Most of us don't realise we're doing it. Sometimes the hardest words to believe are the kind ones.
Not because they're untrue... but because they don't match the story we've been telling ourselves for years.
The way you receive a compliment often reveals far more about your self-belief than your confidence. Maybe it's time to stop deflecting, start believing, and simply say..."Thank you."
The speaker discusses the psychological struggle of receiving compliments and the tendency to deflect them. By comparing our subconscious memories to a \"black box,\" the speaker explains why we reject praise that contradicts our internal self-narrative. The video encourages viewers to practice self-kindness and openness to better receive and give generosity.
Do you feel uncomfortable when people give you compliments? I know I do. I'm better now than I
used to be, but I used to really hate it. And my response usually was some form of deflection,
putting it back on the person, downplaying the compliment, saying why maybe it wasn't true,
here's something you don't know about me. And all of it was me being avoidant of
the discomfort created by the compliment. And I decided it was unkind to the person complimenting
me to behave like that. And so I dug down into why I was like that. And I think the best
way of explaining it that I came up with was, you know, there's a black box on planes that
records everything in the flight. This black box is the memory of what took place in any given
flight on any given day. I think we all have a black box in our consciousness. And it's recorded
things that were said to us years ago, even in childhood. And it holds on to that. And when
someone says something to you, that is contrary to what the black box has recorded. And the black
box is narrative about you when someone compliments you. And it's against what the black box has
memorized. We struggle and don't recognize ourselves in the compliment. And so we deflect
and we try to dial it down and become avoidant. And I used to be like that with compliments. I
was an awful person to compliment. And I want to encourage you guys today to work on that. If
that's you to develop, develop kind self talk to yourself, to self compliment, nothing wrong with
that compliment, you pat yourself on your own back. When you do well, also breathe and relax.
And when you see a compliment coming, don't get resistant, like I began to do preparing my
deflection. But breathe, relax, be grateful, be thankful, thank the person, appreciate the
compliment. Even create a conversation about it that may be helpful to you both.
I don't know, but I do know it's a beautiful thing to compliment someone. It's a huge act of generosity
to compliment someone. But that gets more difficult to do if it's someone that always deflects
and clearly feels uncomfortable about it. Is that someone in your world that would benefit
from this video? Or is that you who will benefit from this video? Either case, I was you or I was
that person. Let's get better at receiving compliments, which I think makes us better
at giving compliments. Love you guys. Hope that helps. Let me know what you think in the comments. Cheers.
