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My husband and I have been in our house for five years, and I'm on social security.
And we have two separate bank accounts, and I'm afraid to put my social security in the bank
because he won't pay the mortgage. Should I put my social security in the bank with our joint account?
How old are you guys?
Um, he's 56 and I'm 55.
How long have y'all been living like this?
Did you say 66 and 65?
50, 55, 56.
How are you getting social security at 55?
I'm disabled. I'm disabled. I'm on disability.
So you have SSI coming in. What's the nature of your disability?
Um, seizures and epilepsy.
Wow. How long have you been facing that, kiddo?
Um, I found out back in 95, I was diagnosed by 2020, 2015.
Okay. And he is 57 and he makes what, how much money does he make?
He's 56 and he makes $23 an hour.
And he's also on DoorDash during the day.
And he, he, I mean, I'm settled with the mortgage and he's not giving any.
Why?
He doesn't, he's said he's, he's trying to figure it out.
That's all he gives me.
He needs time to figure it out.
He's been saying that since he bought the house and it's almost been five years.
Okay. Well, while you're figuring it out,
go get another place to live because I'm not gonna let you stay here anymore.
It sounds like you've made peace with this arrangement.
If you, I don't, it doesn't sound healthy,
but if that's the world that you choose to inhabit,
no, I would not put money in an account where he's going to spend it.
And I'm not, I'm going to get kicked out of the house.
Okay. Um, I, I, I mean,
I'm hearing from my family that I shouldn't be paying the mortgage and he
should be because he's the husband.
How about, how about both of you should be putting all of your money in the
account and both of you should be deciding what is happening to our money,
which includes paying the mortgage on our house.
That's what normal, healthy people do.
Y'all are whacked.
No, he is.
I mean, he's no, you put up with it, which makes you whack.
Yeah. Yeah. I've been told that. And I've, I mean, we almost lost the house,
like not even, um, in fact, the year of COVID, um,
we were on forbearance and, uh, it was like, I, I left them.
Why, why would you be on forbearance?
You had social security coming in with a COVID came in or not.
I know.
And you were the one paying the bill.
Yeah. Why did the bill not get paid?
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Yeah. Why did the bill not get paid?
Because he's the primary signer.
No, you're the one has paid the bill for five years.
Right.
So during COVID, why were you not the one paying the bill?
Because I was with my family and, and, uh, he was unemployed at the time.
And after I get, after I pay the mortgage, I'm left with almost nothing.
I know, but y'all you're, you're talking about your home, like me and my two college roommates
talked about our, our little town home that we shared in college.
Right. Right.
Like, Hey man, I bought pizza.
So you got to pay the light bill.
And no, the water, it's.
I know.
How long have y'all been married?
Uh, 16 long years in September.
I mean, so this is the world y'all have co-created together.
And it sounds like it's annoying to you, but not annoying enough to leave it.
Right.
People told me to leave him.
I know, but we're not telling you to leave him.
This is just, but so no, listen, there's not a good way for you to manage the situation that
you told us about because the situation you told us about is a bad situation.
There's not a good way to manage a bad situation.
So the proper thing to do, and I don't think y'all are going to do it, but if I, if, if I
wanted to say, all right, Elizabeth and her husband of 16 long years are going to learn to
work together for the good of Elizabeth and her husband, and we're going to put our money
together and we're going to put our spending together.
And that includes paying our, all of our bills.
Who's going to buy the mustard is not on.
We're both buying the mustard.
We're both paying the house.
Everything goes in one pile.
And we worked that together and we have good communication and we talk about things.
Y'all aren't anywhere near that.
You're not even on that planet.
So, and I don't know if I, I don't think I can get you there, but if I could talk you guys into
it, that's what I would talk you into because that's the only thing that there is going to
work here.
Otherwise, you know, if you put your money into an account that he has access to, he's
going to blow it.
And then the house doesn't get paid because you get to pay the house.
But I don't know why you're tolerating this level of misbehavior that you use up your
entire social security check to pay the house payment.
And your husband is contributing nothing to that.
That is just not, that's not right.
And so it lacks fidelity.
I would, I would have a duck fit.
You know, you ever seen a duck have a fit?
What's a duck?
I mean, it's just, I'd have a duck fit.
There'd be a problem.
Next time you get mad in a meeting, Dave,
yeah, that's, that's what it sounds like sometimes when I'm mad in a meeting.
But yeah, but the, uh, yeah, I mean, I'm not, some things need to change here, Elizabeth,
and you are going to be the cause of the change, or you're going to tolerate the lack of change.
Right.
One of the two so far you've tolerated the lack of change.
And then you've got to decide if that's going to continue to be the script in your all's life.
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