"He's Been Lying About Finances For Years"

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. I am struggling with my husband lying to me financially. I've been struggling with this for about two years, and I'm just wanting some advice on how to fix this. Oh gosh, Sarah. You said he's lying about your money. What's an example of that? What does that mean? So I first found out that he'd been lying our whole marriage a couple years ago. He had a large chunk of money from the sale of a house that he had put into, or he told me, he put into a high yield savings account. And when we got to the point of talking about buying a house, it came out that he had been completely lying about it. That there, that he'd spent all the money, and I still don't know where he spent all that money. There are other times where we'll put money in the safe as a savings account, just in case of emergencies. And I went in there one day last March to get some money out to pay a bill, and the money was gone. And it's kind of things like this that are consistently happening. And what does he say when you confront him? Where does he say the money went? The $70,000, I'm not sure where it went, even to this day. But for the other stuff, he says that it goes to, you know, if I'm out of town for work, he says that he went and spent it eating out. Or he went and just bought some random stuff that we don't really need, that he's not really going to use. Have you seen said stuff? Is there actual proof of the things he's saying he's purchasing? Yes. Like, I see the receipts from where he's gone out to eat, and, you know, he brought home a guitar and tried to play it for two weeks, and then stopped playing it, and now it's just sitting in the closet. Okay. Well, there's a few layers to this, and I don't know if there's something more nefarious happening behind the scenes. You know, there's financial infidelity. Is there actual infidelity? Is there an addiction? Is there gambling? There's so much we don't know because he's not being fully transparent, and that is the only solution. The only hope for this marriage is him coming totally clean, because right now you can't trust him. Because usually, Sarah, if there is a level of deceit financially, not always, but more than half the time there's something else happening on the other side of that door. You don't just blow 70 grand on some toys. Yeah, and I don't know what that is, what that looks like, but my fear is his character is proving out to be that he lies. He's a liar. He doesn't keep his word, and if he's lying about one area of life, again, I pray it's not the case, but there's a good chance there's other things going on, and so I would, for your sake of the marriage, to keep the marriage at all intact, you guys need to sit down with a really, really good marriage therapist or counselor and start hashing out. Again, it's not just the money piece. This always goes deeper. This is always, it's usually never a money issue. It usually starts to show itself as a marriage issue, and that's what this is. This is a man who has to make a decision on whether he's going to choose to rebuild trust with his wife, Sarah, and you guys will create a roadmap over a long process of that healing journey for you to be able to trust him again, or if the patterns continue, I don't know how you stay married to someone that continues to lie to you. George here. Look, your phone bill should fit your budget, not the other way around. Enter Boost Mobile. Their low rates mean you can unlock up to $600 in savings over the so-called big carriers, so bring your phone, keep your number, and pay just $25 a month forever on their unlimited plan. Guys, stop paying more just because you always have. Head to boostmobile.com slash ramsay to make the switch today. Based on average annual payment of AT&T, Verizon, and T-Mobile customers, compared to 12 months on the Boost Mobile unlimited plan as of January 2026. See website for full details. I don't know how you stay married to someone that continues to lie to you. Well, and that's the hard thing because in a lot of ways, he's great. He helps out around the home. He is very encouraging, and spiritually, you know, I don't really believe in divorce, and so it's hard because our whole lives are intertwined. You know, we go to church together. Like, I want to be led by a godly man. You're not, Sarah. Sarah, you're not. You're not though. You're not. He took $70,000, Sarah, and lied about it. You guys have an agreement that you're going to put money over here, and he chooses to be a selfish child and go buy a freaking guitar. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, it's pretty glaring, and I don't trust him, and so no, that's not a man who leads you spiritually, Sarah. No, you can't put a spiritual umbrella over this. This is wrong. This is wrong, and I'm sorry. I don't mean to be harsh about it, but— No, that's really something that I need to hear. Yeah, I mean, it's just—and we're a third party that doesn't know you from Adam, so when you give us information that you've been used to holding, it's become normalized to you, but you say it to us, and we're like, no. And again, I'm not saying he's a bad guy. I'm not saying he has a double life or something. I don't want to jump to that. And he can be a good guy in a lot of other ways, but it doesn't matter if you can't trust him. You understand that's the root of this whole thing, and I'm sure he's a hard worker, and he goes to church. He can check all the boxes, but if you can't trust him, and he constantly lies to you, there is no relationship here. And so starting today, I'd say, hey, I'm a joint owner on every single bank account, every account in our life, and if you say no to that, we can't move forward. Yeah, and it's a spectrum here, Sarah. Again, we jump probably to the dramatics because we do this show for a living, so I feel like we hear some of the craziest stories. So yes, it could be that he's just sloppy with money. He's irresponsible. He's immature about it and needs to grow up. That's the best case scenario. You know what I mean? But he needs to understand the seriousness of this, because if you want to talk scripture, I can throw a lot of money scriptures at you that actually depict what your heart and character are, is how a reflection of Yeah, he needs to step up and be a man, and if he can't own this or understand the seriousness of what he has eroded in your marriage trust-wise... He brushes it off and goes, well, I bought some toys while you were out of town. My bad. That's not enough. Yeah, and you too, Sarah. On your end, you got to decide if it's that serious to you, and it may not be. You may get off this call and be like, I can function in this for the rest of my life, and you may choose to. I don't know, because it's the harder work to not sweep things under the rug and actually to pull the rug out and deal with the crap that's sitting right there. That's marriage work. That's the hard work in marriage. It's so much easier to be like, it's not a big deal. I'm going to just justify it over here because he is a good guy, and then that's the level of marriage you're going to have. But if you guys want to do the work to dig deeper, not only financially can you be healed, but I think you'll have a much healthier, real, honest, authentic relationship in your marriage as well, which is probably the ultimate goal. Absolutely. We're hoping for healing for you, but you've got some hard work ahead of you. And it's red flags. Some tough conversations, and how he reacts is going to be very telling. I love the quote, when someone shows you who they are, believe them. And so the more he shows you that he can't be trusted, the more you have to realize he's just not a trustworthy person, and I can't change him, and therefore I'm not safe in this relationship. That's it. That's the hard truth. And I hope you guys have some good counseling and church family that can help support you through this. I hope there's healing and redemption on the other side. Get some healthy, spiritual Christian people around you. Healthy. Bring it all into the light. That's the path forward. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.