8 Keys for a Successful and Healthy Marriage

Years ago, my family and I embraced a minimalist lifestyle. We decided that too much clutter had collected in our home and it was demanding too much of our money, attention, and precious time. So we embarked on a journey to sell, donate, recycle, or remove as many of the non-essential possessions from our home as possible. It's one of the best decisions we ever made. When we began removing the stuff from our life, we found a whole new world of Removing the non-essentials allowed us to focus more on the essentials, and we've discovered that true life is found there. Oftentimes, our marriages follow the same trajectory. At first, when we have nothing but each other, we focus intently on the important building blocks of a successful marriage. But as our relationship continues forward, stuff begins to accumulate and begins to distract us from those very essentials. Suddenly, we worry more about the appraisal value of our home than the value of our relationship. We check the health of our retirement account far more often than the health of our marriage. Or we spend more time taking care of the car in the garage than the other person in the home. Things begin to accumulate in our homes and lives and soon demand our money, our attention, and precious time. As a result, we have little leftover for caring for the very elements of a Wise couples realize that a nice home or car may appear nice to have, but they do not make a successful marriage. They understand that there are more important principles to focus on, and they've learned to invest their money and energy into them. Here are the eight essentials of a healthy marriage. Number one, love and commitment. At its core, love is a commitment to another person. It's more than a fleeting emotion as portrayed on television, the big screen, or romance novels. Feelings come and go, but a true decision to be committed lasts forever, and that is what defines a healthy marriage. Marriage is a decision to be committed through the ups and downs, the good and the bad, richer or poorer, sickness or health. When things are going well, commitment is easy. Anyone can remain committed when things are going well, but true love is displayed by remaining committed even through the trials. Number two, humility. We all have weaknesses, and relationships always reveal these faults quicker than anything else. So an essential building block of a healthy marriage is the ability to admit that you are not perfect, that you make mistakes, and need forgiveness. Holding an attitude of superiority over your partner will bring about resentment and always prevent your relationship from moving forward. If you struggle in this area, grab a pencil and write down three things your partner does better than you. A simple exercise should help you remain humble. Number three, faithfulness and intimacy. Faithfulness in marriage includes more than just our bodies, although it does include that. It also includes our eyes, our mind, our heart, our soul. When we devote our minds to fantasies about another person, we sacrifice faithfulness to our spouse. When we offer moments of emotional intimacies to another, we sacrifice faithfulness. Now there are some today who will try to separate faithfulness from successful marriages, but that's a mistake. Freedom may seem fun today, but it will always result in heartbreak in the end. So guard your body and mind daily and devote it entirely to your spouse. Number four, patience and forgiveness. Because no one is perfect, patience and forgiveness will always be required in a marriage relationship. Successful marriage partners learn to show unending patience and forgiveness. They humbly admit their own faults and do not expect perfection from their partner. They don't bring up past errors in an effort to hold their partner hostage, and they don't seek to make amends or get revenge when mistakes occur. If you're holding on to a past hurt from your partner, forgive him or her. It will set your heart and relationship free. Number five, time. Relationships don't work without time investment, never have and never will. Any successful relationship requires intentional quality time together, and quality time cannot happen without quantity time. The relationship with your spouse should be the most intimate and deep relationship you have, so it is going to require more time than any other relationship. If possible, set aside time every day for your spouse, and a date night once in a while doesn't hurt either. Number six, honesty and trust. Honesty and trust become the foundation for everything in a successful marriage, but unlike most of the other things on this list, trust takes time. You can become selfless, committed, or patient in a moment, but trust always takes time. Trust is only built after weeks, months, and years of being who you say you are, and doing what you'll say you'll do. It takes time, so start now, and if you need to rebuild trust in your relationship, you'll need to work even harder. The seventh key to a successful marriage, communication. Healthy marriage partners communicate as much as possible. They certainly discuss kids schedules, grocery lists, and utility bills, but they don't stop there. They also communicate hopes, dreams, fears, and anxiety. They don't just discuss the changes that are taking place in the kid's life, they also discuss the changes that are taking place in their own hearts and souls. We're all growing and changing every day of our lives, and your spouse is not the same person they were last year, so we must stay consistent in communication. The essential key of communication becomes the foundation for so many other things in this video, commitment, patience, and trust, just to name a few. And finally, number eight, selflessness. Although it will never show up on any survey, more marriages are broken up by selfishness than any other reason. Surveys blame it on finances, lack of commitment, infidelity, or incompatibility, but the root cause for most of these reasons is always selfishness. A selfish person is committed only to himself or herself, shows little patience, and never learns how to be a successful spouse. Give your hopes, dreams, and life to your partner and begin to live life together. This is a simple call to value our marriages, treat them with great care, and invest in them daily. Accomplishing the marriage advice in this video will always require nearly every bit of yourself, but it is so worth it if you want to learn how to have a healthy marriage. A successful marriage is more valuable than any of the temporal things we chase after with our lives, and it will always last longer.