Republicans DID NOT See This Coming...

In 1989, Hollywood made a movie about two guys who spend an entire weekend propping up their dead boss, sunglasses on him, wave his arms at the neighbors. Because if anyone finds out that Bernie's gone, their scam collapses. And it was that classic Weekend at Bernie's, a comedy. And even though it is objectively worse, I'm extremely partial to that awful voodoo-laden sequel, Weekend at Bernie's 2. But now, 37 years later, Senate Republicans have apparently watched those two movies and said, let's make it a trilogy. And side note, Andrew McCarthy carried those films, and he is now an excellent writer and his documentary Bratz is a great watch. But anyway, before anyone aggregates this or clips this, I am not telling you that Mitch McConnell is dead. I genuinely hope that that man is somewhere recovering. But what I am telling you is that Washington has gone so silent for so long that millions of Americans, including a massive chunk of MAGA, are openly asking whether a senator is actually alive. And no one that should know the answer to that will actually answer the question. And look, a few days ago, I did a story on this. And I'll quickly catch you up. June 14th, McConnell, 84 years old, found unconscious at his DC home. And we heard dispatch audio obtained by an independent journalist, Desiree Townsend. And that audio had phrases like CPR in progress and cardiac arrest. A serious situation. And McConnell has not been seen since. No photos, no votes, nothing since June 11th. Three plus weeks. Yet his office has offered statements with the informational value of a fortune cookie. He's receiving excellent care and working closely with his staff. Look, the man needed CPR. And yet, according to his office, he's outworking half the Senate. If Mitch is actually billing those hours, give that man a raise. But look, things did turn dark on Monday. The loony Laura Loomer, citing a high-level source close to the White House, posted that McConnell is, quote, officially brain dead. And I'll be clear, that claim is unverified. It's anonymous, zero evidence. So please do not treat that as fact. But when the HuffPost took that straight to McConnell's office and asked, in effect, can you at least tell us if your boss is conscious? His office would not confirm nor deny it. They simply pointed reporters to a week-old press release, and it's insane. Asking, is your boss conscious, is a yes or no question. And they answered it with an out-of-date press release. Now for the math, because there is actual maths. And I like saying it that way for our British viewers. But anyway, in 2024, Kentucky's legislature stripped the Democratic governor, Andy Beshear, of the power to appoint a replacement. So now a vacancy means a special election. And if the seat goes vacant before August 3rd, a whole separate emergency election. After August 3rd, it quietly folds into November, when Kentucky was replacing McConnell anyway because he was retiring. So right now, there is a legal stopwatch strapped to this man's Senate seat. And it expires August 3rd. So, being the reasonable human that he is, Steve Bannon decided he wants to promote the theory that the silence you hear is about dodging a special election that could lead to Thomas Massie jumping into the seat. So that is where this whole weekend at Bernie's thing comes in. And it's not about Mitch McConnell. I'm more talking about the machine around the man. They're possibly doing calendar maths above a hospital bed about when to finally let things go. And that's the theory being floated by some of these people like Steve Bannon and Laura Loomer. And so tell me, what do you actually think? If nothing changes by August 3rd and this seat quietly rides into November, is that a family protecting a sick man's privacy? Or is this a party running out the clock on a Senate seat? And please keep it civil down there. Keep it human. There are real humans with real families involved here. So drop a comment, but be a little nice, right? Tuesday was proof of life day. And within hours of this brain dead claim going viral, three Republicans suddenly announced that they had been speaking to Mitch by phone. John Thune, John Barrasso, and CNN's Scott Jennings. McConnell's former aide, who says that they talked just shy of 20 minutes in his own capital letters about Iran, Ukraine, Maine, his trip to the Teddy Roosevelt presidential library, and quote, a little bit of Senate history. Yeah, that's a total normal call that you have with your totally conscious friend, not asking about health, nothing like that, just war and geography and history. And look, there's a reason MAGA didn't even buy this, because if he is well enough for 20 minutes of geopolitics, but not well enough for a 15 to 30 second video telling Kentucky that he is well enough to be alive, if you can't do that, that's not a good sign. Meanwhile, Republican Senator Mike Lee posted, Many of us aren't speaking about Mitch McConnell's condition because we know nothing about his condition. He's saying the truth there. So the Daily Beast asked all 53 GOP Senate offices whether their senator had spoken to Mitch. Only two answered. 51 essentially sent everybody straight to voicemail. Oh, and there is one more verified detail. Three days after the ambulance, Chinese state media photographed his wife, former Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao, in Beijing, meeting with the vice president of China, and no one has answered why. Which naturally sent the very sane person Marjorie Taylor Greene in front of a camera to declare Chao a communist Chinese spy, quote, 100%. Classic Marjorie. You know, you find one genuinely strange, unanswered question, and yeah, spies. Credit to our dear friend David Pakman. He's been out in front of this story, treating it well, but also uncovering a lot of the uncomfortable parts of the story. And he says that, quote, there's medical privacy, and then there's total secrecy. And right now we're in the total secrecy phase. And he posed this. If Chuck Schumer vanished for three weeks after a cardiac arrest call, Fox News would have a countdown clock on the screen right now until they run out the clock for the Senate seat. David's right. They would not be treating this the same way. In this situation, you would expect to hear from, what, the loudest man on the planet, right? Donald Trump. He's posted more than 100 times in one day this week. Reflecting pool water, a throwback photo with Macaulay Culkin. So what about the man who literally helped build his Supreme Court? Not a word. Meanwhile, all these rumors are still being sourced to people close to the White House. And if that sourcing is real, the White House knows more about Kentucky's senator than Kentucky does. Mitch McConnell is an 84-year-old man who is likely gravely ill or has been very recently. He's got a wife, daughters, and a family living through a nightmare. And he does deserve some dignity, no matter what we think of his politics. So yes, both things can be true. He deserves dignity. But also, 4.5 million Kentuckians deserve to know whether or not one of their two Senate seats actually exists in the mortal plane. A 30-second family statement. He is seriously ill. Please respect our privacy. That would end every conspiracy theory instantly. But the silence is a choice. And in GOP circles, when silence is a choice, it's usually never about protecting a human. Even Laura Loomer posted, I remember when we mocked the Democrats for doing the same thing with Joe Biden. Dammit, why did I quote Laura Loomer twice in one story? Jesus, I hate what these people do to me. So that's how we get here. The sunglasses on a Senate seat. Waving the arm at the cameras. Everyone insisting that the weekend at the Beach House is going great. And that's why I'm going to ask you to hit the notification icon. Because as soon as we get a real answer to is he alive, we will be right here.