My Fiancé Isn't Being Fair About Our Money

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. I'm calling wondering if the way my fiancé is splitting the finances with us, with me, is the right way? Okay. I can already tell this is going to be a fun call, Shelby. Yeah, tell us about, tell us about the right way that he has it split now. Have you listened to our show before? Yes, I have, and I actually listen to you guys always, and John, like, James, I follow you guys religiously, so yes. Okay, so whatever answer we give you, same team, right? Yes. Okay, all right, good. All right, let it rip. So, long story short, I, my fiancé, are a blended family. We do own a home together. I have three kids. He has one. I, my ex, who passed away years ago, left me in a financial situation where I did have to file bankruptcy before I got to my fiancé. I then built myself back up, got myself, you know, a very six-figure paying job, you know, moved throughout, and now we have one joint checking, but the mortgage is the only thing that comes out of that, and then everything else. Interesting. Okay, your phone's breaking up a bit. Make sure you're somewhere where your phone's not breaking up. You said you Venmo each other? Yes. All, all hot relationships stay hot through Venmo. So here's, there's some things going on here that might be outside of your belief system, but I'm just going to say it because I try to give the advice that I would do in my own life, and that I think is something that would really help you. So you've got the one account, all the money goes into it because both of you are paying for the mortgage, and then who pays for, who pays for the other stuff? Well, so the one, only the mortgage money goes into that one account. Right, but that comes a little bit from both of you, right? Yes, it does. Okay, is it half and half, or? Yep, it's half and half. Okay, and then, and then tell me how the rest of the bills and, and kids stuff and how that's divvied up. So things like internet, power, garbage are half and half. Groceries, we've, we go back and forth on, well, you have two more kids than I do, so maybe you should pay for a little bit more, and I'm like, well, you know how many kids I had coming into the picture. How do you think it should be? How do you think it should be? I think we should, I think we should each have our own accounts for spending and fun and leisure, and then we should combine the rest of our finances and majority of our finances and pay all the bills from one account. He is the father figure in my children's life because their father is no longer around. How long has he been around? How long have you guys been in this, in this relationship together? Three years. Okay, and when's the wedding? You know those free samples at the store that are up for grabs for anyone? Well, that's basically what's happening with your personal information online. Data broker sites collect stuff like your address, phone number, email, even your family's information and just post it online for anyone to grab, and that's why I use Delete Me. They remove your personal info from hundreds of data broker websites and keep it gone. So stop letting random websites treat your data like it's free samples. Get 20% off your annual plan at joindeleteme.com slash Ramsey. Okay, and when's the wedding? That's a good question. Don't, he wants to wait until we've been engaged for two years before we get married. Why? Oh, wow. I don't know. Is this like level two in his test? I feel like it. I mean, and I've watched your show many times before and I'm just like, you proposed, why? And he's like, well, I just, I want to make sure. That you're the one? You don't change. And that's what I said. I was like, uh. You don't change? Here's the 100% guarantee. Both of you will change a million. My wife's on version like 41 of the idiot 24 year old she married. Thank God, right? I'm glad I changed. The ring doesn't mean, and now I'm considering you for marriage. That's not what the ring means. The ring is, we're going to get married. I have decided you are the one I'm going to marry. The engagement is just simply a planning period to have the party. That's really all it is. All right, so. I agree. Let me ask you this. How much of, because I want to honor this. How much of your concern about, I need to have my own on the side here. How much of that stems from the absolute mess you were left when your first husband passed away? In the beginning, I was terrified to join any type of finances with him because my late husband did significantly put me in a bind where I could barely feed my kids. Now that I've gotten to know this man and I see him and he runs his own business, I see the dedication of work that he puts in every day and that I am like, okay, yes, I am now comfortable with this. However, I would still like my own account for getting my hair done or my nails. I'll still tell you, I think the nerd work, the research data on this confirms it. What we've been teaching for more than three decades, all of it goes into the same boat. And together, you'll have the conversation about hair and nails and haircuts and shampoo, all of that stuff. I have to tell you, just as a husband of a wife of almost a quarter century, you're worth more than you're getting right now. You're worth more than being in trial period number two. You're worth more than no marriage I've ever heard of. I'm sure they exist. I get a sample size of the ones who are in crisis. I've never heard of a successful marriage where they're Venmoing and bickering over who... You like it colder, so you have to pay more of the electric bill. Do you know who does that? 19-year-old roommates who share an apartment. Not people who are ride or die till death do us part, making a life together that they both want to be awesome. I think exactly what John said is part of the problem. There is a very shallow commitment here. And because of that, I think you're experiencing that. It's like, I'm only going to go so far in. And you have your reservations as well that you're only going to go so far in. And I actually think it's a wonderful thing that you're not combining money right now, because you're not married. And this thing, even if you were the most solid engaged couple ever, I would still say, hey, right now you don't need to have your money combined because the deal is not done. But I don't hear a super solid engaged couple. And so the reasoning still applies. Now is not the stage to combine money. I understand that you guys are all living in the same household. And probably while you're in that scenario, yeah, having a fund where you both kick in your parts for the rent or for the mortgage, that probably makes sense for how you're choosing to live at this moment. But I wouldn't. I wouldn't combine money until you are married. And I would push for marriage. Well, let me caveat that. I would not push for marriage if you don't think this is the guy. But if you're like, this is my guy. I believe in him. I trust that we're going to grow together and change together and we're going to be able to get on the same page. Yes. Get married. But if you're having reservations and I want to say this because you said I got burned before the calls that John and I get where people have been burned before, there were red flags, there were red flags and there were little behaviors that was like, that doesn't feel right. And there was just this more and more of a separation that occurred. And so I want to tell you, if you can create a relationship that from the beginning, there is transparency. Everybody's involved. Everybody. We may not think about things exactly the same or have exactly the same values, but we're both very, very interested. It's our priority to show up for one each for one another. So if he values something, I have to show up and show, hey, I care about it, too, just because you care about it and vice versa. And if you don't sense that or feel that or see proof of life in that area, you need to consider that deeply because John, these are the things red flags are red for a reason. Yeah. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.