Guys and Girls CAN'T be JUST Friends_ _ Crowdwork (18 mins) _ Michael Blaustein

Are you in a relationship, Brian? Yes. Is this your first relationship? Yes. Oh, Jesus Christ. So, you were a virgin until you were 19? So was she. Jesus Christ. How long did you last when you put it in the first time? I've never been able to finish it. Oh, shoot. Okay. Just afterwards. What did she do afterwards? Well, you know. No, I don't. I'm asking. Finding out all this to say your girlfriend's pussy ain't ----. You know what, sir? You okay, man? You had to go pee-pee? Everything good? Come out. How's the flow? Flow good? Good? Good flow? You ever get nervous? Your flow's not strong? No? Comes out pretty good? It does not come pretty good? It comes out dribble- I'm just- Hey, baby. I'm trying to help you out, okay? But you- It's nice. It's not strong. A dribble drop. Just a little- Is it because- Is it small or just because you have a- You have like a urethra problem. Urethra issues. You don't want to clean it out? Get an oil change or something? Might need to get your dick- Alright, sorry. Okay, cool. What's your name, man? I'm sorry. I'm attacking you. You seem like a very nice guy. Will. Will, hello. I'm Michael. So nice to motherfucking meet you, man. **** yeah, dude. You look like you know how to just build some ----. Like- Like if I had some Ikea ferns, you could build that ---- with your ******* mind. Like- Like you just- Oh, there's an armoire. **** you. And I got dribble-drabbles. What- What do you do? You have a girlfriend or wife or a boyfriend or what? You said nothing? Single. Hell yeah, man. How's that going, man? How's the- How's the dating game in Detroit? It's a little rough. It's a little rough? Why? What are you- Are you on the apps? No, I got- I got banned. You got banned? Oh, you idiot. Tinder women are gonna eat this ---- up. Why'd you get banned, man? I honestly have no idea. You honestly- You don't know? That's your second lie tonight. Tell me, ************. Woke up one day, and Tinder was like, get on- You know what type of ---- you gotta do on Tinder to get kicked off? You gotta either sell your pussy and sorta you might get kicked off. What- So what did you- You literally just woke up, and then it was just- You're- It's- You're gone. This ----'s done. Seriously? I put hoe in my, uh- You- You put hoe in your bio. No! The STDs this guy got, I love it. It tastes like gonorrhea. Like a- Like a farmer hoe? Or like you think you're a- Or you said, I like hoe. What did you put? What did you write? You swore to God you don't remember, but you- You remember you had the word hoe in your bio, and then you woke up one day, and you're like, ----. It's gone. Okay. You ever think about getting on, like, Bumble or anything else? Nothing? No? Okay. Are you meeting girls out in the wild? It's not- Is it going okay? No. What was the last date you were on? Couple months. Couple months? So it's going pretty bad. Date 60 days ago. It's not going good, baby. Okay. 60 days ago you had one date, and where did- Where did you take her, sir? You don't know? We have amnesia. Wait, what's wrong? What's wrong? You don't- Do you have a good memory? No, honestly? No. Obviously not. But you don't- Okay. What do you do for work if you have a bad memory, and you got the dribble-drabbles? What do you- You're gonna- You're gonna find- You're gonna find the love of your life. I really feel it, okay? What is your name? I'm yelling at you and I don't even know. Will. My bad. I'm dumb. You rubbed off on me. CTE, Will. Oh, man. You're gonna make it, bro. You're buff. You got a great face. How old are you, man? 33. Okay. Great. Thank you. Okay. And now, Will, who's this to your right, Will? Your buddy, Lyle. Okay. What up, Lyle? That's your wife? Girlfriend. Freak yeah, man. And how long you guys been girlfriend, boyfriend? For four months. That's great. Where'd you guys meet? Did you guys meet at like a bar on Tinder? Excuse me? Wikipedia page. I don't know. So, a friend of mine put me on a Facebook page like, uh, now you know what I'm talking about. F*** myself. Just made up my mind right now. Now, listen. Whatever you do to some Facebook page, you've met each other and that's what you get. That's, I like that. Man, what's your favorite position? Doggy style? That's cool. That's good. So, you don't have to, you don't have to look at this stupid face. You look like Fruit Ninja. Are you done yet? That's really cool. Okay. You wanna, are you, you want, you want therapy, ma'am? Not in a bad way. I'm a therapist. I'm just asking. No? Okay. Great. Ever, ever in your life? No? Okay. Are you a therapy, ma'am? F*** you, therapist. F*** you. Say again? That's, that's your therapist? Is that your boyfriend? You say your life partner? What the f***? Your, your life partner? Who's bookstore? What, what? What are you talking about? It's my life partner. So, what, how come you say life partner instead of my, my boy, like, what, how come you chose those words? You guys are together? Excuse me? Oh, you guys together, but you're not legally married. Okay. So, that's a, boyfriend! Yo, can we say again, ma'am? Oh, you go, oh, so there's a, there's a cut off. So, if you're, in your head, if you guys are together for a little bit, that's my boyfriend. If you guys are together for, for more, that's my life partner. Is that your boyfriend? No, that's my life partner. How, how are you? You okay? Got the hood up? You cold? Yeah. Cold? Yeah. Okay. I'm pretty cold too. What's your name? Brian. So nice to meet you, man. Do you know this person to your, left? No. No? You came here solo? Yeah. F**k yeah, Brian. F**k friends. You don't need them stupids. I like that. Are you in a relationship, Brian? Yes. F**k yeah. Where, where they at? At work? Good. Is, is it your, is, is they your life partner? Two, two years? Yeah. Is that the life partner cut off? What do you think? Is it life partner? Okay. She got a life partner. That's pretty cool. You found out that right now. You got a life partner. Does she live with you? No, she doesn't. Okay. She's not your life partner. Okay. That's really cool, man. And, what was the last relationship, you were in before her? None. None? That was, this your first relationship? Yes. Oh, Jesus Christ. Sir, how old are you, sir? I'm 22. You're 22? Huh? No, this girl will be 22. You'll be, what? November 6th, I'll be 22. November 6th, you'll be 22. So, you're 21 right now? Yeah. Oh, you're the cutest guy in the world. I like this guy. So, you're 21, and you guys been together since what? You were 19? And, before that, you had no relationships? None. F**k you. How'd you lose your virginity? Did she, did she lose it? Oh, she gave you a cootie? She gave you, she ******* gave you the, she gave it to you. She gave you the *******, take this p**sy. She gave it to you. So, you got none, and you, you didn't have any, until you were virgin, until you were 19? So is she. Jesus Christ. Dude, you, you beat that ******* b**ch to submission. How long, how long did you last when you put it in the first time? You guys don't wanna know, I wanna know. Finish her. You never been able to finish in her? Yeah. Oh, shoot. Okay. Oh, shoot. Okay, you and you gotta get your d**k checked. The d**k doctor, I don't know. Check it out. What do you mean? You never, you never, not even your first time? You didn't, you, what? Hey, what? What? Hey. Is it you, or is it her? Who is it? Is it, whose fault is it? Excuse me? She gets too tired? Yeah, she do, right? Take this tough mother, you ******* b**ch. Okay, so you can't, you can't. So, when you, so when you, are, are you, like, okay. Are you, I'm, I'm asking, I'm asking. Are you one of those guys that, like, squeezes hard as f**k? Like, so, is that, is that him? No, she does it. She, what? She does it afterwards. What, what does she do afterwards? Well, you know. No, I don't. I'm asking. She, she helps you finish. That's, but that's what I'm asking. So, when you, is it, do you, like, okay. Cause some guys, can't finish, and women, because women's f**k don't feel like what they do when they're by themselves. And some dudes, hard, too hard, or they, and that's how they f**k. That's, I'm telling you. It's the ******* truth. So, do you think, when you, when you're alone, do you f**k too hard? No, you do regular, regular stroke? Yeah. Okay. All this to say, your girlfriend's *******, *******, Z, Zab. S, S-A what? Sass? S-A-V. How the f**k, did you hear that? What the f**k? This dude is, right in front. Zab! And I can't hear s**t, and this guy's like, what? Zab! Is it with an F? Zass? No, it's S-A-V. Oh, S-A-V? Yes. S, Sav. All right. So, her name ain't, and her p**sy ain't, But, where is she from? Zab, Zab. Excuse me? Garden City. Oh, so she, she from, she, born and raised. One more, one more question, one more question. What does, what does she do for work? She works at a theater. She works at a theater? Yes. Okay, great. And what do you do? I work. Uh-oh. You work out back? Yeah. Are you, are you a server, or a cook, or what do you do? I do to-go. You do to-go, to-go. Thank you so much, for your ******* service, man. I like your steaks. Damn, dude. Hey, sir, you missed a lot. Her girlfriend's name is, and her p**sy sucks, and he's an owl. You missed a lot. I got you all, got you all, got caught up. I like your duck whistles, man. Your duck whistles are cool. Thank you so much. One guy gets it? Okay. This is very, very fun. I thank you guys, again, for coming. I'll talk to you, one more person, and we'll go on with the show. Let's go. Me, please. Me, please. Me, please. Okay. What, uh, how are you, ma'am? I'm good. You're good? Okay. Good. Well, um, do, what, uh, is this, who is this to you? Who, are you with anybody here? My husband. That's your husband? That's very, very nice. Great. Okay. And you guys are married? Who, who is the person, you're with, before him? Don't raise your hand, if you can't handle the heat, brother. Pick me, pick me. Oh, no, not that question. No, I'm just, around. It was during COVID. I'm just repeating, because those people can't hear. It was during COVID. It was a little crazy. Good. He was crazy. Why was he crazy? Isn't that funny? What happened? He had really big eyes. He had big eyes. Like that owl. Good. He had big eyes. That's why he was insane? Did he do anything crazy? He has big eyes. Date two, I love you. Oh, that's what you got to start with, man. Date two, he said, I love you. Heck, yeah. All right. Well, maybe you should take that, and feel good about that. Maybe he's not insane. Maybe you're just cool as. Ooh. Okay. All right. That's great, man. Say again. He was one and done? What are you talking about? Hold on. You were that's your first vagina? What is wrong with Detroit? You virgin. So, two years ago, how old are you, bro? You're 26. So, how long did you keep your virginity for? You were 21. Okay. That's not, that's not too bad. Jesus Christ. That's the biggest in Detroit right there. Your body counts only eight. How old are you? 31. Your body counts only eight. That's not, that's not, that's not a lot. Okay. No, it's not. Okay. What's your name? Hello, Jenna. I'm Michael. So nice to meet you. Are you with, are you with anyone, Jenna? Best friend, Bianca. Oh, do you, are you guys friends? Are you guys... You guys done it before? Not yet. Oh, ----. Okay. Hell yeah. We're observing the right to lick. I like that. Okay. Are you, are you, are you interested? They both... at the same time.