The Role of Father in a Child Nurturing - Baghban S3E08 | Bachon ki Shakhsiyyat me Baap Ka kirdar

Is the role of the father also similar, that is, whatever the mother is doing, the father also has to play the same role. Is this responsibility being performed in our country that we are teaching values ​​to our children, so do we consider the parents' upbringing to be responsible for these issues, so does n't the father have an important role in it, to give a safe environment to his children? Today in the race of prosperity, most of our people want to go abroad, so is it right to take your family, your children to that kind of environment, taking risks on their upbringing, is this right being a Pakistani national, what do you think, is this the right practice, it is necessary [Music] Ba Billa Min Shaitan Razi Bismillah Rahman Rahim Assalam Walekum Nazreen, once again in the programme Baagban, Khushamdid Baagban, that is, to upbring your children, to nurture their inner capabilities, to make them travel on the path of humanity and to fulfill your aim, Dari Allah Subhan Wa ta'ala first gave importance to the father, after that other caretakers also come in the life of that child like muallim and maash and other caretakers but the role of parents is the most important role in the upbringing of children Allah Subhan ta'ala says in his book in Surah Isra that you have received this order from Allah, this is a duty that you should not follow anyone else except Allah and being kind to parents means the act which Allah has added with his wisdom is kindness towards parents, why has good behaviour with parents been given so much importance, parents are important only because they give birth to a child, mother is important because she bears trouble for nine months, she bears trouble for nine months, after that a child has to spend 60-70 years with them, he has to serve them, isn't it because it is because the biggest responsibility is on the parents that they should take care of their children. Make him a good person and this is a favour that parents do to their children. In return Allah tells the children that you too should behave well with your father and do good deeds. On the other hand Allah Subhan says in Surah Tahrim that he commands us, the believers, save yourself and your soul and your family from the fire of hell, that is, this responsibility is on us that we should not do any such work due to which we become the residents of hell or we become a victim of hell. And Allah has ordered us to save not only ourselves but also our family members, that is, our children. Apart from all these, there are many more verses of the Quran which prove that training children is one of the mandatory rights on parents, but when it comes to training parents or the rights of parents, then Often we are inclined towards our mothers because mother plays the biggest role in the upbringing of children and there is no doubt about it because mother has compassion and karma which is necessary for the child at a young age and Allah has kept Jannat under the feet of mother so that if mother wants she can send her child to Jannat but where there is role of mother there is role of father also in the upbringing of children which we often ignore that what is the role of father in the upbringing of children, we will discuss on this topic in today's evening that what is the role of father in the upbringing of children, what is the role of father in the upbringing of children and for this we have two special guests with us, first of all we have Janaab Abid Saeed Khan sahab who is a life coach and trainer and also a father so we will ask some questions from him practically and we will ask him some questions from him. Viewers are also insha Allah Mustafe welcome to our program, many many congratulations to you in our program, insha Allah we will be satisfied with you and with us is Miss Faryal Afzal who is a psychologist, you have participated in our program earlier as well, here in this very program in Baghban, insha Allah we will ask you some questions on the effects of the father's role not being played on the children, if it happens or can happen, then we will ask you some questions on that too, insha Allah we will move on with our questions, my first question, an in general question will be that the role of a father in our society is generally that first of all he has to provide the children with the needs, basic needs of life have to be fulfilled, food and drink, these things, secondly he should educate him, any education, that is, education also, academic education, which should be put in schools, good, after that, if he has the ability, then educate him in good universities and colleges and give him some religious education, in which first of all there is Qari Sahab from whom arrange for him to read the Quran. Take some basic things like wuzu namaz, teaching them, these are generally in our minds, so my question is whether this is enough, by doing this the rights of the children are fulfilled by a father or there should be some more things in it from the father's side, definitely these two-three things should be done, he should make arrangements for his livelihood, food, other than that he should fulfill his needs, work on his education, side by side, since the child is not even aware of this, even without knowing it, the father is a role model for the child and the child has now come into this world, so he is learning to live life, to learn this, the most powerful icon in front of him is his father, so now here the father has to be mindful, as it is said, that he has to keep an eye on his every move carefully, that whatever I do, my child will record it with himself knowingly or unknowingly and then live his life on that in the future, so due to this he has to be very careful and careful. This role should be played, which is the role of the father in our body at this time, which is the basic role that he plays. Is it enough or does the child have any psychological effect on it, is there any deficiency in it, is there any good in it, if we talk psychologically, then what happens is that every normal human being, no matter which age group he is in, the child requires both social support and emotional support, now the thing in this is that when the social support is in its surroundings and the first social support comes from the parents, if seen in the early age, which is the childhood age before the teenager, then the children get the strongest social support from their parents, if the role of even one of the parents is submissive or there is a step back, then that thing is clearly visible in the personality of your child, if we see the second emotional spot, then emotional health is also very important in our health. Those children go into emotional trauma where even the role of one of the parents steps back a little bit and if it is the father's role then you understand that those psychological illnesses and depression, anxiety and lack of confidence in children and all these things start since the age of childhood but gradually when they become teenagers, we parents feel that they are like now the children are independent, they are moving on in life but actually when teenagers come, the role of the father becomes very important at that time later when they cross from adolescence, my question here to both of you is that you have raised a very good point which was also our question later that the role of a father i.e. the mother is to give caring and care and emotional support to the child, to pamper him and to groom him from a very young stage as soon as he is born and bring him up. The role of the father is also similar, that is, whatever the mother is doing, the father also has to play the same role or there is a clear difference between the roles that the father only has to present his character in front of the children as a role model, apart from proving the basic necessities of life, he has to give that, he has to do that there, but the kind of affection and love that the mother does, should it be at the same level in the father as well or should he present his personality in front of the children, well if you talk about a clear line for the father, we should make a clear boundary that these are only mother's roles and only father's roles now if you take a small child, a three to five year old toddler, okay, he is seeing that this is the work which only my mother is doing and this is the work which only my father is doing and our father mostly goes out to earn, he has a job from morning to evening and will come back after earning and the mother is at home all day long with the same care, affection and love and is also scolding the child and clapping him too What are we teaching our child, okay, if you are a male then this is the role of the male, and if you are a female then she has to do all this at home, so from here it becomes clear that we are telling the child clearly, see, if you are a man then this is the role of the man, okay, so it is not that there is a clear boundary, both of them will work together, the role of the father, mother also earns, mothers are also working, similarly fathers also in the household, in taking care of the children, in the schooling of the children, if they work together academically, then obviously the personality of that child will be completely different as compared to that child whose father and mother have made a clear boundary that look, this is my work and this is your work, on the other hand, if we talk about the mental health of the child, then the mental health there is also clearly different that a father who has so much pressure on him outside, there is work pressure, so he should also play an emotional role like a mother with the child And along with that, one should also pursue business life from outside. Research from Stanford University says that a child learns emotions from his mother and his IQ, his decision making and his approach towards practical life, he learns it from his father or the way of life he learns from his father. Now here the question arises that whatever way of life he has learnt from his father, did the father take care of the moral values ​​in it or not? If he has taken care of it, then he is fulfilling his responsibility properly. Otherwise, even if someone is earning something for him and if it is not ethically halal for him, it is absolutely in our religion, isn't it? It is the father's duty to take halal risks, it has been specified in the religion in the traditions, to take halal risks, because emotionally the father has to take the risk and give it because he has children, but bringing halal risks is a challenge that by bringing bribe he is making the children's needs halal. By haram, it is not meant that he is doing something explicitly haram, it is implicit haram, that brother, what we do not consider haram, taking bribes, corruption, earning money from all these things, that is, taking halal risks, it is his responsibility ethically, not only to do this but to do it ethically, yes, and we should also take this ethics because being a Muslim society, we are all Muslims, we should take it from the religion that what is ethics, our source is that, it is the responsibility of the father to give ethical training to his children, to educate them ethically through his character, basically to train them through his character, so here it is also a responsibility to give religious education to the children, not to just teach a few things of the religion, the same values ​​and ethics will also have to be taught to the child, then he will practically observe the parents that whether the same thing is present in the parents or not, which he is learning, so is this responsibility on ours? It is being done in the society that we are teaching values ​​to our children, so if I look through it on the basis of my observation, on the basis of research, if we look at our Pakistani society, then perhaps our fathers do not have that much time to ethically give more time to their children on their ethics because financially express bird eyes have been given so much to fathers here, so they have put all their responsibilities on the mother, so if seen here, it is not being performed in the way a father has a right that if a father is going to the mosque to offer Namaz, if he takes his child along, then perhaps to a large extent this thing can also be said that it will be proved that let us work on the child at least ethically and from the religious point of view, whatever the age of the child is, definitely when he sees that his father is going for Namaz on hearing the Azan, then from here his upbringing will also start ethically, when the child opens the Quran and starts reciting it If someone is listening then ethically that will also be his role but the point is again the same that the father will have to take out time for these things financially of course he is a bird's eye but here if we talk about the upbringing of the children then I think that nothing can be achieved beyond their upbringing so do we consider these issues to be a problem in the upbringing of the parents or is it really like this well see if we talk about the home environment the real rule then we can say that neither it has to be maintained there nor in the home environment you are absolutely right that why ethically if we look in our wider society there is too much aggression, too much depression, too much frustration, why have the crimes increased so much the things of the outside world who was to come and share their experiences who was to tell this so it was the role of the father to give time to his children and tell them that look the outside world is like this there they already have to do so much household chores So I don't know what is going on outside, if I know what is going on, she is telling it to the children, so Mashallah, the children are so over smart, they will like that how would you know, you are inside, you are with us all the time, the knowledge of the outside world is with the father, whatever the father had to tell, whatever time he had to give, at that time he is either engaged in a passive income or he is so caught up in his life that he does not know that whoever wants the child, he should sit for 30 to 40 minutes and have a very quality time and also have a proper discussion and tell the outside world, not dryly, but they are at least called do's and don'ts, definitely tell them what is good and what is bad in the outside world, now this thing is also not good that you keep coming and telling outside, there is a lot of this big cry going on outside, everything is bad, old, from here also we have shuttered the personality of the child, we have scared the child, either the child will come out here being rebellious or he will come out with full power Now when I go out, I tell the world what I am. Either I will go out very scared and frightened and then I will go out and my lack of confidence and that social personality, not making friends, not trusting anyone, that mistrust and all these things, from there anxiety is very high in such children because they cannot face people because grooming was happening at home, the outside world is very scary. Yes, even in the Quran, in Surah Maryam, when Allah Taala narrates that incident, that Maryam who is Salamullah Allah, when she brings Hazrat Isa, then the scholars of Bani Israel were surprised that they were not even married, how did this child come, so there is a verse in the Quran, they say that sister of Haroon, we did not see any evil in your father, nor did we see any evil in your mother, so how did this happen, that is, when they saw that maybe Maryam had done some wrong deed, Maj Allah, then they immediately reflected on the character of the parents, so the Quran says to you Here, I am giving a very explicit message that the direct impact of the role of parents is on the children and the parents also recognize them. We often say that whose son is this child who does something wrong, when this small child commits martyrdom, we immediately ask whose son is this, who are his parents, will they leave a void in our real life, then it will come back on us, it will come in the life as well as in the end, it will come on both sides, it will come in this world as well as in the end, so being a father, how will you address this that now he cannot give time, he needs passive income, he has to run his kitchen, he cannot survive in eight hours of work, he has to work for 12 hours, 14 hours, he has too much time to work, he works six days a week, he works seven days a week, how will the parents who educate the children manage this, now in a way, education can be said that whatever they teach them, well now they have to learn it. First let us understand a little science that how a human learns the most. So there is a higher level of it, we know that a human learns the most. So the two things that come on top, one of them is either learning by doing or learning by observation. Now this is also a call from an elder that the best preaching for you is that you do not speak a single word, but your character should tell what you want to say, what is your teaching. Now parents and especially the father do not need much time for this. I being a father take the responsibility that it does not require much time for what you teach them, like I will say one or two words that one is preaching and the other is practice. Practice is absolutely good. When a child sees, the child is very smart. Child is a father of man. So he is very smart and he knows that what I am being taught, there is no special connection with its implementation and practical life. I have not seen this in my parents, not only that he thinks and feels this thing on behalf of the parents, similarly he sees it in his son as well, so one aspect is that if parents give appropriate time, as ma'am said, if they give quality time and that too after thinking a little responsibly that this has an impact on the children, then that also has its benefits, secondly when the child sees that when my father is sitting alone, how does he think about someone, he does not lie, when no one is watching him at all, how does he make decisions, he makes justified decisions, he says this about halal livelihood, and you made a very important point that parents should and the father should also get the Islamic education, well the interesting thing is that Islamic education is also given but the child sees that these things are taught only to the extent of memorizing, friend, and if they are not put into practice, they are useless. It is just a reservoir of knowledge, that is, the Quranic principles of living life, yes, those are the values, at least those principles, we demonstrate practically. You said something very beautifully. I wanted to bring you towards this point. You reduced my effort and trouble. It often happens in programmes that one has to work hard to bring you to that point, but you said something very beautifully that even if I am not able to give time, then by observing my character, my father's character, the child can learn a lot. In fact, the positive character of the child which the child sees in his house, I will narrate an incident to you here, it is very beautiful. I had a friend, may Allah give him a long life, he was a very principled person, a good, religious Muslim, a believer, leading a very by-principle life. He married his daughter, did not send her off, only did the Nikah, after some time that marriage broke and they got divorced. I asked him, what happened? You are a very religious person and a person of great thinking, I did not I got a divorce, my daughter herself said that I don't want to do this, what is the reason, why did your daughter say that she does n't want to do this, I also asked my daughter that I kept you so secure, I put you in education school, kept you away from men, what is the reason that you broke the marriage, she said that this boy with whom you have married me, he does not have a personality, he does not have a personality, how do you know that he does not have a personality, after marriage he started communicating with me because now it is a halal relationship, from here I came to know that his character is a light character, he does not have dignity, I said but how did you come to know that what is a dignity personality, she said baba I have seen you all my life, the character you have is not even close to that, for me you are a role model, you are ideal, so I have seen what an ideal father, an ideal husband is and this person does not have that personality, so how can I marry him So the point is that the character of a father, only his character has an impact on the child, even if you give him a little quality time, it is absolutely not justifiable that we do not have time with our father, so we cannot educate him, Allah will forgive us, if you do your own education, then perhaps the education of the child is God himself, that on one hand we talk about the home, how do you behave with your child at home, do you educate him, the father should do it with his character, even if he gives less time, the mother gives full time, but the Quran has taken up a topic with great effort in relation to humans and that is Taqwa, Taqwa means protection, security, protection, a safe life, so does the father not have an important role in this, to give a safe environment to his children, to give a secure school, to give a secure environment, to give a secure locality, to give a secure educational institute, to give such upbringing that is safe, so that my children remain safe, is this it? And if yes, then are our parents concerned about the fact that our children should lead a taqwa life in every aspect of their life? Yes, we see this in our practical life. Again, there is scientific research that if we are addicted to drinking any drink and if we keep that drink away from the reach of our hands, the chances of consuming it reduce by almost 47%. Yes, absolutely, we apply this very thing in all the scenarios of life. You said a very good thing that if a father responsibly provides such an environment to his children in which such unethical exposures are as minimal as possible, then definitely the chances will increase that the child can be prepared in a better way in terms of taqwa and in his day to day life. And side by side, the parents should also give him some exposure, when they have prepared him a little, then little by little they should give him exposure that when such If such a situation arises, then how should you deal with it, that is, for example, a father, even a father should be comfortable with his daughters and children to such an extent that he can discuss with them any such thing that has come to him as a challenge and he cannot discuss it with anyone else. You said a very good thing that if the child's relatives or friends start attending any unauthentic resources, friends or such gatherings from where they will not get the correct information or will not get authentic things or will get unethical things, then it is better that the parents, and especially the father, should sit and give them an opportunity to discuss those things with them, that is, the parents should create a friendly environment with the child. We often say that where has the child gone, or has gone to his friend's house. We never investigate who that friend is, what is the atmosphere in their house, what is happening there. Parents often do not see this. That he is with friends and the child will speak only when the father is very close to him, attached to him, then he will start to reveal who he meets and what happens there, so that means you have to provide a safe environment to the child everywhere, for status you send him to big schools and your child's status does not match, it is not compatible, the type of products that the children are bringing there creates infinity complex in your child, all these things are important for parents but the question is who should warn the parents about this, you have touched a sore spot, how many marriages happen every year, this morning I was doing a life coaching activity, then this question came up that whether love marriages fail or arranged marriages and there was a status on it that love marriages fail by the way at 45 and arranged ones fail only at 7 but more than that The important thing in that on a serious note was that how many such people who are moving towards marriage, they are such that they are going towards their parents or any such department, it is not just that all hell will be broken and the issue will be solved, after this the responsibilities start, the responsibilities with your partner as well as with your children, so because of this first of all tarbiyat, as you had said a very good thing in the beginning that tarbiyat of parents is a more important aspect, after that tarbiyat of children themselves before God, especially those who are married, it does not matter even if it is late, they should learn to recognize this kind of responsibility, so the parents should prepare their children so that tomorrow they can see the life of someone, the Quran has presented a specimen of Hazrat Luqman that he gave guidance to his child, he gave advice, there are a few verses but it is a specimen, if he was a train then he gave advice, If he himself was not trained, he would not have been able to give advice, that is, here the father needs to understand that we should have so much knowledge about what is right and what is wrong so that we can tell the child what his work is, be a follower of Allah and not anal-munkar, you will have to struggle in the issues, keep a good tongue, do not speak loudly, Hazrat Luqman instructed all these things to his son and the Quran presented it, which is the character of an ideal father that if the father gives advice in a few sentences, but he will do this when he is trained, but we do not have that system that we train before marriage or train the husband and wife after marriage, due to which all the relationship issues also arise, so this was an excellent discussion of ours or my last question related to this would be here, today in the race of success, often our people who are young and married want to go abroad, leaving the country, so what if in that kind of environment Taking your family, your children for a good lifestyle, for a better life, taking a risk on their upbringing, is this right, being a Pakistani national, what do you think of it, is this the right practice? You have lived there in England and similarly, when I get a chance, one thing that I have seen repeatedly there is that there are such homes there too that follow these schools more than these children of ours. Yes, there are many such homes. On the other hand, in our society, every other day we receive a call. Three days ago, I got a call from Karachi from a mother that her child is slipping out of my hands. Well, when I asked her this question very respectfully, three or four times, I told her that your child is not slipping out of your hands, but you are slipping out of his hands, that is, you don't meet him, you do n't give him time, so whether it is this Mushra or that Mushra, if the schools are strong in the house, if the house is practicing along with preaching, it is also doing what it says. So to a large extent, the possibility is that the children will do what is good for them and apart from that, keep praying to Allah again and again that Allah Kareem bless us with the ability to fulfill this responsibility properly, instead of holding them back from taking them to that environment, we should prepare them because even if they do not go there today, at some stage or the other, while living here, they will have that exposure, it can be through social media, but the exposure in the schooling system is there, where a 4-year-old child is given relationship education, which is mandatory at this time, your environment has not yet reached that level, right? If you follow them, we are followers, but when you follow someone, there is a gap, the thing that is there today, will come to you maybe after 5 years, 10 years, but if you become alert, then you can protect yourself that if you know that this is happening there, then it can happen here too, let me protect myself, so at least you have an opportunity window here, if so much There should be an awareness that this danger is coming, we can save ourselves from it, but you directly jump into it, in that situation your primary objective is only to earn money, that I want a good life style, definitely it will come at a cost because you are going into an assisting system, inside that system your Deeni Adar is not present, okay, basic human values ​​will be there, honesty will be there, but lust is such an issue which destroys the ego and conscience of a person by polluting it, which is an important upbringing of a child, I think that it is a bigger threat than being over there, what will you say being a psychologist about it, well look, living outside and adjusting after going outside, I am talking from the perspective of upbringing of children and talking from any other perspective, that is what I want to tell you, see, it was about upbringing, right, I think if we move outside and go, then I think that if we move outside and go, then we will be able to save our children. Neither the Tarbiyat that you had to do in Pakistan, nor you will have to make double the effort there, okay, because the society there is more challenging, evil is more common there, but people present a justification for this, which may be valid to a certain extent, that when we reach there and get some exposure, then we become completely alert that now we will have to save the children. Here in Pakistan, we take it for granted that whatever is going on here is all right, everyone is just like us, so this justification also comes, there we get exposed by saying that it is absolutely right, children also get used to it, but again evil is so common there, if you do not keep a check and balance with the child and give him a free hand that okay, this is the society, then here you yourself increase the refactor of your child, if he is not conscious, he will not be extra conscious, he cannot save him, that is, the parent who is extra conscious takes this step, then it is okay that we will go and save him, but those parents who have no idea of ​​Tarbiyat here as well Do n't you care, they are jumping into a well and after going there, they will have more fun and fun after going there, they have got a good life, now what is the need for upbringing when we have not seen it here, so thank you very much, it was a great conversation and I hope you viewers too have resigned from it and our disclosure is that the role of a father is a complementary role to that of the mother, which he has to play, no matter how difficult it is, a quality time of hard work, even if it is half an hour, give your children upbringing yourself, make your character as a role model, make your character live a life of principles so that the child adopts the right path only by observing the character of the father and his upbringing can be character based through the father, the way a mother does upbringing through advice, a father can also do upbringing through character, he can do the best upbringing of his children and by spending some time with the children and making friendship, he can solve their problems He can also identify the danger coming from outside and can help the child by becoming a companion to him, as much as there is, as much possibility, hence we should not ignore this responsibility, no matter how many justifications and excuses there are for efforts and other issues, at the end, the father has to play his role as much as possible, which has been assigned to him by the religion, towards his children, Insha Allah, I will be present again in my next episode with a similar topic of education, until then, Allah Hafiz take care of me well, I am ashes to you, with the support of my childhood [Music] Aasma Mamta Hai Mera Baghba Mera Bagh Zaroori Hai Bagh Ba Zaroori Hai Bagh Ba