My Husband Refuses To Share Bank Information With Me

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. How can I get my husband to be financially transparent with me as far as bank accounts, debts and income? So when you ask him what's his response, you tell me what you say and then you tell me what he says. So I am not included in the bank account. I'm a stay-at-home mom. So when I ask him what's in the bank account, he never gives me an exact amount. He always kind of goes around it and says, oh, we're okay. We're doing okay. Does he get upset with you if you continue to ask? No. He's, for the most part, a very calm person. He just kind of takes the conversation to a different direction. He tries to avoid all that. So if you said, well, instead of you telling me the balance, can you just give me the login? That way I can check it whenever I want. What would be his response? I believe he told me once that he would rather be in charge of the finances so that I wouldn't have to stress about it. And you say, well, it's not stressful for me. I just want to see it. I've told him that and he avoids it at all costs. How long have you been married? We've been married for three years. All right. Somewhere along the line, someone gave you guys a bad message about how our relationship actually works. And someone told him and someone told you that your vote doesn't count and your vote counts. So it just depends on how crazy you want to get to make your vote count. Because my prediction is this, that as long as you continue to build up resentment and anger inside of you, because he's treating you like a freaking doormat, the longer that goes on, eventually you're going to blow. And when you do, your marriage will be over and no one will be able to talk you into staying because you will have put up with this for 10 years or 15 years or eight years or whatever, and you will have had it and no one will be able to dial you back in. I've sat in coaching sessions with couples and watched their marriage come to an end because they let this stuff go on and on and on and on and on and finally they blow up. Now, here's another take. I think Dave is right. Here's another way to consider it. I think that sometimes in these situations, when people want to prevent transparency, a lot of times it is because they have something to hide. Summer gets busy fast between vacations, camps, and travel plans. The last thing you need is another thing to manage. That is why I love Delete.me. Delete.me removes your personal information from hundreds of data broker sites that can leave you vulnerable to spammers and scammers, and they keep monitoring it all year long. And honestly, it feels good knowing that someone is handling it for me. And you can get 20% off an annual plan at joindelete.me.com slash Ramsey. That's joindelete.me.com slash Ramsey. He's framing it in the way that you have the problem. Oh, I don't want you'll be too stressed out. You'll be too worried. You'll be the one, right? When really the problem is he has the problem and he's not saying, I just don't feel comfortable. I just need to get a grip. He's making it sound like you're the person who has a problem. So that's a red flag for me. And I do think that this has to be brought to a counselor, because whether it's what Dave said or whether it's what I said, both of those are not, you can't continue down that path that way. He's real calm and you're real sweet until you're not. But this will come to an end because you're getting pretty frustrated. You just called a couple of strangers on a podcast with millions of people listening and told your story. You're already pretty frustrated. Yeah. And so it's starting to build and I don't want it to blow. And so, you know, I think, you know, honey, if we can't come to an arrangement where I have the same vote you have about our money and we both know what's going on with the money and my name is on the account and I have full access, there is going to be stress in the house, but it's going to be yours because I'm about to create some stress for you. Yeah. And another, I'll tell you what Dr. John Deloney would say. He said, you know, when you have those conversations, frame it in the story that you're telling yourself and say, you know, the way things are, that story I'm telling myself is that you're locking me out because you have something to hide. And the story I'm telling myself is that if this doesn't change pretty soon, I'm going to, I will blow and that this will cause, you know, damage to our relationship that won't be able to be repaired. That's the story I'm telling myself. I don't want to keep going down that path, right? That's another way that you can frame it. And so either, either we can come to an arrangement by Friday afternoon where my name is on the account and I have full access to everything and you and I are making financial decisions together or I'm going to go see a marriage counselor and I'm going to ask you to go with me because I don't want our marriage to end, but that's where this is heading. This does not end well. No, it never, it doesn't. Doesn't end well. And let me paint this. If you're the guy doing this, you're not taking care of the little woman. If you're telling yourself that you're so full of crap, you can't breathe. That is an absolute lie. All it is is you're a control freak. And we see the other side of it all the time. How often do people call in? They've been married forever and they've allowed this to persist. The husband passes away. The wife had no idea. No idea what's going on. No idea. And there's debt and there's, by the way, she can't get on the checking account. They go and get a court order because there's no will because Bozo hasn't really been running the stuff. So Bubba, you're not taking care of the little woman. That's just bull crap. That is not what's working. So the little woman is like a full grown person and they can carry half of the emotional stress of this household with you and should know what's going on. And by the way, the unknown is much more stressful than the known. It creates much more anxiety when you don't know what's going on and you make up stories in your head about what's going on. Then when you actually know the truth, that's real crap. I thought it was a lot worse than this. I'm glad to see that we're in this situation. You know, you know, the unknown is way worse than a bad known for creating anxiety. You're not helping someone, but that's, that's not the truth. He's really not trying to. No, no. He's hiding. Yeah. He's hiding something or he's controlling or both. Create your free every dollar budget today. 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