Vicky Myers - Age Before Beauty - Episode 1

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all? Age before beauty, pearls before swan, handsome prince charming, will you be mine? Uncreated director at Mirabelle Beauty, filler queen, Botox bitch, go-to girl for full facial rejuvenation. Say something about our USP. A what? You know what we do, what we offer. Oh, um, youth, in a bottle on a stick, because let me tell you, in this day and age, getting old's not an option. Heidi, Lash Queen, what can I say? New brows can take 10 years off you. It's not about looks, it's about self-esteem, it's a passport to selfie heaven, it's a facelift for your life. Tina, tats, end of. Ivy Ray, tanning, waxing, dogging, last one by appointment only. Mum, behave. Oh, did I mention I'm in charge? I'm Mirabelle and I'm... Backing, kicking ass. Back and answerable to me. Don't point it at me, I'm 100% not going to be here in six months time. Do you hear that, Dad? Do we believe her? Little princess, good to go. Leave, Disney. Go inside. Row up it. Okay, we are done, guys. Where's Teddy? Can you bring the cars round? Tina, surprise. Lex, keep shooting. Tyler, I'll hide his mascara. And Mum, are you seeing to Dad? What am I, Mary Poppins? Are you kidding? Oh, dear. Lex with us. Lianne, how you doing? This way. Oh, dear, where do I go? Who's got Dad? Don't look at me, I'm with Hector. I'll take him. Dad, come with me. Alright, in the cars. I'll lock up. Phone. Get on the desk. Going crash first or blitz? Rampage. Yeah, I just messaged Lovish, she said no. Where we get our wristbands? Where in? Arse, we're going to get wrecked or whatever. Tom Yeager bomb. Cheeky little Tom. Body red bull. Woo woo. Freshers week. No. Joking, are you? See what we missed? I'm not going to sleep for a week. Because what's the point of leaving your money belt, keep an eye on your phones and make sure no one spikes your drink. Well, it's Leeds, it's not Bogota. See you, Mum. Of course. Leave you to it. We'll be fine, Mum, just go home and forget we exist. Yeah, sure, I'll do that. End of the day, though, pat on the back. Oh, lovely kids, yeah. Turned out nice. I hope so, she gave up enough for them. I couldn't do it. You didn't do it. Oh, it is Belle though, isn't it? Full on or not at all. Oh, snow. What's she done? Popped out to Spock, sent him to uni. That's an achievement. Yeah, some of us got a life and a career and kept our looks. Hello. It's an hour away. They'll be back and forth all the time. Plus, we now get an extra 12 hours in a day. What are we going to do with that? Should I call them? Don't call them. What's Ty like with Keyes? And Lex has got no sense of direction. Belle, let's for once have a conversation, which is not about kids. Hello, sister act of the rescue. I know, sweetie, I know. End of an era, empty nest, guttered. Moving on. Yeah, let it go. Cheers, Lee. So, me, how am I doing? Well, since you ask, stressed. Oh, my God, they're doing me head in. Who? Mum, Tina, Heidi? All three. And my dad, especially my dad. Dad? I did say we should leave him alone tonight. Hello. Insensitive. Moral support fail. So, dad, latest, wheelchair ----, wants a new one. Motorised. Why? Never goes anywhere. Oh, and don't get me started on the salon. We'll buy it. Why am I still grafting away at the coalface? Have I or have I not done my time? You have done your time. I've done my time. Fillers, Botox, up to airy lipo. I should not be doing lipo. I should not be the arse end of the business. I should be the face. And how are you, Ted? Hello, sweetie. Can we get some menus? You OK? Few things kicking off. Business stop. Middle keep. This is your night. Not going to let anything spoil it. Where were we? Four hours getting ready and you drag me away. Spray tan, Glycopyril, lash extensions. None of which you need. It's not for me, teddy bear. It's for her. To show her what she's missing. Do you not see her roots? No. My God. She looks her age. No wonder Wes had nothing to say to her. They're in Shockley, Anne. The kids have just left home. Yeah, and without them, all he's got to look at is that. Baby bear. There's no excuse. In this day and age... Getting old is not an option. I rest my case. Did she take a fleece? No, because Lee's is that bit further up north and the wind is murder. Did I say anything to you about boots? Because I said to him, Tyler, in all honesty, Converse is not a winter shoe. What was all the teddy? Just weakness leaving the body. You'll be all right. Hey, baby bear. I've had a thought. No, Leanne. Leanne? OK, yes. Yes, I will be there. So, Belle, now that you've got all this time on your hands... Fancy helping out in the salon? For no money and zero thanks in a place which used to be yours, but which your enter-gov sister has driven into the ground by the sheer breathtaking scale of her incompetence. Take your body armor. I seriously wouldn't touch your love. Your problem? The cheating, lying whore I married. Define married. Define bollocks. Lost yours. What happened? Your father's a prick. Your mother's a tramp. Who is it this time? Hector. Hector, el saviour del Santos de Macarena. Bullfighter. Yes, right. So he starts training at the gym and I'm lifting. He likes me clean and jerk. We click. Trollop. Can't hack it because you've retired and I'm still swinging. Let's go, Dad. Very right, let's go. Predictable as ever. Sure, a Brazilian with biceps. Something's dragging the floor. Hey! What's he doing here? He's tagged. Get him home, you daft bladder. I thought she'd got older, she'd put it about a bit less, but no. There's life in the old bitch yet. You anything, Wesley? Yeah, I am. Anything at all? I'm good, Tav. Age is just a number, Wesley. Tell that to me, arthritis. Cheers for this, Belle. It's high time. It was Ted's idea. Helped take my mind off the kids leaving. Oh, Leon's got an old system. Half of that stuff's way past its sell-by date. I feel right at home. What? Tell me. You know, I've always envied you. The way you've done your own thing. Stayed out of the dramas, the fisty cops. Yes. Obviously, I don't have that luxury. As accountant, looking after the family business, the building, the lease. You know I love your sister. I should hope so. You married her. Between ourselves, Leon. It's out of a doubt. This place, the business, it's been going downhill ever since you left. What, 20 years ago? I accept. When you walked away, you washed your hands of it. Well, I thought you knew what was going on. Well, how bad is it? About to go bust. The thing is, they don't really want it like a business. It's more like their own personal pamper party. I want to see the manager. And ask for customer service. Yesterday, I had a chemical peel. Today, I look like Freddy Krueger. That's lovely, that. Yeah. Heidi? Heidi, can you deal with this? You want me? Yeah, thanks, Heidi. That looks sore. Tell me about it. Um, Tina? Can you see this gentleman? Are you the manager? Not really. Are you sure we did that? I don't remember you coming in. Are you the manager? Sack the attitude, pal. Are you calling me a liar? Don't be my tenor. Time to sling his sorry arse. Can I help at all? Manager? I used to be. Well, I can see that you've had a bad reaction. Would you say that your skin's hypersensitive? It is now. How about a complementary course of three treatments specifically tailored to your skin type so we can show you this was just a really unfortunate one-off and I can personally guarantee that you'll be happy with the results. Okay. Tomorrow at two? Deal. Couldn't give him a crash course in how to run a business. Rigging rule number one. Do it yourself. Could you? No, Belle. You can't take this on. No one will thank you for it. Least of all Leanne. So I just let them go under? So Belle's going to be helping us out from now on. Dog's body work. And obviously she'll be answering to me but since I've got better things to do than older aunt. Mike. Visiting trade fairs. Oh, bloody hell. Testing out new products and handling the people side of the business. Right, well, I'm more than happy for Belle to do all the dirty work. And you can sack that madam. You know the rules. Don't get any big ideas. I'm just here to help. I give it three months max. It'll take more than that to get it back on its feet. Well, once it's paying its way. You can retire? Again. Always said that was a mistake. You giving up the place. When you had it, it was buzzing. Your real life kicked in. A different life. I'm not dissing it. Wife, mum, best job in the world. It's just I always thought you'd be that. And then some. I thought so too. Well, now's your chance. If only for a few weeks. Well, I best get some slap on. Not exactly a great advert, am I? Oh, and Wes is cool with it, yeah? Does he have a choice? Hello, Wesley Finch. Yeah. And that's always nice to hear. What can I do for you? So, I'll get you a quote by the end of tomorrow. In the meantime, I'll send you a link to some websites where you can look at work tops. Colours, hardware. That'd be great. Who's the fitness freak? Hey, not me. This place belongs to... Surprise! Hello. This is Wesley. He's going to be doing a new kitchen. What new kitchen? Would you excuse us a second? You said you needed a new kitchen. You said I needed a new kitchen. Rose, you've worked your little tush off for the past two years. This guy comes highly recommended. I just want you to have something for you. Hello. Can we start again? I'm Lorelai. Wesley. Deja vu. You, still there. I'm not all ----, you know. At least I'm not. I know that. When you left, all Leon pointed out of it. Leon's got the gob, but she knows jack about running a business. No, why do you know? I never say anything. No, I just want to do what I do. I don't want to be in charge. I just want to do my job and take my wage on the end of the week. An idea, Mum, that they're not bad, neither. You just need pointing in the right direction. I think Wes was hoping we'd have a bit of space. Now the kids have gone, do more stuff together. And Wes is a guy, right? Trust me, they don't even notice. Did you always want to be a joiner? No, I wanted to be a Jedi. You? Wookiee. That's right. What went wrong? Well, you know, lack of facial hair, poor piloting skills. So now you're a PT. Living the dream. Worry I'm not. Life's too short, do what you love. So, do you love kitchens? I love creating things, you know, making something out of nothing. Yeah, and me. Now when somebody comes to me and they're so unfit, they can barely touch their toes. That's me. Well, I love helping them be better than they ever dreamed they could be. Some of us are too old to learn new tricks. That's not true. Wanna bet? I would, actually. What we need is a facelift. New fixtures, new fittings, new colour scheme, new image. Good luck with that, we're skint. Well, Wesley's mate Josh will do like a painting in exchange for Botox. Yeah, right. Mate Fred will sort the plumbing in exchange for a Wolverine tattoo. As if. Wes will do new work surfaces. Oh, on the promotion front. Website, Facebook, Twitter. Oh, that's Lexie. She'll shoot us a promo, Tyler will style it. We need to showcase all the services that we offer. And how exactly are we gonna do that? By giving Diz the ultimate makeover for a beauty pageant. Breathe, Disney. Concentrate. Okay, so Mum, you'll do... Spray tan, shimmer. Heidi? Brows, lashes. Tina, can I line them? Permanent? Nah, last time to go sent at home. Unbelievable. How is that the message? Don't look your best, girls. Don't make the most of your assets. Yeah. I know, but it's a fascinating way to showcase the treatment, so... No judgment. Three, four, five, six... Bend over, big kiss right to the back of the room. Want everybody to feel that. Okay, we're gonna take this nice and slow. How slow? You won't even know it's happening. Okay. Shall we stretch? Yeah. How many? 42. Are you kidding? Two weeks ago, I barely managed eight. Yep. Jeez, I've not done sit-ups since I was 20. I rest my case. It's got into you. 42 sit-ups, 28 press-ups. Who was? Oh, a client I'm doing a kitchen for. She's a PT. I bet her she's gonna get me fit. I think I'm gonna lose. And what does Belle say? I've not told her. Thought I'd wait and see if she spots a difference. And has she? I never see her. So what's she like? Miss PT. Well, she's built like a tank. Nah, she's cool. Knows her stuff, knows how far to push it. Age? Late 20s. Fit. As you'd expect. Yeah, might ask Belle if she fancies a session. What? Basic rule of a happy marriage. Never suggest the wife needs to get fit. Well, unless your PT does two for the price of one. Not mention Belle to her, actually. Well, that's fair enough. Could sound a bit crass. Oh, by the way, I'm married, in case you're thinking of pouncing. Who does that? Half your clients. Guess what I did today. Oh, you're awake. 42 sit-ups, 28 press-ups. Someone been at the wacky-backy? No, in the park. With a PT. Client in town, we're doing a deal. She gets discount off her kitchen, I get discount off my session. Like you don't get enough exercise. This is different. This is about toning. Building muscle. Feels great. I could put you a taster. I think I'll pass, thanks. Since I'm now back at the salon with barely time to even breathe. I'm loving every minute of it, by the way. Have you seen that? Cues? Yes, since when do we have cues? Since Belle came back. And you're happy with that? You want to be grafting dawn till dusk? We had a cushy little gig until she degged in. Stay to that, Colin. Miss popularity. You want more clients, or you want less clients? Look at me, Miss Queen Bee. Let's make Leanne look all sad and clueless. What? Is it me, or is she always trying to put me down? It's you. Seriously. Belle does us a thing. Most of the time, I don't think she even knows you're there. Sam, haven't seen you for ages. Hello. Kitchen for Neato. Old guy I don't hang about. He's not old. Are you going to miss him? He's still doing PT sessions. Crazy man. I'm glad. I really like him. I like his work ethic. He pushes himself, but he's not trying to prove anything. Committed, but not obsessive. Hello, Mr Perfect. Yeah, he is. Not like that. We're mates. I like being single. Besides, do I really need another relationship fail? Who says I'd be a fail? Don't give me too much. Go straight to my head. That's because you live on kale and chai seeds. So, you like it? Love it. Seriously. Didn't know I needed it till I got it. Same here. Forgot how good it felt to be fit till someone reminded me. So cheers. Well, you did it. We did it. We're a team. What do we call ourselves? Team Laura Wes. Team Wes-a-lie. Here's to us. Hey, stranger. It's your wife. I'm sorry. I know it's been weeks since we haven't saw daylight together. So, I am doing a curry. And I've got some wine. What are you doing? I can see what you're doing. Oi. Oh. Ready? A little bit. Pressure. Sticks on. Three, two, one. Christ, Bill, where'd you go? Oh, Christ. I should go. Really? I'm sorry. That sounded rude. I have to be somewhere. Oh. That's a shame. Yeah. Should've said. Is something wrong? Did I do something? No. It's just... No, it's my fault. I should never have... I'm sorry. Is it because I'm a client? No. It's because I'm married. Ted. I've fucked up. What was I thinking? Belle can't know. Belle can never know. Because it is not the remotest threat to our marriage. And it's never going to happen again. Obviously not. What's my excuse? Why am I back late? You were out with me. I wasn't drinking. But you were radarsed. So, I brought you home. You'd say that for me? Do I want to see Belle hurt? Yeagerbox. What are you, 17s? Oh, I'll take him up. Sorry. I'm Leanne. Creative director at Mirabelle Beauty. Filler queen at Botox Bitch. And go-to girl for full facial rejuvenation. Say something about our USP. Our what? You know, what we do. What we offer our youth. In a bottle... Learn a blind rap, Belle. Back where she belongs, eh? Aye. Okay, guys. Well done. I'll see you all next week. Oh, my God. Swoon? Not swoon. Over. But why? You really like him. Is he bobbins in bed? No. He's amazing. He's also kind, funny, sensitive, smart. What, you don't want to see him again? Is he crazy? No, he's married. Holy ----. Seriously? Just when I thought I'd met a grown-up. This isn't right. He thinks he can screw you and walk away, and that's the end of it. That is the end of it. No, no, no. No. You've invested. You put yourself on the line. This is not what you deserve. What do I deserve? Respect. Dignity. You need to be able to meet him face-to-face and say what you have to say. Otherwise, how will you ever move on? I'll find a way. But... Dante. It's over. Well, will I? Yeah. Problem. She's bailed. Explain. She don't do married men. What shall I do? Sort it. How? How do I sort it? Find a way. Okay, we are done, guys. Where's Teddy? Can you bring the cars round? Tina, supplies. Yeah, Lex, keep shooting. Belle, will you tell her? Tell this, she needs to run it. Yeah. Bestie, you with me? Done it four times already. And this is number five. And then there'll be number six. Because what do we say? Practice, practice, practice. You say practice, practice, practice. Disney, is this for my benefit? This is BF. Helping BF be the best she can be. I don't want a BF. I've got BFs. Lauren Carter and Tinsel Hayes. Sweetheart, they live on an estate. Is that the kind of friend you want? What do the parents do? Do they even know both the parents? Do I even know mine? If you could spare a few minutes from your empire building, perhaps you'd be good enough to read mum the right act. What's she done now? Only gone and ditched me dad and moved out again. Do you mind? It's upsetting Disney. Disney needs to get into the zone. When Disney gets stressed, it goes to her face and her makeup melts. Can you sort it, Belle? Love it. Sorry. Oh, you think you're so amazing. You think this is all about you. Well, I made the business what it is today. Sure did. And you can't stand it any more than you could stand losing Teddy. What? You wanted him. It was between you and me and he chose me. You had to settle for second best. And everybody knows it. Hey, Ma, smile. Dad don't look too happy. What have you done to upset him? Right, here we go. You know what to do, darling. Come on, Diz. I love you. You look beautiful. Okay, okay. Bye. You were the best baby girl. But they have to give other little girls a chance. You can't win everything. But I don't want anything. Yeah, and that's because they know what a brave girl you are. You won't make a fuss. Disney. I should not have to be doing this. She's your child. And where's her father? Who's the father? Her many one from twelve. At least they all play for the same team. Why is that funny? Oh, come on, Belle. What, because she's a bit flaky? There's a louse all over the place. Is yours so sorted? Me? Yeah, you so pristine and pure and perfect. Right. Dad, we're leaving. Bloody hell. Are we entering the Paralympics or what? Belle. Where are you going? I'm taking Dad on. What's brought this on? Mum's dumped him. He can't be on his own. What shall I come? Belle, what's going on? He needs peace and quiet and time to get his head straight. And to see where to go with it. Everything okay? All right, then. What's going on? She just sent me this. Jesus. Is it real? That's what I thought. Is it something Leanne's done to wind me up? You know, like photoshopped. I think it's real. I'll murder him. Trust me, I could not feel more guilty. I should hope so. But also just a little bit chuffed. She's a fiddler, that's right. Part of you is thinking, how the hell did I pull that? No. Yeah, kind of. Let's just hope you got away with it. I would give anything to get away with it. And you wouldn't go back there? Absolutely not. I feel bad because I didn't discourage her. You know, I didn't make it clear I was married from the start. I am married and I want to stay married. It's like I walk away now. Can you? You know what? I've had enough of this sound ----. I've barely seen Belle in weeks. I'm gonna book us a trip away. Somewhere special. Put the old thing behind us. Yeah, I've got a mate with a hotel on Windermere. Let me call him. No, I'll- Leave it with me. Yeah, Raymond, how you doing, mate? Wesley Finch. Oh, sorry. This week's not great. No, no, I'm looking to be away for the next fortnight or so. Just hang on a sec. Week after next for two weeks? On veranda overlooking the lake? Yeah, all right. Actually, I could come around now. Is five okay? Yeah. Just act normal. Uh-huh. Business as usual. Okay. Hi. Thanks for coming. It's just through here. Why? I don't understand. Just nipping out for some milk. What's happening? I have no idea. Yeah, me neither. Christ. Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine. I'm- No. I'm not. I'm confused and appalled and really pissed off. How could you not tell me you were married? I would never have gone there. This is not what I do. It wasn't you. It was my fault. It was all- It was all my fault. I just need to get home. Hi, it's Dante. Leave a message. Dante! What the hell? You better get your ass around here now or I will never speak to you again. How long has it been? 30 years. Classic. Is it? Reach a certain age. Take it all for granted. One day, splat. Head first for a third floor window. End of the day, you survive. I just don't get why this happened to us. He's at that age, pushing 50. Fellas start looking around, asking questions. Who am I? Is this it? What else is out there? Kids leave home, gap opens up. You hope the missus will fill it. But if she don't, if she's off doing her own thing. Is that what I've done? If I see him now, I'll say things that I can't say back. And if it's just a one-off. Is it? Well, if you'd seen his face when he got that text, these things happen. Perhaps he was lonely and got caught. With his kecks down. You think I should go home? I think you should go home. You absolute arsehole. I'm sorry, I don't know how to do this. I presume there's some etiquette, which I've never learned because I've never done this before. You've never cheated on your wife? Not in 30 years. So why now? Because you made me feel 18 again. I don't know how it happened. You do know. I don't know how it happened. You do know how it happened. She's young, fit, funny, smart. We have this connection, you know. When I'm with her, she makes me feel like what have I been missing all these years? So not to be crude, but the sex is? Out with this world. At the end of the day, you and I both know what it's like waking up beside the same faces for decades. Hey, look, pal. You know I think the world would bow, but you and I, we go way back. And I'm always going to see it from your side. I know that, mate. Can I let you into a secret? There's part of me thinks should I just go with it? What, as in get it out your system? See if the grass really is greener. Which we both know it's not. It writes. But if you feel you need to test the waters, yeah, prove to yourself there's no place like home. And Belle never finds out. No, I'm done. I just wonder what's best for you. How do you know what's best for me? I know you really like the guy. I know you've had a string of losers. I know you deserve better. He is better. He ticks all the boxes. He's Mr. Ideal. But he's married. But we came back. And somehow he fell into bed again. So he can't keep away. He's seriously hot. And you're really into him? Yeah. And his marriage is over? Or he wouldn't be with you? How old is his wife? Late 40s. You're doing him a favour? Seriously? Sure he's saggy? Shriveled. Total dog. Trust me, at that age, all they are is a habit. Are you proud of yourselves letting that go up? No, it's a marketing ploy. We all agree that it's a personal affront to me. It suggests that I'm useless and she's better. You, you don't even look the part. You could at least respect my legacy and get yourself Botox filled and polished into something presentable. But no, you're just gonna sit back and do nothing. Where'd you get that idea from? Loser. Come on in and give it a try. New salon. New era. We've had a facelift. See what we can do for you. Transform your appearance. Transform your life. Ladies and gentlemen, I now declare the new Mirabelle Beauty Salon open! Come on! Happy? So far. And, uh, yeah, Cookie. Lorelei. Has no idea. Not a clue. Keep it up. Still don't get it. What don't you get? Why you want your best mate to cheat on your other best mate. She's not my best mate. She's the woman I would have married if he hadn't got there first. Long game. Timing is everything. It's a great start, eh? See how long that lasts. Speech! Hi. Yeah, um, I've never done this before, so I don't know exactly what I'm letting myself in for, but I'd like to book a taster set. Timing is everything, and Age Before Beauty continues at the same time next week. Tomorrow night on BBC One, comedian Sid Little and the Crankies join the famous faters getting a taste of retirement, Indian style. The new series of The Real Marigold Hotel is at nine.