Searching For My Son I Had To Give My Child Away Lost and Found Only Human

There's a way to make an entrance. My destiny. It was now a conspiracy of witches. Download Veely today. Tonight on Lost and Found. A baby she never saw. I didn't even know that he was alive. And never talked about. I kept a secret for a long time because I felt ashamed. A child who could be anywhere. I would desperately like to meet him and ask his forgiveness. A young mum confused by culture. I've always felt a strong connection to Māori. So who is her birth father? Like I've struggled because I don't know that side of me. And? Hi. Hello buddy. A young share milker who wants to find her dad. Your mum hasn't told you? No, it's an unspoken subject. A man her mother wants nothing to do with. So in the back of my mind he might turn around and not want anything to do with me. Families that are lost and found. Are you for real? They're always unpredictable. No. I gave up my baby boy for adoption in 1974. He has been in my heart and thoughts every day since. I often wonder what he's doing. I just hope that wherever he is he's happy, safe and loved. I do have many regrets. So I'm asking if he will be able to help me. Giving up a child for adoption can be hard. But finding that child again can be even harder. Anne Moffat is a 60 year old nurse who has lived in Christchurch most of her life. She has two adult daughters. Anne has always carried a secret. One she now wants out in the open. So you're looking for your boy Brent. He'd be 40 now. What do you know about him? Nothing actually. I do remember dark hair. And you never told your mum and dad? No. Your brothers or sisters? No. So it's 40 pretty tough years for you. Yes, it has been. I felt pretty bad. 19 year old Anne had just finished her nursing training when she had a one night stand with a man at a party in Christchurch and became pregnant. Ashamed, she fled to Sydney where she secretly gave birth to a boy. She named him Brent. I hadn't heard Brent cry so I didn't even know if he was alive. Two days later while signing adoption papers, Anne found out her baby was a healthy boy. I was pretty naive about how things went really. And I really felt like I didn't have any choice but to give my son away. I had a lot of regrets. He's been in my thoughts and my heart every day. And many times I've wanted to find him but I really didn't know how. Three years after giving Brent away, Anne married an Australian and then returned to New Zealand in 1977. She has two daughters and divorced after 16 years of marriage. Her son Brent has always been a closely guarded secret. I kept a secret for a long time because I felt ashamed. But I'm not ashamed of him and I would love my daughters to meet their brother. And I would desperately like to meet him too and ask his forgiveness. Anne gives me permission to apply for the adoption records. To find Anne's son, I really need these documents. Luckily there's no restriction on these papers and I'm able to collect them in Sydney. But there's a problem. The surname of the adoptive parents is Hall, a very common name in the English world. And the name they gave their new son, Martin, doesn't help either. There is something else I want to see in Sydney. The hospital in Surrey Hills where 19-year-old Anne, alone, scared and ashamed, gave up her son. It's now apartments but even today it feels foreboding. And I can imagine how it must have been for Anne all those years ago. Searching for John Hall, the adoptive father, proves difficult. So instead I delve into the background of the adoptive mother, English-born Jackie. Through her birth records I find she had brothers, including one living in New Zealand. Then a series of phone calls and emails leads me to John and Jackie Hall. They were both actually raised in New Zealand and returned here to live in Tauranga when Martin was young. They tell me their son is now living as far from New Zealand as it's possible to be. Martin now lives in Sweden. He moved to Stockholm after growing up in Tauranga where he was a top golfer. He's agreed to meet me. I don't think it's hard to recognise you. You look like a New Zealand boy in Sweden. So a bit of a surprise when I rang you. Yeah definitely, yeah it was. I mean it's nothing that you think about exactly to hear something like that. So it's yeah definitely. Adoption, did you always know you were adopted? Yeah I knew as early as you could know. I never really had any problems with that either. So I guess I was thankful that I got adopted out. So I'd have given a life that maybe someone else couldn't give me. Martin has a Swedish wife Marie and two children. They met in New Zealand when they were studying sports medicine. He's been in Sweden for 12 years and is a golf course superintendent. Some years ago Marie tried to help Martin discover his roots. But back then he wasn't quite ready. We actually did try and find something when we were over in Aussie eight or nine years ago. And we tried to find that hospital that he was born in but the hospital wasn't there anymore. And so he felt maybe a little bit pushed or and then we sort of backed off. But now his birth mother is looking for him. Well you think you'd like to see your mum, your other mum? Yeah absolutely, absolutely. That's Swedish, it's wrong language. Absolutely it would be great. Hello Brent, I'm your birth mother. I would so much like to meet you. I never got the chance to meet you when you were born. I just hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Thank you. Your birth mum conceived you in Christchurch and your dad was a part Maori chap. Did you ever wonder how you got your darker skin? I've heard all sorts. I used to call myself a Heinz. 52 different varieties so I have no idea. Anne doesn't remember anything else about your birth dad. But would you like to meet her? Anne Moffat was a teenager when she fell pregnant. She fled to Sydney to secretly have her baby. She never saw her son before giving him away. I've just found Anne's son Martin Hall in Sweden and shown him Anne's message. I just hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Would you like to meet him? Yeah that's probably been one of the parts that I've thought about. It's like bounced around in my head for a fair while with mixed emotions and that sort of stuff. But it was never really a thought that I wouldn't want to. It's time to update Anne. She's waiting back in Christchurch. She has no idea I've found Martin, the son she's never seen. Well I've spoken to a man called Martin Hall. And he's your son. I feel a little fear that he may have passed away and I'd never get to meet him. Or maybe he doesn't want to meet me. Martin lives on the other side of the world in Sweden. But he's going to come to New Zealand to meet you. And he'd like to see you. Oh thank you. Thank you so much. I'm happy, I'm afraid, all at the same time. Two weeks later Anne arrives in Tauranga to meet Martin who's flown home from Sweden. But Anne's journey will involve more than just meeting her long lost son. Martin's adoptive parents want to meet her first. Oh gosh. It's a daunting prospect for Anne. Facing up to the guilt she has felt for 40 years. This is Jackie. I'll let you go and say hello to Martin's mum. Hi. It's nice to see you after all this time. I'd love to. Thank you. And I know that you haven't seen any photos of Martin and you haven't seen him growing up. So I've got some photos here and I thought you'd like to see it. So this is it. Oh my gosh. This is the first time that Anne has ever seen what the son she gave birth to 40 years ago looks like. That is him. Him with his brothers. So I don't know he would have to have been two. This is in the house in Sydney. And then we go on to... Nathan was going to school so yes he'll definitely be two. And that's him. Isn't he gorgeous? Do you want a box of tissues? I've got a box over there. But you see he had a big puku. Oh my gosh. All I remember is his dark hair. That's all I ever saw. Big breaths, big breaths. My greatest fear. All I wanted was for Martin to be loved, safe and coming here to meet you. And John has just answered that question for me. So you do know don't you? That's great love. Thank you. You know you've given us a gift because we couldn't have children so we adopted two boys. He wanted five but we stopped at two. We couldn't have asked for anything better so you don't know how much we thank you. Martin's home from Sweden. He's yet to meet Anne but he knows she's already met his much-loved parents. Their tick of approval has been comforting. My dad said it's like there's nothing about her that I won't like. So I'm pretty relaxed now. Probably a little bit less relaxed than what I think but... It's been a pretty sad, shameful guilt journey but I'm ready to meet my son for the very first time. If you were to look over your left shoulder down there, down there there's a man standing. It's Martin. So don't say hello to him. Anne Moffat has just met the adopted parents of the son she gave away when she was a young nurse. Now she's about to meet her son Martin for the first time. I'm ready to meet my son for the very first time. If you were to look over your left shoulder down there, just down there there's a man standing. That's Martin. So don't say hello to him. Thank you. I felt like a 19 year old girl seeing her son for the very first time. It was just amazing. Nervous issue love. Thank you. I could see that he had forgiven me and there was nothing there. Just let me hug him and he hugged me back. The very, very first time I held my son and it was just mutual. Hello. Hi. Nice to meet you. It's the first time ever that I've met you. Thank you. It just felt really good. Yeah, pretty much. More than what I thought I would. I found out the new meaning of being speechless anyway. But yeah, it was really good. When Jackie and John Hall adopted Martin all those years ago, they wondered if one day his birth mother would come into their lives. He's so relaxed with his birth mum that it's unbelievable. It's almost like it was meant to be. Martin and Anne are now in regular contact. She hopes to visit Sweden soon to meet her grandchildren, while Martin is looking forward to meeting his two new sisters. I don't feel any shame or guilt or not even sadness now. I just feel just blessed really. I have another family. My name's Amber and I'm looking for my father, Glenn Miller. I've heard that he's part Maori, so I'd like to know if that's true and whereabouts he comes from so I could then find out where I come from. It would be really, really good to get to know him. Amber Oliver is a 25-year-old mum living in Ruakaka, just south of Whangarei. She's studying to become a social worker. Amber has two children, eight-year-old Blake and Bailey, who is three. Amber was born in Dunedin and grew up with her mum and stepfather and three half-siblings. She doesn't really know why her birth dad wasn't around. Study never done? No, sociology, it's a hard one. It's really interesting though. So when you were a little girl, did you think about him, wonder where he was, who he was? Yeah, all the time, especially when I'd see other kids with their fathers or mum and dads together. She had her little tears sometimes? Yeah, especially in my teenage years, it was the worst. It was horrible, especially to my mum. She put up with a lot, trying to explain to me what happened, but it didn't matter what she said, I was never going to believe it or understand it. Her mum believes Amber's biological father is Maori, a man she briefly met when both were working at the Dunedin A&P show back in the summer of 1988. I don't know how much Maori he has, but I've always felt a strong connection to te reo, to Maori. Neither her mother or her stepfather are Maori, so Amber's realisation that she's drawn to Maori culture has her curious to know more. I was brought up very pākehā, but yeah, at school I was chosen to be the one that would go to the marae as head of our school and things like that, so yeah. You don't know what got you interested in Maori culture? No, I think it's more, you just feel it, sort of just a spiritual connection to it. I just really, I love it, I love the whole culture. Yeah, it's all of it, it's beautiful. Amber reached a turning point when, as part of her social work degree, she was given an assignment that was called Kau Wai O, Māori for Who Am I? But Amber couldn't complete the paper because she didn't know her biological father's heritage. And that upset her, a lot. Like, I've struggled because I don't know that side of me. I wasn't able to fill in those gaps and be able to identify where my maunga was or, you know, my awa and stuff. Amber knows her dad knew of her existence. But when she was three, her mum left for South Island and they moved north. Has he ever been in contact with you? No, not at all. Have you seen a photograph? Do you know what he looks like? I wouldn't have a clue what he looks like. So this man's ignored you for 25 years, but you want to find him? Yeah, I guess. I'm not too worried about the ignored me part of it. Since doing the degree, it's really made me realise how important it is for me to find him. I'd feel complete. I'd feel like I'm a whole person. It'd be huge to know where I come from and my heritage is. If Glen Muir doesn't have Māori heritage, it would be quite a shock for Amber. Searching birth records at the library, I don't trace Glen. However, I do find a useful listing. Amber's dad has a brother with an unusual first name. Then on Facebook, I checked the Glen Muirs and one living in Australia has a brother called Grayson. Hello, is that Glen Muir? Yeah. Glen, my name is David Lomas and I'm calling from New Zealand. Did you once live in Dunedin? Yeah, I did. Look, I'm calling because someone's looking for you. Ah, she's just asleep, Phil. A young woman called Amber Oliver. You're kidding me. Oh, wow. I've been looking for her. I had people trying to find her in New Zealand. Yeah, I've been trying to hunt for her for years. Look, I've got a message from Amber. One of the things that she wants to know is, is she Maori? Glen's been living near Melbourne for 12 years. We've agreed to meet in a pub just down the road from where he lives in Geelong. He's also told me that after Amber was born, her mother sent him a letter confirming he was the father. Glen? Yeah. David. Thank you. So, you've got a daughter looking for you. Oh, I have. I knew I'd find her one day. What was your relationship with Amber's mother? It was only a fleeting moment, over a few days. And that was about it when I was on the road when I was young. And so it was just the letter from her which said? It stated, yeah, you are the father of this child. Don't ever bother getting in contact with us at all. You were not to get in contact? Ever. Had you ever had doubts over the years whether it was 100%? At the start. But I had blood tests. Whose idea was that? My father's. My father's, yeah. 98.9% chance. But over the years, you've searched for Amber? Countless times. Did you have any luck or what? Stonewalled. Stonewalled from the government, social welfare. So the mum didn't ask you to pay child support or anything? Oh, the government did that. Yeah, but they wouldn't tell you where she was? Not a hope. All I ever got was date of birth and full name. Yeah, and a bill. And a bill. So, would you like to see your daughter? Oh, absolutely. She is part of my life that has been missing for a long time. If you were just to push on that button there. 25-year-old Amber Oliver doesn't know why she's drawn to all things Māori. But she thinks her birth father may hold the answers. I've just found him in Geelong. She is part of my life that has been missing for a long time. If you were just to push on that button there. Hi Glenn, I'm Amber and I believe that I am your biological daughter. Over the years growing up, I've always wondered who my father was. What you look like, where you came from. It's been quite hard not knowing where I come from. From what I understand, you're part Māori, so that's huge to me. I've got a couple of kids which are your grandchildren. They'd like to know who you are and it would just be really great to meet you. Unbelievable. It's incredible. She looks like me. Is that good? Yeah, unbelievable. You would like to meet her? Absolutely, I'm happy to meet her. One of the big things for Amber is that she's been very much drawn to the Māori culture. Yet her mother and her stepdad are not Māori. We go back a long time. We go back right through the South Island. We're Ngāi Tahu, but like my mother was Solomon. We're all part of the Moriori. We come from Tumuka, which is a massive lineage of Ngāi Tahu family and Ngāi Tahu tribe. And I'd love to take her there and go and meet them all. There's a lot of people right up and down the South Island that would be just amazed to see her, let alone probably see me again. But Glenn tells me that's not likely to happen for a while. His wife Paula is terminally ill. She's got a lot of problems going on with cancer. She's actually doing chemotherapy right now. And because of that, you cannot go to New Zealand to meet Amber? Not really. We've been trying to go back to New Zealand, but we're just trying to get that settled down and then we can actually go back. Start it. Look at this. Hi Glenn, I'm Amber and I believe that I am a biological daughter. Glenn's been married to Paula for 12 years. They have a four-year-old son, John. Glenn's been in Australia for more than 20 years. He's an earthworking contractor and now spends time looking after Paula. Just really great to meet you. Is that cool? That's your sister? When we first met, he was straight up front and said he had a daughter that he never knew that he would like to know, but was very hesitant in finding it because she was so young. When we thought she turned 18, we thought let's have a go, but it was a bit hard and we got put off, but it's always been in the back of his mind. It's now time to talk again to Amber back in Ruakaka. She's no idea I've found her father, where he is or just how much Maori heritage she's about to discover. Well, the other day I was in Australia and I met a man. What? No. What? And it was your dad. Are you serious? Really? Yeah. Really? Yeah. He's not here, right? No, he's not here. No. He's in Australia, but... Oh, is he? He said he's had people looking for you for years and just couldn't find you. Oh my gosh. You're serious? Yeah. Anything else you can tell me? Is he Maori? Have you met him? I'll let him tell you that. Wow. Has he got other kids? He can tell you. Yes, he does. I'll take that as he does. Amber is on the way to Geelong to meet the dad she's never known. Soon Glen will be able to give her the answers she so wants. So the answer to a lot of your questions is you see that little gate there? If you walk through there, the man behind there is your dad. All your questions will be answered. Go and say hello to him. Okay. Thank you. Really? Oh wow. I can see myself. Oh my god. As soon as I saw him, I knew that he was my dad. Hello. Hi. Oh, it's one of the best hugs I've ever had in my life. Something that I've missed for so long. It's been a long day. Oh wow. I could see myself in him. Like some of the features are similar. Unbelievable. Yeah. Very different. 25 years. Yeah. God, she looks like my family. She does. She looks a hell of a lot like my family. Incredible. So I am Maori. Oh yes, you are. We've got a lot of history to go through. That's good. Yay. We're actually descendants from the Maori Ori. Oh wow. But the history we'll go through, we'll do it together. Yeah. From one end of the country to the other. Oh really? Oh yeah. Oh, that's cool. More than you know, I believe. That's good, yeah. Would you like to meet the rest of my family? Yes. This is Paula. And here's John. Hi. Come on. Come on, little boy. He's so handsome. He loves you. He's shy. You want to see your sister? Glen has promised, subject to Paula's health, to come and visit Amber. It's going to be an incredible journey. Just to show her what she's missed. After spending time with her father, Amber finally has closure and the knowledge that one day soon, she'll be able to meet her new whanau in New Zealand. It's a lot to take in. It's hard to describe. Just overwhelmed and happy. The last time I saw my dad, I was four years old. I've no idea if he ever tried to find me, but I never stopped thinking about him. I've always felt empty. I'd love to share with him all the things he missed out on in my life and would really like to know about the things he's done in his life. Could you please help me find my father? Hi dad. 25-year-old Nikki Stewart and her partner Michael Wormsley work as share milkers in the Waikato, just outside of Otarahonga. They are engaged to be married and have two children, three-year-old Layton and Bailey, who is seven months. So, 20 years without knowing your dad. Yeah. That must have been hard. Yeah, it was hard. Eventually, I got used to it. But now, yeah, now that it has been 20 years, I never stopped thinking about him. Nikki was four years old when she last saw her dad. Well, we were living in Hamilton. My mum and my dad split up. Mum eventually got a new partner and we ended up moving down to Christchurch. Nikki's vivid memory of her father is of a tall man who gave her 50 cent pieces to go to the shop to buy lollies. Did you ever get told why your dad disappeared? No. Your mum hasn't told you? It's an unspoken subject. But then I never really asked either. Because I have children of my own and I couldn't imagine them not knowing their father. Also, in the back of my mind, there is too knowing he might turn around and not want anything to do with me. Nikki's mother doesn't want to be part of the search. Her partner Michael fully supports her need to find her long-lost father. I'd have meant everything for it. Yeah, she's missed out on a lot not having a dad, so yeah, that would mean a lot. I still wonder now, like, what to expect. Like, if I ever did get to see him again, I have no idea what my expectations are. Nikki's parents weren't married when she was born, but her father's full name is on her birth certificate. Finding this N, Wayne Stewart, is not easy. But on his mother's side of the family, I find there is an unusual last name. And this helps me find a cousin, Patrice. Patrice says she'll try and get a phone number for Wayne and will call back if she does. Ironically, it turns out Wayne Stewart still lives in Hamilton, the city where Nikki was born. Just 60 kilometres from Otorohonga, where Nikki and her family now live. Wayne's cousin Patrice has come back with a current phone number for Wayne. Hello? Oh, hello, is that Wayne? Yes. Oh, Wayne, look, my name is David Lomas and I'm ringing on behalf of your daughter, Nikki. Oh, oh, dear. 25-year-old mum, Nikki Stewart, last saw her father, Wayne, when she was four. My search has led me to Hamilton, where I make a call to Wayne. Oh, hello, is that Wayne? Yes. Oh, Wayne, look, my name is David Lomas and I'm ringing on behalf of your daughter, Nikki. Oh, oh, dear. She's wondering why you just disappeared from her life. Oh, God, what happened was I ended up in jail. I see, well, look, that's in the past, presumably. She would like to meet you now. Yeah. She's done a video message, which she would like me to show to you. Would you be happy to meet and have a look at that? Yeah, I don't have a problem with that. It seems there's a good reason why Nikki never got to see Wayne when she was growing up. But why didn't he get in touch with her? Since you're coming this way, you must be Wayne. I'm David, nice to meet you. So, as you know, your girl's looking for you. Yeah, yeah. Long time since you've seen her, I suppose. What happened? Our relationship with my daughter's mother, it ended. I ended up inside for a little bit. Did you do anything too bad? No, I only sold drugs, you know. But, you know, that's in the past. So when I got out in 1999, I tried to get in touch with Nikki, and the mother said, no way. So I didn't want to rock the boat. And Nikki, do you remember much about her? Yeah, well, she was only a little tacker when she went. You know, I remember the day that they moved from Hamilton to go to Christchurch, and I couldn't even bring myself to go to the airport to see them off. So, you know, I was very sad. I've got cancer, right? And every day, to me, because I don't know whether I'm going to wake up tomorrow or not, you know. So I'm just going to work it all out, and I just hope that I can fight and win this battle. Well, would you like to see your little girl? Yes, I would. Push this little button here. Dad, if you're watching this, it means that I've found you. I have never stopped thinking about you. It's been 20 years. I remember a lot of memories as a child at your house, playing in the backyard. You giving me money to buy lollies and sweets. I would really love to see you again, and if you can find it in your heart to see me, I would absolutely love that. You got it. Yeah. Sorry. I'm going to pride myself on being a hard man. I'm lost for words. I don't think there's any words that can really describe how I feel. So I can go and see Nikki and tell her you'd like to see her? Oh, totally. Yep, I certainly can. What do you think of her? Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. Wayne Stewart has five children by three different mothers, and now lives alone. He has worked as a mortician, but his cancer is terminal, and so he's currently not working. I need to break the news to Nikki back in Otorohonga. If we can find your dad, what will you say to him? I don't know. Like, if he wants to give me a big hug, I'll give him a big hug. Like, I'm all positive. I'm all... Yeah, I'm excited about it. Well, I met your dad the other day. Did you? Really? Are you serious? Really, really serious? I showed him the video you did. What did he say? And he cried when he watched it. Did he? Are you for real? Oh my god. Oh my gosh. So, would you like to meet him? Yes. So where is he? He's in Hamilton. Hamilton still? Oh my gosh. Oh my god. I can't believe it. I never, ever, ever thought this day would come. When Wayne last saw his daughter, she was just four years old, and he thought he'd lost her forever. So 20 years, it's a long time with no dad. It is. How are you feeling about it all? Nervous, but really excited. Really, really excited. Yeah, I'll probably be speechless. All right. Well, if you look just over your shoulder, you see the grandstand over there. Yeah. Michael and the kids are sitting in the grandstand. Yes. And that man out there, that's your dad. Really? Good luck. Thank you. When I started walking towards my dad, I was extremely nervous and really excited. When I first saw him, he just looked like a really nice man. Just like, wow, this is my dad. How are you? I haven't got any lollies or money, but I've got plenty of love lollies for you. Oh, good. And they're all free. So you have as much as you like, eh? Thank you. It was just amazing. He opened up his arms and I just, yeah, walked into his arms and hugged him. Your family's the first grand figure today. I know. When I saw her coming, I couldn't wait to give her a hug. It was wonderful. It really was. I loved it. Oh, beautiful to see you, Nick. You too. I'll never forget you, eh? I'll never ever stop thinking about you. Absolutely lovely. Thank you. How are you? Pleased to meet you. Michael. Michael with Bailey and Leighton. Hello. It was just amazing. Finally, after all these years of thinking about him, here he is right in front of me. I know. Wayne has subsequently told Nikki about his past and his current health issues. After spending time together, Nikki's contact with Wayne has gradually diminished. But she says she's happy she met the father she'd always wondered about. Next week on Lost and Found. It's a big empty place in my heart and it has been my whole life. Raised by grandparents, she's never known her dad. Frightened that she may not want to meet us. Is it too late to bring his daughter back to the family? I'm the boss, really.