"You're Treating Your Wife Like You're Her Daddy"

[Music] Brought to you by the Every Dollar app. Start budgeting for free today. My wife and I are starting over back in baby step number two, and she feels our budget is too restrictive without any room for fun money. And so my question is, what amount of our income should we budget for while in baby step two? And how do I get her fully on board without making her feel quote unquote controlled? Why are you starting over? Uh yeah, so in 2023 we took FPU through our church and we had a really um great success with it. Got off all of our debt besides one vehicle and at the time um our house we hadn't moved in yet, but we had a house also that was in the future. Okay. And um anyways, yeah. So unfortunately what happened was my wife started to kind of um feel very controlled um and because she was not able to say yes to things like giving gifts for baby showers and not able to go out to eat for you know uh dinner with friends and stuff and so she found herself always kind of calling me and being like well can we do this thing for $50 and I was like it's not in the budget and so then she started to kind of you know get mad at me as her, you know, spouses. So, it sounds like you did a budget and told her what to do. Yeah. What's different this time? Yeah. Well, so ultimately, um, since then, we've had a baby boy who was born in 23, 2023. Okay. And, um, we have another baby that is coming, uh, in May, at the end of May. Um, and so we're really excited. Yes. Uh but ultimately I am I'm freaking out and I've told her many many times about this and I said listen like um we need to we need to do something and I you know John Deloney said it great. He said I feel like a gazelle that is anchored down and that's genuinely like how I feel. So Right. But what changed with your wife? We know how you feel. I think she's never been on board. Yeah. It's it's always been kind of my idea to do this. Um, and she's been supportive at times. No, she's not. Um, it's only to a point, right? She doesn't want to feel that. Until she hears Until she hears the word no, she's supportive. She's not involved at all. Can you tell us more what the debt is and your income so we can see a clearer picture? Yeah. Yeah, the debt's pretty bad. So, um, credit card debt we have 19,300. Okay. Um, cars were at 64,000. Can you break them down? one and two. Yeah. Yep. Car one is 27,000 and car 2 is 37,000. Okay. Car two is hers and you bought it since you went through FPU. Yes, that is correct. Is it a minivan? Yes. No, it's a Tesla. Okay. And can you tell me what they're worth? What's the $27,000 one worth? I I don't I I don't know. I think the $27,000 one is a Hyundai Santa Fe, so it's probably 18 to 20. Okay. So, did you have that prior to FPU? Yes. Okay. And the 37, what do you think? It's fairly new. It's Yeah, it's fairly new. It's probably You probably could get 28 for it to 30. Gosh. So, Hayden, here's the deal. Okay. She's not involved in this at all emotionally and so you've become her parent. and she doesn't like it when you tell her, "No, she can't go to the movies. No, I can't do this." And and you're getting tired of being the parent. So, um ultimately, you two probably need marriage counseling. You need to sit down with somebody. Uh not because of FPU and not because of Ramsay stuff, but because you're the only grown-up. Mhm. And you're and you're trying to raise a kid now and it's freaking you out. And it's good that you are freaked out because you need to address this issue. And so she's uh because it and the and a part of that goes all the way back to when you all were in financial peace university, she went against her will because her husband begged her to and she loved her husband and she wanted to try to do what he wanted to do. She went in there and listened, but she did not buy into a different future that you saw. And once she gets the why you're willing wanting to do this, why you're wanting to do this, why you're freaking out, then the how will change. But until she's in agreement with you about the future vision of where we want to go and why we want to go there, you're not you're going to struggle. And you know, you didn't have the marital uh chops to defeat a $37,000 car purchase that was absolutely asinine. It's asinine. Yeah. And you knew it when you did it, but you went along with it trying to make someone happy by buying them stuff. And it doesn't work, huh? It doesn't work. So if you can't get with her and the two of you say say number one I'm freaked out honey I'm carrying all the stress and all the load of these ridiculous purchases that I have allowed to be made in this house and I'm freaking out and I'm not doing it anymore. Number one. Number two, um the two of us need to start thinking about what our future looks like in HD and what it's going to take for us to get to that future. If we cannot get aligned on that in the next 10 days, we need to sit down with a marriage counselor because I'm not going to be your daddy and tell you no anymore. And I'm not going to participate in a situation where you're whining to your daddy that his budget is too restrictive because you're imposing this on her and she's not got any adult ownership in the sacrifice that has to occur for you all to swim on this cuz you need to sell her car yesterday. Mhm. It should have never been purchased. And you guys need to get on beans and rice, rice and beans. And don't talk to me about baby showers when you've got dead up around your neck and you got a one-year-old. The only baby shower is showering this kid in food and diapers. That's it, right? Your kid, not other people's kids. And don't talk to me about your Instagram life. I couldn't give a crap less about your Instagram life. But that's that that's that's me being mean and um forceful because that's what I see in your all's lives. You guys have you you've got to want a bright future more than you want a false present. That's right. Yeah. My guess is there's something behind this. I think Dave is right. You go to counseling, you're going to figure out what that is because there is something stopping her from wanting to go all in on this. And usually we see Dave that kids kind of trigger something in you. It's not done that for her. So my guess is there's something deeper in here and I do think that counseling is going to reveal that. But at the end of the day, like we're the only ones that can change. You can't make somebody change. So, she's got to get get on to it. Yeah. You But you you've been talking about what way too much and not why. Why? Mhm. And you've got to work on that. And then she's got to She's going to have to take an adult position in this relationship where we sacrifice together for the greater good of our overall family. Not I want something that you got a long life. You don't fix this, dude. This is the Ramsay Show. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your