Dating expert gives tips for keeping romance alive after marriage

Whether you're just getting out of the newlywed phase, maybe you've been married for 10, 20, 30, 40 years, or you have babies and young kids, keeping the spark alive, keeping the romance alive is so important in your relationship. That's right. And in today's Kitchen Table Talk, we want to share our own techniques of connecting in our relationships. And we also got Kimmy Seltzer back with us to talk about her strategies in keeping the fire alive in your relationship. And Jeremy, hola, I love this. How are you? You've already texted your wife. What am I doing here? What did your wife tell you to say today? I thought you volunteered, actually. He did. Yes, he wants to get the husband side in, which is important, right? So, okay, so let's get started. So first of all, I feel like you, I have to brag about Alex because you make sure you do your date night. I'm not as good. Are you, Jeremy? You know, I think I try to remember, but you have to. We've been together now for 22 years. Oh, wow. Yeah, we have a four-year-old girl. That changes everything, of course. But you do have to make an effort to date your spouse, you know, and flirt, and still flirt with her. That's what I'm saying. That's so good. That's right. We're kind of getting, like, the roommate side. Same with us. I need to liven it up. Good for you, Jeremy. I like that. I'm scoring major points right now. Kimmy is a good flirter. Like, how do you flirt with your spouse? I'm just like, is this weird? Like, hey. Well, no, I'm so glad that you said that because I was gonna say, like, I've actually done episodes and podcasts on how to date your partner again. It's like remembering what it was, those first days that were so magical where there was that, like, cooling rush. But the, you know, the thing is, is you get into the state of complacency, right? Like, you get a little lazy with even, like, the clothes you wear, you're in your sweats, eating Chinese food every night. So, like, the key is spontaneity and novelty to get some of that back. But also thinking about, to your point, like, how do you flirt with your partner again? Thinking about, like, the body language that you once had. Like, even just the look. I know, like, I keep going back to eyes, have you seen her look? It works on everybody, by the way. You're like, I can't look. It doesn't discriminate, you know, like, so. But even the touch, like, you know, people stop touching, people stop, like, pausing. And really holding space for each other with your eyes, with your body language. And also, there's been studies that show, like, when you do, like, when you break a pattern, like, if you're used to a routine of some sort, if you do something that puts you in that state of, like, a pattern disruption, it creates the excitement again, like how it was in the beginning. I like that. Any tricks to the trade? So we got married in 2010, so 14 years, but we've been together for 20 years. So I think for Mark and I, we do do a lot of things out of the norm. So we may, my husband and I may not be really good about going every week to do a date night. We need to do that more often, definitely. But, you know, we do concerts. We just got back from Disneyland. And you're right, it automatically puts this excitement and this spark, and we really lean on one another when it comes to the kids. And I think that, to me, is the sexiest thing. When I see my husband being a good father, when I see him take out the trash, those are my aphrodisiacs. 100%. And then do you tell him that? Because compliments are also really important. You forget to compliment. I don't do that well enough. Yeah, I think it's a two-way street, too. Oh, let's hear it, Jeremy. It has to be a two-way street, you know? I do think, you know, surprise is good, too. No, I'm not talking about gifts. I like flirting with my wife. The trench coat? Yeah, I'm not there. I do like flirting with her with surprise statements, surprise phrases, you know, complimenting her on her looks. And, you know, that's fun. And sometimes that takes her back. Like, I'll start off on a very serious, like, you know, story, then I'll, like, come at her with a, you know, fun compliment or whatever. So, I mean, we've been together for a long time. Like, over time, when you have kids and work gets in the way, all that stuff piles up. And sometimes you don't prioritize your spouse like you should. It takes work, and you have to be intentional about it all the time. Because if you don't, you're gonna lose that spark. In 22 years. Yeah, 22 years. Yeah, we've been married for 15. We've been married for 15. We celebrated 15 this year. Congratulations. You have to have some good tips up your sleeve, girl. I don't know what I do. Right now I have a five-month-old baby, and so that's what I've found. It's hard to really navigate around. Well, and it's hard to feel sexy. Let's face it. Yeah, I don't. It is very hard to feel sexy. I don't think. No, I, it's not. But when you don't feel it, it's hard to have that energy to, like, put yourself out there in a very sexy way. So you do have to be intentional. And the other thing is, is sometimes when you're a parent, you're in that business mode. So the business energy just isn't sexy. And now you're just, like, partners. So you have to create, like, a separate space. That's why, like, having the date nights are so important. So that you can recreate that sexiness. And I think texting throughout the day, too. Oh, yeah. Do you? Yeah, absolutely. Like, cute little, like, emojis. Oh, my goodness. I need to do it more. But I do think if you text your spouse throughout the day, little messages, I think that helps. Oh, I look into your phone a lot. Not, like, what's for dinner. Those are the texts. His wife has some. My wife's probably gonna watch this later, and, like, where's my text messages? We're talking about, you're completely lying. You have great ideas if you execute. I know. Lucky lady. Yeah. Thank you, Kimmy. Thank you so much. Thanks for having me back on here. Yeah.