The Paradox - BUS INVADERS Ep. 2098

Yo, what the **** is up DTB? We are out here. We are The Paradox. I am Eric. I'm Celan. And we are going to be showing you guys our shitty ass van. So messy. Right now we are on tour with Games We Play. We just left Detroit, the land of Motown, and we are now in the land of Fallout Boy. Chicago! So, here, usually we would have our boy Ron, who is our driver. He will sit up here and drive for hours on end. He runs off coffee and hopes and dreams, baby. In this seat, where Celan is, we have our TM, Annie, who is usually doing some like super adult computer work. Type, type, type. That's all she does. Some ---- we don't understand. We don't understand that ----. I don't even understand the ---- we do. So, when we want to like listen to some tunes, we have a shared Spotify just jam session. Everybody picks a song to throw in there. We'll sometimes show original music. Annie makes amazing fart sample EDM. It is the best ---- ever. No pun intended. So, apparently, I was sitting on our TM's fox, and it probably, it smells like farts and ----. I'm going to sniff that later. Sorry about that. We also, here, we have our Nintendo Switch charger, which keeps our Switch running. Without it, we don't run. I love beating these guys in Mario. And what we have here is what the internet likes to call us, our industry plant. Courtesy of Annie, we've been taking care of this on tour. It has been our tour plant, and it is still alive, thriving. And surviving. Oh, yeah. All right, so, over here, we have our bass man, Rayman, Donald the God. We also have PC3 over here chilling. He's not sweaty right now. Now you see him like this. He's dry. We have my guitar, which I got here on tour to Fender, Rid, Don. Write songs in this van. And mostly write songs about my penis. I love to write songs about his penis. So, usually, Donald will sit here. Sometimes I'll kick it up here with him. I tend to move around, depending on where I want to go. I could sleep anywhere. PC will be laid out here. He's been using this chair as his footrest, almost, where Zealand's sitting. I need the flukeality here, man. Where you can see back here, Zealand has his bed made up with our tour honey pack. Oh, man. I'm probably going to use it tomorrow. Oh, on me, baby. On me. You showed them the industry plant? I did. I had to see it. It's thriving. All right, this is my little area right here. I got my Switch for Mario Kart and all that. I got my little water bottle, stuff over here. And the greatest man. You got a piece of fiber in your gut. Stay healthy, kids. Eat your greens. That's right. Most of the time, I have a remote job, so I usually work with my laptop right here. He's a responsible adult. Yeah. I have my work laptop, and I use a hotspot for my phone, so I'm always busy, but I do get sleep a little bit. He does. Not as much as these fellas, but... These two right here. They're the sleepers. I be knocked out. I be knocked out in here. I be what? Snoring. Slobbing a little bit. I wake up like this. This man needs 20 hours of sleep or something. Right here, look. We got the jerking with jerkins. We got passport over here. We need that. Keep that on me. And then a pillow, man. That's all I need. And you got my blanket. That is a ******* blanket. This is my pillow. Well, who bought this? This is mine. This is mine, bro. Oh, ----, man. Yeah. You're blocking out my area. He has a little... Don't **** up his pillow, man. That's a little lube. All right. Don't mind me. You know, I'm going to just be over here. Sleep. Hide the water bottles, too. Hide the water bottles. You know, they be here. My little dad's here. There you go. Over 20, baby. The biggest problem would actually be the seatbelt. This ******* seatbelt right here. Hell yeah. Because, like, you can't put it that way. You put it this way. It's still on your side. So, like, the only way is I'll go this way with it. Boom. I'm facing this way. Seatbelt here. Feet up there. Kosher. He's planned it out. One of his most comfortable sleeping positions. Zealand. Evidently, bro. He has a bed. All right. This is where the magic happens. I was about to say that. All right. You come in here. Got my book bag right here. Usually I use my book bag as a support to put it back here on this door. So my pillow can go right here. And I also put this in between to have support. Yeah, this is from Chick-fil-A from today. So I'm kind of mad about that. So you put that in between. Close that door. You have a good little support system right here. It's locked and loaded. This is my whole sleeping bag I lay down. This is not really, like, the best place to sleep, honestly. I could have got an air mattress. I should have listened to the driver. But I want to be hard-headed. So now, like, through the rides from every city to city, I'm, like, sleeping. I'm jumping. And, you know, it's kind of hard to sleep at the same time. My head be bumping. Sometimes, like, I'll sit down there. It's, like, a really comfortable place to, like, write songs. So if he's, like, not sleeping, I'll just chill down there. Like, read a book. I'm reading Derek Wibley's memoir right now. I just met him at Warped Tour. Never fanboyed so much in my life. But he wrote Fat Lips. So what was I supposed to do? I am something of a hermit. A gypsy, if you will. I don't stay in one spot. I like to move around. Just bounce wherever is just comfortable at the time. If I want to sleep, I'll sleep in a seat. If I want to just sit down and just, like, play guitar, I'll do that. Play my Switch. Just, like, whatever I can. Whatever's happening, I'm there. Running off coffee and hopes and dreams, baby. So this was, yeah, this was a gift that this lovely man gave to me. Just for Zealand. So this has pretty much been a Lucky Charm thing that I just keep around. But I'm going to consume this tomorrow because my girlfriend's coming to the Denver show. So I'm going to be like Steve Austin mixed with The Rock and, yeah, John Cena. It's going to be crazy. No, more like John Stings. Hell yeah. Oh yeah, I bought this, I think, the first week. And I have not even attempted to drink it yet. And that's why he almost passed out of heat exhaustion in Cleveland. It was very hot. But I've been sticking to, like, water bottles and stuff. Like, I shouldn't have bought that big thing. Shit, I'll drink it if you will. So we did straighten up a little bit here because we had a lot of food trash. We've been running very much on Starbucks, Dunkin', whatever coffee we could find. We try to find, like, niche coffee spots in new places. Try someplace like we haven't. But, yeah, anything, any coffee and anything we could just grub on, that is just quick. So we just get to the next spot. Anything to give us some fuel. Barbecue sauce is spilled everywhere, all over the seat. That is my fault. I apologize. How about the ice cream? Wasn't there ice cream that spilled, like, before we popped out the van? I don't think so. Maybe. It wasn't mine. Yeah, I'm a huge ice cream guy. I'm known to spill some cream. You'll see a lot of white stains. Not all of them are from ice cream. Me and him like to cuddle up in this back part sometimes. Let's just say that honey pack's not being used on his girlfriends. So we have our trailer here, which houses everything that lets us do our job. All of our instruments, drums, everything's in there. So we'll pull up. We don't have roadies for this tour, so we're doing everything ourselves. Our tour manager, Annie, has been amazing, and she has given us the most amazing, like, schedule. And we will literally come. We are efficient. We get all of our stuff out, loaded in. And when we're done with the show, we take our stuff off the stage, pack it in our cases, and it is in there. And Annie was the one who organized it. But it is our job to bring it out there. No, cut the show. He's bullshitting. What's really in this trailer is a whole bunch of ******* baby oil. Because we love to get oiled up. Don't believe all that. It's all facade. Okay, okay, okay. I just didn't want them to know that. Yeah, the cat's out the bag. So we just released our song, Get the Message. You guys can stream that on Spotify, Apple Music, your toaster, whatever you listen to music on. We also are going to be playing Warped Tour in Long Beach on the 27th. We are super excited. So if you are going to come out there, please check out our set. Please, please, please. Our moms are going to be the only ones coming. So we need somebody else out there. And we are going to be going on tour with All Time Low, Four Years Strong, Mayday Parade, and The Cab in October and November. So check out those dates. And also buy our merch. We have our merch posted on our Instagram. Links in the bio. Buy that, please. It feeds us. We're hungry. I'm skinny. I need food. People say otherwise about me. It's okay, dude. You need your fuel. You might hate to see it, but this is the makings of a varsity athlete right here. Peak male physical form. He felt nothing.