Emma Watson And Dawn French Face Off | Comic Relief

Are you sure you're going to be alright, Vicar? Absolutely. It's an ice bucket challenge. What could possibly go wrong? Yes, yes. Jim, I'm a bit puzzled. Was that squeaking? Oh, no, no, no. That would be the mice. What mice? The mice in the bucket. Oh, right. Right, are you ready, Rav? Yep. Go for it. Oh, hang on. Vicar of Dibley, Girl of God speaking. Hello. I'm calling from Lambeth Palace on behalf of the Archbishop of Canterbury. As you know, the Church of England has accepted the concept of female bishops and I have been authorised to ask if you would consider taking on that role. Yes. Yes, I damn well would. Oh, my actual God. But before we get into this, there are two very important things to say. One, please do not utter a word of this to a soul. Guess who's going to be a woman bishop? Oh, is it John Bishop's wife? No, I am. And two, we will, of course, be asking several other female vicars to take part in what promises to be a highly competitive selection process. Of coming to the palace at 11am on the 17th. Of course, I'd be delighted to. Bless you. And it's so... Oh, no, you've gone. OK. Bring on the bucket, Jim. We've decided we definitely want another woman, you know, when you've gone. Oh, I'm flattered. So I've written to Fiona Bruce, obviously. Right. So, moving swiftly on, why do you think that they've chosen me? Why specifically me? Why this, you know? Why, why? Could it possibly be the interesting mixture of hands-on parish experience and urban media experience? Sort of good-looking, but in a non-frightening, approachable way? An unquenchable optimism allied to a fundamental can-do attitude. Could it possibly be that? Yes. Along with my great humility, of course. Yes, yes, that too. Yeah. Bishop, Bishop, Bishop Gerald. Geraldine Granger, reporting for Bishop duty. Yes, hi. I mean, why not? God. Do you mind? Oh, my goodness. I've got to. Sorry, I can't resist this. What do you think? Suits you, sir? Any idea why I was chosen? I have no idea. I mean, I'm told each candidate has their special qualities. I mean, how did they finally decide on little old Geraldine? I mean, maybe you mean, how will they finally decide? Sorry? Oh, please come in. Hello. Reverend Mavis Pipkin, here about the post of woman bishop. OK. Oh. Am I late? Has the position already been filled? Oh, no, we do that after the interviews. We've always done it like that. Sorry, interviews? Yeah. Oh, hello. Hello. Will you be wearing that during the interview? No, no, probably not. No. No. To tell you the truth, I have been dreading today. I sometimes wonder why I put myself through all this. Well, don't, then. Just go home. No. I think we both know they're not going to pick me. Oh, that's very good of you. I think... They're going to pick Alicia. Who the hell's Alicia? I... Oh, Alicia, how lovely to see you. Hello, Mavis, I thought you'd be here. I would like to be interviewed as soon as possible, please. I don't have all day. I'm sorry, I think they were planning to see you last, I'm afraid. And Jesus said the first shall be last and the last shall be first. Problem solved. Who are you? Um, I'm Geraldine Granger, Booker of Dibley and sometime presenter of religious documentaries. I don't know if you saw Granger in the manger. No, thank God. And you are here, what, representing the younger generation, are you? Um, well, yes, I don't think it would hurt for the church to have a little bit of a spring in its step. I mean, don't get me wrong, I have massive respect for you rugged old warriors who fought the good fight way back in the early days, you know, before electricity. But, you know, wouldn't it be wonderful if us youngsters could bring in a whole new generation of people to the joys of Christ? True, true, true. Yes, well, maybe you are the one. No, no. Well, yes, yes. I would represent youth if called upon to do so. Come in. Ah, the actual youth representative. Oh, I'm not the youngest, am I? Yes, I think you might be, yeah. I'm sure they'll choose one of you older, more experienced ones. We're all so grateful for how you grizzled old-timers fought the good fight back in the early days. You don't really know what they're looking for. Youth, experience or fabulous feistiness. I beg your pardon? Well, I mean, I'm just trying to understand the field here. And what have we got? We've got callow youth here. We have exhausted old age. Perhaps they're looking for a little bit of ballsiness. You know, a little bit of energy. A little bit of zest and zeitgeist. Oh, count me out. I ran out of balls quite a long time ago. I'm not sure I ever had any. No, because you're the sort of quiet, pretty type, aren't you? It's lovely, but... I'd love a feisty bishop. You know, going on question time. Protesting in the streets. Bringing the battle to the man. Bishop who's funny. Not just sort of funny-looking. I beg your pardon, missy? You know, a bishop that can make us laugh as well as think. Yes! In which case, I think you might be looking at the future right here. Bishop at your service. Isn't it? Happy times. Less said, the better, eh? Yeah, I think so. Iris! How are you doing, baby face? It's so good to see you. You're just my total crush. Of course I am. Alicia, you're looking good. For someone who teased Queen Victoria at school. Mavis! Oh, shortest person in the kingdom. Who isn't technically a child. Oh, and who've we got here in the corner? Little Miss Mouse. I'm Geraldine Granger. Thank you. Gwendolyn here. She was just discussing what we each bring to the table. And her suggestion is that she brings feistiness. Sense of humour. Yeah, I think that's probably your game, eh? Mary-Jerry. Classic situation. Little bit of a big girl. Uses humour as a get-out-of-jail-free card. So tell us a joke. I beg your pardon? Well, you're apparently completely hilarious. Tell us a joke. Well, the one about the blind nun is always so funny. And all the funny knock-knock. Listen, the whole point is that this situation is what's funny. That's the joke. Because if we were all men, we'd be bishops by now, wouldn't we? She's got a point. Instead, we find ourselves in this absurd situation where they have to choose just one of us. Oh, no, I should really be telling you this information sooner because the archbishop is actually going to appoint five bishops today. Really? Yes. But there are five of us here. There are five of you here. So that means... Yes. Good Lord, good Lord, good Lord. There's still one more to come. Darlings, oh, my goodness. Oh, my God. Absolutely lovely to see you. It's a kiss. And to you, Bernard. Oh, my God. Now, am I right? I've been told five winners, one loser, so I'm looking at winners. Who's the loser? May the best man win. Afternoon, Bishop. How did it go? Shut up. Back from your momentous trip to London? Shut up. Did the archbishop give you tea? What's it really like? You shut the heck up. You know, we're all so very, very proud. So tell me, how did it go? Listen, you utter idiot. It's perfectly obvious how it went, isn't it? I didn't get the job, did I? I was turned down. I'm not pretty enough. I'm not young enough. I'm not old enough. I'm not feisty enough. I'm not funny enough. And I'm not fabulous enough. I'm just completely ordinary. And I'm going to be stuck in this damn job in this damn village forever. Yes. About that. We had a bit of luck with the... Bishop! Bravo! Meet the new, new, new, new, new vicar of Dibley. Hello. How lovely to meet you. And you must be... Yeah. Geraldine Granger. Unemployed. Welcome. Yeah. Right. No, no, no.