My Dad Leaving // Unpacking the Deep Impact It had on Me

uh-oh the next artist the next Murray artist is in the building might we see what you're painting fathers in the home are so important it was a human [Music] Laney are you painting something might we see what you're painting not until it's finished when is it gonna be finished soon okay come let me know cause we all want to see it I want to show y'all Elena's amazing talent in painting just like her mom so gifted welcome to my studio unfinished Studios we're here we're here hope you're doing well I'm excited because this week is a huge week for me if you haven't seen I've posted a couple videos made a graphic post announcement but of course the algorithms and Facebook world don't show everybody anything but I'm releasing a new song May 19th it's been almost two years since I put out new music and I'm ready to do it I'm excited I've got this one finished I got another one already lined up that will be done very soon post and share shortly after this one but let's talk about this one for a second if you haven't heard the song or the chorus that I've put out the song is basically about something that happened to me when I was a child that many people don't know about whenever I was around seven years old my father decided to leave our family and basically this song is about that and kind of the impact that's had in my life and just kind of discovering who I am as a man you know it really wasn't until I had children that I kind of recognized like something's missing here you know I I always knew that like there was a little bit of like there had to be some effect from that but I didn't know what it was um I didn't I couldn't quite like put my finger on it so really probably like the last like five years or so that really is when I started to kind of like recognize things that I did the way I behaved the way I acted things that would trigger me in anger that was a big thing I dealt with and kind of seeing like where maybe that stemmed from one thing in particular that I dealt with a lot was in relationships whether they were just friendships or in relationships with girls I would get comfortable in the relationship basically I get to a point where I felt like that person I felt validated by that person to where they were like I care about you I want to spend time with you I want to hang out with you whether it's a friend or whether it's a girl and then it would like I don't even know like I didn't recognize it at the moment but looking back I see I would basically like shut off wouldn't talk so much would fizzle out let that relationship fade away or if it was with the girl I'd probably break up with her and I didn't know why I did that and I didn't even realize I was doing that until I looked back at all these relationships and I was like oh my gosh like I had this really close friendship and then I was just gone and then I had this close friendship and then I was just gone and then I had this relationship and whenever they said they loved me I was like oh okay cool see ya and I would be feeling it'd be it'd be really weird because it'd be like I would feel those same things I Feel Love for this person or I thought I felt loved but I really wanted that validation from this person I didn't know that's what it was but I was just like I love this person I just love him I love him I love him I love him I love them and then they'd be like I love you and you're like scoop literally like that and then those feelings were gone and I didn't understand it and now I do and so all that to say this is getting long I don't want to like carry this on for too long the last five plus years have been me unpacking all of that and like going okay why why do I do these things why did I do those things you know and how can I not do those things like but like even as like with my children I want to make sure that I'm being the father that they need but how am I supposed to be that father when I never saw that through my own father and to be fair my dad did come back after five years during that time we didn't really see him much at all but during that five years it was tough it was really hard for our family and then he came back and and things were good but things were never what they probably would have been um somebody asked if we're close and I love my dad and we or if they were on a good terms and we are on good terms like we hang should I try to see him as much as possible there's just not quite like a close deep relationship so I am over here that's what the kind of the song is called mess of a man and it's basically me trying to having and I've come a long way so people a lot of people are commenting like you're not a mess but man you're such a great father I I recognize that I've come a long way but there's still a ways to go and so I'm trying my best to be the man that God has called me to be but I really wanted to share this song because I know there's other people out there who maybe have gone through it whether it's their mom or their dad or whoever but that this can like kind of I want to kind of hit people a little bit I really wanted to like kind of hit people with this because it's taking me I was in my 30s before I really recognized like something's not right you know what I mean like I thought I was good and I am good like I forgave my dad and stuff like I forgave him like we should be good but that's not the case and so that's kind of why I wanted to there might be people out there you might be 60 years old and never have really unpacked like what did that do to me how did that affect me like down to my core to where like it's not just gonna be like a recognize oh I did okay I'm fine like how did that affect me so deeply that I don't even recognize that's why I do what I do that's why I view the world the world the way I viewed the world that's why I am you know that's why I react in this way when I don't want to react that way why do I do that and so I wanted this to kind of be a place to like say to just share my story in hopes you can help other people to like open their eyes maybe to some things that you might have gone through that you might still need to kind of heal from and unpack and I say all that because I've looked up the stats on fatherlessness people that grew up without a father in their home and um five years between the ages like 7 to 13 you know whatever I think I was like around 13 when he came back I was like almost eight maybe when you left I can't remember anyways I know I was 13 when he came back and that's a huge gap a huge window to miss in Raising a Son for a father to raise a son and so I looked up the stats on people who grew up without fathers and it's like 85 percent of um our of juveniles and detention centers have no father in their home it's oh man it's a huge percentage of homeless children it's of children that drop out of high school children that have behavioral disorders it's like it's so it impacts so much as much as people want to say maybe that fathers aren't that important in the home if you can I'm not saying you can't have that we did for a while and we made it work but fathers in the home are so important with that said the biggest thing I think that like really helped keep me grounded even though things were needed to be dealt with my face 100 growing up as a kid you know being involved in church and youth group and and just different things that really in a good church it really helped keep me on the right path but having a relationship with you know with God and that is 100 too where uh today digging up those things how that happened because I wanted to be the best man possible for my family I wanted to be a Godly Man and I couldn't be a godly man if I'm screaming at my wife I can't be a godly man if I'm screaming my children if I had no patience if I'm not showing the fruits of the spirit I can't be that and so that's kind of how this whole song came up because I want people to like look at their lives and go man like I want to do I want to be better than I am you know and I'm not saying you're flawed because you didn't have a father but you might be so let's just uh let's just throw it out there anyways I'm done ranting about this I hope you'll check out the song May 19th I'm really excited for you guys to hear it also I'm going to be starting a podcast with a couple guy friends to really dive into this topic plus we'll go on some other parenting and father type things but I think it'll apply to all people moms and dads but with that said I hope you'll join me May 19th and I'll be sharing a little bit more in the coming days be ready it's gonna be good uh oh the next artist the next Murray artist is in the building what you working on what song are you working on let's hear it are you recording it yeah we're gonna record it right now no I don't have a computer we're not our coordinate what do you mean like on the video yeah I'm recording it but you know if you don't want to sing it you don't have to she doesn't want y'all to steal her music so it's smart we're just not gonna record right now yeah okay instead of getting the clay that I wanted can I actually get canvases and some paint maybe let's talk to Mom about it Murray band who wants to see the Murray band anybody I think we got some talented people here we just gotta do do something with it right I want to look it up for us how rude all right go ahead one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen sixty Seventeen eighteen nineteen twenty one okay okay so it's like a kid's song It's a counting numbers song okay I see what you're doing it's a YouTube video too let's go come on Laney well we're all showing our talents today this is the talents of the Murrays I talked about my song Everybody's in there making her own music YouTube video and you got a painting over there that we all want to see so what's the deal how long until it's finished the whole day's almost gone it's just it literally finished I was just looking at it when you guys were in there she just needs to put her name on it okay she's done the big reveal I'm excited I'm so nervous raggy it is okay come on dude oh my goodness good job wait where's the regular where's the picture for them to see the the picture oh and then she's the photographer here oh my goodness look all the family's talents are being showcased today that's what we can see in this thing oh yeah yeah here you go the photographer here um I was saying all our families talents were being shooky I was talking about my music and then I came out she's painting a picture then Everly starts singing a song into the mic one two three four and you didn't even get to show me walking down the creek with an ax oh yeah the kill a copperhead it was gigantic and it was hiding in the grass by the time I got there so it's not dead it will never go down to the creek again basically literally like this long no it was not that long it was as long as it was as big as it was a win it was a humongous Copperhead yeah uh never going to the creek ever again so there's that okay it's just so here's our photographer Danielle is our expert snake wrangler oh yeah okay where's your picture Laney I did not try to make it look I did that identical she took this took this for reference so check it out there's their family our friends and she did that beautiful I love it they're gonna love that good job thank you let's see your picture how'd it turn out oh my God perfect it's perfect Wow Let's draw a manila picture oh yeah you took Elena took a Mila picture and it was really nice um hold on [Music] [Applause] look at that good job lady you just got a creative eye [Music]