An Adoption Story- Daniela’s Return to Romania and the Song for Her Birth Mother.

My name is Daniella Brown, and this is my story. Bunziua, manumes Daniella. I am Daniella Brown, I was adopted from Romania. I was adopted from Orphanage Number One. It is an orphanage, number one in Romania. I was born in Jelava Pentenari, a political prison. The Communist dictatorship at once, Mea Era adopted in Romania, It's a political pressure. So it was really clear that we were a little bit different, But we were also part of the community as well. I've come here to Tauranga, Where Daniella lives today. She grew up in Whangaparaoa. in the north of Auckland Raised by her parents, Rod and Jeanette. For much of her childhood, Life felt settled and full. I'm not sure if I was curious not at all about my biological family. I think growing up in New Zealand, It's quite an absorbing childhood. You're playing around, you've got your friends, You've got your whole life ahead of you. But I don't know if it's because my father was a panel beater And my mom was a nurse. They were very clear with me that They tried to look for my birth mother, but they couldn't. Not that that was the end of the story, because the door is wide open for communication Always with my family. But because I knew I never had the opportunity for more details, I just feel like I turned off. And why would you bother having feelings for something, about something when there wasn't really going to be a choice anyway? And I do think that my parents set a good example for me, I guess, how to deal with the mystery and be okay with it. Today, Daniella works as a lecturer and programme leader. supporting those in training to become secondary school teachers. That sense of care stems from her own childhood. When she was growing up, she wasn't the only child in the family. I have an older brother, Damien. And he is from my mom's first relationship. before my parents got married And he was much older than us. And then I have a brother, Jackson, and he was also adopted from Romania, from a different orphanage. Biologically different, but still my brother. And honestly, Jackson and I were close. There's only eighteen months apart. Daniella's parents were always open about her adoption. As she grew older, they made room for her. to begin reconnecting with the place where her story first began So Mom and Dad wanted to take us back to Romania. When we were children. And mom and dad were also connecting. with Jackson's birth family around the reunion and his return to that place. And for myself, they were very open from the very beginning. We're going to try to find your birth family. but the reality is... And once again, with their pragmatism, I never really felt like they were hiding anything. or withholding. At that stage, I was 12. I was more curious and fascinated what Romania is as a country. What is my national identity? What is your cultural identity? They took me back to the orphanage where I had been. and there's a photo of me kind of staring at the cots and just... I think when you're 12, You're beginning to grow into that understanding. of the complexity of what is reality of some people's lives. And I was probably... I don't know if the word is confronted. but I remember feeling like, Oh, this could have been my life for a long time. That first return to Romania Stayed with Daniela. Years later, she returned once more as an adult, working with art therapy alongside children in foster care. When I returned to Romania, I never told them I was Romanian. That first week that I was in Romania, I couldn't stop crying. The weeping, walking the land, trying to speak the language knowing that you can't speak the language, Hearing the darkness. I've talked about how idealistic my childhood was. There were struggles, of course. Then being faced by How Romania struggles Really confronted me. At that time, I met my brother's biological sister. And I think having the experience of connecting with someone whom I love and his birth sister It was a great start for me. to begin reflecting on my own journey. I went back to London. I was living in London at that time. And then I went back and volunteered With Love Light Romania. And it's this place That changed my life. At that point, Daniela wasn't looking for answers. But someone else there knew. So I went there with a friend from New Zealand. And on the first night that I was there, The woman looked at me. and she said, So, are we going to find your birth family? And I was just like, I hadn't told her anything. But there was something she just knew. I showed them everything I had. They went through all the paperwork. Obviously, being native-born Romanians, One of the ladies there said, Why did your family Say you were born in Taliorman? And I said, Cool, because that's what's on the paperwork. And she said, "I don't think that's correct." She called this place and said, You're actually not from Taliorman. You're from Giana. They rang Giana Village. They rang the clerk there. And they said, Ah, we're looking for Angelica Marzilu. And the clerk said, Oh, that's really weird. Just today, someone else asked for Angelica Marzilu. So that afternoon, I found out that my birth mother had a cousin This cousin, Georgetta, and her father were inquiring about Angelica. And then, by the end of that week, I had learned that I had a birth brother. and a birth sister. I was then standing At my sister's house at the time of my birth with my biological brother. Hello, Daniela. Angelica, She's not a bad person. She wanted her children with her. but somehow, She was not able to. She was looking for you. but because you were in jail, They took you away and she Cannot receive information about you. I was about to leave and I grabbed their hands and we prayed together as children of Angelica Marzilu It was so beautiful. and also painful. I was adopted. I was able to Share with them photos of my childhood. I have a phenomenal relationship with my parents. and I never had that loss of the birth mother that they did. And so, I know There's a hell of a lot more layers. for my birth siblings. Six months later, Daniela returned to Romania this time with her brother, Jackson, and her mother, Jeanette. We did a trip to Romania and the first half of the The trip was going with Jackson back to visit his biological mother. Seeing my brother walk the land In Romania, someone—this is my brother. the one I love, my brother whom I grew up with Something in him just clicked. And then the second part of that trip was Coming with me to my birth family. That evening was really special because for the first time in this whole time, I was able to be supported by my mom who came over. Being able to return to Romania with people I knew, with people who loved me, I felt like that was the biggest bow on the box. I never met my birth Mother and I was okay with that. I thought I was. After that visit, Daniela stayed in touch with the relatives. she met in Romania, including her maternal aunt's cousin, Georgetta. But when it came to her biological mother, Angelica There were still no answers. It was Easter a few years later when I Received a message from Georgetta's husband, Marios, and he wrote, Daniela, I don't know how to tell you This, but your biological mother is alive. As part of that message that Marios had sent me something about my birth mother. saying she is still alive, was also Giving me her number. The phone number was a link. but for Daniela, there was something else she had already been holding onto, her song So tell me a little bit about this special song that you wrote. I remember writing the first line, which is that Mirror, mirror on the wall. When you look in the mirror, You know, you think of your reflection, you think of Well, for me, I look in the mirror and I think, oh, do I look like my birth Mom? Does she have the same nose as me? So the first part of the song Am I processing the questions? of, you know Did she want me? Did she fight for me? Did she hold me tightly? The questions there, did our eyes meet? Did she see? Did she feel her heart beating one with me? The last part of the song, it talks about I carry her with me. Lord, please let her know that I made it, that I'm safe, And I'm not alone. It's important. Yeah. Even though I knew my birth My mother didn't want anything to do with us, There was a part of me that had thought if my song is just a small piece of the puzzle of her perhaps coming back to herself, or a small piece of the puzzle to release her from the burden, there's a lot there, there's a lot of guilt, there's a lot of shame, there's a lot of I don't even want to label what it is could have been. I wanted her to Hear my story. As as part of documenting the story, Daniela met Roxanne, A Romanian interpreter. I asked Daniela if she would like to try to make contact with her biological mother, using the phone number she had been given So I'm about to call my birth mother, Angelica, as much as I want to be rose-colored, tinged with it, and idealistic, and it's going to be incredible, It's going to be like the movies. The reality is that there is trauma, there is pain. Hello? Oh my goodness, my heart rate feels Like it's out the gate. 3-5-3-5 We weren't able to reach Daniela's biological mother, Angelica, so we reached out to someone who might be able to help Angelica's cousin, Georgetta, but she too Wasn't able to reach her. So Georgetta is thinking that something It's suspicious in the middle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. That's because Something is not linking Georgetta thinks she might be afraid. to confront this situation. There's a part of me that had wondered if This would be hard for her, and for me. I feel bad that it's hard for her, because It's hard for me, but I can imagine it is. Harder for her. I'll be fine if I never find out the answers, but I would like her to know that I am okay with her, and to not feel bound from sadness and trauma, And just to, it's okay. Just because my birth mother It was this way, does not necessarily mean that is the trajectory that I need to be on. Daniela understood that her Her birth mother's life had not been easy. Making sense of that became something she carried over time When I returned to Romania and I found out information about my birth mother I had access to one photo. of my birth mother, and that was her ID card I had a small amount of information. All I knew about her, I wrote down on the back of this paper And I drew her portrait. I guess for me, the important part of drawing this was all the moments that I could possibly absorb about my birth mother, I wanted to, and the only way I could see doing that was through recreating The photo. Daniela hopes that through her family in Romania, she can still sing her song onto her biological mother, Angelica. She's seen it. She's typing. Ready now. I'm so sorry, but actually the song Cannot reach your mother, your birth mother. I have tried the last few days to call and also the husband, but no one is answering. If she wants to be found, she will be found. Don't be dead Daniela, because Everything will fall into place. and if your message did not reach there, where it should have reached, then Maybe it wasn't meant to. No, and there are parts in this song that would be very hard for her to hear, and some of the parts of the song would be comforting, But I don't want it to hurt. more than I want it to help her. So she was called to bear me, and God, you knew, because You were there every moment, every cry, and every tear I carry her with me. Lord, please let her know that I made it, that I'm safe, And I am not alone. The most The important thing is that you're not alone. Just remember that. It is an honor to be part of your family. God has helped you to succeed and to Push through. I was raised by beautiful, loving people. I was blessed. I don't think I could have ever hoped for a better outcome for this phone call. We discussed my biological mother, we discussed how in the time since the last call and now, Georgetta has tried to contact repeatedly contact her husband, and the conclusion that we all came to was If she wants to be found, she will. is. She knows where everyone is. Yes, she knows their numbers. And it was nice. to hear their reflections on This song. It's not just I'm sad about my birth mother. They're sad about her. She has chosen. to walk away from the entire family, and I suppose understanding that It's not just me. that she has said no to, it's her season to say No to a lot of things. And we just wait, and that's okay. I need to go to Romania and fall in love. the next generation Who knows, the time will come. Not every story ends with answers. For Daniela, it means holding her Romanian roots close, while recognizing the people who are part of her life. I just really want to say A huge thank you to you, Daniela, for sharing your story as part of mine An Adoption Story series. And I also want to Say a huge thank you to so many of you all around the world who have tuned in, and who have been watching my series right here on my YouTube channel. All of us have a Different story, but I also know that adoption definitely comes with its complexities. And with this series, I'm doing this all by myself. The filming, the editing, putting it all together It all takes time, of course, but I know how. Important, and I do love putting these stories together, How important these stories are. And if you also want to help contribute to the series, to help me continue making this series, I have a Patreon, which is on the link below, and you can also join sign up as a YouTube member here on my Channel. Thank you so much for your support. See you for the next story very soon, as well as an update as part of my my own journey, right here on my YouTube channel. Thank you all so much.