Should You Date A Coworker (WATCH THIS FIRST!) | Courtney Ryan

Hi everyone, welcome back to my channel. If you're new here, I'm Courtney Ryan and today I'm going to be going over should you date a co-worker. I think a lot of people have had a crush on a co-worker at some point. That's what it sounds like from the DMs I get from you guys and from my own personal experience. I've had a crush on a co-worker so I know what it's like. And according to a recent study done, 89% of Americans have had a crush on a co-worker at some point. So if you feel like you're alone, I promise you're not. That doesn't necessarily mean that you should go for it and I think this is one of those things that really depends on your situation. It can be a little bit tricky. So I wanted to cover some of that today along with some pros and cons and some stories that you guys sent in as well. So I did a poll on my Instagram story asking all about dating a co-worker, if you've ever dated a co-worker and all of that good stuff. And then I asked people to submit a story if they had one about dating a co-worker and if it worked out or if it didn't. So I'm going to share some of those at the end. So if you'd like to hear some of those, be sure to stick around until the end of the video. So like I said, I did a little bit of my own market research with my Instagram followers and the first question I asked was, have you ever dated a co-worker? So 35% of people said yes and 65% said no. So when you looked at everyone that answered, 2,180 people said yes and 4,016 people said no. So that's a pretty good, pretty substantial amount there. And then I asked if you answered yes, how did that work out for you? 947 people voted for thumbs up and 1,998 people voted thumbs down. So it was a pretty substantial amount that voted that it did not work out for them, just to preface. And then the last question I asked was, what are your overall thoughts about dating someone at work? 33% said do it and 67% said don't do it. So it was an overwhelming amount from all of you guys that said it maybe was not the best idea. People who had been in that situation or even people who had not been in that situation voted no for the most part. It was like 70 to 30. So a pretty good difference, a pretty substantial difference and enough for me to be like, I'm really glad I never dated a co-worker. So now I'm going to go over some of the different reasons as to why you should or shouldn't and just some things to keep in mind. So number one, we have company policy slash is it worth it? So there's a lot of companies that have strict rules against dating a co-worker and that's for a good reason. I think it can really muddy the waters, it can make things very messy, it can ruin your life. I mean, there's a lot that really goes into it. So it's important before you decide to make this step to really consider all of the pros and cons. And number one is checking to make sure that this is something that's even allowed at your company because like I mentioned, there are some companies that have a very strict policy against this. So if that's clear, the next thing you want to consider is what is your relationship to this person at work? Are they your boss? Are you their boss? If you're answering yes to either one of those, you should absolutely 100% not pursue this relationship if you plan on staying at that job. And the reason for that is you wouldn't want your romantic relationship to jeopardize the future or the path you have at this company if it's somewhere that you see yourself long term. Secondly, you wouldn't want people to look at your success or your promotions or how well you're doing and think that it's only because you're dating your boss, which is a reasonable thing to think. So you're going to really want to tread carefully here and consider if it's a good idea or not. And I really think this depends kind of on the relationship you have with this person at work. So if they're in a different department, if you hardly ever work with this person, I think it can be a much different story compared to if they're your boss or your direct report. So I think this also really depends on the industry that you're in and where you see yourself long term, especially at this company. Which brings me to my next point is that it depends on the situation. I know that sucks to hear and I know it's not very clear, so I'm going to do my best to explain this a little bit further. Just some examples for you guys to think about. If you consider this job like a stepping stone job. If you know you're only going to be here temporarily, it's somewhere that you know is just temporary for you and you're not planning on staying there long term, I don't think that it matters as much. So, for example, when I was 16 through like 19, I worked at Chick-fil-A and if I would have dated someone there, I knew that I didn't want to work at Chick-fil-A forever and I knew I wasn't going to work at Chick-fil-A forever. Not that there's anything wrong with that, Chick-fil-A is a great place to work, FYI. But, I knew I wasn't going to be there forever, so if I would have dated a co-worker, it wouldn't have really been a big deal because I know that I would have left at some point anyway. So, that's something that you guys should consider as well. If you are a teenager or you're at a job that you know you're not going to be at long term, then I don't think it's as big of a deal because eventually you're not going to work with that person anyway and it will all be okay. But, on the contrary to that, if this is a job that you worked incredibly hard to get, if this is your dream job and you see yourself at this company long term, if you see yourself getting a promotion or working your way up or moving up the company and not really looking for another job, then I would say you really should consider not pursuing the person that you're wanting to pursue at work because it can really affect the trajectory of your career path at this company if things don't work out with this person that you want them to work out with. It's risky, it's messy, and things could go south for you and that other person very quickly if things don't end up working out, which is unfortunate, but it's something that you really have to consider. Like I said, if you see yourself at this company long term and if that other person sees themselves at this company long term too because think about if you guys broke up and you worked together every single day, that's probably not going to be the best situation for you. It's going to make you feel uncomfortable, it's going to affect your work, and it's going to affect everyone around you as well. So I really don't recommend it. I think other people would look down on it as well. Probably would just be a situation that you would want to avoid. So now I'm going to go over some of the major cons for dating someone at work just to put some things into perspective for all of you. I know that I can't address all of your situations individually, but I'm hoping that you can take some of these and apply them to your situation and make things kind of make a little bit more sense for you. So the number one thing obviously is what if things don't work out and you're stuck working with this person and it's messy. And also it's hard enough to get over someone in general, let alone when you have to work with them every single day. Imagine if you break up and you get over someone. It takes you a few weeks or a couple months to get over them. If your relationship is normal and you no longer see that person, you've cut them off cold turkey like I recommended in the get over her video. But now you've broken up with someone that you work with alongside them every single day and you have to see this person and talk to this person and interact with this person and work with this person every single day. Imagine how hard it would be to get over them. Sounds awful to me. The next thing to think about is that there could be some resentment regarding salary, promotions, all of that kind of thing. If you guys work alongside each other, if you are kind of more peers on the same level, if one of you gets a raise and the other one doesn't, if you're both competing for the same job, things get a little bit messy there. The next con to think about is the fact that you're never apart. And I think this is such a big deal because I stress to you guys all the time how important it is to enjoy being with your partner. You should want to be with your partner, but you should also have a life outside of them. You should have things that you're into that you do apart from your partner. It's very important to be interdependent and to have a life that does not revolve around that other person. I would really recommend not mixing business with pleasure and keeping your work and home life separate because as your relationship progresses, you know, you're going to be moving in together or getting married and all of that and you're going to be working together and living together and I think it can cause a lot of headache later down the road. So the biggest takeaway I want you guys to get here is to choose very wisely, put a lot of thought and consideration on if you want to pursue this person and kind of what your situation looks like. Depending on your situation, it could really ruin your career or force you to have to quit and get a new job or something awful. So choose very wisely. This is a big decision and should come with a lot of consideration. The last tip I have for you guys is to be transparent. Do not try to keep it a secret from your boss, from HR, from the people that you work with because ultimately everyone is going to find out and you're going to look a lot worse if you try to hide it and be sneaky rather than just being open and transparent about the fact that you're romantically involved with someone that you work with. Dating a coworker in general is a risky thing anyways but if you're lying and keeping it a secret, it just makes you look really bad. So regardless of what you decide to do, I would keep it very transparent. And I don't want to be a negative Nelly because I know this works out for some people. When my parents were younger, they met at the job that they worked at and it was a temporary job for both of them so it ended up working out. Some people end up marrying the person that they worked with. I had a lot of people submit stories and tell me kind of their different situations and it did work out for some of them. So I don't want you guys to think that I'm trying to be a negative Nelly or say that dating a coworker is the worst thing ever because I know that it can work out for people. Now I'm going to read you guys some of the stories so that you guys can maybe relate to one of these and it can maybe be a little bit closer to home for your situations. So I'm going to read these now. Number one here is, I dated a coworker for about six months and it wasn't good. I ended it but it was so messy and she made my life so difficult post-breakup at work that I ended up getting another job just to get away from her. Yikes. Next person says, it depends on the industry and career. If you guys are in different departments or offices, then go for it. If you're on the same team slash division, think twice about it and think about it again. And I think that's a major point and something that I really wanted to reiterate to you guys is that it does depend on your situation. If you're working with someone closely, if they're your boss or your direct report, I would say steer clear altogether. But if they're in a different department and you barely work with them, then I think it can be okay. Next one is kind of similar to that. It says, I feel if the coworker is in a different department, different floor, and you won't be seeing each other all the time, it can work out. Besides, jobs aren't always permanent, but a good relationship can last a lifetime. So again, if you know that this is just a temporary job for you and this is like the person you're in love with, you want to spend your life with them, then I think sometimes you know, you can change your job and it's okay and you can do something else long-term. It really does depend so much on your personal situation and where you kind of see yourself at this job and with that person. This one says, for me, it worked out really well. We became really good friends. A couple months later, started dating. Eventually, he moved on to another company, so we no longer worked together. That was three years ago and now we are engaged and planning our wedding next year. My knee-jerk reaction to this question three years ago would have been, don't do it. But I gave that sweet guy from work a chance and haven't regretted it. I love this story so much. This is actually someone I went to high school with, I believe. And I think the big takeaway, which is what I wanted you guys to understand, is that when the job is temporary for one or both people, I think it ends up working out a lot better when you don't work with your partner. It can be different if you start a business with your partner or, you know, you're working on something together outside of work. I think that can be different as well. If you guys are working at a company together or see yourself at the company long-term, I don't think it necessarily always ends up working out the best. I found in the reactions that I got and the messages that I got, the stories I got, that This person says, Rough. And unfortunately, I think that's the case for a lot of people. And the last little story I have here is, That's why I think they should work in a different department where you don't see each other often, if at all. My buddy's relationship imploded from literally being with his girlfriend 24-7. Problems would arise left and right. No private time. Jealousy on steroids. When people would be friendly or try to talk to each other, even though it was just part of the job. Parentheses, he tried to fight me. It could be a great place to meet someone, but keep it professional. So I really just wanted to give some different examples so that you guys could see. It works out for some people. It doesn't work out for other people. Ultimately, it just comes down to your personal situation, where you see yourself long term, where work and where love stands in your life. It really does depend from person to person. But I hope this video helped kind of shed some light on the pros and cons, why you should go after it, why you shouldn't, and maybe the situations when it would be best to go either direction. So if you like this video or found it helpful, be sure to give it a thumbs up and subscribe to my channel to be in the loop for when I release new content. Also be sure to follow me on Instagram at CourtneyChristineRyan. I love connecting with all of you guys on there as well. Let me know in the comments down below if you've ever dated a coworker, if it worked out, if it didn't. I'd love to hear from all of you guys down below on this as well because I think it could help some other guys out that are maybe in a similar situation or maybe have a crush on a coworker that they're thinking about pursuing. As always, thank you all so much for watching and I will see you all next time.