Emma Stone discusses her struggles with anxiety...

So I have to tell you I feel a little nervous. I'm interviewing a famous movie star but she's promised that she'll be gentle, but I think the Important part here is that we could talk about her movies and about the clothes you like to wear But we could have a much more serious conversation, which I think is what we both want to do Matt mentioned there's 17 million kids in the United States That's one out of five under the age of 18 who have a mental health disorder So that means that every one of you knows and loves one of these kids. So if it's not your child It's your niece or nephew or it's your best friend's child or it's your friend your son or daughter's best friend So we as a nation Have an obligation to really start paying attention to these children to make sure that they get identified they get treatment that works and they Get to live the lives that they can and are capable of living So, why don't we start at the beginning tell me about when you were a little girl, where'd you grow up? What was your family like? I grew up in Phoenix, Arizona and my family Are wonderful and I Should I get into the this? Well, I want to know before you get there. What kind of little girl were you were you shy? Were you a sir? No, not at the at the beginning I would say and mom you can yell out at me if I'm wrong, but I would say at the beginning from you know Very small. I was very serious as a as a baby and toddler I didn't really laugh or smile much and took everything in in a really intense way my jailyard stare and and then I was a performer I was kind of rambunctious and Excitable and love to sing and dance up until I was about Seven so let's stick a little bit earlier. Yeah kindergarten kindergarten. Do you remember your kindergarten teacher's name? But I I have to I'm talking about anxiety on a big stage like I'm terrifying Let me look at my mom What was school like was it easy to go to do you look forward to it or one of these kids who Monday morning or Sunday night you got stomach aches. Well, you gotta let me get into the seven-year-old to explain school because I Was I read really early I really love to read and I was very interested in learning I still am very interested in learning but I When I hit first grade The summer before first grade is it? The panic Okay after first grade before I went into second grade I had my first panic attack and It was really really terrifying and overwhelming and you know seven years old. It's described it I was sitting in I was at a friend's house I was over at a friend's house and and all of a sudden I was absolutely convinced the house was on fire It was burning down. I was just sitting in her bedroom and obviously the house wasn't on fire But I had there was nothing in me that didn't think we were going to die. And so I called my mom and I was just it was it was panic but I you know, I of course didn't know that and she came and picked me up and then It just kept going for the next two years but a sense of panic or a sense of thoughts of worry because Panic attacks usually are a physical sensation. That's real, but it's not caused by an organic So it's not your heart is not functioning, but you feel maybe that you're gonna have a heart attack or you can't breathe Yeah, so what was it like so second grade? Could you attend school? I could attend school but I went to the nurse every single day at lunch and I would say that I was sick and I needed to go home and I needed to call my mom and She could tell by the fact that I and I still do it to this day that I was wringing my hands every time that Told her that but I didn't really have a stomach bug and needed to go home that I was anxious and You know, it became very I couldn't go to friends houses. I had deep separation anxiety with with my mom and I It's gotten better I swear There's gonna be a fun part of the story but I was so I was so kind of Paranoid about everything and it got to the point where you know If she needed to come help at school, my brother's two years younger I couldn't see her but I needed to know exactly what the day was gonna be and she would repeat it over and over to Me until thankfully I had a therapist at that age that said you're allowed to tell her once and then you can't say it anymore Because she needs to not constantly rely on you telling her the day But you know I couldn't see her if she was at school because that would send me into a whole tailspin of my mom is here and I can't Go home, you know, the way to think about that is when someone breaks up with someone Yeah, if you live across the hall from them, yeah, it's a lot worse than if they would go off to California or London It's not like out of sight or mind and so when anxious kids know their moms around it's worse Yeah, they say look I'm gone for the whole day. It's a lot. It's a lot easier Yeah, so tell me about therapy. So your mom got you therapy after the panic after the panic attack Yeah, it was a little while and then it became clear that this was not just a one-time thing This was you know becoming a pattern and and I'm so grateful that I went to therapy So what did the therapist say to you? Did they give you did they give you a name for what you were experiencing? No, well, they gave her a name for what I was experiencing But she didn't tell me which I'm also pretty grateful for that I didn't know I had generalized anxiety disorder and aversion to panic disorder and That to not hear that as a kid like you have, you know this thing for me and I think for other kids again We're all so great minds think I'm gonna like the name of it that you know When I have a panic attack or an anxious day What I need is not necessarily exactly what another person would need and same as a kid I mean some kids in that moment could have used medication and it would have been incredibly helpful or could have Heard what it is that they have and that would have been soothing. I'm very grateful I didn't know that I had a disorder so to speak because I think I would have Really gone into the kind of I mean it was at that time Especially there weren't a lot of people that I could look at You know, I wanted to be an actor and there weren't a lot of actors that spoke about having But I think being in therapy Was maybe even embarrassing or shameful? Oh, yeah, it's still hard for a lot of people to talk about it And this is we're talking about 20 years ago or 20 years ago Yeah, so did you have a best friend that you talked about it or was it silent? You know, you weren't discussing No, I spoke more to my family about it than my friends because friends at that age eight-year-olds, right? Aren't really gonna understand that like, oh, no, I can't leave the house because if I do my mom will die You know, it's like that's not it wasn't true But that's what I felt, you know And it was so it was just nobody really really can relate to that. I think when you're a kid Which is understand to tell us about the therapy. What did the therapist do? Do you remember her? Well childhood? I am yeah, and we and so You know childhood therapy is more like you draw a house you play games And then what was great was as it went on I ended up getting to write a book and it was called I am bigger than my anxiety. So it was you know, like a stapled book where I drew pictures and And that was really helpful. My mom still has it Just to imagine that thing as an external You know as an you know that it's not me but it is a part of me And so it's like a little green monster that sits on my shoulder and whenever I listen to him He gets bigger and bigger and when I keep doing what I'm doing You know that treatment by the way Unlike just playing with the child. Yeah is a cop. It's called cognitive behavioral therapy Yeah, and it's very effective. We do it today at the Child Mind Institute where we make sure that a child knows They aren't their anxiety disorder that there is something separate. It's a monster. You can name it You know and if you feed it It grows and if you starve it, it will diminish and it can maybe even go away for a while So that was working. How long did you do that? I was doing what doing therapy It's hard to spend your little it feels like I was in it forever But I think it might have only been a year a year and a half But then you started being able to attend school, oh, yeah, I mean it was Transformative I ended up moving when I was 15 I mean she we truly thought like I wasn't gonna be able to move out of the house and move away ever I would have to be You know, I was how would I go to college? How would I do any of this when I couldn't go to a friend's house for five minutes? And so once that Happened and once I could kind of externalize it and get more of more perspective Which is so hard for children and I think that's why it's so scary because everything feels like it's all brand-new Once I understood the perspective on it Things really started moving and then I found and then I started acting at 11 doing improv and and and theater I don't local youth theater and I found my people and I realized that my feelings Could be really productive which any creative person probably can relate to so you say In some other interview or some article that improv Was something that you really liked and that it was the antithesis of anxiety, right? So talk to me about that Well, it's present, you know, it's meditative in that way. And so for someone who likes to perform or that's in me That combined with absolute presence and needing to listen Really intently and use your I mean because and this is this is just my opinion I believe the people who have anxiety depression Are very very sensitive and very very smart Because the world is hard and scary and there's a lot that goes on and when you're really sensitive and attuned to a lot of that it can be crippling and If you don't let it cripple you and you use it for something positive or productive It's like a superpower and so with Improv when I learned that I could take the always big feelings and just really listen in the moment and use all of my Associative brain that wakes me up still in the middle of the night going I said this mess You know, they're gonna think that's my have to call them in the morning if I don't move, you know that thing that still haunts me to this day is useful in my job and And I'm so grateful for it. So how is you know? Improv is really in the moment, correct? Yeah, but when you make a movie they retake the shot again and again, you know, they say please look a little scared or look a little more anxious and Do you still feel it's in the moment or or it's much more when you're doing improv or Saturday Night Live or? Well, that's the moment yeah, definitely it's definitely in the moment but no, I mean I feel that way at work, too I think that I mean just to speak to I don't know how many of you are actors or if any of you are But I would imagine in any job the feeling of making it new every day Even if you're doing the same thing over and over in a different way You hope that you can make it feel new or that you can approach it differently and so I guess that's what I've tried to channel especially as I don't now as an adult who has a different kind of a hold on my Disorder It's you know, I am able to sort of channel that in a different way and it doesn't need to be Well Stick with me for a second. I love the fact that somewhere you wrote that acting or comedy the comedy was your sport so there's other kids who are playing tennis and football or soccer and that your sport gave you confidence because that's usually What happens to kids is that playing sports? Even if they're not great at school. Yeah, they feel the team effort They feel a mastery of throwing a ball or kicking a ball. Is that how did that happen to you? Absolutely. I mean also my brother's part of that So it was a sporty family I'm not physical at all Coordinated in that way, but because they Billy Jean well Yeah, no, I definitely felt like it was a sport and I think that also, you know in terms of kids that go through this kind of thing when you're able to To find a team or to find people to surround yourself with and have that kind of connection so you don't feel so isolated It's very healing and it does really teach you to kind of roll with the punches in a way that so I think it's difficult For people to think of someone who's so anxious that they can't get away from their mom for five minutes and yet You were either 11 or 12 years old and you perform live in Phoenix in wind in the willow Yes now help us understand a you have to memorize the script which you said wouldn't be that difficult because you read early But how do you feel right before the performance? During the performance and then after the performance free Yeah, anxiety disappears, yeah that monster just put yeah Yeah For me it does which is why you know, that's my you don't have to be an actor to overcome anxiety You don't have to be a writer to overcome you know, you just have to find what that thing is within you that you're drawn to I think and How did they present it to you in the world the opportunity of it? So what about the critique the reviews the here you're 11 years old You're either good or bad or someone says something harsh about you. You don't look the part. You look, you know, whatever it is I didn't read the reviews But did you feel sensitive to the fact that they didn't applaud enough or or another actor said something to you like you? Missed the line or something. It's a while making mistakes is always Right, I don't mean to speak for everyone, but I think you are on the stage, you know performing muscle be every night, right? Yeah, I mean it was it was that it was youth theater was pretty small and it was very supportive kind of community You know this version of my job is now it feels a little bit different than it did as a kid on stage In terms of the kind of outside influence or things that I'm able to see or read But it was it depends it kind of depends on the day and where I where I am So going back to 11 When did you start getting homeschooled and did you get homeschooled because of the anxiety or did you get homeschooled because of a kind of working? actor I would I was homeschooled because I really wanted to do play after play after play because that's what made me feel the Best and the happiest and I I just knew that's what I wanted to do in life. So very kind going my parents homeschooled me for seventh and eighth grade and Then I went to school so who did that the teacher came or mom learned the curriculum No, I did a lot of online like curriculum You can enroll in all of these classes and at that time you would click a button and said you were raising your hand in a chat room And then I would go take tests with other kids that were that were homeschooling standardized tests and things like that Did mom and dad both work? What were they doing? I mean that you were you were home For and my dad, yeah So they've had full lives they yeah. Yeah, and so you were independent enough and did you do well with these online courses? I Think so. Well, you know you got grades Did you feel like you were missing out, you know Junior high school happens to be a very challenging and also painful time most people middle, you know Most people who treat middle school kids They hopefully wait until they become high school students before they treat them because they could be so difficult And it can be very mean. Yeah, so did you feel you were missing out at all? No, because again, I was lucky to find that theater every day. I went to rehearsal every day I was with people who were like-minded and We all were excited about similar stuff. So I was socializing Daily I just wasn't socializing with you know, kids in a public school. So this is all still local theater Yeah, are you sleeping out of the house at all? Yeah, I think I could do sleepovers. You could do sleepovers. Yeah, right. So sorry. I always look to her I'm trying to remember Tell me about send her away Anyway, I want to know about this infamous PowerPoint Were you 15 years old or so and you decided or 14 and you decided that you wanted to move to Los Angeles now you live in Phoenix, Arizona and You make a PowerPoint that I think was called project Hollywood Yeah, and you present this to your mom and dad and what does it say? And you know, how did you do it? um, I just called him into my bedroom and have made this this PowerPoint of Just a list of reasons why I should move to Los Angeles right now like right here right now in the first semester of my freshman year of high school and It was you know, there was music and clip art and I'm a dinosaur, right? Years ago, you know the options were a little more limited and I I Just felt this Kind of calling like it was time to go They they thought about it for a while and I figured out they figured out Having me interview some agencies because they were like you can't go if you don't have an agent Right Are you actually thinking that you'd stay by yourself or were you hoping? No, my mom came out with me and she switched out every other week with with someone named Chrissy who had babysat My brother and I since we were six and four So she's like my big sister and it was wonderful to get to be with her there too. And then Yeah, so it would be so I just think we should take a slight break or sidebar adolescence Your mom told me that you actually told her that if you didn't go to LA you would die. You're right and so So I want you to know No, no, but I want you to know that when you're an adolescent you are boiling and you are freezing You are not warm or you are not cool and you hate everyone or love everyone These intense feelings are actually biological the prefrontal cortex the part of your brain that modulates things and talks about strategy So if I can't go now I can go later That doesn't kick in to talk to the rest of your brain and it's one of the reasons hurts like waits until you're 25 to Rent you a car that Prefrontal cortex and those intense feelings now You have to have the right mom and dad because they listen to you and they didn't say oh This is just a mood or this is just the feeling don't be ridiculous. We live in Arizona. Keep doing, you know You theater I mean I could have right but they know but they got it somehow they got it so it would be wonderful to think oh you go off to LA and It's a miracle all of a sudden you get apart, right? And I don't think that's what happened. No No, I auditioned for for a few months. I would I mean really I I did a reality search competition show So I did do that within the first year of being out there because none of the auditions were really working and I ended up Doing my first movie when I was What was that But from 15 to 17, I can't imagine there wasn't a lot of rejection there was a lot of you know audition and yet Where does the perseverance the resilience because I think the hard part for people is oh if you're anxious You're just a worry wart, you know, you you crumble all the time You have anxiety that clearly is related to separation or about future performance and work But yet you don't get the part and you say, okay, I'll go for the next audition, where does that come from? I Think it's a combination of two things. I think one is trusting your instincts and your gut although I think got an instincts are a bit different because sometimes my instincts tell me that I need to Scream at the top of my lungs and run out of the room and my gut calms me down. Okay I think that Knowing that this was the thing that I loved the most and that this was where I don't know how that was What happened within me, but it hasn't proven me wrong. Yeah, even though sometimes I'm like I definitely need to quit because I totally suck And then the people around you like you said you need to have the right parents. You need to have Friends around you you need people that love you no matter if you are an Absolute failure and have lost everything or have the most success and everyone's like you're the greatest. It doesn't matter to them Because life isn't really about that It is about those connections in that in that relationship So I was so grateful and so lucky to have that that would have been Doesn't well your gut can tell you anything if you don't people around you to support you and help you you're screwed good news the gut cells Morphologically the same as your brain cells. So when people say trust your gut trust your gut Okay, we'll balance them out so Sorry. Oh god, you heard it too. I just got over a cough or a cold The cough is gross. So let's talk about The Child Mind Institute video you did for a hashtag my younger self You know with 40 other celebrities talking about their mental health and learning disorders struggle and success You said that you feel things more deeply and you think that's because of your anxiety So you have been in lots of different movies and played varied characters I was thinking Skeeter and you know a southern writer or wannabe journalist in the South This drug addict, you know traumatized woman and maniac An actress in La La Land and yet you're very believable or the or the carefree Talk about carefree bold high school student in EZA I mean the one that we all want to be do you mean like, you know screw you to everyone I'm gonna do what I want to do Do you think your anxiety or your deep feelings helps you with the preparation of those roles? Invaluable so, how does that work for you? Well along with my belief that we're smarter Certainly more sensitive I also believe that there's a Lot of empathy when you've struggled a lot internally There is a tendency to want to understand how people around you work or what's going on internally with them Which is great for four characters, it's great to be able to kind of dig into who these people are what their struggles are what their secrets are and And how they present themselves is not always how they feel inside And that's a that's a great gift as an actor to get to do that because you find so many parts within yourself But you get to then basically like explore an exercise on a daily basis at work and Yeah We'll stick with easy a for a second. You didn't go to high school Correct. And yet you seem to at least you got the TV high school experience in that where everyone's saying everyone's so good-looking And everyone's so mean and also not so nice but how did you Where did you grab that from because I I read somewhere that you actually use a lot of the rejection that you got when you first Got to Hollywood when you did the when you did La La Land, but where did you get the high school experience from or what? It would be what it would be like to be a high school student. I mean, I think it's pretty Like whether you went to a high school and I went for one semester to high school I went to middle school bit for you and I think it's pretty clear what that experience feels like that everyone is as you were saying, it's very extreme and People are trying on a lot of different personas and they're learning who they are and I Don't know. I I don't know the high school part of it was as you know challenging to me as Kind of you know the arc that she goes on but I think that a lot of the world like I Know the world isn't high school, but like isn't the world kind of high school some of us Seem to be stuck there, but I mean like the outside opinion or like this, you know I hate you, but I don't know you and I don't know how you work internally But I choose to hate you because you're this you're that or like I love you You're amazing, and I still don't really know you like it It's just kind of No back to persevere, that's me. Yeah. No, it's very honest. I'll go home and worry about that Perseverance What you want a part and lots of actresses want the part but you seem to go the extra mile Is that related to your you know, is that part of the anxiety that you have to get it? So for instance you wanted to be in the help You don't have a southern accent you You don't know anything about Jackson, Mississippi And you know the white ladies who had black help but something about that you read the book or how did you decide? That you wanted that so much that you went there Well that no well that one There's other there's other ones that are a bit more I went after that when I sat with the tape the director and we had so much fun and he was like I want to Do it and that was kind of how that one. Okay, which was great I'm very lucky, but No when it comes to something that if I if I can feel again, I got in shanked that one part is met like easy. Eh, I Went insane and I made sure the first person into audition period and then I just sort of like Berated them until they decided that I could do it Because that you know, I I just felt that that was It was it was meant to be and it had to happen Of course, that's not always correct In every situation, but is that what you do? Sometimes? Yeah, if I really if I really feel that it's that it's meant to be but I also have gotten really good at letting things Go, I've gotten you know much much better at Realizing that and that's probably also just maturity whether it's you know relationships or parts or you know Certain attitudes or feelings within yourself. You learn to I think let it go and release it more easily The anxiety doesn't go away you get to not go away I panicked this morning So what I wasn't expecting to you, but I definitely did it was me. See I thought you were making me anxious But how do you what tools do you use and what do you still go do you still go to a mental professional? Yes, I go to a therapist and I meditate and I Talk to people very quickly. Now. I connect with people instead of isolating I reach out And this I'm starting to do this which is really scary for me, but very healing to Try to just talk about it and own it and realize that this is something that is Part of me, but it is not who I am and if that can help anybody It knows that it's part of them, and it's not who they are I mean, it's so like you're saying before 17 million kids are affected by something like this and That's a lot, and I am really if I can do anything to say like hey Maybe I get it and I'm I'm there with you and you can still get out there and achieve dreams and form really great relationships and connections and I hope I am able to do that. So self-care. Yes sleep. I would imagine I mean, but the other thing is that you seem remarkably busy Very serious if you I was looking into how many You're doing a music video. Do you mean I said let's have lunch afterwards. No, we got to go for a dance rehearsal I mean you are keeping a tight schedule. Does that help your and manage your anxiety or does it make it worse? Or how do you keep staying busy? Definitely is helpful because my mind has a tendency when I'm not doing much Too it needs an outlet and so it can turn in on itself and the outlet can be Me and what I'm spinning exactly I can spin so But again, but much better as time has gone on much, you know now that I have more tools I don't need to be you know, the punching bag but I Yeah, I definitely find being busy and it with a creative endeavor, right? not just anything but something creative an outlet like that is And it doesn't make a difference whether it's a movie or I mean you did brought you did a Broadway show I really started to look at that. Oh my goodness, you know, we're singing cabaret that and that's every night again That's going on every night. Yeah, if that doesn't it doesn't make a difference what the medium is It's the creativity and it's the community around you. Sure. Absolutely Yeah, it can be exhausting and the nose sleep does turn me into a bit of a does that make you more anxious? Oh, yeah, not sleeping For sure, but that's got to be everybody and Well, I think frankly for anxious people For anybody who has an Achilles heel If you take away sleep or you take away food for too long or you put them under too much stress It's like how much stress can your brain tolerate it? You'll start seeing the symptoms What kind of tools? You said meditation. Do you do mindfulness? What do you do? Atien and you do it every day. I've been trying to do it every day I went through a pocket of I'm not doing as frequently as I should but yes, I do it for you know, I did And the big question that everyone is hesitates about you don't have to answer medication I'm sure that from the very earliest time Someone was telling you, you know, take some medication for this be very sweet Not us not a tranquilizer not valium or Xanax But maybe a prozac like drug that would give you more and you fought that I did why was that? um, I think that it scared me that I would be in some way not as Effective or in touch with my emotions that it was gonna numb me out or and obviously it's not true And it is so helpful for so many people. So, I mean, I think that the stigma around medication Things like this is Horrible because it can be absolutely life-saving life-saving. Yeah, I think I think most people there's so many myths about it And yet we are so careful about it the trauma Institute that we don't accept money from the pharmaceutical industry And we'll take it a step further. We don't let drug reps come on the ground So we actually we actually buy our own pizza and post-its and pens But but inevitably, you know They said they send some attractive charismatic person and somehow the next thing, you know You're writing the prescription for what they want you to write instead of for what you know is the right thing But I think it reassures parents that if a child does need medicine You're giving them the medicine that you know works best or the medicine that's been around the longest And of course, there's an argument about over prescription in our country, which I completely understand and see but I think you know On a case-by-case basis it of course can be like say life-saving and life-changing social media So in our children, we have a new children's mental health report that just came out and in fact It's quoted today in the New York Times Perry class of this great article about what to do when you have a child with an anxiety disorder But one of the things we found in our mental health report was that people who are more socially engaged and feel emotionally attached to social engagement are more likely to have anxiety symptoms and it seems like almost every child or every teenager in the United States is Involved somehow in social media and yet you have made a decision to have no presence or no Social media presence. Why have you decided to do that? is it because of I think that would send me into a spin. I think that that influx of opinion and Information and the idea that like, you know I could post something and then in the middle of the night regret what I posted or when I delete like everything is so I already need to be out there a lot from my job and I figure that that's enough of me. I don't need to you know Be doing constant updates or getting constant feedback on Who I am. Yes. What did you do? I'm just curious every actor talks about the the rejection of you know, the reviews So when you you got the Academy Award Did you could you hold on to that great feeling or were you worried about the next performance? um, I Guess I see failure and achievement as two sides of the same coin in that it's all transient so a moment like that is amazing and is so surreal and mind-blowing but then you have to wake up the next day and go back to work and The same thing with failure it feels like the end of the world and then you get up the next day and you go back To work and life changes again So it's not that I'm not like Incredibly grateful and happy about the things that have gone well But I'm equally like the things that have gone badly or the mistakes I've made are just as valuable So has your anxiety even now or in the past Prevented you from doing something that you really wanted to do But it's for instance if you took whoopie Goldberg will talk about the fact that her anxiety can get so bad She won't get on an airplane take a bus across and hours and days longer Have you ever found yourself in that position where you want to do something and the anxiety the monster just is too loud or too big Sharing a lot of sharing like speaking about certain issues or things or You know making mistakes is a very big Trigger fear for me So I would like to be more outspoken about a lot of things And I know I will learn to be if that's appropriate for me, but it's um, that's been a big challenge So what's next? Besides Besides a music video with Paul McCartney, which I think is totally cool, but Okay, what what else is that you tell me what's next then? Okay We're making another zombie land. Okay, so I'm gonna do that And I don't know So, I think you need to take home by the way, you're supposed to learn something from this I continue that it's like no way continuing medical education credit one out of five kids in America has a mental health disorder The most common mental health disorder are anxiety disorders anxiety disorders are by far the secret or the silent Disorder because all the thoughts are inside your head until you have the panic attack or until you refuse to go to school You are keeping this in your head versus the disruptive kids The ADHD kids were making a lot of noise and so you pay attention and the thing that you should also remember These are gateway gateway disorders They are they anxiety in childhood leads you to hype high risk of panic disorder when you get older It makes it more likely to have generalized anxiety disorder to have depression when you get older It can it can come along as a partner to things like ADD without hyperactivity You have anxiety, but the important part are they are not only real They're very common, but they're very treatable And I think the other thing I want to tell you is that I started off by saying everyone knows and loves one of these Well, I think that everyone here now feels like they know and love you and I can tell you at the child mine Institute We're particularly proud of you for your courage for your honesty and for your concern about a whole bunch of other people Who are struggling and who you want to seem to help get through that tunnel? So, thank you so much