Rashmi Rustagi: A Ray of Light | Rotary Voices Podcast

So, welcome everybody to the Rotary Voices podcast. I'm Linda Yu. Now, today we are so pleased because we have sitting here with us a very talented movie actress, TV star, script writer, producer, food blogger, which makes you a chef also, yoga expert, and Vedic high priestess. Yes? Rashmi Rustagi. Hello there. Hi. Hi. Hi. It's so good to have you here with us. And we're happy you're here with us here in Chicago. And we're going to get to all of those talents that I just talked about. But first of all, you are a once again new member of Rotary. It was a year and a month ago, I think it was, that you joined the Redwood City, California chapter of Rotary, bringing you back to Rotary from being with Rotary in your childhood. That's right. That's a long explanation for that. But anyway, this time around, why did you come back to Rotary? Well, so when I was growing up in Lucknow, India, I was a Rotaract member and I did some fashion modeling for them at their annual fundraisers. And then I came to the US, had children and work in life. And then when I came back to Redwood City two years ago, I met this gentleman at the gym who mentioned the Rotary Club. And I said, you know what, is there a Rotary in Redwood City? And he said, yeah, yeah, I'm a member. Come visit. And that's how it started. And I visited and I fell in love. And I was like, oh, yeah. It reminded me of India in a way. And to come back to doing social work, which I do on my own, but to be with a group of like-minded people, that was amazing. Yeah. So I'm delighted to be a part of it. Well, Rotary is so happy to have you back. That's great. So one of the things, though, that you have just accomplished is something that it's an incredible project. I think you're very, very proud of it. And you should be. It's a movie called Designed by Preeti. Talk to me about that. So I'm an actor, writer, and producer. Acting is where I started. I started working in radio plays from the age of nine in India and earned all my pocket money while growing up. And then went into theater, live theater, and got married and came to the U.S. And for a while, everything stopped because nobody was casting brown faces in theater. So we traveled around. And when I arrived in the Bay Area and found a theater for Indian theater, it's called NATA, started doing plays with them, and then transitioned into Hollywood and found representation there. Started working in shows and films and booking some jobs here and there. And so doing the trajectory from acting to writing was when I found this story that came to me about female feticide in the Indian American community. And somebody needed to tell that story. So I wrote a short film. It's on Amazon Prime. It's called Unborn. And then during the pandemic, when there was very little work as an actor, I started writing this story, Designed by Preeti story, which is about domestic violence in the South Asian community particularly, and then community at large. And it's based on a true story of two of my friends in the Bay Area and a close relative. And when I found out about the close relative, it became a passion project. And one of the reasons I wanted to tell this story is because a lot of South Asians, or Indians in particular, don't believe that domestic violence exists in the upper middle class in America. And so I had to convince them. And I was like, no, but go to this website and read here, etc. So I wanted to get that message across. And so I made this film. And was it also necessary to make the film because even those who were maybe in the upper class, or this was happening to them, didn't dare speak up? Exactly. And my movie addresses all those reasons why they don't speak up or why they stay in these marriages. All the society requirements and how when women do leave an abusive marriage or get divorced, how the society kicks them out. Kicks them out. Yeah. For being a single woman, for being a threat to the other married women. Yeah. Doesn't make any sense. This is something that I identify with also because in the Chinese culture, the same thing existed. And one of the other things is, because it was such a part of culture in the past, little girls grew up believing this is the way it's supposed to be. And it wouldn't occur to them, oh, I can, or I should, or I have the right to leave this. Because an arranged marriage, or even if it's not arranged, if it is a traditional man who was raised in that culture and expects a submissive wife, it doesn't occur to, I think, either one that things ought to change, right? So do you find women, and you talk about middle-aged Indian women, which I love, I love that, that you want to speak to, does it come as a surprise to some of them with, oh, I don't have to live this way? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And after many screenings, people come and talk to me, want to talk about themselves or their family or their mother or their father who have been touched by domestic violence. And a lot of them are not Indians. A middle-aged Hispanic male talked to me and broke down and started crying because he said, this is a story of my parents. And thank you for making your character stand up and say no. And when I was growing up in India, and this is the conditioning that your culture, my culture does to young women is, we are told, when I got married, and as I was leaving, my mother, who had a law degree, she was an educated woman, said to me, you know, a girl goes to her husband's house in a wedding carriage and only leaves in a coffin. And I started laughing and I said, Mom, but if this doesn't work out, I'm coming back here. She said, oh, let's not even think about that. She didn't even want to go there. So I put that dialogue exactly in the film, because that's the conditioning that we have. And so I have many such dialogues or incidents in the film that we have raised with, or we were conditioned with. Yeah, very definitely. And then it's interesting when you say that this, besides, you know, you want to talk for middle-aged Indian women, but as people see this film, so many people identify because there are so many people who live in this country and they live within two cultures. And they're trying to navigate their two cultures, you know, the one that they came from and the one that they meet here. And it's difficult. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just straddling both cultures and trying, you know, juggling, trying to, you know, navigate that, finding that perfect spot where you raise your kids in the affluent America and you want them to have a traditional marriage and you want them to be vegetarian and you want them to have all the values, Indian values and American values. It's a lot to ask. It's hard. It really is hard. It is. And just very quickly, what is it? What's the title mean? Preeti is the character. Yes. So you play? I play. So I wrote this film and I produced it and I play the lead and it's designed by Preeti because Preeti ends up designing her life. So our tagline is when the old life does not fit. And also she is a clothing designer because that's all she knew how to do. So she starts designing clothes. That's great. So you talked about starting when you were nine years old. When you were nine years old, you know, you found that this is something you enjoyed to do and being on the radio and it gave you some spending money, that kind of thing. But did you see in it a future for yourself that this was going to be my career? This is my dream? Well, I enjoyed doing it from the get go because we were five of us. I have four siblings. My mother took all of us to the radio station. Only two of us actually stuck with it, me and my younger sister, who's also an actress in India. And I loved it. I wanted to go back. And even though the style of the people that coached you was very rough and abrasive and they would yell at you, but I loved it. Loved every minute of it. So I knew that this is what I enjoyed. And when I started doing live theater, it just came very naturally and people liked what I was doing. So that gives you the impetus to keep going. Yeah. It just grew from there where you found you could do drama. You can do comedy. You're very funny and you have a great sense of humor and it comes out and you can act that way. You can be a narrator too, right? Yeah. Yeah. So you've done a lot. How did you leave India and come to the United States first? So I had an arranged marriage. And by arranged in the modern terms means that you do meet each other and you have a say. You can say, no, I don't like the guy. So I met my husband in India. He was living in the United States. He grew up here and we clicked and I said, yes. And then we got married and I came to the U.S. This is the time when you could get your green card. Now, the really interesting part of that is that he was the second young man that you met as a potential husband. And for him? For him, I was the 39th girl. So he was really picky and he picked the best. Well, he was picky because he was in a time crunch. He had to find a wife. He had gone to India to find a wife. I was not looking for a husband at that time. I was going to do an MBA. I just graduated from college. So that's why I hadn't met too many men by that time. So in many ways, he was still very traditional, a traditional Indian man, because even though he was raised in the United States, he still wanted to go back and find and have an arranged marriage with an Indian woman. So that was important. So that means for you, he brought you to the United States, and your role then was to be a wife and then mother, right? Yeah. Well, I tried to go to school and get an MBA. He encouraged me. But a lot of things didn't work out. He was moving around a bit. And so I ended up doing like one year of the two-year MBA program and ended up at Ohio State and then got pregnant. And I was like, okay, I'm done. I'm done going to school. And I just want to have the child and raise the child on my own, instead of sending them to daycare or whatever, and ended up having four children. So then it was after that, that you decided, I miss acting. Well, actually, I missed acting all of this time. But we were in smaller cities. We were in towns which did not have roles for brown people. So then when we moved to the Bay Area is when I found my tribe and Indian theater and started acting in theater. And then in around 2009-ish, I got offered a role for a Bollywood film that was being filmed in LA with a famous Bollywood actor. And it went very well. And I was like, wow, film, this will be around for a while. Theater goes, nobody sees it. So that's when I got the film bug. And I went to LA from the Bay Area, started looking for an agent. Nobody would take me because I was a brown, middle-aged, and did not have a union affiliation, Screen Actors Guild. And I did not live in LA. So all those strikes. So then I got an LA phone number. I was like, yeah, I live here. Here's my phone number, 310 phone number. And I will get a union credit. I mean, getting a union affiliation, it's chicken or the egg. You have to get parts in order to get in. You can't get parts until you're a union. But then he said, okay, if I call you tomorrow for an audition, I want you to be there. And I said, okay, that's fine. Just don't call me before noon. Because I knew I could get in my car at 6am and drive to LA from San Francisco and be there by noon. And so I got a bunch of auditions like that, where I would drive there and maybe stay in a motel that night, or maybe just drive back if I had the energy. And then I got one audition in January. And I drove six and a half hours. I was listening to driving on five. Five. Going south on five. Yeah. And there was fog. And I'm listening to an audiobook. And tears are coming down my face. And anyway, it was very dramatic. And I arrived there. I did my audition, which lasts two to three minutes, usually. Came back home and bought food from Whole Foods. Nobody knew I was missing out. And two months later, I get the call that I booked it. And this was a big part in the Avengers, the 2012 Avengers. So I thought, okay, this is it. My career's made. Well, that was not true. I continued to struggle and audition and got parts in some decent shows. Yeah, there's a long list of films you've been in. And some films. And then TV series. Some TV series, yes. But then again, you have to wait and wait. And now I had the time and the wherewithal and the strength to write and produce a feature film. Your name is Rashmi. What does it mean? A ray of light. Do you feel that you have a responsibility then because that's your name? Oh, I didn't think of it that way ever. But now I have to think about that, right? Shine that light. But yeah, you think about it, but that's what you've been doing, don't you think? Yeah, yeah. With Unborn, with Designed by Preeti, definitely. Maybe not lots of the movie roles and all that, but you are, because these are projects that are so important to you, you are shining a light. Yeah, I love to share. I love to teach. So when my child was going off to college and wanted my recipes, which I like to cook, so I said, okay, I'll write a food blog and share it with all the people your age, because there are a lot of shortcuts. So yes, I like to teach and share. And I don't know if, yeah, maybe that's called shining a light. I think it is. It definitely is. So let's get back a little bit to storytelling, because when I look at all the things that you do, and even the food, right, I'm thinking, you are telling stories. Yes, yes. Trying to keep the culture there, and my mother's recipes, and why some of the things that she did that I remember, some of the things I don't know, and she never explained. Yeah, right. Do you find that sometimes it pops out of you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you think, I sound like my mother. Or you look, like I remember the day I looked at my hands and went, those are my mother's hands. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So it's that kind of thing. And so it comes out of you, which is great, because you're teaching, and you're carrying on probably some of the stories that are in you from her. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. So I want to get back a little bit to Rotary then, all right. And India is one of the countries where there is a great deal of growth in Rotary clubs and interest in Rotary. So based on what you know about Rotary in the United States, and the clubs that are in India, what's the difference? So when I was part of the Rotaract club in Lucknow, which is a relatively small town, not like Mumbai or Delhi, the impression was that Rotary belonged to the affluent. So everybody that we knew that belonged to the Rotary or the Rotaract were rich people. It was not for the middle class, because there was an elitist element to that. And that was my perception as a 18-year-old. Now, I don't know if it still belongs to the affluent. But in America, it's not like that. I am not the affluent class. I'm just middle class. And all the people in my Rotary are pretty much like me. So the cost of being a member or being a part of the Rotary is not a large amount per an American standard. And so I don't think that that's how it is here in the US. I don't know how much it has changed in the last 40 years. If it's fast growing, perhaps it has come to the middle class as well. What's your sense of the public perception now, especially in this country, of what Rotary is? Good. People have good impression of Rotary. People have, when you mention it to anybody, they say, Oh, yeah, I mentioned it to people. I'm like, Okay, we're in Redwood City. Oh, and then I say, Oh, there's so many in our county. And you don't have to travel very far to go to one. And they meet regularly. And they have projects that they do. They travel. Sunnyvale has a sister city with Japan. They go to Japan. I'm sure there are other sister cities that have access. So yeah, there's so many ways to travel and see the world. So does Rotary need to get the message out beyond what is one of their primary, primary projects, and that's eradication of polio? That's an important message to get out, yes? Absolutely, yes. And then there are clubs that do so many different things. Maybe not your club is doing this, but other ones are. Does hearing stories about that make people think, Oh, this is an active organization? This isn't just a have lunch social organization, right? Right. Oh, absolutely. Even in our particular group, we go to a, once a month, we go to church where we help cook lunch to feed the homeless that day. And we bear the cost of that lunch. So we volunteer, put on our roll up our sleeves and help in the kitchen to prepare whatever the person in charge wants to prepare that day. So that's just one of the little things we do. And then we have many, many other things that we do annually on a regular basis. And when we have visitors that talk about their projects, amazing projects from all over the world, we support them in financially or we'll say, How else can we connect you with other people? So it's very exciting. Yeah. When I have heard and doing this, I've learned so much more about the different clubs and what they do. I mean, there are a number of clubs in the four state triangle around the Navajo nation where it's a huge project for them to get water to Native Americans who live on reservations where our government never put in water pipes. So they have no water in their homes, and the clubs are doing something about it to bring it to them. Or clubs that are working with people who have been abused and using acting as a way to help them deal with the pain. Therapy, as therapy. As therapy. Just things like that. Or another club that I heard about that just gathers up old bicycles so they can get parts, so they can send it to, I forget which country it is, so that that club there can repair bicycles for people who need that transportation. Just the variety of things. So how do you get more of these stories out to the public? I mean, this podcast is great. We should have more podcasts like that, perhaps, especially in the Bay Area. There's a Rotary chapter in San Carlos that gets together, that opens up every Saturday with any medical equipment that anybody might want to borrow. Crutches, or walkers, or stuff like that. Wheelchairs. And people borrow and volunteer. It's a huge, huge space with a lot of inventory, and it's so great for anybody, Rotarian, non-Rotarian, to go borrow it and then return it. That's a great idea. Yeah. One of the things that I saw that was so interesting for people in Chicago is that you did some training, and that's why the comedic parts that you've done are so good, that you had some Second City training. Not here in Chicago, but in one of the satellites. Yeah? Yes. In L.A. Yeah. So what's the best thing you learned about that that brought out your comedic talents? The best thing is how to improvise and how to be present, really. How to be present is what improv teaches you. To take your surroundings in, to observe, to watch, and be there, and use your words. So that's what improv teaches you. Comedy, you have to have a sense of comedy, and you have to have a sense of what's funny and what sounds funny, and it comes with body language. I mean, the best comedians have the best body language, and they can change their voices. So all of that, a lot of it is talent, I think, and some of it is, of course, learned. So were you surprised when you discovered that you had this comedic talent? I was surprised, because I'm such a drama queen. But that came out only because of the training. They said, if you say it this way, so why don't you look at it this way? So training is important. Okay. All right. So it's great, because I loved seeing you in some of the drama roles, and then in your comedic roles, some of it is out there. Some of it is deadpan, almost. It's like the Matchmaker series, where that was so funny. It was great. And people listening to this podcast, I hope they go, oh, what series is that? And have them look it up, it's on my YouTube channel. Okay, that's good. And your YouTube channel is? It's my name, Rashmi Razaghi. Okay. All right. So good. Good plug for you. Okay. All right. So besides what you want to do with the Rotary Club, what other projects come next for you? I want to continue to write and produce and make films, because my main passion is storytelling and being in front of the camera. And there are so many stories that need to be told about women, about women of color, about issues with girls. And there's several stories that I have in mind. And a lot of them have to do with middle-aged women, because then I can play one. Okay. Yeah, that's good. Good. Keep it up. All right. And then finally, talk to me about being a Vedic priestess. So I grew up as a Reformed Hindu. There are two sects of Hinduism. One is Sanatana Dharma, which is idol worship, and mostly controlled by the priests. So they dictated everything, and they made up rules and stuff like that. And if you go to a traditional Hindu wedding, there are many things that are done, and the wedding takes very long and very subjective to the priest. And used to be that women were not allowed to be priests as well. So then there came this Reform movement called Arya Samaj, and that was based on our oldest scriptures called the Vedas, which do not segregate. They do not say a woman can't do this or that. And it's based on the premise of worshipping the four elements—earth, wind, fire, and water—and appreciating that. And there's no idol worship there. The idol worship came later, which is fine if you want to think of God in a certain way. If you think God has ten hands, fine. If God looks like a monkey, Hanuman, that's fine. And there were many myths that were then generated to make those deities look like the ones that you wanted them to look like. But going back to Arya Samaj, it's based on Sanskrit mantras, the Gayatri mantra, which a lot of us know, and very universal. The peace mantra is peace for the universe, the peace for earth, wind, etc. So I grew up with that. Then I was married into a family. My in-laws were also Arya Samajis, and my father-in-law lived here in the U.S. for many, many years. So he was performing the weddings and the rituals when priests were not available. And I kind of started working with him and performing with him, taught the children all the mantras. And in Arya Samaj, it tells you how a woman can be a priest and how a woman can perform anything that a man can't. Which obviously instantly spoke to you. So even at my wedding more than four years ago, I had a woman priest. I sought one. And now I perform weddings when people want an Arya Samaj wedding. I've performed four so far, and I do that for free. And that's kind of like my passion. I translate a lot of the mantras, explain to the non-Indian, because here in America, a lot of the people in the audience, in the party, are non-Indians. So I explain what some of those rituals mean. And people after the weddings come up to me and say, hey, we're so grateful that we can understand what you're saying, because a lot of the priests have heavy Indian accents and don't explain the rituals. So the best compliment I get is, you're the prettiest priest we've ever had and that we could understand. That's great. I love that. So here's to many more weddings that you perform as the priestess. We did talk some about how do you combine who you are and the things that you care about, particularly right now designed by Preeti, with your, I think, going to be great rotary activism. How do you combine those and why? So when I had the screening of the film in Bay Area, it was actually in Redwood City, a film festival called Brave Maker Film Festival. And a came to see it and they loved it. And the message of a woman's journey from abuse to empowerment, getting out of an abusive marriage, but that's the beginning of the film. It's how she travels through life and makes something out of nothing and finds love. And so that message I want to bring to everybody. I want this film to, I want to meet other Rotarians and talk about not just the message of the film, but how if anybody out there is an aspiring storyteller or a filmmaker to how to go about, because I've learned so much from making this film. I've learned so much of what not to do while producing a film that I want to even teach that to any Rotarian out there who wants to talk about a story that they want to tell in any media, really, pretty much. So for those clubs that are very, very interested or active in projects that empower women and especially young girls, this would be a great film for them to show to their membership or to have an event. Yes. Yes, absolutely. And the other issue that I am very passionate about in my short film about selective abortion or feticide in the quest to have a boy, that's being practiced now today in the US. And so those two issues, yes, I would love to talk about that and come up with a way to address that. If somebody has any ideas, brainstorm with them. On that note, thank you so much. This has been a pleasure. Thank you. I'm honored to be talking to you. I've enjoyed it very much to get to know you a little bit better. Okay. Thanks very much.