Nikki Glaser Admits She Nearly Stole From Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s Wedding

I went to a wedding at Madison Square Garden three months ago and I just want to talk about it a little bit. Thank you. Allegedly. I actually can't say that I was there. What I will say is TMZ reported that Nikki Glaser was invited to Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce's wedding. And yes, with the headline, Why? And none of that really occurred, but they weren't wrong. I have a huge Swifty, probably the biggest Swifty that was at that event. So if you're a Swifty, you understand. I got the text inviting me to the wedding. I never thought in a million years I'd get invited. I don't even know them. But I got invited and I'm like shaking as I'm opening. I'm like, oh my God, I want to tell everyone that I know. This is months and months ago. But it's very clear on the thing. You cannot tell anyone about this. This is top secret. They even sent a picture of my grandma's house. I was like, what the ****? Is that what happened to Nancy Guthrie? I'm like, oh my God. I know. I go to the wedding. I am in there for 12 hours. And none of my family or friends know where I am. I'm just off the grid for 12 hours. They're texting me. My location's off. They all thought I killed myself because I wasn't invited. But I was actually inside. And I had nothing to show for it. Because I had to turn in my phone. I had to turn off my phone. Which I had never done before. I didn't even know you could do that. They're like, just press down both sides. And then pull what already is in line. Just hold it. And I'm like, let it be, Paul. I'm just holding up the celebrity line. There were so many celebrities there. It was so wild. The ones that reported all the, you know, it was like Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt and Steven Spielberg, Julia Roberts. I mean, it was insane. And it was interesting because some of these celebrities were alone. And these people are never alone. Some didn't get plus one, so they just have to go to this event alone. Because they always have a publicist or assistant or a blood boy. There's always someone with these people. But J-Lo was alone. J-Lo was kind of like a wallflower. Like alone, awkward. And J-Lo was never alone. I mean, she is in her heart. But like, she was never physically in a space alone. It was fascinating to see. And I kind of know J-Lo, so I was like, hey. And she was like, oh my God, Nikki. And she like threw her coat at me. So I was just kind of carrying her thing around all night. She made me limp just to like, how she likes it. But we went to the bathroom. We got, we were like pals all night. I got to show her how a public restroom works. That was really cool for her. She was confused by the toilet seat. She's like, why is it cold? I was like, one second. I was like, oh. I cleaned it up for her. I wiped her. I mean, what was I? I did keep that toilet paper. That was my something brown. But like, that's pretty much what I was about to do. I got really close to stealing something from it. Because I was like, I want one cool artifact from this. So it was late in the night. And everyone's like kind of drunk dancing on the dance floor. And I'm back by the cake, bathing. And I am, and I'm watching the dancing. There's, I mean, it's like Mark Zuckerberg's doing the robot, which is just him standing. But he's, Jelly Roll is doing the worm or having a heart attack. I couldn't decide which. It's a public bathroom. I'm not shouting his name. And um, and then I look up at the cake. And on the top tier, where the two little cake toppers are, it's just Travis. Taylor's missing. And I'm like, someone already took Taylor. I'm taking Travis. Like, this is the perfect thing to get. And there's no cameras. No one has phones. So I was like, no one will know it's me. So I reach up. I get it. I'm two seconds from putting it in my purse. Almost in there. And then I hear Tom Cruise be like, put me down. And I'm like, oh my God.