The Most Important Facilitation Technique You’ve Never Heard About

Hey everybody, Jonathan here from AJSmart. The video you're about to watch is a clip from a training I ran two weeks ago in PaloAlto, California. This is our like top level full stack facilitator training. And the clip we've chosen to show you, it's kind of a weird section where I talk about like spiritual stuff and things I've never talked about on this channel. You might not like it, but you might find it really interesting. I think it's one of the most important differentiators between a great facilitator and a good facilitator. It's this idea of getting into the right mental and kind of primed state before you facilitate. This was one of those parts of the training that was unplanned but just turned into something super special. I don't want to waste more time here. So enjoy the clip. Talk to you later. That was fascinating and I think really also very deep and a very different tone uh to start the day than yesterday. Actually such a different tone that I'm going to bring it in a slightly different direction than I was expecting this morning. I wanted to go right into the uh mindset of a facilitator. But while I was doing my morning pages, um I also realized something that is maybe more important than anything you can learn about facilitation. And I think a lot of you probably realize that after doing this exercise, you're in a slightly different headsp space um or very different headsp space. Uh I am too. And I realized that uh and this is something this is going to get a bit weird. Okay, just this is not part of the real training. Just indulge me for a few minutes. Okay, so I have this uh mentor, a guy called Blake. Uh Laura and I work with him and he's actually like very very very very different to me. I grew up Catholic in Ireland, but now I'm I don't even know what I am. He's a like a preacher and also a ridiculously successful businessman who unrelated to the religious stuff trains us on business related things. But he uh brings sometimes like sort of spirituality elements into the way he talks to me and I'm like usually very very resistant in the beginning. Again, I went to a all boys Catholic school in Ireland. it was after a while it's just like I just don't believe this [ __ ] whatever. Um but he always brings back in sort of spiritual things into into and sometimes it actually clicks with me. We we spent two days with him 10:00 a.m. until 2:00 a.m. working on AJ and Smart hard. It was hardcore. It was like mentally exhausting. But very early on the first day we were trying to figure out some things like how do we make more money here? And he was like, "Stop, stop. There's something happening here that we need to focus on." And it's he would notice that there were times when I would like tap into something a little bit more real than when I'm talking about business stuff. Like he would say, "I'm tapping in now." Tapping in meaning I'm like getting some I'm getting into like a flow. I'm being more I don't know. I don't know even what it was. He he was presenting it as more of like a yeah like mysterious kind of thing. He would say that there's times when I'm talking about something where it's just like flowing through me and I'm not even controlling it, right? And I was like, "Yeah, that does." We were talking, Laura and I were again, he's charging us 100K, right? We're at a business thing. And anyway, we're Laura is like, "Yeah, actually Jonathan does have these times where he like it's almost like just it's just coming out and those are usually the best ideas. Those are usually the most interesting moments, whatever. And we ended up talking about that basically for two full days, this idea of like, how can we get me in that state more often? And so, uh, what he kept saying to me and and he texts me before this training and he said, "Jonathan, remember state is more important than the script. It's getting into the state." And he also sent something really cheesy which I was definitely not going to read out to you guys. Uh I I'm going to read this guy to you guys now because it's embarrassing as [ __ ] but I'll tell you. Um so he said, "Oh god, this is not going into the video." So he said, "Oh, it's definitely not going in the real this is because this out of context will be so embarrassing." So he said like the the best way for me to get into this state where I can really do a good job in this training is if I get into my head that I actually love the 35 people in this room. Not that I want to train you guys. Not that you have to learn [ __ ] but actually these people like I actually connect and empathize with why you're here and I love you guys. When I got this text message, I was like, "This is kind of weird." But actually, when I was doing this uh morning pages thing, then that really started to make more sense to me because I was I was like, "Okay, next thing we're going to do, the mindset, whatever, whatever, whatever." But actually, while I was doing the uh morning pages, I started to tap more into this feeling of, oh, okay, now I'm starting to feel the flow of this. Now I'm starting to realize that there's humans in this room that all have their own lives going on and their own, you know, missing family, diagnosis, like losing people, all of this stuff going on. Uh, and that completely changes my state. Hearing these things completely changed my state now. like 100% moved me from I need to like hit these people with so much knowledge that their brains are going to explode to oh actually I want to really make sure that they just have this time and space they feel like it was you know an enjoyable experience they get to connect with each other they get to feel present connect with themselves and actually I think more important than anything else when it comes to facilitation is getting into the right state before you start working with people. Like I honestly think that figuring out which things can tap you into that state. I don't know if any of you guys have ever read Jillian Gilbert's Big Magic book. I think it's an amazing book. Again, it moves into more this kind of spiritual realm a bit where she has this concept which I believe in personally. You don't have to believe it to still find it useful, but she has this concept that like ideas and concepts and art and whatever are just kind of like floating around in the ether and that uh you and people are just like antennas that can sometimes listen to the stuff. Um, Coldplay, Chris Martin from Coldplay regularly says that the songs come to him and he just wakes up and a fully formed song is there and he if he records it then it's their song. If he doesn't then like someone else is going to get it. And it sounds really silly, but actually I do believe it because I think when you're open and when you're willing to receive the signals, then it just starts to happen more often. But it does depend on your state. And there are things that I know that remove the state from me completely. For example, if I'm on my phone all the time, I simply don't get any ideas. There's a reason why I think a lot of people get ideas in the shower. your brain is just in some sort of neutral default state where you're just starting to receive things. By the way, you could just as easily think, yeah, your brain is just processing stuff. It doesn't have to be any magical thing. It's just I think it's a nice way of thinking about it. And I think for facilitation especially uh as the stakes go up a lot of the conflict that we have a lot of the issues and a lot of the tension that happens when we're facilitating a team I think could be offset quickly by us turning up just in a more open state for the group because I think if we turn up and I know this happens to me. we turn up almost like in a defensive mode ready to like battle whatever comes up in the session. Whereas if we turn up actually thinking I just want to I just I just think these people are great. They have a lot going on and I just want to make their lives better. It's a completely different flip. It's not I want to get them some amazing outcome and get them a list of to-dos. It's when I am in the room with these people, they can have an experience that they don't get to have in their normal day-to-day practical, you know, this this this structured work life. And I think for me this is this kind of idea and sometime I don't know if you heard you've probably heard of Tony Robbins, he calls it priming. Um, and I think like so the idea here is having things that put you more reliably into that state before you do the work that you're going to do. And turning up in that state, even if you don't have good technique, even if you're kind of don't remember the right workshop, whatever, people can sense it. people can sense when you're in this more open state, when you're in this state where you're really paying attention to people, where you're actually I hate using the word because so gener generic, but where you're empathizing with the group, it is an energy that people can feel. And that's often what I think sets the tone or the vibe of a session that you have with your participants, with your team. When you come in and your goal is to show them how good of a facilitator you are or to get the results or to rush them through a process, they will automatically react based on that. You're you're you know, you get the energy you give. But I think if you come into a session, you know, having primed yourself to be open to the people and not just hyper practically ready to do exercises, I think it can be a complete complete game changer. Does anyone have things that they do that like they know prime them that they know? I'll just could Oh, yeah. Thanks. Because I'm curious actually what things work. >> Okay. So, when you first started talking about this, it reminded me of a related thing um that could totally be used in this way, but it was um talking about stage fright. Uh this woman said that before she goes um to give a talk or speak um she has this playlist. I know you said stay away from your phone, but she has this playlist of little videos that she's found like on YouTube um that are that evoke empathy. Like those videos where it's like, oh, the puppy and then the bird was saved and then like the baby and like she watches kind of like just a few of these empathy invoking videos and it takes her out of herself and her own fear. Um, and just like, you know, you can feel like like a chill or like almost like you're gonna cry and you're just like, and she says, and it takes me out of myself. And then I I just love everyone in the room instead of like thinking, oh, I'm so worried about what I'm going to say and scared scared um fear, but like, oh my god, I'm going to go out there and I'm just going to love everyone in the room. Um, and so that kind of thing could totally be used in in this way. um where it could be a poem that just evokes that kind of feeling from you or a little letter that you got from your child or something just anything that um just makes you kind of on the verge of wanting to reach out and go I love you you know it's like and and you and people will be see you know feel that change in you I think um so there's an American opera singer Beverly Sills who in her book wrote that before every performance she goes out and She um walks around her theater like the permit like just um experiences all the seats kind of walks around so that she had she knows like and imagines the people sitting in them right the very last row the very back of the balcony that she's singing to those seats but she wants to know what it feels like for them to sit there and I think about that a lot and so I try to walk the perimeter of the room that I'm going to work in and imagine who's going to be sitting their what they might be hearing and feeling beforehand. And then most of the time before something like a performance or a session, I'll think of just one word that I've thought about before. One word that embodies what I want to remember. Um, and I don't tell anybody that, you know, everybody has their own word, but there's so many things going on in your head before you go on. You can't think of five or 10 things. one word that embodies all those things for you like a symbol. So those are my thoughts. >> I think that's a great point. I definitely I'm with you on that one. >> Yeah. So I mean I think this idea of again it's not even something we're thinking about in the training but for me this idea of being able to consciously move into a different headsp space before working with a group rather than coming into it. I mean because what normally happens I think is that you go and uh run a session lead a session you have to warm up into it in real time. So basically you know you start off and you're like and then you know slowly you get to know the group and then maybe by the end of the session you're like oh this I would have done this differently if I had felt a bit more open and I would have been a bit more calm if I had known the other people were also nervous about the session and it wasn't just me etc. But I think there's it one thing that's special about sort of priming just using that term is that you can go in already having warmed yourself up and I think it's like a you know we constantly think as facilitators how do we do ice breakers and warm-ups etc. But we actually also need it for ourselves like we need that pre going and actually talking to these people. For me, this uh morning pages has always been the thing like has always been the thing that for me gets me in the mood. I also have a playlist on Spotify called get in the mood and that is uh for facilitation guys. God the Vaseline has really messed with your heads. Um so it's flammable as well. So yeah, so I for me the the priming thing is a is a humongous uh element that I think can and I think it can really also move you into this space where people also want you to be in the room with them. Again, it's not all about practicality as a facilitator. You're literally helping guide people, you know, through a session, helping them go through a lot of different emotions. I mean, it's actually pretty tense to be in a meeting where a lot of decisions need to get made. It's actually everyone's like ego is on the line and there's career is on the line and all these other things are happening in the background that no one's verbally saying, but it's going on anyway. So I think if you're able to come into these sessions somewhat primed, somewhat like tapped in to whatever that is, that energy of just being a bit more open is, I think it can be a huge huge game changer. >> Yeah, it's good there >> for now or later. But I'm also curious your experience like your favorite ways to prime the people in your that you're facilitating with and for you and for the group because I've seen lots of different ways that people do it. I'm always looking for new ones. Yeah, I for me I mean we have loads of kind of standardized ways at AJ and Smart, but the honest answer for me is that I decide based on the vibe because I don't know what the vibe will be. So sometimes, for example, when a client comes to our office, our priming is giving them a tour of the office and showing them all the funny weird stuff in there. And so that process in itself starts to create some priming because they get to see they ask questions about the space and they're wondering about it and they're that opens up like non practical conversations. Um we have done I mean the the morning pages we've done many times with clients. We do another thing sometimes with clients which is kind of funny. Again it always depends how much we think they're willing to go with us. uh we do this um future journaling thing uh where you ask someone to journal as if it is x amount of time from now. So sometimes we'll say one year, sometimes we'll say 10 years. At our first design sprint training for a corporate, we did the 10-year edition where it was like all right everybody, what we're going to do for the next 15 minutes is you're going to do a journal entry as if it is 10 years from now. how you want your life to look basically or how you imagine it's going to go if things go the way you want them to. Uh and this exercise really opened up people a lot. Um but we didn't do it at the very start. It wasn't right in the beginning. So often we just kind of at least for us we figure it out based on the feeling in the group when they first start. For me, it's more important that I prime myself, though. For me, that's the thing that's more important than me even getting them ready because they can sense when I meet them if I'm open or like defensive. Um, or I I believe they can sense it. That's my feeling on it. >> I the same way like like having a lot of tools in the tool box. So, hearing can you just like read the room and then decide on >> Yeah. I mean, we'll definitely So, for example, the Have you guys you you didn't do this during the orientation? The paper rock scissors thing. That's insane. Like, that gets that's one of those ones that I don't like because as in I don't like it in theory and then in practice. No, but in practice it works really well. Like, yeah, in theory I hate it because I think it's too cheesy. And then in practice, it's like literally people's energy goes from zero to a thousand within three minutes. Uh 10 seconds. Yeah, it's it's totally ludicrous. We can actually uh do it after after a little break just for fun. But yeah, there uh we can definitely we can definitely have like uh Did AJ, did you just want to add something as well? >> Thank you. Um, since we're talking about getting in the mood, um, I guess, well, I think it's very, well, for that state of >> facilitation, >> for presentation, right? >> Jesus, guys, >> need to relax over here. >> Um, I think we sometimes forget that it's not all in our mind. Like, we don't have to use our brain cells only to get into that state of mind, but we can also I'm coming back to body language. Amy Cuddy has a great TED talk on that if anyone's interested in it. um how our physical like how we can get into the right state of mind by changing our body language because actually the way we stand or yeah has an influence on how we feel not just the other way around. Um, so that's something that um I sometimes work with uh people who are even if they have a talk before something like I try to find a symbol or a position of body language that they feel like they're more comfortable or more um confident in and then they sometimes do it I don't know in the restroom or something. It feels kind of weird whenever you first start doing it but it's actually it can actually help too. >> I think that makes a lot of sense. That is my my priming is I do go to the restroom and I like do the whole like stand and like and do a big like and it does just like because if you're like >> can you can can we do it right now? Can you just show us what we should do right now? Yeah, let's do it. >> Okay. So, stand up and go. >> Yeah. >> Big belly breath too. >> Does feel good. So sometimes I do like a belly breath and then I do like a rib cage breath. So it's like big belly breath and then like also breathe out. So your whole like your whole expands your whole rib cage and then then I feel good. >> Yeah. >> And it totally is weird to do but I totally I do go in the bathroom at work because and or a huddle. We have like little huddles. I'll go in the huddle and >> it does feel good though. >> It definitely feels good. Do you want to add something? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, we've been talking a lot with lots in the group about that work with senior leaders. So, I was just curious. I'm I'm trying to think when you have a lot of leaders in the room that have high stakes in front of each other or in front of their big big boss. Have you been in situations like how do you get them into a different state when you can't like they won't they won't want to do anything in front of anyone that would be perceived as breaking a trust triangle where they're be they're seen as too open, too silly, too vulnerable. Um so do you have any tips for how you handle those types of groups and how you prime them? >> Yeah, so I think this comes back to I hope it's not too unsatisfying of an answer. The standard answer is you do warm-ups and ice breakers etc. But I think the real answer because often that just doesn't feel comfortable in a group of leaders. Like sometimes I just don't want to do that when I can sense that it's already a tense highstakes situation where they already are like don't [ __ ] waste my time. Just give me the stuff. Because also like to be just 100% honest I also want those gigs and I'm not going to mess them up right. don't want to be like all right guys we all have to do a meditation now uh because they won't hire me again so for me it is about priming myself for me it's about getting myself in the state that's going to make them just feel more open so it's not about me trying to force them into doing exercises that opens them up because I don't want them to do anything they don't want to do um it's really just about me coming in they're open to what's about to happen. Giving them the sense that I'll take care of them. I think that's also a big thing that they have the feeling, oh, Jonathan is going to bring us through this day, whichever way it goes. But also, in my mind, just allowing the person who's pissed off to be piss be pissed off and the person who's not in the mood to be there to to continue to not be in the mood. So for me, I just don't want to even remotely try to change anyone's mind or mood. And that makes it more relaxing for me and makes it also more relaxing for them where then they can let some stuff out is actually through the together alone exercises where I where they can anonymously contribute information to the group and that's often that often slowly opens them up and so I expect when I go into most groups that there'll be a closed offness I I mean, it's even more the case now uh with our other business where we're just help people come to us and their goal is for us to make them more money through our partners' business, right? They don't want us to do ice break. They're not even they don't care about facilitation at all. They care about well, how does AJ and Smart help me make more money? And so we'll have their team in our office um and we are I think from their perspective they can't tell they're being facilitated at all but from our perspective we're running a workshop like straight Uh,