The Secret to a Happy Family | The Science of Happiness

What makes you a happy parent? How do you raise a well-adjusted child? And, while we're on the subject, how do you go from worrying about only your own happiness to caring about everybody around you? How do you do it when, for so long, you've likely only had to worry about yourself? Well, luckily for you, you're actually getting a little extra boost. Studies have shown that within days of becoming a parent, the neurons in your brain start rewiring themselves to make you a better caregiver. And, as you interact more and more with your child, you rapidly grow new brain cells to help make you a better parent, helping you make the shift from me to we. Well, turns out we're not the only ones who are interested in family dynamics. The folks behind the new film, Wish I Was Here, came to us and asked if we could investigate some of the ideas that are tackled in the new film. Out in select theaters July 18th. Wish I Was Here is about that moment in your life when you go from simply being a member of your family to being the leader of your family. This is it! This is the spot! What is it? This is the spot where I had one of the deepest, most sincere spiritual moments of my life. The last time I had an epiphany, it was right here. What's an aniphany? An epiphany is when you realize something that you really needed to realize. It's, you know, sometimes in life you can get kind of stuck and you feel like you should have changed chapters by now, but you can't. We gathered a selection of parents and their children to act as our subjects. First, we asked the parents to step outside. Okay. Once they were out of sight, we asked their kids a series of questions about them. Then we invited each of the parents back in and asked them to tell us how they thought their child answered each question. Okay. So the first question we asked him was, if he could have any wish for you, what would it be? Oh, boy. Let me tour the world with my band. Okay, let's see what he said. For him to have his band take off. Very cool. Right on the head. He knows what kind of efforts and persistence I've put into gaining success at music. To be happy and live a long life. For her to get a better job. Why do you say that? Because we need more money, probably. So why do you think he said that? Maybe because me and his dad argue about money. My wish will be he will be a happy dad. So she just said she wants you to be happy. What do you think that is? I've been having ups and downs, trying to, you know, get it together so my family's well taken care of and they're happy. Do you worry about your mom? Sometimes. Why do you worry about her? Because her dad died when I started school, like 3 days before school happened. You said he does worry about you sometimes. Why do you think that is? I don't know, he worries a lot. I always tell him, you don't need to worry all the time. Just be a kid. I guess he's like me, I worry a lot too. Sometimes. Why do you worry about him? Well, sometimes he gets a little frustrated on things. Getting jobs. So he's working hard to get a new job. Does he have one right now? No, he's getting one. Right on the money she worries about you sometimes. Yeah. Just trying to, you know, get a job, and, you know, it's frustrating. I hate being turned away. I worry about her sometimes because she has a pretty stressful life. She does yell a lot. She yells a lot, I don't know why. So, was he accurate? Yes. That is like my stress response, and I start out saying things really softly of what I need to be done around the house, and each time I have to say it, it gets a little bit louder. Not at all. Wait, wait, wait. A little bit. Not at all. Really, why not? I mean, he's not in danger any time. I mean, sometimes there are rents. He pays it late sometimes, but other than that, we're pretty good. Do you know if he liked his job or not? I used to work at Children's Hospital. I got let go. If I'm working 9 to 5, I can't do nothing else. I can't hustle and make extra money. My whole day's gone, so that's why I need a night job. When are you going to find time to sleep? I don't know, but right now I got time to sleep. I have a 2-month son, as you saw, and I have a 8-year-old daughter. She knows that I'm trying to get it together. She knows. She's 8 years old, but she knows. She's smart. She knows what's going on. And I want to be a provider for her, and I want to be able to give her the best. That's my firstborn. You know, that's my favorite girl. She especially likes working with kids. That's why she's a teacher, but sometimes it's just too much for her. Do you think he's accurate? Very accurate, yes. It does overwhelm me sometimes because, like I said, I want to balance everything, and to be a good mom and a good teacher and a good wife and a good everything, it's just, it's stressful. Sometimes he gets, like, a $1,000 check every day, but sometimes he gets nothing because he didn't sell life alerts. But on the good days, he's happy. The key of being a good parent is being there for your kids, not just financially, but physically. Do you think you spend enough time with her? Yes. Time's hugely important, but I think too many people waste all the little moments in between. Do you spend a lot of time with your dad? Yeah. Usually we play games together. He's actually learning very well. It's about how you're utilizing the time. It's in the details, it's in the small things. We love to gear up for a camping trip and go out and have that event to look forward to. But there's the times in between, just when you're sitting on the couch, she's playing, and, hey, Dad, can you get me something to drink? And you're attentive to that, and you're there for him. Do you think you get to spend enough time with yourself? Probably not. Yeah, I spend probably half my day with her. I didn't really quite get that he wanted to spend more time with me from that. That makes me happy. Is it something you worry about, that you're not getting enough time with her? Yeah, it is. I mean, with all my kids, it's always a balance, it seems. Welcome back, have a seat. If you could have three wishes to make your mom happier, what would they be? Some money so I won't be so stressed about rent. Money, jewelry, and a house. It's a big apartment, but I want a house. She could use a vacation somewhere really relaxing, but also for my dad to be home a little bit more, because he's a firefighter, he works sometimes three days at a time. Loving, happiness, and caring. I'm working hard, and I think that things are going to come together financially, but the reality of right now, what I'm dealing with, comes back to making the very most of the time we do have together, including all the little times in between. We as parents need to realize that they're going to have to spend less time with us as they grow up, and maybe that's just the process. One of my favorite times is in the morning. You walk me to school? That is really good quality time. Not this big thing like a camping trip or a vacation, but we walk together to school. That's maybe for 12, 15 minutes, but that's how we start the day, and it's a great time together. Every minute counts, every second counts that we spend time, and when they're not with me, if I'm at work or whatever, I know they're in good hands. These are my babies, so I own them. Being a good parent isn't about how much time you spend with them. It's about the quality of the time, and that is a direct result of your ability to stay present while you're with them. Stay tuned for more episodes, and check out the movie Wish I Was Here out in theaters July 18th. I'm Julian, and this has been the Science of Happiness. Oh, she's gonna be back. SoulPancake, subscribe!