The real advantage isn’t what happens, it's how you process it | Experiential Learning with Larry Easto

Will you got the facts right but that ain't what i want and i said what do you want me said an apology. So sometimes we get involved in exacerbating non-issues we turn non-issues into major issues. What we really want is a smile or a thank you or something but instead we get into some sort of conflict. Hello, this is Raymond Aaron New York Times top 10 best-selling author bringing you Respark your life podcast the world's premier podcast to ignite the fire to allow you to live life on your own terms. Every single Thursday, I bring you a multi-millionaire world famous celebrity to teach you about the most fascinating ways in order to live a far better life. Every single Thursday, you just need to subscribe by hitting the subscribe button. I'll see you every Thursday to Respark your life. This is Raymond Aaron with another I'm over 300 I can't believe it when I started I had one episode and I never thought I'd have more than five and Here I am. Wow and I bring you stealth wisdom. What that means is People you'd never find out about on your own. I mean, you know all my super famous friends. Dr John Gray Jack Canfield, you know all of them, but you don't know the people I bring you in Respark your life and Today, it's Larry Easto he has over 40 years of experience in providing professional services as a lawyer a Consultant a writer a trainer and a coach the heart of his work lies in Experiential learning and that's why this podcast is entitled Experiential learning the principles of which he teaches to help clients develop and apply Their own solutions to their issues and opportunities Preferring to empower clients to meet and overcome their challenges Instead of telling them what they should do Larry endeavors to equip them with the right tools to make informed Decisions he has authored get this 47 books ebooks and video courses since 1993 sharing practical strategies for professional and business growth and at the end of my interview He's got two gifts for you I'm very excited to hear his wisdom. Larry. Are you with us? I am with us. I am with us Okay, good. Oh good to go. You heard my introduction. That's a lot to live up to. Can you do it? I'd scary It's scary. I didn't think you were talking about me. I think you're talking about somebody else. Oh my gosh, it's me Yeah, so tell me what is experiential learning Well, it's you know, it's funny everybody most many people say experience is the best teacher but nobody really tells us how to learn from experience and About 20 years ago. I was working on a project and I had the opportunity to take an adult or a course in adult education and it was all about experiential learning and It was so simple that I just kind of built it into my normal way of being and it is just I mean It's almost embarrassingly simple instead of just letting an experience go when something happens just letting it go Experiential learning is all about pausing and taking a look and thinking what happened who did what what was the outcome? And then reflecting on how how could it have been better? You know, what did I like? How could it be better? Drawing some conclusions and here's the here's the gem How can I use this in my business life or how can I use this in my personal life? So in other words, whatever happened How can I take a lesson from that to a flat area of my life to apply it to this area of my life? So as soon as I say just letting his experiences pass by unexamined It's it's taking a timeout not necessary immediately but at some point Taking time out to really reflect on what happened draw conclusions and figure out how to apply that Conclusion in other aspects of our lives and when it's broken down that simple it's whoa. This is an amazing process So yeah, that's what's about and that's what I love doing. I mean, I mean, I'm a lifelong learner I just love to learn and and so this is this has helped me understood understood how I learned best You know, I don't learn from somebody dumping information on me. I learned from doing and this is the experiential learning thing Now if something happens that we Evaluate as good like winning a lottery ticket or finding a hundred dollar bill on the sidewalk or something That's not where the learning comes from. The learning is from an experience that we have that we evaluate as bad but we only myopically think of it as bad because it might be the best thing that could have ever happened to us and I've had lots of experiences in my life like that and the question that I like to ask and I can't ask it immediately when I'm in the midst of the bad news But short as soon as possible after the bad event or the quote bad event is over. I say Why is this the best thing that could have ever happened to me? What is my sacred lesson from this and is that what you mean? Yeah, that's part of it. That's part of it for me. It would be a case of What factors contribute to this being a negative experience? What what did I do? How did I respond? What were my actions in this situation? Aha, and and how could I have acted differently to produce a different result? So instead of doing the good or the bad thing, it's it's what did I do? What you know, what triggered my response? How did I respond? How could I have responded differently? So it's really pulling things apart, I think that what most people do is look around for someone to blame Oh, yeah truck driver. It was the wife. It was the cheating husband. It was yeah kids It was yeah parents. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Totally. It's just absolutely and you know, that's interesting because As a service provider, I very learned very early in my career not to tell people what to do Because if I tell them what to do and it works out well, they did it But if it doesn't work out, well, it's my fault, right? So I learned to say well, you know, I appreciate you coming here and you know, I'll do what I can to help you But it's your issue. It's not my issue So it kind of keeps the boundaries there. Yeah, very wise Very very wise now When did you first start noticing? Experiential learning that did you figure this out as a kid? When you were young and big people said, what do you want to do when you grow up? Did you say I want to be an experiential teacher like? Recognition interesting image when I was a young I wanted to be a garbage man Said no, I I didn't really you know It wasn't until I took the course in experiential learning that and that the pieces fell into place for me I realized very early that I learned best when as I say when I was doing something if somebody is Talking at me I get bored really fast because my brain works faster than most people talk and many of us are like that It's not that I have an exceptional brain. A lot of people's brains move faster than people can talk, right? I'm a fast reader. So I learned by reading quickly, but once I read I'm saying, you know, so what can I do this? What's this all about? So what yeah nice idea, but so what so very fairly early. I I recognized that I learned more from Experiential things than from being told and when I reflect on it It was was probably probably my experience as a camp counselors a teenage camp counselor You can't tell somebody how to swim. You can't teach them how to swim by telling them You have to show them you have to help them learn their leg You have to learn their muscles and move their arms and limbs So and you can't stand on shore on dry land and say this is what you do You have to get in the water and actually show them how to do it and how to help their bodies Experience doing it. So that's probably where I Became aware of the importance of experiential learning in it I remember so many times in universities listening to lectures and they're going on and on and thinking get to the point Get to the point get to the point get to the point or alternatively. Yeah, I know that tell me something I don't know right and and so I guess I I internalized the whole the whole and Experiential learning thing as a child and I came. Yeah, I came from a fairly active Athletic family You don't learn to skate by having somebody tell you to learn not to tell you you do this you get out and you do It you get up and you fall down you pick yourself up and you skate for a while Skiing baseball the whole thing. You can't learn that by being told you have to practice you have to actually do it very interesting so give me a Really exciting example of an actual person you coached and they came with a problem You didn't know about it in advance He had no preparation except your your wisdom and you helped them enormously. Give us a really good example um, I had a one time it was a Graphic designer was having trouble with marketing and he had decided that that he The best way to market was the best way to market service was to go to to me go to networking meetings But he was shy. He was an introvert. He didn't you know, he couldn't he couldn't make the Indian You couldn't make the traditional networking enter into introduction So I said, well, how are you when you meet somebody new when you meet somebody you'd like to get to know? He says well kind of chat about what we like and chat about what you know things we do and and all those kinds of Things that chat about books and movies and other kinds of things find in there absolutely of interest So I said so what's happening when you're doing that? And he says well, we're building a relationship So then I said well, why can't you do that with clients? Why can't you go to a networking meeting and instead of looking to sell your product? Why don't you go to a networking meeting with the expectation of meeting a friend? He said yeah But I but I want them I want them to be my I want them to buy from and I said no you want don't you? Want a relationship with them that might lead to selling to them, right? So I helped him reframe networking in from a sales pitch to a getting to know people exchanging information And I know worked out really well because his business did except me Well, he's very personal very quiet and and it was okay if people came to him, but he had trouble going to others so when he reframed networking as away from pitching and promotion into building relationships He was he was flying and and that that what's interesting there is two things are interesting one is he had a Preconception of what networking had to be and he was trying to be something he wasn't Aha, so the learning lesson there is sometimes we build barriers for ourselves Sometimes we put labels on things that cause us problems and the second thing is by reframing issues It's a lot easier so reframing instead of framing it as a pitching opportunity, it's okay I'm gonna make some new friends and it just made the whole process and much easier Very nice. Now. I have a stereotype. I know is the stereotypes. It's not always true But it's generally true or I'll let you answer it man screw up in selling Because they go right for the sale. Hi wanna buy a car? Hi, you want to buy insurance and they forget to create a relationship Women create a relationship and forget to sell Yep. Yep. Yep. Yeah, and it's interesting because men as men we tend to be Competitive. Yeah, that's part of the male genetic pool it that we are the ones of the hunters the fishers the providers all that kind of thing, right so many men see sales as a Competitive process they win the sale. Oh They grind they grind the prospecting grind They the the the potential client down until the client says, yeah, okay, I give up. I'll hire it Okay women on the other hand tend to be collaborators Let's settle down and do this together. And so they collaborate so well, they did about closing the sale. That's true Very very nice. I want another example another example of how you help some poor person who just couldn't figure it out Okay This was this was one of my this is one and this is a favorite story of mine. This is one of my my very early Clients as a practicing lawyer, and I don't know what your thoughts on lawyers are and I don't know whether you know many lawyers but Lawyers are young lawyers, especially in their 20s late 20s They're so smart. They just know everything I was there I mean when I was 26, I knew all the answers to all the questions that could ever be asked And I had this very nice man come in and he had he was a farmer and and he was having problems with one Of his neighbors and he was telling me about the neighbors So I'd listen for a couple seconds and by the yeah, I just I had the answer Just as a courtesy I let him finish talking and he finished talking and I said So, okay. Here's the situation and I repeated the session situation to him and I said so what you want Is it that after that that I thought some sort of a fancy legal solution and he looked at me says Well, you got the facts right, but that ain't what I want Okay, and so I'm like a 26 26 year old lawyer who knows everything and in exasperation I said well, what do you want He said an apology So here I here was I I had this huge I was gonna send a letter and we're gonna do this and blah blah blah blah and all the man wanted was an apology so, okay, we had a laugh about about that and and you know, I He sorted it out and and in part of the conversation I just said, you know, isn't it great that we were able to come up with the solution that worked for you Without costing you any money and without any further problems and he said yeah And he said I was so I was so upset about the issue. I didn't realize that all I really wanted was an apology Aha, so sometimes we get involved in in in in Exacerbating non-issues. We turn non-issues into major issues when what we really want is a smile or a thank-you or something But instead we get into some sort of Conflict. So yeah, and it was a he was a nice man And it was and it was a phenomenal learning lesson for me and for me the lesson I learned from that is with every client Regardless of what role I was playing. My last question is what does the ideal outcome look like to you and And that turns it back to them You know is so instead of me saying these are your options I turn it back to them for the final comment in terms of what would be the ideal goal To keep me from saying what you need is this expensive legal service when what he really wants is a simple apology right So it's not till you gave him the wrong answer that he was able to bounce off that and realize what he really wanted Exactly. Exactly. Exactly and because his feelings were hurt There being words exchange and nasty words exchange because his feelings were hurt. He wasn't thinking it through clearly he was feeling his feelings were hurt and he wanted to lash out at this man, and once he had the opportunity of Listening to my questions and hearing himself. Tell the story He realized yeah, my feelings were I just need somebody to be nice to me so part of your lawyer job was to be a psychiatrist That's generous No, it's funny this was in this was in a rural community and and I never Even though even yeah, I never really thought of myself as being someone murdered in the law and high and mighty I was more of a wheeler-dealer and mender of broken fences so there were so many disagreements and especially in a community like that it was a People have known each other like forever. And so they had expectations of each other and they really close relationships that I as an outsider Didn't understand so I kind of learned to to really listen more carefully what they're saying what they're not saying and and ask the right gentle questions and And so it's more more facilitator than anything else. I think that most of us know the right answer We just don't know the right questions to ask What's the number one thing you learned in your whole career as a lawyer? Mmm, I I think it I think it's the importance of listening Aha, I Think a lot of professional advisors are so used to being in the advisory role that as soon as we hear a nut here a little bit of the story we can pull out a solution to it and As this was the case with this man, the problem wasn't what he presented at the beginning it was came out at the end and Sometimes we jumped to conclusions based on two or three words to start with and we missed the real story later so I think listening is is is Probably the the biggest thing I learned and carried in every in in every area of endeavor Can I tell you a funny story? Oh, please do Many like almost 40 years ago. I got a letter that I was elected one of the top 12 Best salesmen in North America. I said wow, I knew I was good I didn't know that and so I flew to this city in the state somewhere and Sure enough. There was only 12 of us and we were chatting before the instructor came in and yeah, everybody was in sales The instructor came in and said, okay pair off we did and I'm gonna give you 10 minutes She said one of you is the salesman one of you is the prospect and the salesman make up any Product you want at any price and see if you can sell it to the prospect So I figure I'm young brash. I know everything and I created a solid gold Rolls-Royce That never needs fuel that always has a chauffeur Who never has to go to the washroom or take breaks or eat and is always there night or day and It has no expenses whatsoever no repairs or anything and the whole solid gold Rolls-Royce is available for sale for One dollar and my prospect bought it. So we came back. I was so proud and I couldn't wait I was hoping she would choose me as the Representative of all the salesmen so I could say how clever I am and how proud I was that I made this glorious sale And she said put up your hand if you're the salesman good. I only have one question to ask you Did you ask your prospect what they wanted? All of us hang our head in shame Wanted to show how clever we were. Oh, exactly And yeah, that's it. That's interesting because not only is that true of salesmen and lawyers and and professionals It's true of a lot of people, you know, a lot of people are more intent maybe because they're not secure I don't know but more and more intent on pushing their expertise. Yeah on opening them to what's coming in Interesting story, I love it 40 years ago Larry and I'm still embarrassed Yeah, well, no, it's a Experiential learning it is a learning. It was a heck. I did I had this story and I learned yeah my greatest Joy from that story if it was only 12 people listening But now you're telling it on your podcast. Oh, I'm sorry. That's right now. Everybody knows So, thank you so much now you said you're gonna give away not one thing but two things Not for a discounted price, but for free. Let's hear it It's today's free day today's free day I recognize when when people take their time to to listen to us talk They're taking time away from their schedule and every other activities you're taking time away from something else They could be doing so I want to thank them for their time And if it if someone if a listener Runs a professional service business coach consultant lawyer anything that you you sell your services I have a book called 26 ways for service professionals to get new business. It's available on Amazon, but don't go there It's I think it's $9 on Amazon go to my website and it's a free download You just kind of click and there it is. No email address. No money required And 26 ways to get new business business is obviously from a to Z 8 is it So there's 26 ways to get new business. I think network is one of the 26 So that's that that's a fun book that you'd sometimes I go. Yeah, and the other one is a more recent book During the temp during the pandemic. I wrote a book called new bit new beginnings new opportunities And the intention there was to help service professionals survive the pandemic and thrive afterwards Well since then I've done it done some more books and I've wound up with a whole bunch new content so I added the new content to the new beginnings book and that book is all about making the personal transformation from where you are to where you want to be and That all that's also free on the website Just go to the website and it's right at the bottom and there's a free book and that's kind of a fun book because it It's a lot of experiential things in there It's a book that it's something I could do on their own or they get together with friends and do it It's a study group or whatever and I'm putting this into I've got a new offer coming out shortly I'll be putting the content into the book into the new offer But the book itself is a standalone free and I kind of like it because it was fun to do Very nice, and the website is Larry LarryEsto.com the regular spelling of Larry and then Esto is E-A-S-T-O LarryEsto.com go there get one book at the other get both It's yours. Thank you. Larry. Thanks for your stealth wisdom. Oh, thank you for the fun. This was a fun interview Thank you so much Wow, I sure hope you enjoyed that fascinating episode Please make sure you subscribe and please tell your friends if you like it that they will probably like it as well for your information this Experience this service this podcast has been sponsored by the orbit coaching program All of my friends all my world famous speaker friends all have coaching programs Mine has been independently rated as the number one high-level Coaching program you cannot purchase it. You have to audition for it by me personally if you're interested please email me at respark at Aaron comm respark at a a RON say that you're interested in being considered for the orbit coaching program and Include your cell phone numbers that I personally will call you back