Disinherit Our Trust Fund Baby?

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. Should we disinherit our son completely? And the circumstances, we are the cautionary tale to not do too much or give too much to your kids. So we're, we're retired. We have worked hard all our lives and my son got a divorce about five years ago and quit his job. He had addiction issues and needed, you know, to get those under control and lose weight and do all that. And then he went to school and we supported him through all of those emotionally, financially. He had a daughter as well, supported him through all of that, never did get a job. And we spent a lot of money through all of that and like probably close over, close and over to three quarters of a million dollars. And we asked him, we told him that it was time to get a job and he quit talking to us and also kept his daughter away who we raised through a lot of that. Oh Claire, I'm so sorry. So we're kind of all done because we just cut him off. We just said, it's time, you know, it's time. So, and he lives in our carriage house above our garage. Cut him off at that point when he's 50 feet away from you. Wait, what? I know. Yeah. He lives above our garage. So he gets, he's gotten free rent, free everything. And you know, it's like, it's, it's bad. And yes, we take full responsibility for that. You know, it's our fault. No, it's not your fault. He, he did make decisions. Yes. Were you guys still giving money? Yeah. But also you were not forcing him to make these decisions or, or lack thereof. That was not you, that was him. That was him. I mean, we told him that, you know, he turned this into this situation that was supposed to like get him started to, you know. So how long ago did, did you guys cut him off? About probably five weeks ago. Okay. So it is fairly new. And then what's going to be happening with the living situation? Well, he has a fiance and we told him he had until the end of the year or until he got married to be done with that. Okay. So likely it's going to be the end of the year. I'm assuming he's not going to be married in the next couple of months. Summer gets busy fast between vacations, camps, and travel plans. The last thing you need is another thing to manage. That is why I love Delete Me. Delete Me removes your personal information from hundreds of data broker sites that can leave you vulnerable to spammers and scammers. And they keep monitoring it all year long. And honestly, it feels good knowing that someone is handling it for me. And you can get 20% off an annual plan at joindeleteme.com slash Ramsey. That's joindeleteme.com slash Ramsey. I'm assuming he's not going to be married in the next couple of months. No, unfortunately. So December 31st is his last day living in the carriage house. Is that clear to him? Possibly. That is clear to him. In fact, we're writing up an agreement to that fact. Okay. And he's not working right now still? He's looking for a job because he has no money. Yep. Yeah. Well, he did get money. And his fiance is living in the carriage house too? No, no, no, no. She's living in her own house. Okay. Yeah. Well, the positive is that, yeah, when you cut off the source, you don't have many options but to go and find a job to work, right? So I mean, that is the right move. And for him, is he in recovery? Has he been sober or what's his... Yes. He's been sober for probably four years now. Oh, good. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So you've already cut him off now, but you're saying for the trust, once you guys pass, you're saying should we disinherit everything to him? Well, because he hasn't had a job. So, you know, and then he has to keep a job. So he has to prove himself to keep a job, not just have a job, get a job, but he has to keep a job. And he hasn't been financially responsible with the money he's had. And so it's like, you know, that creates a pattern as well, because he's been living the life of Riley. I mean... Well, you're not obligated to leave anything to anyone. You can give it all to a charity if you so choose. But also to your point earlier, Claire, he was living the life that was, you know, given to him. So I do wonder on his own merit, if you look up in a year, that this could have been the best thing that's ever happened to him. Yeah. And you see, I know... My gut is I would not do a full disinheritance. What I would do is a structured trust that has all kinds of distributions and clauses tied to sobriety and work and education. All of those things you can set up within the trust where he's not getting a dime unless X, Y, Z are true. Yeah, and the executor of the trust can make sure that these things are, the obligations are hit in order for him to get this money, right? And it's never all at once. It's, hey, at this age or at this, you know, milestone... I mean, how much will you guys be leaving, Claire? Like assets wise, like net worth wise, if the house is sold and all that? Over 20 million. Okay, how many kids do you guys have? One. Oh, it's just him? Yeah, and his daughter. He's, okay. Oh my gosh. Sorry, in my head. So if this doesn't go to him, where would it go as of now? To his daughter. All to the daughter. And I just see the way it's kind of ruined him. So it's like, you know, we were thinking of possibly a lifetime discretionary trust, which it doesn't, you know, it keeps generational kind of thing. Have you worked with an estate planning attorney to figure out what's the right one for what you're trying to accomplish? Yeah, we're kind of in the throes of that right now. Okay. But because it's easier to add somebody versus take them out. But it's like, what do we do? I like the idea of it being a structured trust for now. And again, you can always change that in the future because that already has a lot of stipulations before he would get a dime. There's also a generational skip, you know, skipping trust to where it would just go to his daughter, your granddaughter. But again, we don't know her future. And so I would still have provisions there. And obviously she's a minor, I'm assuming. So it would be a while until she could access this. And Claire, you could do something in it, a clause that says, you know, for the next, like if something happened to you and your husband in the next 12 months, that he doesn't get this money for six years and he has to establish himself for six years before he even sees a little bit of it. You know what I mean? To make sure that there's somewhat of a pattern happening in the positive direction that, again, that where he is today, if $20 million got dumped on him, you're exactly right. It would be horrible for him. It would not be a blessing. So for him, for the dignity of him and his character to live out a certain way before he sees a dime of it, I think is very reasonable. How old is he? He'll be 33 this year. And I'm not excited about his new wife. Well, that's something else to think about. Exactly. What makes you not excited about it? Is it a character thing, a financial thing that's not good? I think she might be in it for the rainbow, the gold pot at the end of the rainbow. And so that worries me. Well, I wouldn't worry too much until they actually get married. You know, his track record has not been great with following through, right? But if they get married, I mean, yeah. And this size of an estate, it's going to be cumbersome. It's going to be annoying to have to go back and redo something. But it would be worth it, right? Like if you have to make decisions today. It's a $20 million decision. Yeah, I would push it out and make sure that he can't really get anything until, I don't know, making this up, 40. Just for him, he needs to hold a job. He needs to learn to work. I mean, all of that so that this money doesn't ruin him. And then if he ends up getting married and there's still feelings towards that, you know, if you have some kind of addendum in the estate with that. But an estate attorney should be able to work through some of those hoops. But, oh, Claire, I'm so sorry. I know that's such, so heavy to carry. But yeah, call us back if you need us. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.