The Secret to Peace Realizing This Is Enough

I love waking up in the morning and having my coffee and all the bees are ready. They've been up way before all of us and they are hard at work. Their little pollen sacks are full, full, full. I'm like, how long have you guys been out here for? As a little girl, I always loved being in the garden. I don't think I had any idea of like becoming a farmer or a flower farmer to be exact. The amount of people that come into this garden and just light up. To be sharing that sort of gift with people, like, yeah, I still don't know how I got so lucky. The more I can keep doing this and the more people I can keep bringing into this space and showing them that you can live side by side with nature and you can like care for things and just not have a lot, but you can, yeah, you can make it work and you can still take care of your space. I've just started reading Braiding Sweetgrass. Not far in, but it's been recommended to me for a long time and I finally went to go treat myself the other day. We are showered every day with gifts, but they are not meant for us to keep. Our work and our joy is to pass along the gift and to trust that what we put out into the universe will always come back. I really do believe that what we put out there does come back. And if we have good intentions, it will radiate out and affect other people in their lives. I think everything is a gift because everything has something to teach us. There's a lot of lessons to learn through the hard times and through feeling through pain and grief. I think last year, once my relationship of a long time had ended, I wasn't able to look back at it and think that it was a gift at all. I really like resented it, regretted it. Yeah, and I felt just a lot of hurt and almost shame around it. But I think everything does come into our lives for a reason. Like, I don't think I'd be sitting here in this beautiful space if I hadn't been in that relationship and look at this gift. Like, it's an incredible one. And I can only sit here saying that now after a year of navigating through pain and heartbreak and just, yeah, everything in between. I'll have a lot of down moments when I reflect back on my past relationship. Not a great relationship, quite toxic. Not showing up with love and understanding for one another. Really set me back a lot. Really mentally, like, not being okay. I was also fed that belief that no one would be with me or no one would accept me because I'm difficult. I did start to really doubt myself and I really believed that. It's definitely the default to blame ourselves. And for the six years I did, I thought it was all me and it was the way I was showing up in the relationship that was causing, yeah, just all the destruction and the damage and not to not take accountability for my behavior. That's, yeah, also not what I'm trying to say. It's just more of, it's crazy how you can, like, really be fed these things and really believe them to be you. And it's not necessarily the truth. The land knows you even when you are lost. I didn't know that the land could be so healing. The land has so much to teach us. It still carries on through the hardest of times and so can we. On an extremely windy or rainy, stormy day and I'm out there picking flowers and these things are just standing there so strong, so proud. I'm like, if they can do it, I can do it. Even when things are tough, I can really step into the garden and everything else just seems to melt away. It's like a deep meditation. There's so much around us that can lift our spirits and really ground us and make us feel completely comforted. To live so closely with nature and with the seasons, it's almost like a ancient way of how we once lived and that there's something so special about that. And I feel like I'm starting to get closer or more comfortable with knowing that things sort of work in cycles and like the seasons, everything shifts. Going through life, knowing that it's not always perfect and it's not always gonna be, I think I use the term sunshine and rainbows, but yeah, really, there can't be a rainbow without the rain. It's not always about being up. There's also moments where you need to take the rest and you need to have downtime and I'm slowly trying to find that balance. I choose joy over despair, not because I have my head in the sand, but because joy is what the earth gives me daily and I must return the gift. I've stopped overanalyzing things and being so much my head because I think I have had moments where I'm so in my head and I'm just so not experiencing life for what it is. When you pick a flower and it's all fresh and you put it into a vase, you only have this short amount of time with this beauty. Once it starts to lose its color and wilt and die, I think there's so much beauty in that still. I think that's why I also love dried flowers and drying flowers is because there's still beauty in death. I feel like it can show us how to enjoy the moment for now and be here now and really soak it all up because you never know when it's gonna lose its color or lose its beauty. And it's just such a profound thing. Maybe there's no such thing as rain. There are only raindrops, each with its own story. Even though we're told that we are enough and we wanna believe that we are enough, there's also a place that you sometimes just feel like you're maybe not enough and how can you be enough and how can you be better? I've got a couple of little quotes up on my mirror that when I brush my hair, I always read them. I trust and believe in myself. I have everything I need right now. For a long time, I never believed in myself and I always doubted myself. And I feel like once you get to that point of really believing in yourself, like the possibilities are endless, so yeah. Your own fire, your spirit. We all carry a piece of that sacred fire within us. We have to honor it and care for it. You are the fire keeper. Being so supported by my parents who have told me that I can do this and they will be there for me to support me, not necessarily like financially or anything like that. It's just more of like love and guidance and saying that this is very in line with who I am and then sort of reflecting back on that because sometimes you forget who you are in those hard, turbulent times of all that self-doubt and not believing in your dream anymore. And I feel like when you maybe aren't seeing what you've done around you because you're in such a dark space or a dark time, you can't really see what you've done and what you've achieved. And then to have others supporting you and telling you, you just have to look around you with everything you have achieved so far and just to like zoom out and like gain perspective and zoom back in and yeah, and then see what you have achieved and what you have done and what you are capable of doing. I'm showered with love and support from my friends and my family. I'm able to do what I love every day. I work in such a beautiful environment. I live in such a beautiful place. I'm so, so lucky. I have an amazing dog who is just by my side through thick and thin and through every adventure. Frenzel is 100% my soulmate. So much unconditional love that I experience from this dog. He's really come into my life to just share his light, I think, and to show me that each day we need an adventure or a change of scenery. I feel like I have everything I need because I'm the happiest I've been in years. I really, really am and I can deeply feel that. It's something I wake up feeling and that for me is just such an amazing mental space to be in. And I never want to take it for granted again.