French Toast - You Suck at Cooking (episode 116) #food

You suck at cooking, yeah, you totally suck. All right, French toast. Super easy. Take some bread slices, and then throw them around the apartment to assert dominance and to let them dry out, so that the bread will soak up more of the egg mixture without falling apart. If you're already the alpha where you live, or if you're very careful with your bread, you can skip this step. Crack two eggs in a bowl, and if you drop in a piece of the shell, you can get it out with another piece of shell, or with nine forks, or with a pair of eggshell tweezers. You can also get a piece of shell out by using the gravitational pull of a bigger piece of shell. Now we'll add in three-eighths a cup of milk, a half teaspoon of cinnamon, a pinch of salt, and one-eighth teaspoon of vanilla extract. You can use pure vanilla extract, or vanilla extract that's been to hell, and we'll wangjangle that together until we've got an omelette you'd never want to eat. Notice I'm not putting in heaping tablespoons of sugar, because you're going to be drowning this in sugar later, so can't you wait a few minutes? I think you can, you're tough. Now we can collect our bread and organize it, and since bread is made in a factory, you want to inspect the crust for any debris that might have gotten stuck in there, and just remove anything that doesn't seem edible. You can use a thick bread, or you can use a thin bread, whatever bread you use, just make sure it's white enough to scare you. Boom. And if your bread comes with one of these doohickeys, you should snap it in half, fling it, then twist and tuck the bag, which will keep it fresher since air can't fly in a spiral. And finally, if you bought crustless bread, you can always attach crusts with the power of gravity. You're gonna need a wide, flat vessel, like a wide bowl, or a pie plate, or an upside-down lid, or a giant empty drawer. One approach is to soak the bread in the egg smoothie for 30 seconds each side. This works well with stiff, thick bread, or very careful hands, but you can also just do a quick dip on each side, especially if your mixture is more eggy, or if you don't want it soggy in the middle. Medium heat, adding butter and a bit of vegetable oil, insert the square bread into the round pan. We'll cook that for a couple minutes until it's beautifully golden brown on one side, then give it a flip until it's golden brown on the other side. Now I'm just gonna pour on some maple syrup, but you can use any syrup you want. Don't let anyone's syrup shame you if you prefer corn syrup, or honey, molasses, fern syrup, or axle grease. Also remember, the syrup isn't there just to taste good, it's throat lubricant to help the French toast get into your stomach. And if you don't like French toast, you can always have English toast, or Dutch toast, or super French toast. And remember, if you're making this for someone who really hates France, you can trick them into eating wrench toast instead. Mmm.