The Most Important Part of Homeschooling Middle School | The Next Chapter Series

Hey everybody. Welcome. I'm Jessica. And today's video is going to be the fourth video in our next steps mini series. If you've missed the other ones, I'm going to link them up here for you. Abby from Rooted in Rust and myself decided that it would be really fun to share kind of our heart on homeschooling the next steps. So I'm sharing a video every day this week, all about homeschooling middle school, and she's sharing one all about homeschooling high school. I just finished the three years of middle school with Emily and she's wrapping up high school with her daughter. So we thought that this would be a great way to just kind of share our, you know what we did like, what we didn't like, the most important parts to us, what's on our hearts, and hopefully give you some encouragement and inspiration before you enter the next steps. In today's video, I'm going to be talking about the most important part about homeschooling middle school or the most important thing, if you will. Now when I first started thinking about homeschooling middle school, I obviously thought the most important part was going to be the curriculum, the academics, the schedule, because we needed to be serious about that schedule, figuring out transcripts because high school was right around the corner. Like I had all of this list of things that I needed to research. I had a huge freakout moment. I had to call my homeschool bestie. Yes, we all have one. She's further along than me. So I had to call her. We had to have a zoom. Like we did all of these things. I had my freakout moment. She sent me her son's transcripts and she was like, okay, first of all, I'm only doing this because I know if I don't do it, you're going to continue to freak out. But we're not even here yet. And I need you to back off. And so I was like, whatever, just send me all this stuff. So anyway, after we had to zoom and she sent me emails and we finally got everything sorted out, I felt better. And I was like, okay, I can do this. I can totally do this. I can, I can get the curriculum. I can do the academics. I can, you know, up my teaching game. I can do all of these things. And I was prepared to do all of the things. And then we actually started middle school and everything that I thought we were going to be doing and all of the plans that I had were complete and epic fails because what nobody told me about middle school is it absolutely should not be about the academics. Like if you've watched any of my videos, you know, this at this point, because I have said it over and over and over again, because I feel like nobody told me the middle school years, like literally the child is changing into an adult developmentally, hormonally, emotionally, physically, mentally. Like the changes that they're going through are equivalent or even more so than like what we go through as women when we're pregnant or when we're in perimenopause. Like it's essentially all of that for the boys and the girls. Like puberty is, is no joke, right? Like they're going through all of these changes. Now we're giving them huge grace by homeschooling them because they're getting to do it kind of in the privacy of their own home. Like they're not having to do it in like the public eye in front of hundreds of other kids their age, which is a huge, huge grace. And I reminded Emily of that on a constant basis, because I was like, listen, let me tell you my first, you know, period horror, horror story from when I was in middle school, just so that she knew how good she did have it. But the thing is, those changes are still happening, right? Like it doesn't matter if it's in the privacy of their own home or in a public school situation or private school or co-op or whatever the situation, the changes are still happening. You're still having to deal with them. And the thing is, it makes homeschooling a little more difficult. And in the end, what I realized the most important thing is, is not the academics or the textbooks or the curriculum or the rigor or the schedule or the future transcript or absolutely any of it. The most important thing, the most important thing is connection. Like 100% hands down, if you can only pick one thing and one thing only to focus on for the three years of middle school, it needs to be connection. Now, some of that might have to be forced because in those tween teen years, kids are moving like they're, they're naturally kind of like moving away from parents and family and moving more towards friends. But I will say having that connection with your child and making sure that like those lines of communication stay open so that you can have those deep, wonderful conversations that I'm always talking about. You have to stay connected for that to happen. And the connection has to be more important to you than the academics because you have to know when not to push and when to pull back, which means maybe math isn't happening that way today because that would ruin both me and her mentally, emotionally, our wellbeing would be toast, right? So math needs to happen in another way. So how can I make math happen? That's still going to have us connecting on some level. Maybe we're going to bake. Maybe we're going to play a game. Maybe we're going to like I've gone so far as to be like, Hey, do you want to help me do my like spreadsheet for the business, which she ate up because it made her feel like she had this really cool responsibility to help me write language arts. I can't tell you how many times I've like been like, we're going to ditch all of that. Hey, Emily, I just wrote this curriculum. Do you want to proofread it for me? You want to edit it for me? Because let me just tell you, there is nothing that your teenager is going to want more than to be able to pull a red pin and correct you as a parent. Like that is their dream. Absolute dream to be able to red pin and be like, Oh, you spelled this wrong. That is their dream come true. So that is kind of what we had to do through the middle school years. Is find ways to, to make sure we were prioritizing that connection and still kind of move the needle along in some form or fashion. We did it in elementary school years and we were more willing to do an elementary school years. We would easily rip out a math page or work page and be like, Oh, let's play a game. Right. And for some reason, as parents, we accepted it more because they were younger. It was okay, but it becomes more difficult and a harder pill to swallow when they're older and in middle school, we feel like we can't do that anymore. They should be able to do the curriculum, but honestly, I think sometimes they're actually less able to do it in middle school than they were in elementary school. Right? Like they're struggling with those emotions and don't get me wrong. There are obviously times when you may have to say, listen, this has to get done. Like, I know you're having a day and I know that it's been a bad week or whatever, but it has to get done. So what can we do to work together to make this easier? Like, I'm not saying you just, you know, let them skate by forever, but I can tell because we made sure that we were staying connected when it was a day that Emily absolutely couldn't versus when it was a day that she just didn't want to in some days and she didn't want to find. I didn't, it wasn't worth it. Our connection was more important to me and I'd find another way to go about it. And then there were other days when I would just have to say, listen, it's got to get done today. You can do it now. You can do it later. You can do it before bed, but it has to be done. Like whenever it gets done, but it has to be this day, you know, whatever it was, but I still will stand on the soapbox all day long until the cows come home. Connection is the most important part of homeschooling middle school. You need those lines of communications open. You need to be able to connect with them and you need to connect with them. However, you can connect with them because as teenagers, you're not cool anymore. Like, it's not as simple as being like, Hey, do you want to play a game or just whatever? Because first and foremost, they're probably gonna roll their eyes at you. They're probably gonna tell you they don't want to play the game. But then when you sometimes make them do it, they will have the most fun that they've ever had. And they'll be like, I forgot how much fun this was. Oh yeah, I know. You love it. You always have. Like, I can't tell you how many times I've almost had to like force in the best way possible to be like, Hey, we're going out. Like, especially even this summer, we're going out to the pool. But when we go out, you're going out. I don't want to, I know you don't want to. But you're doing it anyway. And then 20 to 30 minutes after we've been in there and we've played a game or we're floating or whatever, she's like, I'm really glad we did this. I needed this. I know. Right. Or just same thing. Like I said, with reading, sometimes I have to almost be like, you haven't read in a few days. Go pick a book. You want me to pick it for you? Is the reason you're not reading because you have decision fatigue? What is it you need me to do? What do you want me to do? You want me to read alongside you? Want me to read it aloud to you? You want to alternate chapters? Like we prioritize that connection no matter what. You don't want to have family game night tonight? Okay, but we're doing it this weekend. So if you don't want to do it Friday night, pick Saturday or Sunday night. Which night is better for you? What works best for your schedule? Our game nights used to be three hours. Okay, we'll get it down to two hours. Because in the end, they really do still enjoy that time together. They're just not going to ask for it like before. Where Emily would be like, I want to have a game night. I want to have a game night. We haven't had a game night in a while. She's never going to say that now as a teenager. But if I put my foot down and I'm like, we're going to do this. Nine times out of ten, she's like, this is really fun. I miss this. Why don't we do this anymore? Like, you guys, teams are weird. They're a little crazy. They're a little kooky. Sometimes you just have to go along with it. You just have to be like, whatever. I know what's best for you. And this is what we're going to do. Just like two weeks ago, I was like, I'm going to sit down and do this craft. Do you want to do this with me? And she's like, no, I don't feel like it. I was like, okay. So I sat down and I started doing it. And like, she kept walking by and I was like, are you sure you don't want to do one of these with me? And she's like, no, I don't really feel like it right now. And I was like, okay. By the time like 10 more minutes had passed, I didn't say another word. But all of a sudden she's sitting next to me and she's like grabbing the beads and she's doing it. And then three hours later, she's made 10 times the amount that I have. And she's like, this was really fun. I should have sat down earlier and done more of these. I know, like, but it's just the way they are. It's just the way they are. But having those lines of communication and connection open all the time means that you're like letting them be themselves. She knows she can come to me. She knows she can join in with anything with me. We know that we can have those deep conversations. She knows she can share her opinions with me, whether they are things I agree with or don't agree with. And in this three years specifically, in those tween to teen years, in this transitional time period, that connection is the most important thing because you need that. They need that. They need to know that they can be independent and you're still going to love them and want to hang out with them. They also need to know that it's okay to still love you and want to hang out with you because they're like struggling with this. I'm not a kid anymore and I'm supposed to be grown, but they still kind of want you to be around and, and with them, but also they want to be independent and they don't want your help, but they want you to be there. Like it's a struggle for them. It's an internal struggle. Like, and I can sometimes even see it on Emily's face when she like him hauls around and I'll like try to offer another, you know, scenario. Do you just want me to sit here? Do you want me to sit beside you and work while you're sitting there working? We now call it body doubling. I'm like, do you just want me to body double you? Like do my own thing, but be with you. And we call it body doubling because that's like the adult version of parallel play, right? Like that's where we're at now as a tween and teen. We're parallel playing, but we're going to call it body doubling because that doesn't sound as childish, but that's the most important part. Hands down. All of the rest of it is going to happen. Actually. Like you can find other ways to get in math and language arts and reading and writing and whatever else is the most important to you and your homeschool academically that if you forfeit the connection for it, that is something you're going to regret. And you're going to actually pay for that in the long run. If you find a way to prioritize connection while still getting the rest of that in, you're going to be so much more thankful in the long run that you did it because then they feel seen and they feel like they can come to you with anything and your relationship isn't sacrificed, which at the end of the day is one of our most important things. Like it's in our vision statement is that we are prioritizing relationship and connection while instilling the love of lifelong learning. So that means that no matter what, at the end of the day, I don't want to kill her love for learning and I don't want to sacrifice our relationship or our connection for any kind of academic. That's our vision. If that's not your vision, then maybe this isn't what's best for you, but that's our vision. And that's what I want for our homeschool and for our daughter and for basically our life. And so because of that, we sacrificed everything to prioritize connection in the tween and teen years, whatever that took. Like I said, sometimes it was forced in a good way. Like it wasn't like, you're going to do this, whether you like it or not. It was just like, you're going to do this for 10 or 15 minutes because I know in the end you're going to love it. And for whatever reason you're fighting it, I don't know why it's not even that they're fighting it. Sometimes it's just like, I don't know. I don't know if they've lost all joy in life. I don't know how to explain it because she would just rather like sit there and stare at a wall than admit that she wanted to do something. It was the strangest thing. You guys, it was, it was a difficult time period. But I will say, um, 12 and 13 were the hardest two years and we're really, really close to 14 and I'm like seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. Like joy is reentering her life. Um, we've like, we've got systems that work and we, because we prioritize that connection throughout these years, um, I'm seeing like, she's coming back around, like things are, things are improving. So I'm going to leave you with that little bit of encouragement too, is like 12 and 13 were the hardest two years, hands down, which for us was seventh and eighth grade. Um, to survive it, to survive it, do whatever you have to do to survive it. Um, the rest will come. Academics will happen. You're going to finish the curriculum. You're not going to be behind. Realistically, middle school academics and curriculum are kind of an in-between anyway. Like if you really look at the syllabuses and stuff, it's really just an extension of elementary school and like slight preparation for high school. Could your kid go from fifth grade math to ninth grade math? Possibly. Like I, I really think it's extremely possible. I haven't tried it, but based off of where we were at, I think you probably could. I mean, I think if you just did like made it through pre-algebra in middle school, which is like one course, three years, one course, you'd be fine. You'd be on track for high school. That's really all you need. Like, and we pretty much did that. We went from, uh, math six to pre-algebra and she had some repeat in math and pre-algebra than she did in math six. So anyway, that's another here and whether, cause I had no intention of talking about curriculum because it's not important to this video because it's literally the least important thing when you're homeschooling middle school is the curriculum. Um, communication is the most important. Leave those lines of communication open, continue to connect with them and find a way to be part of their interests to connect with them, whatever it takes. Like if they're into Minecraft, learn to play Minecraft, seriously learn to play Minecraft. Uh, if they're into a show, watch it with them. Like Emily was super obsessed with Teen Wolf and Grimm. Neither of those were my shows, but I've seen every episode. I know every character. I've watched it multiple times because that was our thing. Like she loved it. And so I would just sit down and I would watch it with her. Kevin and I got into archery. We had never been in archery. Emily got into 4-H, archery became her jam. We picked up bows and now we shoot together as a family. If you stay connected to them and you're willing to connect with them, like the rest of it comes, I promise. But sometimes you have to get creative. Like whatever that is, follow their interests. Emily really, really wanted to learn guitar. So we've learned, she, she's learned guitar. Um, and now Kevin's like, Hey, you could teach me. Like, why not? Same thing with both of my parents. I knew that in the teen and tween years, she was going to kind of pull away. And so I made a point to say, listen, if you want to continue to connect with her, we need to be strategic about it. And so I let both of them pick a course, a homeschool class, if you will, that they were going to teach. So my mom teaches her sewing every other week. And my dad teaches her leather work every other week. And that way it kind of, again, was that forced connection. Like you have to go, you have to do this, even on days you don't necessarily feel like it. And then in the end, she's always, always, always grateful that she did. She's learned something. She spent time with her grandparents and she's created something amazing with her own two hands. So just find a way to connect with them, whatever it is. If your kid's super into video games and you're not, let them teach you how to play it. Learn how to play a video game with them. If they're into sewing, let them teach you how to sew. Even if what you do is horrible, at least find a way to continue to connect with them. Mainly so that those lines of communication stay open and they know they can come to you with absolutely anything.