I Grew Up Buddhist, Demons Followed Me Then Jesus Did This

And that night ended up being the most scariest night for me. You know, I ended up sleeping in my jacket and my hat and my gloves and it was cold. I almost felt like there's like fingers kind of touching my body. I remember it being dark and I'm looking up, I could see like two eyes looking back down at me. And I just remember thinking like, I can't live like this. And so I ended up praying. I actually said, because I remember what my parents told me all those years ago, that you got to stay Buddhist. And I said, God, if you're real and you want me to do this, then you got to help me with my parents. My name is Apisit Vareeya, but I go by I like the letter. I am 42. I work at NIH as a contracting officer. I, do you come from a religious background? Yes, I grew up Buddhist. And that comes from generations, just your family or? Yeah, I, I'm Thai, Thai American. So my parents are from Thailand. And if anyone knows anyone who's Thai, it's 95% of the population is, is Buddhist. So naturally I grew up that way here being in America, still having the same values that my parents instilled in me. So, so where does your story start? Yeah, I mean, like I said, growing up here, born here and raised here. My parents had emphasized in me at a young age that, you know, to be Thai, even living here in the States, we have to keep our Thai identity. So we have to stay Buddhist. I remember hearing that at a, at an early age. And so I just, you know, just ran with it. I went with it and we would, my brother and I, who's two years younger, we would go to the temple on Sundays and during the summer to learn the Thai language, but also incorporated in that was learning Buddhism. So I grew up that way and it was just normal for me, natural for me. It wasn't until about, I was about 12 and my brother being 10, that we started having our own kind of supernatural experiences in our home. By supernatural, I mean, hearing voices, calling our name, doors closing by themselves and to the point where, you know, my brother and I would approach our parents. But of course, at that age, they wouldn't believe you. They thought we, maybe we had too much candy or maybe we had watched some scary shows. So at that age, my brother and I had to comfort one another. So when things happened to him, he would come tell me. And when things happened to me, I would go talk to him. And for myself, I remember that because of all these things, I knew that the reality wasn't just the physical world that we see. I knew that there was something more than that. And being raised Buddhist, I sought answers through Buddhism. The strange thing is that I had asked one of the monks at the Buddhist temple about God. And then he told me that there is no God in Buddhism. Essentially, traditional Buddhism, I came from a Theravada Buddhism background. And what they teach, what Buddha taught, is essentially a way to make it through life without suffering or with minimal suffering. Buddhism acknowledges that suffering. And there's things that Buddha taught to minimize that suffering in your life. Some of these things were based on attachments. So not being attached to things because things are impermanent, right? Things were going to go away. So if you attach them, and when they're gone, you're going to suffer. So it's more like a philosophy or a way of life that you can live your life in that way. And to minimize the suffering. Now, that's in a nutshell, the traditional Buddhism that I learned. But what I understood and saw at the temple was there was kind of this spirituality that came with it. And I didn't learn till later, but there's a term for it called folk Buddhism, which means that Buddhism, the traditional Buddhism, mixed with the local religion in Thailand or wherever Buddhism had traveled. So in Thailand, there was a lot of animism. Spirits in nature, in the trees, in the rocks, things like that. And then when Buddhism came, it kind of just incorporated with the local animism that was there. So if you go to Thailand today, you'll see a lot of spirit houses, shrines. They'll almost make offerings to these spirits as a way of appeasement. If I offer you this thing, then you won't bother me. If I show you respect, then maybe you'll bless me. So it's kind of mixed in spirituality with it. So in folk Buddhism, there is an acknowledgement of the spiritual world. And so this is the kind of Buddhism I grew up in. And I learned and I practiced with the meditation. I would also do the bowing three times and the prayers. And it wasn't until college where I went to University of Maryland, Baltimore County. And it was here that I first heard about Jesus. And coming from a Buddhist background and just knowing that, hey, I'm Thai. I got to be Buddhist. I would hear about Jesus. But then I would also tell people about Buddha. Sometimes it'd be a friendly conversation. Sometimes it'd be a friendly debate. But essentially, I was adamant like, I will never become a Christian. I'm going to stay Buddhist. I didn't see that Buddhism was lacking anything. So there's no need to change. It was enough for me. And despite this kind of resistance, I remember clearly a friend of mine. We were just sitting in the car. And I knew that she sincerely meant what she believed. And she told me, again, the gospel story. But this time, I really listened. I paid attention because I knew that the way she was sharing it, the way she approached it, that she was sincere. That she really thought that this Jesus is someone I needed. Do you remember what was it about what she was saying that connected with you? Like, specifically? Yeah, I wouldn't know. I wouldn't say that there was something specific. But I think what made the impression on me was that genuine care. So that genuine care broke down whatever walls I had of like, while you're talking, I'm going to get ready to talk about Buddhism, right? So I kind of said, okay, well, you're approaching me very humbly and gently. And we're already friends. And it wasn't in a combative way. So my guard was down. And I heard the gospel story about how Jesus loves me. How he died for my sins on the cross. That he rose again. And that he wants a relationship with me. She shared it, a simple gospel presentation. But at the end, I said, thank you for sharing Jesus with me. Let me tell you about Buddha. I ended up telling her about Buddha anyway. But that was the first time I remember actually the story or the understanding of who Jesus is really kind of made its first kind of impact into my mind. And I kind of kept it on the back burner. I was invited to church after that. And sometimes I would visit. But never really to really seek out Jesus. It was more just my friends invited me. So I'm going to go. And at this time, too, do you remember your thoughts about Jesus? What were you thinking as you were hearing Jesus's name? Yeah, it's interesting. So I almost thought of it like it was a Western religion, maybe. This is Buddhism. It's something that in my mind, all ties were Buddhist. And so I have to represent, I have to stay in this religion and this faith. And when I hear about Jesus, there was no incentive for me to believe what they were saying because it almost sounded the way it was shared to me. It's very exclusive. You need to have Jesus. And for me, that was as a Buddhist. Buddhism is in general, Buddhists are very open to hearing about other religions and even trying to incorporate the ideas in your faith and try to see how they are similar and things like that. But when someone was like, it has to be Jesus. He's the only way. And for me, that was like, well, you're a little bit close minded. It was interesting because in my mind, even though I knew traditional Buddhism had no spirituality component, but maybe because of the folk Buddhism background, I almost thought of Buddha and Jesus as similar. There are different ways to a higher power. I think I did believe in God at the time, but it wasn't a focus. And I would occasionally pray to the Buddha statue as if it was God, asking for things and praying for protection and things like that. So there was this kind of understanding that Buddha, there's a spiritual power behind it, right? And even though traditionally, like I said, there is no, but that's how I thought of it. So it was almost as if, well, Jesus, maybe that's your way to connect with God. Or I didn't think too much of it at that point. Around the same time as I'm in college, I started experiencing some symptoms of depression and also what was diagnosed as OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder. So the way it manifested itself for me at the time was I would keep having to repeat things, whether it be like an action or a thought in my head until I felt peace. And it was almost like a thought or a voice saying, if you don't do X, then something bad could happen to a loved one. If you don't scream at the top of your lungs down this hallway, then something bad is going to happen to your mom, for example. This is an example. And occasionally I would be able to resist and forget about it. Other times it would just be so much anxiety that I just ended up giving in just in case something were to bad to happen to my loved one. I would just give in. Anyways, this coupled with the depression led me to seek help. So I went to the school counselor, and they had referred me outside of the university because they said it was a little bit more serious than what they're used to. So I sought help outside from therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists. And this is something I battled for years. And it was very difficult to try to do school and eventually get a job and maintain that job while wrestling with all these thoughts and depressions. It was tough. And I remember going from therapist to therapist, psychiatrist to psychiatrist. And at the peak, it was about 12 pills a day that I had to take. And I just knew that that was too much. I had to come back off of it. And something had to change. I couldn't imagine my future like this. If I'm like this in my early 20s, how am I going to live the rest of my life? So I sought help medically, but I also dove even deeper into Buddhism. So meditation at home, studying prayers, things like that. And going to the temple to pray in the evenings with the monks, it pushed me that way. And what I realized internally was that while Buddhism acknowledges that suffering that's in the world, for me, it almost didn't provide a solution, a hope. It was almost a survival mentality. Yeah, this world is full of suffering. And if you don't get attached to things and you pray, you meditate, you'll be able to navigate this life with less suffering. And then in the next life, you might be born again in a better situation. And for me, that was not enough of a solution to give me hope. It was almost like a survival mentality. And it was around when I was 25 where I went to a new therapist. And at the first interview, they tell me up front, this is a Christian facility. Are you okay with that? And at that point, I was so desperate. I was so hurting, so lost. I said, that's fine. I just didn't care. And I remember every time we would meet, the therapist would ask, is it okay if I pray for you? And I said, okay, each time. Now, I never made the connection between the prayer. But I remember this is the last therapist I ever saw. After meeting with this therapist, things did improve for me. And I never had to go back. And eventually, I got off the pills. And so after around 25, I thought that life is manageable now. It wasn't as bad as earlier. I still had some of the symptoms, but I could handle it. And even some of the spiritual occurrences that I experienced when I was young, they still occurred throughout my life. But it was never as frequent as when I was young, young teenagers years. So I think, okay, well, this is the way forward. At least I can survive this way. Now, it wasn't until I was 30 that I went back to school for my graduate degree. So I went to University of Maryland, College Park. And I remember during my studies, I was at home one day, and I was studying in my brother's room. And as I was studying, I got hungry. So I decided to go upstairs to get some food. And after getting the food, I walked back to my brother's room. And as I walked down to his room, I see a shadow figure kind of walk past the light so that I could see the outline of his arms and the legs and the head. And I literally thought someone was in the room, maybe my dad or someone had gone in the room. And I go in there, and there was no one there. And so I paused for a moment, and I was like, whoa, what's going on? Because I had always heard things or maybe felt things, but I've never actually seen anything with my eyes. That was the first time seeing things. Anyways, I went back to studying, and it stuck with me. So on the weekend, I ended up going to the temple and talking to one of the monks. As I'm talking to him, I tell him what happened. And he tells me, you know, there are spirits that are in this world. And sometimes it's because the spirit of the person couldn't move on to their next life. And I asked, you know, OK, so what am I supposed to do? And he says, well, the reason that their spirits can't move on is because they don't have enough merit. In Thai, we call it boon. And essentially, the spirit needs more merit to move on. So I said, OK, well, OK, now what should I do? Is there anything I can do? And then the monk said, well, you can share your merit with the spirit. And, you know, I trust him. So I said, OK, how can I do that? So he tells me to go back to my house and meditate. And then while I'm meditating, just share your merit with the spirit. Right. So I go back home. I'm back in my brother's room. And I'm meditating. And as I'm meditating, I feel there's something that enters the room, right? It gets a little bit cold. And so I said, OK, I think something's here. So I just said, hey, like, I'm going to share my merit with you. After I said that, I felt like the cold kind of come in my body. And so I was like, OK, something's wrong. So I go to my parents and I asked them if they were cold and they said no. And so I knew at that point, OK, well, something's wrong. And, you know, for the next two weeks, I'm constantly cold. I would be wearing my jacket and hat, gloves indoors. You know, granted, it was around February at that time. But when I was indoors, my friends would be in their T-shirts and shorts because the heat's on. But I would still feel cold. I would still feel as if someone left the window open. And there's like a draft constantly for two weeks. And on top of that, you know, strange things happen in the house. I would start seeing kind of things and and sensing there's something like watching me. And so I was although I was 30 at that point, I was scared to stay at home. So I ended up packing a bag and staying at my friend's apartment near College Park. And I just spent the nights on his couch while I was going to school. That was until I saw that shadow figure pass by in his place, like along the wall. And I was like, OK, something's following me now. I knew something was following me. And I was like, I don't want to put this on my friend. Like whatever it is, I don't want it to bother my friend and his roommate. So I end up packing my things again. And I go to the temple. I knock on the door around 1030 at night. And the monk lets me in, gives me a room. And in the morning, he sits with me and we do. He does some Buddhist rituals with me, some prayers and some offering of gifts. I guess it's almost like an appeasement to the spirit. And, you know, he says, if it doesn't stop, just come back. OK, so a few days later, I come back. It hasn't stopped. You know, we sit, we talk. And he told me, you know, some people just have a weaker mind. They're more affected by, you know, spiritual things like this. So for me, it almost sounded like there's nothing there's nothing else to be done. Like it's just you just have a weaker mind. And so for me to hear that, I was very distraught. I started feeling hopeless. What am I going to do? I remember, you know, coming out of class at 10 at night and walking to my car and just thinking I'm in trouble, like what's going to happen? I didn't see, like, what's the way forward for me? I'm 30. But I'm like, again, like, how can I how can I live like this? And so I was distraught. I get to the car, I turn on the car, and then the radio comes on. And as the radio comes on, there's a preacher or pastor on my radio. And I was surprised because at that point, I was listening to, you know, hip hop stations or, you know, Top 40 and things like that. And I was like, why is there a preacher on my radio? And I remember thinking to myself, well, if this is a sign from God, I'm going to listen and see what what it's going to say. So I sat in my car, I listened. And what the preacher said was, well, he started with a question. Do you ever feel like you're in the middle of the ocean and there's waves hitting you from every direction? And I was thinking, yeah, that's kind of how I feel right now. And he says, do you ever wonder why God would put you in this situation or allow you to be in this situation? And I said, yeah. And then he says, sometimes God will allow you to be in those situations so that the waves will push you closer to him. And so I took that as a sign. And I said, OK, if I'm going through all this craziness that I could meet God, then I will go check out church on Sunday. So Sunday comes around. I go back to my friend's church who had invited me 10 years ago. I just show up. I didn't tell him I was coming. You know, I go and I sit in the back corner. I wasn't there to socialize. I wasn't there to see anyone. And as I'm sitting there, they begin the worship where they start singing. And I remember I just started tearing, started bawling. And I was trying to do it covertly. So I was kind of covering my face. And I didn't know why. I just almost felt like I was stuff was bottled inside me for so long. And then when the worship began, I just it just came out. So, you know, worship ends and the pastor begins his sermon. And what he is preaching on is demons. And he was describing, you know, if if there's demonic activity around you, this is what you might feel. You might feel this cold breeze and things like that. And I was like, what he's describing is what I'm going through right now. And this is crazy. Like, I was just in shock, almost like this is what I'm going through. And at the end, they they close in worship again. I'm tearing. I'm bawling. And my friend, though, the same friend who who saw me who shared the gospel with me like 10 years ago, she she saw me and she said I was wrong. And I said, I'm going through something right now. I can't talk about it. The only one I told this whole time was the monk. No one else knew because I thought it sounded crazy. So she says, fine, would you at least come up and get prayer? And so I said, sure, I'll do that. I go up to the front. There's a couple of pastors and people there waiting to pray for people who ever wanted to pray, who ever wanted to get prayer. And, you know, they asked me, how can we pray for you? And I gave them like a little snippet of what I'm going through, not not going into any kind of detail, but they knew, especially with the sermon being what it was that day. And I remember one of the pastors said, look, we can pray for you and you may feel better. But the only way to be truly free is if you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior. And I said, no, I said, I'm not going to do that. I'm Buddhist. And then he said, OK, well, that's fine. You know, we're going to bless you. So they pray for me after prayer. I felt I felt better. I did feel like almost like lighter. And so I said, well, maybe it's gone. So I'm going to go back home, spend the night at my house. And that night ended up being the most scariest night for me. You know, I end up sleeping in my jacket and my hat and my gloves. And it was cold. I almost felt like there's like fingers kind of touching my body. I remember it being dark and I'm looking up. I could see like two eyes looking back down at me. And I just remember thinking, like, I can't live like this. And so I ended up praying. I actually said, I remember what my parents told me all those years ago, that you got to stay Buddhist. And I said, God, if you're real and you want me to do this, then you got to help me with my parents. So it was the next day, Tuesday morning, before they went to church. I went to work. I went up to them and I said, look, can I talk to you guys before you guys head out? And they said, sure. What's going on? And I said, hey, I'm going through something right now. It's been really tough. And they knew because I'm their son. They knew I was stressed about something, not knowing what it was. And they said, sure. What is it? And I said, I think I found something that can help me. And it's religion. And they said, sure, which one? And I said, Christianity. And they said, well, if you think that's going to help you, then go for it. And I was a little thrown back. That was so simple. I ended up going to that pastor's house. He's basically my neighbor. So I just walked to his house. And I sit in his kitchen and he tells me the gospel again. After hearing my story, he tells me the gospel, tells me about Jesus. And he asked, do you want to follow him? Do you want him in your life? And I said, yes. I remember he was like, okay, I'm going to lead you through a prayer. And I remember at that moment, before I was going to pray, I almost heard like, not audibly, but I heard a growl, almost like a, right. He leads me through the prayer and I'm praying along with him. And, you know, I leave his house. As I leave his house, I'm just thinking, well, I guess I'm a Christian now. I still have to go to school. So I would drive to the library in Maryland and I'm studying. And I remember feeling electricity, like electricity, like almost like an electrical feeling going through my feet. And I'm like, okay, well, what is this? So I try to get it to stop and it wouldn't stop. And I was just like, okay, I'm done. If I'm getting possessed right now, then I'm going to get possessed right now. Right. So it doesn't stop and it's slowly going up my leg. But the interesting thing is everywhere it passed, everywhere below it, it was warm now. So I was like, well, at least it's warm. So I just go with it. Right. So I end up going to my night class. It's about 9 p.m. at night and the tingling is up here now. It's like tingling and I'm just feeling warm. And the moment the tingling gets to the top of my head, the lights in the lecture hall turn off and on three times. So it's like on, off, on, off, on, off. And the professor stops teaching and he's like, whoa, there's like a ghost in here. And everyone starts laughing. But I'm like, oh, it's probably because of me. And I said, well, I don't know what's going on right now, but I feel good. I feel warm. I feel light. And so after class, I'm walking. I'm walking to my car and I end up calling my friend who I was staying on the couch with. And I said, hey, I'm going to come over and hang out with you for a bit. And he says, well, maybe you shouldn't come over. There's no power here. And then at that moment, I heard a different voice, another voice in my mind saying, if you go to his place, the power will come back on. And I was like, this has been a weird enough day. So I'm just going to go. And I said, hey, I'm coming over anyway. So I'll see you there. Now, the interesting thing is for the past two weeks, not only was it cold, but whenever I would be driving, whether it's like on a highway or streets, there's the street lights. And so when I pass the street light, the lights would turn off. Not every single one, but enough for me to know that this is not normal. Like I would drive and it would turn off, drive and turn off. And so with that happening, I remember like, okay, well, I'm going to my friend's house whose power is off at this point. And so the street lights are out and I pull into his apartment complex. And as I pull into his apartment complex, all the lights in the facility turn on. And so I was like, wow. So I walk in and I say, hey, what's going on? And he said the power went off three different times and it came on when you got here. And I was like, wow, what is going on? I was just a little bit in shock, amazed. But I ended up talking to my pastor, the one who led me through the prayer. And I talked to my pastor and I tell him what had occurred that day that I accepted Christ. I told him the story and I was like, what's going on? And he says, well, when you accept Christ, when you accept Jesus, you get the Holy Spirit. God's Spirit comes to live in you. And that was the warmth that you felt coming in and pushing whatever was out. And I was like, wow, OK, so maybe that's what's going on. And I remember waking up in the morning and it was as if my whole life I was wearing sunglasses. And the sunglasses were just lifted off. And I just remember thinking like, this is the most beautiful morning I've ever seen in my life. Like the sun was out, the birds were chirping, and I was like, this is amazing. And I remember sitting in my car and it really clicked, it hit me. My goodness, Jesus is real. Jesus, the one they told me about 10 years ago, is real. And I'm like, God sees me right now and God is with me right now. And I almost like started like hyperventilating. And I was like, and I was just tearing because it just hit me in the car. It just hit me. And I was like, wow. So from that moment on, I was like, I have to know who you are, God. I feel like I need to know you. And so I pursued Him since then and just I need to learn more about who you are. And you saved me and I need to understand you so I can appreciate you. And I remember asking God, I was like, why did I have to go through all that? Why couldn't you have saved me when I was 18? Before I had to go through all the depression and OCD and things like that. And then I remember God spoke to me and He said, I can use all that. Simply, I can use all that. And since that time, I've come to see like, okay, well, all those things I went through, even talking to psychiatrists and therapists, even when I meet someone now who's going through that, it's not weird to me, because I've been through it. And even people who share their spiritual stories with me about crazy things happening in the house, I'm not surprised or not confused by it because I've been through it. And I can see what God meant, like He can use all that. So I can relate now. And though it wasn't easy, it was, I could see how God can use the tough things that we've been through to help others who are going through it. What I would want to say is that, just the same questions I was thinking when I was in my mid-20s, where's the hope? Where's the hope for my future? Where's the thing, the better day that I can look forward to? And I didn't know what it was until Jesus, until meeting God, where there is a purpose for my life. There is something greater than me just going to school and getting a job and getting married, having kids and then dying. I mean, they're all good things, but I'm just like, there has to be more to life. There has to be more. And I didn't know what that more was until meeting Jesus. And so what I would say to people who are watching this is that, oftentimes we feel like when we're comparing ourselves to other people, that we're generally good people, right? We haven't killed anybody, or most people haven't killed people. And so I'm generally good. And maybe I think I'll go to heaven, right? But what I've learned that's different, because even in Buddhism, it was that way. I would think of it as a scales, right? If I do more good than bad, then it'll tilt my way. And then I'll either be born again in a better life, or I'm going to heaven, right? But if there was a judge who's a good judge, who's a fair judge, and they had someone in their courtroom who is a doctor, and the doctor may have saved hundreds of lives during their career. And then one day, maybe they had too much to drink, and they hit somebody with their car, and that person dies. The doctor goes before the judge and says, like, hey, I've saved hundreds of lives. I've only killed one person. You know, that good judge wouldn't be just if they just said, okay, yeah, you're right. You're free to go, right? You've saved a hundred, you killed one, you're free. Like, don't worry about it. You know, that wouldn't be just. And if we think that way with an earthly judge, then we have to think that way how much more with the ultimate judge, which is God. If He's just and fair, He's not going to be able to say, like, oh, well, you've done more good than bad, so you're good. You're welcome to come to heaven with me, right? There has to be a payment, an atonement for what you've done wrong. And the fact is, we can't pay for it ourselves. You know, nothing good we do can erase the bad. And that's why Jesus sent His own Son, who lived that sinless life. And He took our punishment. What was meant for us on that cross? That's why He died on the cross. And it wasn't just that He died, but He rose again from the dead, defeating death, defeating sin, defeating the devil. And because of what He did on the cross, He's able to forgive us. He's able to say, you know, your sins are covered. I've paid for it. It's almost like someone paying your bail, right? Like you're in jail and someone comes and pays for your bail and you're free to go there. The justice is still there. The love is there. And because someone actually paid for what you did wrong, that justice is served. God is a God of love and justice. And so I would just encourage you to look into it, to put your trust in Jesus. You know, He loves you. He's ready to forgive you. It's a free gift. You just have to accept it. And that's my sincere prayer, you know, for anyone watching this who doesn't yet know. Just, if you're not sure, look into it. You know, what I don't want is, you know, we invest in our future all the time, right? We research the colleges that we want to go to. We try to find the best job. We have a retirement plan, right? But then when it comes to what happens after death, a lot of people don't think about it. They're just, I'm going to live my life. But why? I mean, I would think that that's the most important thing we should look into, right? So at least look into it. Explore it. See if it makes sense, right? And if it does, put your trust in Him. Did your parents ever come to follow Jesus? You know, that's a good question. So not yet. You know, I am praying for them every day and my brother. As far as I know, I'm the only one in my family right now who's a follower of Christ. You know, the interesting thing is that, culturally, a lot of people can relate to this, but I remember, you know, they were okay with me accepting Christ. Yeah. And then two weeks later, it was an interesting conversation. Almost like they thought I wasn't serious. So they were like, oh, you're... Because I ended up, what had happened, I gave all my Buddhist things back to my parents. Yeah, I was like, I thought it was disrespectful to just throw in the trash. So I said here, like, I'm a Christian now and I want to give this back to you. And I think that showed them that I was really serious. So they're like, oh, you're really serious about this. And they started asking me difficult questions. Like, well, you know, you're the oldest son. So who's going to take care of those religious rites when we die? And I'm like, and I don't know how to answer that. I'm like, mom, dad, I don't know. Just all I know is that I got to follow Jesus, right? Now, what do you mean by who's going to take care of those religious rites? Yeah, so what it's like is, at least in Thai Buddhist traditions, when someone passes away, they do like a ceremony, like a merit making for that person who passed on. So it's kind of like I would go to the temple and like serve the monk's food and donate money, donate supplies. And almost like the thinking is, because of the good things I'm doing in your behalf, then you get these blessings in the next life. And so almost like who's going to do these things for us, right? And I was like, I don't know. I don't know. I'm sorry. And I remember praying so hard to God. And I was like, Lord, please save them. Please save them. And I remember this is one morning. I was actually at my friend's apartment. I was praying. I was like, Lord, please save my parents. Please save my brother. And then I heard a question that didn't make sense at the time. But it was like, do you love me more than you love your parents? And I was like, because my parents were like number one, right? And I was like, I'm going to ignore that. Maybe that's the demon again. So I'm just going to ignore that question. And again, like throughout the day, do you love me more than your parents? And I was like, I'm not going to answer that question. And then until at nighttime, I was praying at my bed before I went to sleep. And again, it's like, do you love me more than you love your parents? And I was like, oh, my goodness. I was like, OK, if you're going to make me answer this, I'm a little bit upset. But if you're going to make me answer this, then, yes, God, I love you more than I love my parents. And I felt horrible saying those things. But I was like, I love you more. And then I heard him say, don't you know I love your parents more than you do? And I was like, whoa. So I didn't expect that. And I was like, wow. So I will still pray for my parents and my brother every day. But it's not the same type of prayer. Almost like I'm pleading with God, like, please save them. Please save them. Because I'm praying from a perspective that I know he loves them already and that he wants to save them. I'm still praying for them, but not in the same manner. And I think God was teaching me that. I don't think I don't care about your parents. And you have to beg me to care about them. It's not like that. So I think that's what I took away from that. Any last words that you may have for people watching? No, just put your trust in Christ. It's not going to disappoint you. That's all. Yeah.