The Secret to Making a Man Obsessed With You

Do you want a man to strongly desire you, or do you want him to obsess over you? And what I mean by obsess, I don't mean have this intense feeling, this romantic, exotic desire. No, I mean something deeper than that. I mean not just where he's physically attracted to you, but where he gets a sense of who he is just from being with you. To really obsess means to care for you on good days and bad, when you're in a bad mood or when you're in a good mood. That it's something where it's more of an extension of who he is. Because to have a man really obsessed with you isn't something that has to be just a dream. It can happen, but it really depends on how bad you want it. Do you want a man to pursue you this way? Because what most women I talk with think in terms of obsession isn't really healthy. It's something that happens early on in a relationship, where everything seems to happen effortlessly, where you smile and he thinks you're wonderful all the time, and the littlest things make him happy. And that'll last for a season. But obsession requires something far deeper than that. So if you want something deeper, if you really want this kind of intimacy with a man, we're going to go into what that entails and why it's possible. And if you really want to have this kind of attention and devotion from men. I'm Bob Grant, author of The Woman Men Adore. I have a free report for you down there, What Men Find Irresistible. Just something to try out. And this is one of the things we're going to talk about in What Men Find Irresistible. It's about creating this obsession that a man naturally wants to have for you. You know, men don't go into a relationship like they do with buying a car or getting something casual like, I'll just, I'll do this for as long as it lasts. They go into it looking for a soulmate. Because with that, there's a sense of vulnerability he carries he's hoping you will too. So if you really want to make a man obsessed with you, let's start off first with what is it he obsesses over? What is it that he wants so bad? Do you simply want to just do what you want to do? Treat him like a girlfriend and hope that works? Or do you want to understand the things that he's obsessed over? The things that he dreams about? The things he doesn't share to anyone because it's too vulnerable? And then we want him to associate those things with you. So every man is a little different. But men carry within them this deep desire, the idea that I don't know that I'm enough. And that as you cultivate with him, that you meet those needs, that he experienced them through you. He starts to associate you with those good feelings. Most every man wants to feel admired. Most every man wants to feel that you're proud of them, that you look up to them. Because within that fear of him not being enough, if you're the woman that convey to him that he is enough, that you're pleased with him, he'll dare to start to hope in that. He'll dare to start to believe that while someone believes in me. Now for a particular man, this is going to involve your willingness to listen and pay attention. You're looking for clues about how he responds and how he reacts. I wouldn't give you something to say to all men, but one size does not fit all. Taking the time to get to understand the man is how you begin to create this obsession because it's unique to each man. Is he someone that really likes it when you listen to him? You'll notice the look in his face. You'll notice he starts to share and open up more. Men seek validation from a woman, not so much to prove that, while you're a good little boy, as much as it's a reward that you like him opening up. Or perhaps you like it when he does something strong or brave or courageous. Making him obsessed over you is the fact that you naturally like the things he does. That's why if you don't like the thing a man's doing, if you don't like his personality, I don't mean you hate it, but if it doesn't inspire you, doesn't make you feel wonderful, it's going to be hard to make him obsessed because you're going to be faking it. Not just to himself, but to you also. He's going to want to know that the more he is himself, the more you like him. And part of the obsessive quality is that every validation he gets, every smile, every encouragement, it makes him feel safe. It makes him feel. And the more he feels, the more he starts to grow accustomed to that feeling with you. This is the biggest problem with teaching or explaining. You're telling him what to do so that you'll be pleased with him. You're telling him what not to do so you won't be upset with him. You can tell him, but the problem is he's not going to remember it that well. Men need to be caught in the act. They need to be caught in the moment where they're actually feeling and experiencing it. That requires some patience and vulnerability on your part. But when you're willing to do this with him, you are training him, for lack of a better way to put it, to the sound of your voice. You're training him to your frequency. You're training him to what makes you happy, what you like, perhaps what you don't like. You're training him by the reactions you give. You're also training him by the reactions you don't give. So making him obsessed primarily for you comes down to the willingness to be authentic with yourself. If you don't like who he is, if you don't like the hero he wants to be, the patient, listening, super kind guy, not that you don't like that, but if you don't love that, then you're not doing him any favors to pretend to really love that above all else when you'd rather have a strong leader, masculine man. So knowing yourself is going to be the first requirement. As you continue to reward those things over time, think in terms of watering a tree, not telling him one time, set it and forget it. He doesn't really need to know that you love him a lot. I mean, he needs to know, but not the way you do. He doesn't need to hear that a lot. What he needs to know is that he's doing a good job. I tell women this a lot, and we just had a group today where I explained this, and I said, you ladies forget that we as men have fears too. We have doubts. We don't always have the answers. You want us to be strong, so we make it a point to try to be strong. But we don't know what the balance is between how much to open up, how much to keep to ourselves. So when in doubt, we just keep to ourselves. And then a woman feels detached from that. She feels, gosh, does he care? He doesn't open up anymore. You train him, help him, show him to open up to you by how you respond when he does. And then when he does, when he does share, when he shares a problem or he shares something that's bothering him, you modify for him, you model for him that it's okay to say it wrong. That you'd rather him try than not try. You'd rather him take a risk with you. We're not trying to turn him into a girlfriend, but you're modeling for him that this is what intimacy is. This is what we do as a couple. We talk about things. We take risks with each other. We believe in each other. Because your belief in him is what makes him crave you. I saw a story, Alex Ramosi posted this. He was talking about his wife and he said, there was a time when I got down to a thousand dollars and made business mistakes. I'd asked my girlfriend months earlier to quit her job and work for me. Down to a thousand dollars. And I believe he said we were living at her parents' place. And he pulled her aside. He said, you know, he goes, you should probably break up with me. He goes, I got a big hole to dig out of. I don't know how long it's going to take. He says, I can totally understand if you want to bail because this isn't what you signed up with. And he said that she told him in that moment, I would sleep under a bridge with you. Every man that read that got that because she believed in him above the circumstances. Now, if you see a man that is consistently lazy and has bad habits, don't believe in him because you want it to be true. Don't fall in love with his potential. What she fell in love with was she saw his drive and his character qualities. And in the moment he needed someone to believe in him, she believed in him. It's not something you can manufacture. You have to be ready for the moment. You have to be ready when the opportunity occurs. Because if you're ready and you made it a point to realize this is the guy for you, making him obsessed with you is simply showing up in that moment. Now, Alex married her. Every guy that read that, I guarantee you, thought, I hope I can find someone that loves me like she does. I hope I can prove to be worthy enough to have someone like he married. And if you like this, I've got more at Free Gift Below, What Men Find Irresistible. Stay tuned for the next video.