Shut Up If You're Not Going To Do Anything About It

[Music] Xander shops all the top term insurance companies to save you money. Get started at xander.com. >> I've been married for 25 years and um I don't work at the time. Uh I'm taking care of my grandson, which my husband totally, you know, is on board with that. But I get no money unless I have to ask for it. And we are debtree. Uh we owe nothing. And I just feel like anything I say, he doesn't want to take my advice for anything. Like I feel like we need to sell our house now because it's a bigger house and we don't really need all the room and we could sell this and we have a really good life. I mean I feel like um it's I don't know. I just his daughter instead of his wife. >> O uh how can we help? >> Well, I just I don't know. I mean, what should I like if we end up separating like two years ago and I found out it was actually what he was worth, we was worth. Like, I don't know anything. If he was to pass away tomorrow, I wouldn't know what to do. I don't know what's in his bank account. I have no access to anything. My name's not on his business. My name's not on his debit, you know, card. I can't use his debit card. And we've been married for 25 years. I'm like, you know, and it really aggravated me when we separated because my attorney, you know, gave me all this information on, you know, what he's got. And I was just like, I feel like I deserve that, you know, more. >> Well, where's the marriage now? >> We're together. I take care of my grandson. I can work like if I, you know, and I've even said, "Do you want me to work?" He's like, "No, I want you to take care of our grandson." You know, I think it's wonderful that we can do that, but it's like I don't get paid for taking care of my grandson. So, I'm have to always ask him for money, you know. >> Does he give you money when you ask? What's that transaction like? >> He does. Yeah, he does. But he only gives me money for what I need. Like, if I'm going to get groceries, he'll give me like $200. I'm like, $200? Don't buy anything, you know? And and my fear is I'm going to get up to the counter and not have enough money and have to put everything back. And I know he's got the money to give me. That's what hurt so, you know, it makes me so aggravated at him. Well, what happened over a two-year or you was separated two years ago. What happened as a result of separating? Because it doesn't sound like anything has changed. >> It hadn't. No. And honestly, I feel like we got >> Why are you not still separated if nothing changed? >> I know. Well, financially it was so expensive having to pay attorney fees, which now he had to pay me $750 a week alimony during that time, but I had to get a place to live. So, I didn't know how expensive things was cuz I was, you know, we didn't had no debt. So, I went from not having no debt to having like, you know, 300 like probably $3,500 a month that I had to pay, you know, for my rent. >> So, you went back to jail in or because it was too expensive to be free. That's what what's that's what I'm hearing. >> Yeah. I just love them so much. I It's crazy. I know. >> So, why did you call us? I'm so confused. What What do you want us to do? Well, I just feel like am I in the wrong for wanting, you know, having >> No, you're not in the wrong, but you're not doing anything about it. >> I know. That's why I called you because my >> I can't do anything about it. You got to do something about it. >> What can I do? What should I do? >> I I think you've got to decide if you want to be married to someone that treats you this way. >> And you're going to have to sit down. My recommendation would be that the two of you sit down with a good marriage counselor and that Bubba hears for the first time in his 25 freaking years that he's mistreating his wife. And he feels he says I don't manage money. >> I don't care what he says. >> You actually care what he says, but I don't. >> I know. >> So, you need to not care what he says. You need to go see a marriage counselor cuz he he sucks as a husband. >> He's a horrible husband. >> I feel like I agree cuz I had to go to the doctor yesterday. >> Darling, you're just going to talk my arm off and do nothing. I can tell I can tell exactly what's going to happen with you. >> Yeah. You got to decide what you're going to do. Okay? And quit telling me stories about him. Are you going to actually get on the phone and call a marriage counselor and go sit down with one? You need to do that today. And if you don't do that, quit telling people stories about him. Shut up. Live with it. Okay? If you're not going to do nothing about it, shut up about it. But if you're going to do something, then we'll we'll pray for you and back you because and yes, you're correct, honey, that that that the situation's weird and he's not a good husband. He's mistreating his wife. And the problem is he's probably not a bad guy. He's probably just doesn't know how to do it. He probably doesn't know how to be a good husband. He thinks he's taken care of you. He may be that dumb. And so you, you know, we're going to have to educate him and teach him that, you know, this is this is emotional, financial abuse, >> dude. And so you need to involve your wife in the decisions. Let her have the dignity of being one of the two adults in the household. And but that's a marriage counseling thing, honey. I can't dictate that. I can't I don't have a magic wand over here to tap him on his little head and say, "That's it, dude. Now you're magically healed." I can't do that from here. But you're going to have to work on it. And I don't think you're going to. You just talk about it all the time. >> Yeah. You've married a control freak and then you've let him get more and more control over 25 years and then you summoned up some guts, which I admire two years ago, but then it ended up being a pump fake. >> Yeah. >> You just pump faked or he called your bluff. He played to your greatest fears as my guest, not knowing the details, and you caved. And you've convinced yourself that I love him so much. And I don't think that's the case. >> That's the enabling. That's just bull crap. >> So >> I love him so much I'm willing to be abused. >> Yeah. Come on. >> He's warped. I don't think he's dumb. I think he's warped because he's really unhealthy. And I'm not attacking him. And I'm not making excuses for him, but you've got to shake him. He needs to be shaken. >> Yeah. If this guy was my buddy, I'd be boxing his ears, man. I'd be giving him a hard time. >> That'd be fun. >> That'd be an interesting conversation, wouldn't it? Of course, he wouldn't have been my buddy because he wouldn't because that cover. >> That's true. >> Xander is the best place to find term life insurance to protect your family. Visit xander.com for quotes