Ian Bagg_ He Told The Comedian His Dad Left Him on His Birthday

Double red shirts? Are you guys Mormons or what are you guys? I call you guys double red shirts. Active Mormon. He's an active Mormon. Nice. So he does a lot of like jet skiing and stuff like that. He's an active Mormon. He's got Nikes. You guys gotta really tell the rest of the country has no idea what's going on in this state. Like, seriously. Everybody that's still up there thinks it's 1812 and you guys are running with 14 wives and ---- like that. Like I had one of my friends, you going to Salt Lake? Can you even drink up there? And I'm like, yeah. Well, not on Sundays, but the rest of the time. It's just so, you guys are fired up about alcohol. You're fine with the 85-year-old and 18-year-old, but don't be drunk while you're doing it. You go in, you're going in bare and bare, okay? Take that, active Mormon. Cartwheel out of here. So he's an active Mormon. I used to be, so I'm not. You're a Jackie Mormon. They haven't taken me off the list. They haven't taken you off the list yet? That's awesome. What's that? He's Catholic. He's Catholic. That's another Mormon came flying in. He's not Mormon. He's Catholic. You're not invited to sing with the choir. You were raised Mormon until you were 14, and then you got on your bike and you rode away. Your dad decided he's not going to church anymore. He laughed. Your dad laughed. Holy ----. I love it. You feel better getting this all out? He could have just said, I'm not Mormon. That would have been crazy. But instead, you're all like, let me tell you. The year is 1974. My father leaves. I'm 14 years old. I'm like, what do we do on Sunday? Nothing. Anyways, that's when I got a BMX. Because riding bikes was for fun, not for comfort anymore. And now I'm an active Mormon. And you, how do you fit in? Double shirt? I love it. You are two shirts, just in case there's a strip poker game. You are not losing tonight. Just like a storm, you layer up if you want to live. Love it. Hold on here. He's back talking. And then I got a new father. You brought them all here? And these two right over there. And that's why I'm sold out, because of those six tickets. That's awesome. I think it might have been the other people as well, sir. Okay. You're sold out because I bought six tickets. And if my dad hadn't left, you wouldn't be sold out right now. A lot of pressure on me and your father. I love it. You're getting through it, buddy. You're going to be fine. How old are you now? I was born in 81. Okay. Do the math. Jesus Christ. You could have just told me how old you are. I hate to tell you, man. You're not Mormon. You got a touch of the tism, is what you got. You got a little touch of the T-I-S-M, tism. Not to be confused with the autism. You just got a touch of the tism. We all do. We all have awkward moments, and you're living it right now. And your buddies are like, holy ****. Do you know what year Harold was born? 81. I don't know how old he is. He was born in 81. Married? Single? Tattoos? What do you got going on? Your wife's not here. Too busy buying tickets for your other buddies. Meanwhile, she's at home looking out the window, wondering where her **** and talkie-talkie is. Do I remember her from last time? What the **** is going on here right now? Oh my God. I think I may have slept with somebody's wife. Oh **** me. You remember her from last time? This guy just walks in and lays that down on me. I brought my friends here. We're going to **** kick you after a good giggle. **** love you. I can tell why your wife didn't come here though. She's still mad at me. No calls. What's that? She was a four foot seven woman. Oh my God. Your wife is a midget. Yes, I do remember. I do remember a little lady **** storming through here. I don't remember her boobs. I remember **** her height. I remember trying to pick her up. Yes, not like **** sleep with her, but just lift her off the ground. She was much like a French bulldog. Very difficult to get off the ground. You think it's going to be easy, but **** just solid as a rock. Very tricky. Where do you think she is tonight? Probably trying to get on the bed. How did you not bring your tiny little woman with you? There were no more seats. Nobody would have known. Snuck her in here. There's one right there. We're going to **** snuck her in that **** cove right there beside those people. You guys wouldn't mind if a midget sat next to you? That would be fantastic. You ever been to midget wrestling? Fantastic. Boom. 81. Does anybody know how old that **** is? 43. 43. You're 43. Text your little lady. Tell her to make you a cupcake with a lot of **** candles on it. When's your birthday? October 7th. I don't celebrate my birthday. That's Jehovah Witness. What's that? His dad left on his birthday? Oh my God. I just seen another guy do this. Another guy just went **** emotional strike. His papa might be my papa. There's just some guy leaving on kid's birthday. You don't know which one it's going to be but I'll be leaving on one of your birthdays. So enjoy your cake and presents while they happen because one day it's not going to happen you little piece of ****. That was awesome buddy. **** looks so tough and strong. I can barely give it a go. Did your dad leave too? He stuck with me. Is that why you did that? Why couldn't my dad leave? I still have to go to church and **** celebrate birthdays. Well thanks for bringing all your friends and selling the place out buddy. How do you guys know him? They're cousins. Did you know his father? He hasn't come back. We're still talking about it. **** sad. You're active huh? Active in the Mormon. I don't know what that means exactly. Do you hand the pamphlets out? Do you knock on doors? Let's talk about Jesus. What do you guys talk about? I've never actually let you in. I've never **** let you in. You guys go, hey would you like to talk? Nope. I live at the beach in **** California and you guys show up. Hey we want to tell you about a better world. **** off. **** seals and stuff in front of my house. I'm in heaven ****. Go to Guatemala or something you piece of ****. What do you do? What's your job? Active. What's your job? I do software development. An easier way to get the pamphlets to the people. Just sends them an email. AI? You're working on AI? Holy ****. Is your cousin a robot by chance? He seems like a robot. Is this what you're developing? Is he not really your cousin? My father left me when I was 12. And now I don't go to church. He's got a little **** little wife that looks like R2-D2. She didn't come tonight. Her battery's dead. She's at home. She's at home **** plugged in. She's going to wake up at about **** 11.30. **** love it. Well good luck to everybody. Your wife makes porn? You got a website or something? You want to tell us about it? That's **** awesome. That's very open. This **** site's pervy like you wouldn't believe. My wife. She makes the best porn in town. Salt Lake Salad.