My Husband Hid Our Finances, Now He Wants A Divorce

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. I have been married for six years to my husband. When we got married, he wanted me to sign a last-minute prenup the day before we were going to get married. Nothing was written up, so I didn't agree to sign anything because he wanted me to just sign a blank piece of paper and his attorney was going to write up whatever he told him to. And I said, well, we've never even discussed finances in our year of dating, so I'm not comfortable doing that. Good for you. Good for you. I've never even heard of such a crazy request. Well, yeah. So the day before we were leaving to go out of state to go get married, he said, well, I want you to come down to the attorneys and blah, blah, blah. Anyway, I just said, well. And then he said, well, don't you trust me? And I said, this is ridiculous. I said, we've never even talked about finances. And when we were dating, he was throwing money around like he had all this money, but I didn't know what he had or didn't have. Anyway, so anyway, fast forward, I didn't sign it. I'm not signing a blank piece of paper. That's ridiculous. And so anyway, so fast forward six years, finances have always been kept a secret. He gives me a small allowance he puts in a joint checking account to cover, you know, whatever small things on the side, he pays the main bills. You know, I pay the groceries and other small things. But anyway, so now he fast forward, he wants a divorce because I've finally put my foot down and said, I'm not going to live in Seacrest anymore. You either become transparent, because as far as I can tell from how he's acting, he's put his one business, I think it's like going in the hole, he's an accountant. And he went from having a dozen employees to having two. And anyway, I think he's just lost a lot of money. So he started another driving business on the side. And he started that a year and a half ago and went into a ton of debt for that. So Susan, this is really bad. And I'm so sorry, you're going through this. What specifically would you like us to weigh in on today? Well, I'm just wondering, with all this debt, I'm like, what am I responsible for? And is he really in debt? Or is he not? I mean, I don't really know. What's his reasoning when you push him to the point that he said, I'm going to divorce you. When you push him on, I want transparency, I want to see everything. What's his response? Is it it's none of your business? Is it? Yeah, like, yeah. Okay. I just said, I need to know what's going on. Like, where are we? And how can I help him? What's going on? And he says, I'm not telling you. It's none of your business. Yeah. This is an overlord, not a husband. He's acting like some, you know, crazy, maniacal overlord. I think let's answer your question as technically as we can, Rachel. This is an ad for BetterHelp. One of the most important things I've ever done in my life as a husband, as a dad, as a community member, as a neighbor, is to finally break down and go see a therapist. It's not just for major traumas. It's for anyone wanting better mental and emotional health and peace. If you're thinking about trying therapy, try my friends at BetterHelp. BetterHelp is a hundred percent online, so it's affordable and it's convenient. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Ramsey for 10% off your first month. If your name's not on it. Yeah, the debt, you're not going to be responsible. You're not responsible for it. So, but that doesn't really help you with your problem is that you don't know what he's done. You don't know what he's put in your name. Do you guys have a mortgage? We have a mortgage. So right after we got married, he had the house appraised. Are you on the mortgage? No. Your name's not on the mortgage. Only his is? So he bought the home about a year before we got married. Great news for you. So then we got married and then a couple months later he decides, doesn't even tell me, but he's talking to the bank about refinancing. So the morning of I said, where are you going? He goes, I'm going down to the bank. I'm refinancing the house. And I said, oh, well, that would have been a good thing to know. And anyway, so he just goes down and does it. And I'm like, well, wait a minute. We haven't discussed. Do we want to put it on 20 or 30 or what's the plan and how much? But your name is not on it even after the refi. Nothing. Okay. Well, which means you, okay. So that's hard because any equity that's built into this thing, either you don't have, which is a negative, but also if he is underwater a hundred grand in business loans and he has to file bankruptcy, they're going to take the house and use the equity in that to, I mean, you know what I mean? Our hope is that your name's not on any of his debt, but to Rachel's point, you're not going to benefit from anything from the house. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Susan, the way he's talking to you with money, this doesn't like your marriage overall. No, he doesn't engage in any marital. Okay. Yeah. So I think you have to make a decision either he changes and chooses to be a spouse in this relationship, which means a commitment and transparency and oneness and a team and everything healing in all areas of life. I think not just money is what this sounds like. And if he doesn't do that, which you probably want, then you have to make a decision, Susan, on how you want the rest of your life to be. And we never are pro-divorce, right? Like I never wanted to get to this point, but I also want you to protect yourself in a situation like this, where the all of it, like this is, it is the most controlled financial situation on his benefit and not yours. And that's unfair. Well, and that's what he's told. I was trying to fix it and go to the counselor and stuff. And he just told the counselor, he just said, I set things up the way I wanted it. This is the way it's going to be. So then you have grounds here. We're not recommending divorce, but this is a marriage that's non-existent. It's only on paper and who knows what else he's hidden from you. So yeah, I mean, I don't know how forthcoming he's going to be in divorce proceedings, but he won't have much choice when you start getting down to it. So at this point, it's like you have to take your losses and you called asking, what do I do about debt that's in my name? If it's in your name, you're going to have to walk our process of the baby steps out. It's a baby step one, baby step two, as you start over. But the reality is you don't know and we don't know. Don't you build any credit? What's that? Don't you build any credit after you're married? Any equity that is built... But it's not in your name. ...after you're married? It's not in your name. It's not in your name. Here's the real answer, Susan. But in our state law, it does say that any equity that's built... From a marital perspective, yeah. Well, again, that's where you need a divorce lawyer. A good one. We don't know. But I'm saying, though, Susan, if he goes and tries to get any assets that he can to avoid a bankruptcy or something, you know what I mean? He's going to be fined in anything, which scares me that there's going to be nothing for you. Well, I know that's what I'm like. Are you working right now? No. Okay. Do y'all have kids? No. I went to school for this last year. I just finished and I have $1,500 in school loans that I have to start paying back in six months. For what? What did you go to school for? Master Esthetician. I have a cosmetology license. Yeah, that's great. Can you go get a job in the next week or two as an Esthetician or doing makeovers at Nordstrom or something like that? I don't know. I mean, I could probably go to a spa. Sorry. It was kind of a trick question. The answer to my question is yes. No, I can't go make enough money in the next month to support myself. That's the answer. Well, no. Okay. But you've got the wrong mindset. I didn't say to be able to make all that up. You have to now go get a job, like Rachel said, because you have to assume that you're not going get any money out of this and you need a job because you're going to need to go rent an apartment or go find another divorced lady who needs a roommate. This is your reality right now, and I hate that I'm telling you this, but- It's that, or if you choose to stay in the marriage, you guys have... No, I'm just saying, either way, you're functioning as an individual, whether you stay in the marriage or not, which means you need money to your name, Susan. Yeah. So go get a full-time job. Because you don't even know... I mean, you could take everything tomorrow, you know? I know. So how old are you? 59. 59. Okay. Do you have any retirement, anything in your name? No. No. Okay. Okay. Urgency, it's the word. I'm proud of you for going back to school, though. Yeah, absolutely. Seriously, you're making the right steps. Well, I just kept seeing this coming, and I'm like, I've got to have some more something as a foundation to be able to earn some money. And I'm just like what you're saying, I'm scared that I'm going to be left with nothing. Yeah, but here's the deal. Here's the good news. You have a very good skill, and you can work and make enough money as an esthetician. You can. So now you must. But what do I do in the meantime if I don't have any access to funds? You open up your own bank account. You're a grown woman. Your money goes into your account. For now, if you need to. Go work somewhere, and you start your own financial life. Yeah. 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