My Show Gets Hijacked By Diarrhea ｜ Ian Bagg Stand Up Comedy

You guys live here? That couple that hasn't laughed at anything? No, I've seen you just kicking your leg. I don't know who this guy is. Why are we even here? My husband loves stupid comedy. I love a good romance. And this guy's neither. This guy's not comedy or romance. Take me home, Gerald. And lay the blocks to me. Come on, Gerald. Is your name Gerald? Alright, I hope it is. She's talking to some other guy named Gerald. I'd leave too, ma'am. Disgusted with my eyebrow. I'm going to the bathroom. I'll be there for 60 minutes while this dick looks at us with one eye. Or she's going to check on her family. We live in Schaumburg, home of murder. How long you guys been together? Non-laughing couple. Eight years. I like your deep voice. Are you a cop or something? Firefighter. Is anybody else in the house? Right, that's why you've got to have that deep voice. You've got to let them know. Thank you, ma'am. One lady clapped. Thank you for your service. Man, that lady's been gone a long time. She's definitely pooping. She didn't seem like a pooper, but she's in there right now. She's got a crazy butthole. She's coming back. I was peeing, you asshole. Welcome back, ma'am. A lot of people thought. A lot of people thought you were pooping. I said, no way. She's squeezing her puss together. This guy's a fireman, just in case you want to. I don't know, go over and practice stripping on our pole. You guys have a pole at the firehouse? You do? That's nice, huh? Yeah, yeah. You ever just tired in the middle of the night? Big fire. Just, whoa, miss it. Just fall down. Have to call 911. Your phone answers. Your phone rings at the fire department. Hello, 911. It's me. It's me, Gerald. I'm on the floor by the truck, too. Oh, Gerald, you missed the ******* pole again, you son of a bitch. Hey, man, I got a good voice. Leave me alone, bitch. Love it. How'd you two meet? How'd you become lovers? Probably some puppy giveaway. She ditched me. She ditched you the first time? What does that mean? Just pushed you out of the car? Hey, can you see if that's locked? Push. She fell in love with me on the second date. On the first date, she's like, you're an asshole. The second date, oh my God, that's your cock? Maybe I do like you, you son of a bitch. Anyways, you got a big dick on you? What does that mean? Well, it's skinny. Grab onto it like that, but it's long. It'll poke somebody right back in the heart. I'll tell you right there where I do grow up. Skinny dick. Everybody gets a nickname. That's Johnny Good Voice, your skinny dick. Chicago. Downtown. Somebody just dropped a fork when you said Chicago. That was awesome. I grew up in Chicago. Oh my God. Ma'am, how'd you meet him? Are you okay? Have you been kidnapped? What's that? You're blinking twice? That's four times. Don't mock my eyebrow that's missing. You're supposed to do this according to the airport. Has anybody been to the airport? What's that? You've not been to that airport? It's in all the airports. That guy runs hookers for sure. Because he's all like, that's not true. Get in my van, bitches. I love what fired you up. You haven't answered any other questions. You make this noise, you're being in sex traffic. No. That's not true. At my airport. That's ******* sex traffic. You think that's what they do, right? If somebody does this to you, they're not ******* wanting to suck your dick. They're saying help. What airport do you go to, buddy? Did you just wave me off? Move along. What does he do, ma'am? What does that guy that won't tell us what airport? What does he do? How does he make his cash flow? What's that? Unemployed. He's unemployed? And he's trying to tell me about airports? I drove by an airport and wondered where people are going. Look at that train, it goes in the air. Are you really unemployed, buddy? Well, be careful, ma'am. That's not a tipping table right there, I'll tell you that much. Again? That girl's definitely got diarrhea. Some people would say cocaine, but no, she's *******. She walks weird to the side like she's trying to hold it in. Oh, it's coming out. We've got problems, we've got a lot of problems. She's probably somebody's mom. She's somebody's mom? No, not yet. Just tried getting across that bridge. And a billy goat gruff said, where are you going? I like your voice, are you a fireman? Just some guy that yells out things? I don't even feel like that guy was with that girl. I think he just yelled out, I'm gonna get that diarrhea bitch pregnant. That's your new nickname, you guys. Give that to her the rest of the summer. Diarrhea bitch. Call her that. We're getting on the boat, diarrhea bitch, you wanna come? We know you're gonna have to get in the water several times this afternoon. Where's the furthest vacation there, skinny dick? Furthest vacation? Furthest, yeah. Argentina, my god. Were you down there dancing? Just visiting. Were you smuggling cocaine? I've never heard of anybody visiting anybody in Argentina. Look at me. You have the cocaine, Manolito? How about you, guy with the deep voice that's gonna get old, diarrhea bitch, all pregnant? That's weird. Never heard anybody take ownership before. She's not mine. She's his. He bought her at an airport. What'd you say? Not his airport. His airport. Clean of diarrhea bitches. That was awesome. Not mine. His. That's weird that he knew she wasn't pregnant, though. Hang on, who's the guy that was talking? I know you could... They all pointed at him. That doesn't help me out. It's her boyfriend's dad. Susie Nosy knows everything. Anyways. What the **** happened there? Was that two boys that had beers in buckets? Why are we laughing? Was it a boy and a girl or was it... Two lesbians drinking hardcore beers. Getting all fucked up and then go do donuts in their Subaru in the parking lot. Come on, Charlene, let's burn the tires off of this goddamn Forester. Now touch me in the dick like a guy can't. You know who it was. Probably diarrhea bitch. Thank you.