Matt Rife： This Crowd Work Got REALLY Uncomfortable FAST ｜ Stand-up Comedy)

Why did that sound like the whitest possible woman? What'd you say? You have black Jesus? You brought him with you? I hope he's related to you or this is gonna go terrible. Do you know him? I'm sure slave owners use the same excuse. You can't just say it like that. They just came. They came with us. You need to elaborate immediately. What do you mean? Do you guys know each other, right? Thank God. How do you guys know each other? He's your adopted boy. I don't like anything about this. I really don't. I don't like that you purchased him. I don't like that you called him boy. I don't like any part of this. But he is your adopted son. You love him. This is good. This is a good turning point in the story. Like legally you adopted him? His mom wouldn't let you. So you stole him? You know this doesn't sound good. He what? He likes you more than he likes his mom? I feel like you're making him say this. Where did you meet this young man? Your son's high school. So you were at your son's high school and you were like, who's your little friend? The one with a year-round tan. By the staff? Your whole family? Smart family. You're adorable, but I've seen the blind side too many times. Bro, what is your name? What is it? Brian? Great to meet you, man. Are you okay? He can talk for himself. Brian, you snap your fingers. I'll get you the **** out of here, man. I swear to God. I'm here for you, bro. I love your love for him. I do. But you gotta work on your story. This is my son's friend. And we think of him as our own family. Well, that's good. That's a fantastic start. That's literally all the story you have to tell. This is my son's friend. They play baseball together and we love having him around. Ta-da! Now it's a heartfelt story. You know what I mean? You can't just open it. We got us one. There's a more delicate way to go about the story. Holy ----. Don't reiterate it because now it seems more guilty. I think we wrapped up the story. Your son's friend. Y'all love him. You consider him one of your own family. That seems simple enough. It's wonderful. Don't clap for kidnapping. What are you guys doing? I'm just trying to smooth it over so we can transition out of this. Does anybody here have any autistic children? Do you really? How old? He just turned four. How far on the spectrum would you say he is? Is it little by little or is he like... He's non-verbal. He got it. What's his thing that he's really good at? Um, so he's hyperlexic. Hyperlexic. What's that? He's very, very good with numbers, shapes, colors. He's good with numbers, shapes, and colors. **** yeah. That dude about to rob a casino someday. You're gonna be a very rich mom someday. There's no cons, bro. You don't gotta worry about him talking to strangers. You don't like talking to nobody. That's awesome. Congratulations. What is that? It's a fan art. You made that? Are you kidding me? You drew this? That's so cool. She drew this. Aww. This is so good. And you're verbal. Guys, this is really good, okay? ------- be nice, okay? This is going top of the fridge. ****. ****, I look like that? So? Good for her. Is he hot? So yeah. Doubt it. Does he make good money? Hold on, who said no? You said no? Did you used to be one? Did you really? How long ago? A while. You're looking at Mr. February 1991. You might not believe my looking at me. Are there any good strip clubs in Liberty? No. I know. Not from down here, though. No. About an hour west of Columbus. No. Diamonds? Oh, you guys work there? Do you really? Oh, ballet? Do you have a fun stripper name? Like Poison Ivy? Because dudes believe in your lap dances itching? You gotta change that immediately. How that wasn't the first thing you thought of is beyond me. Why Poison Ivy? Why'd you choose that one? Was Poison Oak taken? Oh, so like the superhero? Is she a villain or a hero? I don't think so. I think I can Google. I think Poison Ivy is, I think she's a villain? Who are you here with? Hi sister and friends. Do you guys work at the same place? Not yet. It's probably not good that you think your new job is gonna fail. That's not a good outlook to have. Where do you work now? See you a stripper. I didn't know we'd have this many strippers in one show. It's like this is usually rush hour for y'all. Friday night about midnight. Man. Didn't forget about you. What was your stripper name? What's that? Alla Pina? I wish I had one of those like rap name generators right now, so I could figure out what mine would be. Oh man. That's so not creative. What road did I grow up on? Abbey Lane was one of them. Abbey, I already don't like where this is going. What's that? First pet? Uh Sarah. Is my stripper name Abbey Sarah? If you tip me enough I'll tell you my pronouns. And what would you do now? Long story. That's what my stripper name would have been. Prove it in this ******* room. Absolutely not. Yeah I do actually. What do you do? Yeah bitch you don't have the money. Absolutely not. You think I'm gonna airdrop my dick pics to ******* break clips up there? Absolutely not. Don't forget your roots. You could dye yours. That was great. That was really good. Oh man. Okay Liberty. We have to wrap things up here in a moment. Oh I know. I know there's nothing else to do. I know that. You wanna go to Diamonds? Yeah we could all chip in on somebody's school supplies. What is happening right now? What is it? Oh paramedic. Is there a paramedic on the balcony? Does anybody have Narcan? You have some? Before we get... Before we even attempt to go back into this thing. Can I get one more round of applause for all the paramedics, the cops, everybody who stepped in? Can one person... Can one... God y'all I forgot there was a spotlight. Jesus Christ. I thought that was God saying I was next for a second. I was like oh ----. One person who was up there. What what happened? Well I'm glad he's all right. I hope he doesn't come back in here and ask for a picture. You know what the worst part is? When I heard a commotion up there. How wild and ridiculous some of these shows get. Like they're not even fun for me. My first instinct was oh people are fighting in the balcony. That happens all the time dude. Thank God it was just a dude fighting himself. He didn't look like an older guy either. He looked probably like what early 30s. Something like that. Was he older? Oh well then he... Yeah you should be doing drugs. You know what I mean? After... After 70 I'm trying everything. Heroin, crack, dick. All of it dude. Whatever it is. Whatever I haven't put into my body yet. You know what I mean? Man imagine you 88 years old. You're like I'll try a dick. And you love it. You're gonna be like ****. I could have been having so much fun. Can I get it in a prescription? Also where'd she go? You're not deaf. I know you hear me. I know you hear me right now. Okay my bad. I know you're supposed to do it. Thanks man. I saw this. Don't *******... He stuck it in there. Actually where is the other sign language interpreter? She went to the bathroom. Okay got it. She in there talking ----. Does anybody else know sign language? Do you really? Like fully? Your parents are deaf? Is he bullshitting? Both of your parents are deaf? Three? Are you deaf? What do you mean? What do you mean three? You have three parents? Oh mom, dad, and stepdad. And they're all deaf? Wow. Have they ever been to a comedy show? Ever? They don't get comedy? Yeah. It's fine. I do put subtitles on all my TikToks so it's not really an excuse. Did you ever... Be honest. Did you ever use it to your advantage? Like did you ever sneak out the house and just slam the door or some ----? They could feel the vibrations? What are they Native American? Jesus Christ. There's a man OD'ing in the balcony. She's back. What up girl? Did you wash your mouth? Hands? Did you wash your hands? I wanted to ask him. I didn't want him to have to do three jobs at once. I wanted to ask, what makes you get into learning sign language? We just met one young... One woman. I'm sorry, I forgot. You're 40.