior, no one is going to buy this. Well, no one's going to buy your face. Junior, you have terrible comebacks. This is never going to work. Well, if it's never going to work, then why is it all over the news? Wait, what? Yeah, look. Breaking news, you guys. A child has reportedly gotten footage of the Loch Ness Monster. We have Brooklyn T. Guy on the scene now. Brooklyn? Oh, man, it is hot out here today. What, what? Oh, oh, we're rolling. Thanks, Goodman. I'm here on the scene with the kid who shot the footage of the Loch Ness Monster coming out of this lake here. What's your name, sir? My name's Junior. I'm eight years old, and I discovered the Loch Ness Monster. OK, great. So tell us what happened. OK, so me and my friends were watching Dr. Finkleshits on TV, and he was talking about the Loch Ness Monster and how he lives in a lake. And I said, ooh, I have a lake in my backyard. I bet he lives in the lake in my backyard. And my gay friend Cody said, there's no way he lives in the lake in your backyard. And I said, Cody, your mom's a pig. Oink, oink, oink. So we grabbed that camera over there, and we set it up to record. And my friends bailed on me. Joseph and Cody bailed on me. So they don't get any of the credit. I get all the credit. I discovered the Loch Ness Monster. So I sat here for a few days, and finally, he came out of the lake. He said hi to me. He said, sup, Junior. Really cool. You're really cool. And Cody's mom's a pig. So yeah, that's what happened. OK, that's a rude monster. But so what did he look like? Did you not see the fucking video? It's all over the place. I saw the video, you little shit. It's called journalism. Answer the question. He was green, and he had a long neck. He kind of looked like the toy that I bought from Toys R Us a few years ago. But yeah, he was really cool. After I stopped recording, he came out. We played Minecraft together. And he gave me an autograph. Oh, OK. OK, you heard it here first, folks. The Loch Ness Monster likes Minecraft. Yeah, and I discovered it. Junior discovered the Loch Ness Monster. All me. Not Cody. Not Joseph. All me. Yeah, OK. Back to you, Goodman. See, Cody? Wow, Junior. I'm really glad you called my mom a pig on national TV. Well, it's not really news. They can walk into any buffet and see for themselves. Oh! What are you doing? Standing up. You look ridiculous. Who's savage? You! Who's savage? You! Now let me hear it. Savage! Oh, so when I do it, it's too far. But when you do it, it's savage. Yeah, yeah, it is savage. Who's that at the door? I don't know. Hello? No, children. It is I, Dr. Friedrich Finkelstein. Oh, we know who you are. Yeah, dude. We love your show. Yeah, we really do. Good, good, good. I'm not supposed to be within 50 feet of children. But this is very important. Is this where the Loch Ness Monster was found? Yes, it was in my backyard with the lake. Yeah, yeah. Good, thank God. Oh, yes. Take that, baby. Take that. Area 51, safe house. Can I see it? Sure, yeah, yeah, sure. Thank God. All right, so like the Loch Ness Monster came out like around here. Yes, I see. This is great. I just have to take a few scans. Oh, this is good. This is good. Oh, that is a good one. Oh, perfect. Perfect. Nessie. Oh, Nessie. Come here, Nessie. It is me. It is Finkelshit. It is your father. Come here, Nessie. Come say hello to Daddy. Come to Papa. I have to breastfeed you, Nessie. Nessie. Nessie, why do you hide from Papa? Nessie, come here. Nessie. What? Where are you? You must be in there. Come on. Nessie. Dude, what is Dr. Finkelshit doing? Yeah, what does he want? He is yelling at the lake. What? Why? Because apparently he is the dad of the Loch Ness Monster and he is telling her to come home. Junior, I told you he was crazy. He is not crazy. He is a scientist, Cody. Yeah, Cody. Something you would not know about. Yeah, nerd, butthole, poop. Okay, now what? You done? Junior, ever since you faked that video, now you have a man yelling in your backyard. This is getting out of hand. It is not fake, Cody. It is fake, Junior. Guys. What? I have something to tell you. What? What is it, dude? That video that I showed you of the Loch Ness Monster? Yeah. It is fake. What? Oh, my God, Junior. It is fake. I never would have guessed. The cinematography, the lighting. How did you do it? Well, Cody, calm down. It was not that good. I know, Junior. I knew it was fake to begin with. Okay, Cody. Now that I told you the truth, do not act like you knew it was fake. Junior, I already told you it was fake, but... No, you were just as fooled as Joseph. Junior, I am going to hit you so hard. All right, guys, but since I faked that video and the news believed it, do you think anything bad will happen? I do not know, Junior. Hold on, guys. Let me answer that door. Okay. Uh, hello? Yeah. Hey, you remember me from the news? Oh, yeah. You are the news interviewer guy. Yeah, that is me. In the interview, you said that the Loch Ness Monster gave you his autograph. He did? Yeah, you said that he... Oh, yeah, yeah, he did, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He gave me his autograph. He sure did. Yeah, great. So, I am going to need to see that autograph, you know, to make sure you are not, like, a phony and a liar. Uh, okay. What if he actually did not give me his autograph? Well, then you would be a liar, liar, pants on fire. You do not want that. You know, that would be bad. Yeah, yeah, I do not want that. Uh, well, I was just joking. He gave me his autograph. Well, that is, yeah, that is good. Just give me one second. Okay, yeah. One second. Just one second. One. What is wrong, Junior? Who is at the door, dude? The guy from the news is at the door. And you know how on the news I said I had the Loch Ness Monster's autograph? Yeah. Well, they want proof or they are going to find out that I am a phony. Well, Junior, you are a phony. I know that, Cody, but I do not want them to know that. Well, okay. So, what are we going to do? We have to fake the Loch Ness Monster's autograph. Well, how do we do that? He does not have hands. Well, he is a dinosaur, right? Well, yeah. So, he would take a bite out of the paper, right? That is genius. Yeah, totally. All right, Cody, take a bite out of the paper. Me? Why would I take a bite out of the paper? Because you are the only one with teeth, Cody. Yeah. I guess. But, Junior, it is going to be really gross. Take a bite out of the paper, Cody. Yeah, man up. Yeah. All right, fine. Oh, God, that is gross. I did not tell you to swallow it, Cody. Well, that was just more of a challenge for me, you know. Cody, what is that? What? That. That is a bite, Junior. I wanted a dinosaur bite, not a wussy crabby bite. Well, I am sorry, Junior. That is the biggest bite I can take. I wanted like a your mom bite. I mean, but if she bit it, she would eat the whole paper. Oh. Do not get up. Oh, yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh, that is a savage dance. I can do that, too. No, you did not earn it. All right, guys. Anyway, now that we got the bite, now we need a signature. Signature, Junior. How are we going to get a signature from a dinosaur? Well, I mean, he is a dinosaur, right? So, like, he would pick it up with his mouth, right? Sure. Yeah, and then he would have to sign his name because they have to know who he is from, so. Totally, dude. And it has to be like a cool signature. So, what if he signed, oh, Locky? Oh, Locky. Yeah, from your best bud, oh, Locky. I like it, dude. Yeah. Yeah, fuck it. It is a lie anyway. All right, oh, Locky. And done. All right, let us see what we got. From your best bud, oh, Lock. Locky. That says Lock, Junior. No, it says Locky. It ends with an E. Yeah, dude. Junior, it still spells Lock. Well, no, there is a capital E, so it is Locky. Well, Junior, it is all capital. Is that a picture of Mr. Potato Head? Yeah. Why? Because I want to show how good my drawings are. Dude, it is really good. Thanks. Junior, it is supposed to be an autograph. It is. Then why are there pictures? Because, I mean, the largest monster can be an artist, right? Yeah, yeah. Fine, fine, whatever. Are you done now? There is one more thing that will make it perfect. Come on, guys. Okay. All right. Why are you getting it wet, Junior? Because he came out of a lake, Cody. Yeah, attention to detail, Cody. Come on. Wait, I guess that makes sense. Yeah, hold on. You are making sure it gets nice and wet. Yeah, there you go. There we go. Oh, that is good. That is nice and wet. All right, I am going to take it to him. Okay. He is taking a long time. All right, here you go. Why is it so wet? Oh, he came from a lake, remember? Oh, okay. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, I will take that. Here you go. Thanks, kid. You are not actually a phony. Yeah, I am not a phony. I am the real deal. So what did he say, Junior? Um, he believed it. He believed it? Yep, he believed it. Well, how long are you going to keep this lie going, Junior? Uh, I am not even sure it is a lie anymore. I am starting to think it is real. Junior, it is definitely fake. Uh, no, it is not. Junior, you admitted it was fake. Joseph, do you remember me saying it was fake? No, I do not remember anything like that. Yeah, I never said that. Junior, you said it a few minutes ago. Your mom is a pig, Cody. What, me? Uh-huh, yep. You know what, Junior? Screw you. I am leaving. One leg, too. Man, today is a good day, Joseph. Yeah, dude, you are dancing at your own point. Yeah, I am getting tired, Joseph. Oh, yeah, me too, dude. I think I am going to head home. I am tired, too. See you tomorrow, Joseph. All right, bro. I am going to go to bed. Junior. Junior! What, did I pee the bed? No, not this time. Look, look. Get up. We have to move. What? Yes, we have to move. Look, look. We are going to be homeless again, Junior. What? Yes, on the news. They are trying to bomb our backyard because there is a Loch Ness monster in the lake. Wait, what? Yes, yes. Come and look on the news. Homeless? Wait, what is going on? Junior, just watch the news. Okay. Breaking news, Mkut. The U.S. military is apparently going to nuke the lake in which a Loch Ness monster lives. We have Brooklyn Teaguy on the scene now. Brooklyn. Thanks, Goodman. I am currently standing in front of the lake that is going to be nuked. Just a few short hours. The military says that the Loch Ness monster is too dangerous to continue to exist. Something about North Korea. I don't know. But they say they are going to turn this whole neighborhood into a parking lot. All the houses around here are going to be completely obliterated. So they are telling anybody in this neighborhood to just get out of your houses while you can. What? Yes, and your dad is pretty upset about it too, Junior. So pack your things. We are going to be gone in about an hour. Pack our stuff. I don't want to be homeless. Hey, dude. I saw the news and I'm sorry that you got to be homeless now. You know, it's no big deal. I mean, you deal with it every day, right? Yeah, it's kind of like a hobby to me now. Yeah. Hey, Junior. I just saw the news and came over to say a few things. What, Cody? Well, you know, just because you lied, you're going to be homeless now. Huh? How about I dance about it, huh? Yeah. Who's savage? Cody Savage. Savage. Come on, Cody. The man is about to lose his house. Have some consideration. Oh, oh, oh. So he can do it, but I can't? Well, you're not about to lose your house, Cody. Yeah, come on. Guys, I don't want to be homeless. We just moved in here. What can I do? Junior, it's pretty easy. Just tell the truth. The truth? Yeah. Tell everybody that you're a big phony and a liar. I mean, being homeless isn't that bad. Come on, Junior. You have to tell the truth. And the truth shall set you free. Well, Cody, because you did that liar, liar quote, I think I will. I'm going to tell the truth. All right, guys. I do it. Breaking news, okay. The footage that was caught of the Loch Ness Monster shot by the eight-year-old was apparently faked. He's a fraud. We're going to the child now. Hello, everybody. My name's Junior. I'm the kid that filmed the Loch Ness Monster video in this lake. I just wanted to say that the video is fake. I was using my toy dinosaur. I'm sorry that I lied. Please don't nuke the lake. I like my house. Yeah, I'm a liar. I'm proud of you, Junior. You told the truth. Yeah, dude. Good job. Yeah. That's what this video is all about. Telling the truth. I mean, yeah, everybody knows you lied the first time. And Dr. Fingleshits is really pissed off at you. And no one's ever going to believe you again. But you told the truth in the end. And that's what matters. Yeah. I mean, telling the truth in the end, I mean, was the best idea. Because I would have been homeless. Yeah. Now, if you guys would excuse me, I got to go film an ending. Yeah, you go do that. Okay, dude. I guess the Loch Ness Monster doesn't exist.