The Middle | Axl and His Friends Spend V-Day Monetizing Break Ups

I can't believe you're breaking up with me right before Valentine's Day. I'm sorry. Really, I don't know what else to say. Well, thanks a lot. Now I don't have a date to the dance. I hate you. Whoa. Wait a sec. There's a lot of guys who want to get out of relationships before Valentine's Day, right? That way they can avoid spending all that money and taking things to the next level. Go on. I will. Breaking up in person's horrible, and the text, dumb can be forwarded, lands you on the douche list. So what if we did it? Did what? What if guys paid us to break up with the girls for them? Huh? Bosco Breakup Service! I heard about your guy's service, and I want to dump my girlfriend, but I don't want to hurt her feelings. Come to the right place, Evan. What am I signing? It's your standard release form saying we're not liable if anything goes wrong. And that if your ex is hot, we, the members of Bosco, reserve the right to ask her out. After the appropriate seven-day waiting period. Correction. Three-day waiting period. I'm sorry, Rachel, but Spence feels you two have grown apart. It's never going to work. We're sorry, Ms. Polteract, but Mr. Whiteman thinks you guys are looking for different things. You're too good for him anyway. Really? Definitely. Now, could you go online and take a brief survey saying you were broken up with in a kind and courteous manner? Oh, and if you could take a moment to like us on Facebook, that would also be great. Man, I love America. Now that I'm rich, I guess I should finally start thinking about giving back. You know, maybe talk to some loser kid at school, or plant a bush in a park with a giant plaque with my name on it. Hey, what's wrong with you, dude? That breakup with Kelly McCarthy was awful. Totally blindsided her. She cried her contacts out, and then I heard she failed a calculus test because she couldn't see. She might not get into college. I need a man's opinion. For the dance tonight, should I wear my hair up or down? Over your face. You can weave it into your braces so it'll stay. Up. Thanks. Mom says my forehead is one of my best features. Look, Sean, it's just a business, alright? These girls are gonna get broken up with anyway. If we didn't do it, somebody else would've. This way we build a successful company, sell it to the Chinese, buy some recording time, cut a hit album, rock the planet, then start a men's fragrance line. Yeah, but at what cost? I agree with Sean. All this money is covered in tears. Phone! Now you get it! I'm getting ready! I'm in a business meeting! Put your clothes on! So? Go get it! No, you get it! Uh, hi, Sue? This is Matt. Listen, Sue, I can't take you to the dance because Sherry and I got back together. So, hope you're good. Again, not taking you to the dance. Sorry. Wow. He can't cancel day of. I mean, yeah, Sue's a dork, but he knew that going in. This Matt guy sucks. Dude, you gotta tell her. I can't tell her. She's my sister. What if she cries or something? I can't comfort her. I think it's illegal. Don't look at me. I'm spent. I don't have another breakup in me. Fine, I'll do it. What's one more girl who doesn't like me? Man, I never thought about how we were hurting people. Ugh. What have we done? We're love hit men. We made money off other people's pain. Man, I wish we had a time machine so we could go back and undo everything. And it would be super cool just to have a time machine. Super cool. Hang on a sec. What's the opposite of breaking things apart? The opposite of fission is fusion. Everybody knows that. Okay, so what if we practiced some of that fusion and got one couple together tonight? Right! Get some isotopes together and wait for a reaction. Yeah. We're going out to find a couple and get them together to undo all the evil we've done. Okay. Bring back milk. So Axel and Shawn tried to get a couple together. A journey which led them to the one place seniors never go. The Valentine's dance. Hey, Paige. You look really nice tonight. So, listen. Here's the thing. You and Wade seemed really good together, so maybe if you guys just talked... Beat it, jerkwads. Haven't you done enough? Ignore them, Paige. No, no. We're not like that anymore. We want to help now. Sure you do. Because if you get us back together, then you can break us up again and make even more money. Normally that would be very sound business practice, but I promise you, that's not what we're trying to do. We just want to undo all we did and make you guys happy. You want to make me happy? Let me punch your stupid face. The other chaperone's here. We've got to get out of here. Look at all the rings Becky's wearing.