She Left Matt Rife Absolutely Stunned

I was going to say good for you, but no, that's still good. That's still good. Did you bring your dad out here? Dad, did you have any idea who you were coming to see at all? Not at all. You could have lied, but all right, I appreciate the honesty. He said it's Matt Riff. I'll ******* kill you, dude, you know that? What do you do now? You're a special ed teacher? Four and five year olds? How do you even know if somebody's special needs a four or five? At four or five, they just count everybody special needs a four or five, you know what I mean? Do you have a favorite student? **** that. That's the ---- that the kid in The Shining used to do. **** that, dude. Everybody used to go, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Yeah, **** that. You've got to kill that kid. You have to. It's going to be easier than you think. Do you guys think the ---- I say sometimes is fucked up? Imagine what I almost say sometimes. Jesus Christ. I almost said if you wait long enough, one of the other students will probably do it. I know, that's why I didn't say it. Dad. What the **** was that? One of your students is here. There usually isn't some elaborate setup needed. A person, a reaction, and a few seconds of silence can be enough to turn an ordinary moment into something the entire room remembers. Is that where you're from? Oh, yeah, that's an American voice. Hi. Wait, you're down here? How the **** are you doing that? Why did it sound like it was coming from up here? I'm sorry, balcony. Here? Right here? Right there. That's exactly where I pointed, and you said, she's down there. Yeah, that's where I'm looking. Hi. What are you doing here? Nice. Where is he? What's your name? Sam. Nice to meet you. How's Proto? Lame. That was stupid. Where'd you meet Miss California? Can I have a long story? Skip it. All right, never mind. I don't have that kind of time. A death row case. Ooh. You guys are so middle school. A lawyer. One of your clients was on death row? Yeah. Is he alive? Yeah, you won the case. Nice. You don't know if he did this ---- or not. What were they trying to get him for? Double homicide. That takes skill. That's not just one, but that's two. And you don't think he did it? So why isn't he dead as ****? Technical. Shut the **** up. I know you did it, but you did it right. So we can't get you for that one. Wow. Can you kill one more? The quick responses might look improvised, but knowing when to push a moment, when to move on, and when to say absolutely nothing usually comes from doing this a lot. You lost special needs high schoolers in a zoo? Where did you find them? Where were they in the zoo? Just arm wrestling with gorillas and ----? They're strong. You met a special needs person? They'll melt your heart and then tear it out of your ******* chest, dude. You better give them a hug. He's a runner, and he took off, and... They radioed. There's one on the loose. That's terrifying to hear vaguely in a zoo. There's one on the... It could be anything. Oh, the teacher had to call the parents and be like, hey, we're gonna be late getting them home. And the parents were like, take your time. I'm sure they didn't. I'm sure they missed their child that they love deeply, but it's kind of funny for them to be like... Hope you find them. A sharp reaction, a strange audience moment, or one perfectly timed pause could suddenly travel far beyond the room where it happened. You got a gun? You do? Nice! What kind you got? AR-15? You cannot look like that in a room. I'm actually gonna make a call right now. Bro, you fit a lot of descriptions. Holy ----! Why? You shot them competitively in high school? A little nervous, right? Like, I wanna keep with you, but I'd like for us to be on good terms, honestly. The audience is never completely passive. Even when nobody is speaking, reactions, expressions, and awkward silence can all become part of the performance. What about you? Gun? That no started with a lie for a second. You said, no. That first line of defense, somebody breaks in, what would you do? You take care of it? That's way scarier. I'll take care of it. How tall are you? You 6'7"? He breaks into your house. Oh, go for the knees? He pointed at his knees. I didn't know if you were gonna take him out or get on yours. I wanted to make sure. But hold on, how tall are you? 5'5". 5'5"! Oh, my God. You'd have to suck his dick. You could've lied. I wasn't gonna make you stand up for nothing, man. You could've said 5'9". That's cool. That's respectable. You need to get a gun. Get a gun. There's a difference between talking to someone 10 feet away in a comedy club and trying to create the same intimacy in a room filled with thousands of people. Somehow, Matt still treats those bigger rooms like there's a conversation happening. You work with kids? What kind of kids? How old are those kids, though? Like, what's the age range that you work with? 12 through 17. Oh, that's when they start to get strong. You have a favorite student? You do? Why is he your favorite? He's different. He's different? Well, they're all... What'd you get convicted of, allegedly? Domestic violence. Domestic violence? Oh. Don't tell that joke on Netflix. I don't know what you were doing. Was it against a boyfriend? That guy right there? Oh, yeah. They usually come back. I'm kidding. That's actually not funny. That's not okay. That's a serious problem. Can't wait to read about that on Twitter tomorrow. I'm kidding. He's still doing it. Man, how long did it take you to say that? Do you feel strange dinner? If you would have yelled that two drinks ago, that probably would have crushed. Now, what is that? It's an edible. I'm not taking drugs from you. For sure not. You can't even pronounce it. Edibles are scary. Edibles sound dangerous. What's your accent? Israel. Israel? I don't think I'm allowed to take drugs from you. That's true. A lot of Matt's appeal comes from how casual everything feels. Even in a packed venue, the delivery can sound less like a polished performance and more like somebody saying the thing everyone else in the room was thinking a little too quietly. Are you Welsh? No. No? Where are you from? England. Faggot! No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I don't know if you can say that here or not. You definitely cannot in the States. And who are you here with tonight? Girlfriend. Hi, girlfriend. You ever done any drug? Ever? Never once? You can't be from here. You're not? Where from? England. Faggot! No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. That's the last time. I think I get two. Two is the limit, I'm pretty sure. Is every person we meet from England tonight not gay, right? You are? For real? You're lying. I meant cigarettes. It got lost in the translation of sweat. Are you really gay? Then I retract. Still faggot though. Still faggot. No ******* one of the ******* odds. Sometimes the audience starts laughing before Matt has even finished, mostly because everyone can already see exactly where the situation is heading. Unemployed? What? What do you want to do? Dream job? Pilot? Flight attendant? Maybe. We know who doesn't have a nut allergy. Ryan, what about yourself? Cop. You're a cop? Really? I can't commit. No, no, no, no, no. What weapon do you have? We just have batons and pepper spray. Batons and pepper spray. I know it stings, but it's just the gayest weapon. It sounds gay. Ryan? Where's Henry? The toilet? Which one? Taking a ----? Yes? Shouldn't be long then. Are there speakers in the bathroom? No? Okay, some venues are like that so that people don't miss the show. They can hear through the speakers. It just wouldn't have been funny to **** with them. After enough of these moments, you start to understand why Matt's clips keep finding an audience. They're not just jokes with punchlines. They feel like small situations unfolding in real time. And sometimes the funniest part is simply watching him realize what he's been given. I didn't say hello earlier. Good to see you again. How old are you? 22. 22? What's your name? Liam. Gay? Yeah. Really? I'm on one tonight. This is crazy. Really? Nice, Liam. Liam, you single? No. Boyfriend? Where's he at? Home. Where's home? London. Do it. Call him the word. No, no, don't. Do not, do not, do not. I will kick you out of here. Do not do that. Nice to meet you, Liam. I can have a what? I can have a pass? Why, thank you. Any black people feel like doing the same thing? Like the show's been going pretty well? Like maybe just fire off a couple? There's something strangely entertaining about watching a comedian work with incomplete information. Matt gets a few details, makes a quick assumption, and then sees how far he can take it before reality decides to correct him. How old are you? 19. Second row. 19? You're 19. You look like a pixie. You're 19 years old. You would be a pedophile's dream. Sorry, you caught me very off guard. What is your name? Devin. Yeah. Devin. Gay? Really? I'm starting to think I'm magic, dude. Like what if I'm just turning people gay? By now, that combination of timing, improvisation, and just enough unpredictability has become a big part of Matt Rife's identity on stage. You wore the cowboy hat. Do you have a cowgirl job? Yeah. You do. What do you do? Ranch help. Ranch help. That used to be called something way different. Sorry, six black people that are here. I do apologize. How old are you? I can't legally say it. You can't legally say it? Well, this conversation's over. Hello, Diddy? Yeah, one got out. She's been on a farm? Yeah. I'll get her back. You're 18. Okay. Sorry. You're not gonna want her. Matt's comedy has always worked best when it feels like something could go wrong at any moment. Not disastrously wrong, just wrong enough to become much funnier than whatever was originally supposed to happen. You know what's fucked up? There had to have been somebody who went to Epstein's Island and didn't know. They just went for the jet skis and they got there and were like, whoa. I should have gone Royal Caribbean. This was not the Disney cruise I signed up for. I wish I was gay. I just don't have it in me. I don't think that he's gay as well. Fight. No! I can't wait for those articles tomorrow. Matt Rife encourages cockfighting at his comedy show. There's also a certain confidence that comes with letting a live audience affect the direction of a show. Every reaction becomes useful. Every pause means something. And occasionally one person in the crowd accidentally gives him far more material than they intended. What'd you say? What does make a good titty? When you take your top off and you can make a cobra come out of a basket. The cobra's a penis. Some guys like them big, some guys like them bigger. No, small boobs are cool too. Small boobs are fun, man. You get done ******* and you're like, good job, dude. Ladies, there's plenty of videos on the internet of women with just gigantic titties. And they're like They like, they wind up. And there's like a baby watermelon on a table. And they're like this ******* goose. Who thinks they have the biggest boobs here? In the front? What are you working with, size-wise? A what? Six? I don't know what that is. Do you guys do different bra sizes here? Okay, can anybody beat six? Oh! You better not lean over up there, you're gonna fall down these stairs. What number? God damn! Are you serious? What number? Nine? An extra seat! That's crazy! Congratulations, you guys. There's no prize, but immense respect. The internet is especially good at rewarding moments that feel spontaneous. Matt happened to build a style where spontaneity was already doing a lot of the heavy lifting, which turned out to be fairly convenient. They're trans? You have a trans child? ****! Now, boy or girl? Now a girl? Nice! Can I ask her name? Amy! Can I ask the dead name? Dylan! Amy's better. That's on you. Wales. Just be thankful she's not a sheep now. No, I'm sure she's stunning. I'm sure she's a bad bitch. The setup might change every night, but the possibility of things getting slightly out of control usually stays the same. Ask what? First of all, am I getting heckled by a bitch in a wheelchair right now? Amy. You didn't say she was a transformer! How long have you been a woman? How long have you been in the chair? 2021! ****! COVID? Hypermobility? Your body's like Rice Krispies. You snap, crackle, and pop. I thought it was more like Cheerios. Who are you here with, Amy? Husband? You're swingers? Have I ever had a threesome? No, but I've had a two-and-a-half-some. I can't believe you like to swing. It's mostly in the legs. You got two kids? Nice! Cool! How old are the kids? 9 and 11. Are they twins? By the time Matt Reif became a regular name online, the clips had developed their own formula. You might not know where the conversation started, but within a few seconds, you usually understood exactly why the internet kept watching. Have you ever been to a sex club? I've never been to a sex club. No. I've never been invited. You guys go to one? Really? They have ramps and ----? What's the initiation fee? Depends on the club? Single guys are more, couples are less. I like that you guys get a discount. Did she get half off? I'm so happy I didn't start this ----. Do you guys have to wear masks and stuff? Or everyone just goes in as is? Oh, that's not as fun. Everybody should ******* dress up. You do sometimes? What do you go as? Professor Xavier?