“I Quit”- Comedic Monologue
Mom, dad, we need to talk. I know you love children and enjoy having a big family,
but a big family of five children? I'm sorry. I can't be the oldest anymore. I'm going to have to
quit. Look around you! This is the remains of my party. The party that was supposed to make me
look cool and stylish. Am I cool? Am I stylish? No! I'm humiliated. Your youngest child spent
the entire night singing, let it go, let it go. Just those three words. Nothing else. The twins,
they ate all of my pizza and even threw up on Luke's hair. And Olivia, she spent the entire
night posting embarrassing pictures of me on Instagram. One has over a thousand likes on it
already. I mean, what ten-year-old gets a thousand likes on Instagram? So, what I'm saying is,
I'm resigning my position as oldest in the family. I'm sure Olivia will be happy to take over.
Also, what is your philosophy on boarding schools and would you mind if I change my name?