Walking with Edna: Forgiveness, Peace, or Another Chance?

Happy Wednesday Hope everybody's up and moving around I wanted to talk to you all about forgiveness today, and I know we hear a lot about forgiveness, but it's so Multifaceted that I thought I'd give my POV on it today so I have been challenged with Being asked To forgive someone for something they've done to me said to me and I think it's Very important to understand What forgiveness does for you, and I know everybody says it separates you from the person, but it also gives you freedom to to Release anger as well because sometimes that most of the time People do things to you and say things to you out of their own frustration It has nothing to do with you and so it separates you from that part of the aspect because you can get a transference of energy from them and Of course you give them say the same energy. They give you you give them so it's a it's also a way of Separating yourself from that more importantly for me in getting all of this is It's not just the peace, but it's also understand understanding not understanding because you don't want to be under anybody, but it's understanding and so What I've learned in in forgiveness is The pattern work is the thing that I'm concerned with because You can ask again as they say in the Bible 70 times seven, right? And it could be a different behavior or different situation, but it can't be the same behavior in the same situation So all you're really asking me to do is give you space to continue your bad behavior You're not asking you to please forgive me And it won't happen again my bad behavior and check to my bad behavior or It wasn't intended for you. It's just please forgive me and give me space to Assault you again and If you have seen the very same patterns over and over again Without any change It means Two things the more they don't don't they don't respect you number two They want you to forgive them so that they can get room to do it again Because you've seen the patterns all you're doing is okaying the bad behavior Because it's customary for us when we do something wrong or we feel bad about something we it's customary for for us to ask for a place to softly land And that's that's like this 12 steps. It really is. It's like when are you gonna get it? You know that you can't talk to me and do me any kind of way When are you gonna get that? and the only way that that person or persons Is going to get it is that you don't allow them to any longer You don't you put down your foot No, because I deserve to be respected And especially if you have a history that's the other that's the sequence To have a history and you've shown up strong every time You know Loyalty does not demand that you become a martyr for anybody doesn't demand that and No matter what the relationship is to that's the other thing because we think the relationship being in relationship with them familial Romantic Co-workers that they deserve Or have to give them place because I have to work with them. I have to deal with them because their family I have to be here in their presence But you don't And you can be in their presence by being peaceful And what I mean peaceful is I mean that You don't have to have a conversation because the conversation Really is communication with them when they didn't communicate correctly with you a Lot of times it's you know, I'm not gonna say it's abusive, you know hitting you or anything like that, but I'm talking about words words and bad behavior and I've heard people say well, that's how I am. No, it's not. Yeah. All right, so it's like saying well, that's How I vomit all over you so I I'm frustrated and I'm aggravated and I'm gonna go hard for somebody or something and go against you and that's fine. You can do that but at the same time, you know, you don't get the Privilege of puking all over you. You don't get that not at all. You don't get privileged to do that so I wanted to tell you that today because it's It's something that most of us forget that we We wish we should be doing what they want us to do and we don't have to you don't have to forgive people That's the whole thing is we don't have to and then it's at our own time You give space because after you've broken somebody's trust so many times and After you've been disrespected so many times What else is this what else is it if you can't Expect someone to take your bad behavior your unhealed self that you're not willing to heal They can't keep taking that and it's the same exact thing time and time again when Us adults are going to go and grow up and get some inner understanding when is that gonna happen? Why does someone else have to keep? taking Your your unhealed self because you can heal yourself You can if you sit down and stop being in everybody else's business if you can and then take intent to your own business, and then you wouldn't be able to Have some inner healing you'll be able to Begin to heal yourself, but if you're not even doing that How do you expect someone to heal you? I mean to forgive you. How do you expect that? Because you're not doing any inner work you know I call that the Self-sabotaging pity party, so I'm gonna things are bad for me, so I'm gonna just puke up and Hurt everybody else in in my vicinity because I can do that because I'm not I'm not doing well or Emotionally, I don't have it all together and the famous one. You know how I am Yeah, that's my that's my problem as I know how how you are and I Keep letting it go. I keep letting it go and That's not what we're supposed to be doing. It's just not The thing to do because We keep hurting now. We keep allowing others to hurt us over and over again We allow Them to hurt us By allowing them to puke all over us their bad behavior and their Words that mean nothing because they're really mad at themselves. That's nothing to do with you So what am I saying today, I know you're probably asking it my POV is that Forgiveness doesn't have to happen When everybody says it has to happen It happens when you're ready because after that that person has to build up trust Because the trust is broken because you've been disrespected you've been mistreated So that has to build it doesn't happen overnight. Just cuz oh, I'll forgive you and then You go back like it Didn't matter That's that's a problem For most of us is we think forgiveness resets the clock and it does not reset the clock because the clock gets reset when We start seeing the trust that you Supposed to be building. I'm not supposed to be doing it you are Right, yeah, you're supposed to be building the trust so That's our job. And when person disappears or falls off Usually means that you know, they weren't willing in the first place to do anything about it. They weren't willing to Really put forgiveness in place because forgiveness is an action word. It's not Something you say. Oh, will you forgive me? Yeah, I can But it's all up to me. I can anyone can forgive anyone but it's all up to me and Personally, I'm really tired of people saying I'm sorry about Detrimental things, you know year in a year out. It's like you don't see that You it just didn't happen today. It happened several times before you don't see that So I don't like to hear the word, I'm sorry because when it came out of your mouth your Discernment or your values said oops, that was a wrong thing to say Instead of waiting a day or two later to say I'm sorry Immediate, you know, you know what that didn't come out, right? I Have yet to hear someone say, you know, as soon as they said something, you know, that didn't come out, right? I'm having a freaking bad day today And I'm trying to understand where you are and I apologize right now right here now that You were on the receiving end of that Yeah so Is someone asking you for forgiveness? looking for looking for peace for them or Looking for an opportunity To do you wrong again? That's the question you have to ask And you better recognize the patterns if this is a person that's been in your life You know, it's not a stranger in the grocery line. That's not the person I'm talking about I'm talking about the people been in your life and they keep doing the same thing Keep doing it. They don't do it to anyone else They do to you So what does that tell me? That tells me they got something against me and they're not willing to Talk about it to be an adult about it. So, you know, I have this problem with you. I know what it is You know, I keep Targeting you I could tell me if you if I'm wrong, but people should be able to say that I keep targeting you And I couldn't figure it out. But now I know I did my inner work and I figured it out that The reason why I'm targeting you because I'm kind of mad at you because of a B or C Don't hear those conversations all you get is backlash Subs backhanded subs You'll you get all those things Jokes. Oh, yeah, don't get those jokes, you know backhanded jokes and they really mean it Do you really mean those jokes when they're making a joke on you? They don't put it listen It's real Whatever they're saying and joking about is real. It's not it's not oh, this is funny. Mm-hmm. It's real It's real Because it just doesn't come out of anywhere. It's real So We're walking today, so I just wanted to share that with you because it came to mind as I was meditating today that forgiveness is a two-sided coin two-sided It's almost like when you're driving You have to drive for the other person as well as yourself You have to see the patterns in the other person. Are they truly? Sorry You have to see the patterns in the other person And then you gotta find out if you have a space Put this to the test if you have the space to do that You know, is there space in your life to keep Reminding somebody they can't disrespect you Is there space for that? Hmm. No wonder. I Know that I don't have the space. I don't have the bandwidth Because my bandwidth is all about my inner Getting myself together for my inner work, you know my to have a glorious life. This part of my life is You know getting to know who I am. So I don't have time to worry about who you might be Or you know who you're disguised. I don't have time for that. So Having peace means that you have to create some type of boundary and that is even around forgiveness That's even around forgiveness You know as I experienced the situation It wasn't that I was I let go of the anger because I was I was furious So I had had to let that go. But when I said that, you know, I forgave them for myself to have Some peace for my own peace, but I I am NOT allowing them to have space so I've learned to Not shut myself off, but I've learned to have myself open enough That I am cordial that I'm light when I'm around that person that I'm Accepting when I'm around that person, but I'm also aware that That person doesn't get space Anymore, and I don't allow Anymore of their bad behavior in my life and it's nothing but toxicity that they're not willing to work on That they're not willing to accept good morning So I will not Allow that person or any person's space to do What they want to do in my life. Maybe they could do it in their own lives to themselves And I think that's a lot of it what inner work is is mirror work instead of using humans as your mirror When you have issues Do the mirror work get in front of the mirror and say what am I mad at today? remember that Remember that on the radio. What are you mad at? I think it's 97.1 hot hot 97.1 used to have that and what are you mad at and Do some inner work when you wake up in the morning instead of just getting up and All the junk that's on your brain what you slept with and how you felt in that the day before Gets on us somebody else That's what we all need to do is look at the man in the mirror first Say what am I feeling today that I don't want to project on somebody else Then you won't have to ask for forgiveness all the time. You don't have to ask I'm sorry about something because guess what? You've done the work Yeah, you can say sorry like maybe I got the wrong time for something or got the wrong place you know something like that, but Things that are the affairs of the heart the affairs of hurting other people that's That's the part you need to work on You need to stay clear of and that only happens when you have inner standing You have inner standing not understanding inner standing You're sitting there and you're taking inventory of your own soul And it does not harm That's what love does it doesn't harm Does not harm Doesn't create chaos It just is and it radiates from you don't even have to be sick it radiates yesterday I spoke One of the local libraries and I was speaking to a woman and she said that You know her parents We knew that they never said they loved her, but they we knew by their actions and I Knew that and people think that love is an emotion It is in some Set some degree, but it's a choice to be responsible peaceful with your fellow man It's a choice I choose today That I have to if I have to be a parent I choose today, but my best way forward choose today You know I choose to be committed to them Until their adulthood I choose that even and even after she's that And we forget that very often Almost all the time that we forget. It's a commitment then when you're romantic you have those feelings and all of that then yeah Emotions in there yeah you do But instead of Breaking yourself down and being really honest about thank you being really honest about What you want? Project the bad stuff on everybody else So I hope that my POV You know awaken some questions in you, that's really what I do is like I want to wake up Something within you say hey Maybe I need to check this part of me out so every day. I'm doing that hey Maybe I would you know I'm not Healed until I leave from this life to the to the next and then I might not even be that You know so I need to master some parts of this world of this life that I'm given So mastering it is Investigating every shine that light on every part of yourself so that You're really enjoying and living Emotionally intelligent you know you're behaving correct changing the narrative of what the world says you're changing that and You're being your whole self mind body spirit soul Okay, so I hope I said something and if you are walking today You're even doing your exercises in the bed. These are some things that think about you're walking your treadmill If you're walking outside along with me today Thanks For joining me all those that came on. Thank you and See you next time around Morning