DEAR MOTHER.

Hello, hello, hello, there we go, cut my sound on, whoo, good afternoon, good afternoon, maybe good morning somewhere, it might be good evening somewhere, but all the same, welcome, welcome in, welcome in, beautiful people, I hope everybody's doing great, grand rising, step down one, hello, hey, Pisces magic, Melinda, how y'all doing today, How y'all doing today? Today's a beautiful day. Today's an amazing day. We have to have a conversation. Conversation necessary to those that have survived or are surviving narcissistic mothers in some kind of way. It's Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day, first of all. Happy Mother's Day to all the beautiful mothers, the amazing mothers, the mother figures, the daddies that are moms you're forced to be a mother but happy mother's day to all of the wonderful nurturing mothers out there those are being alienated from their kids those are you know you're dealing with a narcissistic man co-parenting you're doing that damn thing you are amazing to have a child with this type of thing yeah i just addressed him as a thing that's a challenge major challenge major challenge but hey guys welcome in california okay what's up what's up so thoughts haven't caught a live in a minute happy sunday what's up survivor dominic morris hello hello hello elisa williams how are you mika love hi hi i am always jamming honey i hope y'all be doing that too i know a lot of y'all love music too i got singers and dancers out there so join me you know we gotta always start on a good vibe because we are thrivers no matter what the topic the subject no matter what day it is we're thrivers that's first and foremost but i appreciate all of you being here man beautiful day to be celebrating mother's day because mothers start it all i mean you start it all you start it all with a mom you know um but before we get started and get deep with what's on my heart today guys it's your girl mommy so true those of you who are new to this community welcome in shout out to you for being here um this may be a deeply resonating video for you if you are going through this and you were raised by a narcissistic mother if you feel like you have you're not really sure or you're just watching it for information i appreciate it give me a thumbs up you know um subscribe if you haven't welcome welcome welcome don't don't miss the weekly videos and lives hit the notification bell too while you're at it right so guys um shout out to those of you who love and support me i appreciate all of it a lot of you are mother figures in spirit you pray for me in ways that i am so appreciative of you speak you know man it's really humbling to know a lot of you a lot of you I've never met but the things you say to me you know the the the energy I get from you it's beautiful it's a constant reminder that you know a relative doesn't equal family a lot of you are not my relative but you're very much so my family I know um man it's just it's just so much and um I thank all of you for how much you pour into me how much you nurture me how much you come and listen to my story you know and how much you are willing to learn and grow with me I truly treasure that and on top of that I thank my mother as well today um I am no contact so there's no way I am planning on making that you know contact just to say happy mother's day a lot of you may resonate with that this is just not the day where you are enthusiastic about calling your mother texting your mother sending nothing it's just we're not it's unnecessary to say the least and it's not coming from a place of hatred resentment none of that it's coming actually from a place of healing and peace and understanding no contact is a beautiful place to be especially when this type of abuse and attack has been your parent this has been your parents this is a whole different ball game it's a whole different ball game we're not talking about somebody you know that you're married to and sleeping with or dating we're talking about somebody who gave birth to you because what is the meaning of a mother when we're when we're talking in terms of the noun definition this is a woman who is who can relate to her child is in relation that's what i mean a woman in relation to their child right this person um this person carried you for however much however many months nine should be the norm but that's how it starts so we got dna and cells and embryos and infants and you know you grow you form you develop inside of this person so life began with that woman the verb definition is to give birth right bring up a child with care and affection this is not just common sense this is not just the right thing for anybody who lays down and get pregnant to to to know but this is written this is a clear definition today's title of the video is called dear mother for a reason if you bear with me i want to break down certain little things that needs to be addressed talked about to help hopefully you know elevate your healing process maybe um validate some things for you because it's time it's necessary we're all entering into a different place in life we're we're tapping into the best versions of ourselves and it's necessary to address those childhood wounds because some of us are still addressing it still working on it some of us are still you know nursing it and some of us we're you know we're past it we're moving forward we're living our lives the best way we can in spite of dear mother first i want to talk about the narcissistic mother narcissistic mothers there's a lot of things that they do and don't the dynamic can vary depending on the extent of the the mother's abuse the environment um how much you know you interacted and lived with that parent that mother it's just it it all varies the circumstances you know poverty versus coming up in more wealth you know the race the culture traditions it can vary depending on what's happening how it happened but bottom line the effects the damage the aftermath the drama the chaos the issues the challenges the obstacles it's still the same because the abuse is the same typically one of the things that comes with a narcissistic mother is the lack of respecting your boundaries the lack of respecting your boundaries on top of that they view you their child as an extension of themselves typically the daughter okay and then they lash out criticism anytime you try to address provide feedback you're going to get attacked they're not going to like it they're not going to receive it they're not going to accept it but this is the queen of criticism something's always wrong with you your house is imperfect your life is not good enough your parenting skills is trash i mean nothing about you is good enough but they can't stand being criticized they can't stand being told about themselves because why they're narcissistic and they don't like the truth they don't want to hear the truth the truth hurts too much this person is obsessed with maintaining their appearance oh my god you talk about a narcissistic mother they care more about how they look than what their children are eating what their children are wearing how much their children are lacking or not lacking in school they don't pay attention to nothing else they are they are more worried about competing with the first lady in her outfits at church they are more worried about cashing out child support money to support a habit of shopping or drugs or whatever because once again children are just objects to this woman so whatever the child is there to give they're taking you got a lot of black family households where narcissistic mothers are just having children just to keep getting government assistance having children just to be lazy have a way to catch up you know this person ignores their children's needs because of this type of thinking and this type of selfishness they ignore their children's needs you have narcissistic mothers who ignore important things about their kids it could be physical health it could be mental health emotionally you're being ignored they could care less how you're feeling they don't want they don't they don't show affection they're barely giving it and typically this is a daughter. Then you have narcissistic mothers who manipulate and act like they love you using passive aggression because they are controlling you. They're finding ways to manipulate and control you because they're gaslighters. Our narcissistic mothers are gaslighters. And a lot of this sounds familiar to that narcissistic spouse probably that you ended up dealing with because you had a narcissistic mother. Oh shoot. Oh shoot. Narcissistic mothers might only treat you well in public at home oh my god ain't no jesus in that heart ain't no jesus in her attitude in her mood in in her approach with you it's not the same very hypocritical go to church can can throw the bible at anybody and everybody but when it comes to showing how godly they are oh that's a whole different ball game it's not there it's non-existent it's non-existent these mothers often present themselves as victims oh dear mother dear mother stop acting like you are a victim in life because that is the biggest manipulation tactic for a narcissistic mother this is how they reel people in, this is how they keep up with their false narrative, this is how they really smear campaign, this is how they triangulate, it's a major tactic, a major tactic everybody must think that I'm poor old mother, how can they do that to their own mother, your only mother, you know y'all excuse Barbie in the background she's spazzing out, somebody must be outside, oh man the the setting of unrealistic expectations that's a big one for me because like I said mothers are nurturers, they bring you into the world and most of the time their child is looking to please their mom, especially a daughter looking to please your mother so when you are constantly you know, being told that you're not good enough and you have to keep trying keep trying keep trying you build this sense of low self-esteem from that, at least for some daughters or some sons too we'll talk about the daughters and the sons here in a minute because I want it to make sense because a lot of it is intertwined, a lot of it is comparable a lot of it is the same but there are some differences when you talk about overachiever and as a daughter of a narcissistic mother, man, overachiever always climbing for the best because nothing was ever good enough and it seemed like the only time you got praise or got any type of validation is if you did something that you know, owned up to what they were looking for, that owned up to the value that they've placed on you. It's like, dang, I'm not going to get no kind of attention unless I come home with all A's or if I really graduate and really be the highest this and like, I always had a point to prove or something, you know? And a lot of what I'm talking about, whether you're a male or female, this can affect your life in such a crazy way let's talk about the daughters and the unique relationship that happens with daughters and mothers for a moment this relationship comes with so much passive aggression so much mind games a lot of silent treatment a lot of criticism a lot of confusion it harms your self-esteem which i've mentioned it harms your emotional well-being your overall development which all of that what it does is it hinders your emotional regulation it hinders your emotional regulation because having a mother like this trains you to be this person who kind of accepts being an object being being being objects for people just being there to fulfill everybody's needs this is how you became a people pleaser it's how you felt the need to be there for a narcissist you felt the need to look out and break your back and try over and over and over again you kept you know ignoring red flags and doubting yourself when you knew you had to leave and you stayed you put you know should i stay or should i go because you were raised by a mother who did not respect your independent thoughts your opinions and your actions always threatened her sense of superiority over your life because she just wants dominance your only role to this narcissistic mother was to provide constant validation you were only there to be an emotional punching bag dear mother this is not okay as an empathetic child I can say that I've come to an understanding and I realize the why's I understand I can't respect the lack of empathy and accountability behind it because one thing about narcissistic people as they age they get worse more denial more selective amnesia you know more lies more slander more hatred really and it's not okay that's why I would never not justify the decision of walking away cutting away or cutting off your own mother as crazy as it sounds as painful as it may be it's necessary because nobody deserves that. Nobody deserves that type of turmoil and nobody deserves to go through that type of emotional roller coaster throughout their life. This is why I encourage so many people to have self-compassion because if you were raised by this type of person, you must truly understand how a lot of how life has went is not your fault. You didn't do it to yourself wherever you're at in life right now however old you are you didn't do it to yourself you were born into it thank god you have survived even with all the damage that's left behind this is why they age so poorly dear mother any narcissistic mother out there the ones that even watch my channel and try to find validation for what they are what they are and what they're doing because in the mind of a narcissist they think they're empathetic they're they're crazy they're delusional they seriously believe that they are us and we are them that's the crazy thing about what's happening right now they really we ain't even gonna get into that but if you're watching you must understand that you're wicked dear mother you have some wicked ways but they've been identified because dear mother you had no idea what your children carried you have no idea what your children carry because sadly many daughters who are raised by narcissistic mothers do have an increased risk of having their own narcissistic traits same as men this is the part where it becomes you know very similar this is why self-healing choosing to heal is important you got to be willing to pull out whatever poison is inside you you got to be willing to look at yourself and do the work that's necessary or you will never be able to stop this repetitive cycle that's in your family. You definitely have the risk of having your own narc traits. This varies from person to person. This depends on your own inner personality. It depends on the support system that you had growing up because I tell you my biggest testimony is that from the moment I met my mother in the United States I also met a spiritual mother right next door she happened to be our landlord then she was my sister's godmother but long story short for whatever reason she was there she was there and I found a mother in her I found a nurturer in her she was empathetic towards me she was willing to care about my emotional well-being she didn't give birth to me she didn't know me from a can of paint she literally opened up her arms and her heart to me both my sister and i for whatever reason it was strategically planned for her to be there to protect me because god know what yeah you were born into this but god had other plans like i said they didn't know what you carried god's chosen one was birthed through this person god used that mother to birth you that's the only round of applause she gonna get thank you for bringing me here i appreciate you happy Mother's Day. I appreciate it for bringing me into this earth. Thank you for my existence. Although it has nothing to do with you, you were just, you know, a connection to physically bring me out, but you didn't create me. You didn't make me. You don't make me. Dear mother, this ain't that. The support system, thank God for it. Many of you had it. If that's you, hit that like button, because I know it's not just me. That's our testimony. You know, having other mothers that influenced us having people that prayed on our behalf because they could see what we were going through they just couldn't say anything they couldn't help us we had teachers we had friends neighbors just random earth angels man i thank god some are willing to break the cycle by going through therapy becoming self-aware avoiding replicating the same decisions when they have their own kids you know some become strong and self-centered you know and have strong desires for external validation you have some girls that are raised by narcissistic mothers that become like that however most of us which i know a lot of you this is you you developed a deep resilience oh my god one that's unmatchable untouchable unchangeable you you're so adaptable you learn the important skills of life and that's what's adding to the light that you carry the empathy that you have to people situations and life is beautiful it explains your emotional intelligence it makes a whole lot of sense you got these sons that are raised by narcissistic mothers who end up broken adults their their their self-confidence is extremely impacted because of all the triangulation you know they grew up with a mother who will bring in other a third party to make up for their shortcomings they will lean on and leech on their sons to make up for their husbands their husbands working a lot because the man don't want to deal with her crazy tale you know so she'll condition her son if she doesn't have a job to work or something else to preoccupy her time very neglectful and abandoning towards him creating a whole lot of enmeshment oh my gosh this boy has no way around her it's like she creates a companionship with her own son it's sick then you have a lot of envy and control sometimes the man can't even be married or be in a relationship without her trying to be all up in it without her feeling like you know she's the third wife or the second girlfriend or something and typically these mothers appear very well intact on the outside man they seem independent as hell but there's so much codependency involved they they need so much supply that it comes out of their own child their own son and the controlling behaviors you know the lack of emotional support and the the forcing of emotional support what i should say because her son essentially becomes the person she leans on she needs to always call she needs to always talk about her needs she needs to always cry to him it's like she must be attended to by him sometimes it's so weird how close they are it's like sexual seduction can be involved a little too close a little too tight and it don't have to be physical it could be emotional sexual involvement you know being all inappropriate with her son saying things that's like it's like you don't need to be doing all that a lot of y'all have seen that and if she's a narcissistic mother who a father is absent oh my god she's definitely violent she's definitely mean as hell and she is making that son pay for the lacking of his father this creates men that are codependent men with intimacy issues meant with with resentment mostly a lot of times towards women they don't even realize it and a lot of times men who repeat the NPD cycle because of this broken mother that did not raise them I feel like I said a mouthful but dear mother people have mothers that they lose early you know this is something that should be cherished these are relationships that should be cherished it's beautiful to see mothers and daughters and sons I know I feel I used to be so emotional I'd be in public I see a mother and a daughter together hugged up and join each other and I will just start crying inside I'm like oh something I've never really had if I did have it at some moment in my life with my mother can't say it was really that genuine and it lasted enough because it was probably me trying to pull that out of her by doing something sacrificing myself in a way to get that got to a place in my life where it wasn't worth that for me I'm not gonna keep trying to be seen by my own mother that's ridiculous that's ridiculous and I just I cherish the gift that mothering comes with I see how challenging it is because now even me having more than one dog, I'm like, oh my God, these are dogs, but damn. To be a mother is definitely, to me, a calling. It's either you're going to pass it or you're going to fail it. Dear mother, if you fail it, that's on you. If you failed it, that's on you. You got to answer to that. You got to answer to that. Sadly, but truthfully, they'll die with all that darkness, never give closure, never say they're sorry. They're just going to die with it. But if this is you and this is your mother, you got to come into terms with it, accept it, move on with your life, stop wanting something you'll never get, and move on apologetically living your life as the independent being that you are. Release yourself from this umbilical cord that you've been attached to, demonically attached to, if you ask me, because it's a generational curse that you're a part of. And if you don't step out of it, you keep replaying the same thing over and over again. the older I'm getting the more I'm seeing how how deep rooted the issues are that comes with this like relationships work life I mean it really affects your life your being your emotional states your mental being your physical body there's so much that comes with this and there's so much lack of understanding when you're dealing with someone who's been raised by a narcissistic mother people people don't understand you people think that you're doing too much you're overdoing it you're overthinking you're rebellious you know and it's like nah it ain't got ---- to do with none of that it ain't got ---- to do with none of that and you got to get to a place where you become unbothered to not even have to explain why you are how you are because nine times out of ten this was your mother you got complex PTSD I'm gonna tell you right now dear mother thank you for making me this this person with this complex PTSD because that is something you really can't get rid of you got to learn how to manage it you don't know how many times I done tried therapy and tried medication and tried all it just this type of abuse is a little different things will help therapy will help support will help but baby you got to learn how to manage it because it lingers for the rest of your life this was a mother it started since you were an infant a baby you knew nothing they broke your innocence this is why a lot of people can say dear mother for what you did do and what you didn't do i'm gonna tell you right now everything about my mother wasn't bad but the bad was bad enough now knowing what i know about narcissistic mothers i know that the good was bullshit it was a cover an image a mask dear mother do i have to forgive you i don't but I will because I don't want to hold myself accountable for hanging on to somebody else's trauma and issues and darkness no I'll let go and let God you are not my problem anymore I can forgive because I want to release myself not because you deserve forgiveness because I forgot what's been done no no no no no no forgive but never forgotten because now I have to live my life making up for your lack of parenting your lack of ability to love and show empathy to your own child this is a subject that's sensitive and a lot of people don't want to talk about it and address it because it's your mother you only get one and all that one ---- man who gives a damn dear mother you ain't ---- you ain't ---- it's period pointless distance that's simple you've lied you've connived you've backstabbed you've been hateful you've been spiteful you you've been dark you've been evil you've been hypocritical as hell critical for no reason criticize your own self dear mother looking in the damn mirror sometimes because the only people that believe that you're perfect are outsiders those monkey see monkey do as people don't fly monkeys the ones that that relate to you because they got the same character flaws they're the only ones that really think you're perfect and believe it because everybody else can see it i grew up with a narcissistic mother who people always wanted to beat her ass because they create bad relationships they create issues real people don't like them dear mother let's keep it real let's be truthful and honest let's stop throwing god into it and be real about it let's stop at the mic secrets won't come out let's stop acting like god is not real this is a deep one for me i'm gonna end it with one last subject shout out to those of you who are raising children with narcissists dear mother god bless stay strong you're dealing with a psycho a monster a vicious demon and they had children with you for a reason but it's okay don't let your light get dimmed by this demon stay strong don't try to fight to prove that you are this parent or that like move in silence remain still trust God and live your life thrive leave it for God to handle because you can't you can't you can't make nobody see what they don't want to see you can't make those kids pay attention to what needs to be paid attention to this person has created a crazy ass matrix and sucked your children right into the middle of it and they will never be able to get out until they jump into their own self-healing journey just pray that they don't end up narcissistic that's all you can do but learn to become unbothered by all the tactics this person has because it's clownish you've done what you could do for your children you're doing what you can do that's what matters don't let this person sit somewhere and get the last laugh because you're still reacting to their tactics forget this clown they want you to react they want you to come off as crazy dysfunctional mental bad mom so you can never come back from it learn how to shut it down by not even falling into it and letting it letting it discourage you and move you they want you to be bothered by it because if you're bothered you'll be stuck in depression you won't feel like doing anything you won't meet your goals you won't get to the money and then you're still broken and you need them now get your strength so you don't need them for nothing stand strong so you don't need them this is a painful thing to deal with if you are trying to raise children with a narcissistic person hard i know i i don't personally have that experience but i talk to many people who are going through it and i know how serious and crazy and dangerous it can get so shout out to you mother for first of all doing the best that you could for trying for still trying shout out to you go through a couple comments and i'm gonna let you guys go thank you guys for giving me this time this afternoon i hope you know you guys got some great plans and um you're gonna enjoy the rest of this day after i let you go here shortly Alicia she says i'm a mother and a grandmother oh beautiful hey sister karen how you doing love cindy s what's up cindy thank you for the gift today thank you so much happy mother's day god bless you happy mother's day to all my my warriors man all my warrior moms out there happy women's day says karen breaking generational curses absolutely oh yes yes yes yes god speak through me hello nice to have you tonight or today geez not night yet my sister and i made a pact not to abuse our children says alissa i love that see some of us we change the narrative we change that cycle i love that i love that there's a lot of amazing women in here today oh you guys are beautiful and i'm so happy to know you oh gosh you don't even know hey alicia she says there are so many innocent kids who run away from abusive homes and mothers at a young age kids really do not do get tired of it it's truly sad they do narcissistic mothers man they they are something else y'all oh man she didn't kill me so thank you yes she didn't she didn't red drake what's up michael boyd hey i understand keep your head up and stay focused we live and we learn when i was young my mom moved in with her boyfriend and left me for three years on my own been through some crazy ish wow thanks for sharing that thanks for sharing that the narcissistic mother tells their kids that they should have aborted them during some of their arguments shaking my head thanks for dropping that alicia that's real they do say stuff like that i should have never had you and i should have drank bleach with you and whoo i'm gonna send you back to the to africa i used to get that a lot i brought you to this world i'm gonna take you out and all of that like okay you are god right johnny walker resilience what a great underused word happy mother's day god bless thanks for being here johnny thank you dirt sapient oh my god if you don't mind me asking when you speak about these things openly how much negative feedback and hate do you receive from other females i don't know because i don't keep track, I'm not sure, I don't even see it, really don't if I do, I'll probably laugh at it, I don't know, I don't even know if it's there, Shirley Robinson a friend of mine has has this happening to her son, husband died 24 years ago now, his mom and wife are both sick oh jesus, jesus, I'm not the vibe for you, you can excuse yourself, it's okay, shout out to the single fathers out there, I agree there are a lot of those out there, Shirley Robinson, mother wounds by a narcissistic mother affect all relationships, yes, Korean narcissistic women want so much praise on this day for intentionally creating monsters out of their children, man listen, that's why I was like okay, let's talk about it right, Regina Mazon, hey I had to do that very thing you speak of, I felt rejected by my mother, she put me away at 12 been on my own since she passed away four years ago no closure, no apologies for things that transpired, oh god bless you warrior, thank you for dropping that in, you are a real one, you are strong for today, oh that's what's up, that's what's up, you are a thriver, Cindy S, yes my mom was a narcissist, it really messed me up, same here, my mom wasn't the worst but she was bad enough and when it's like that, it's hard to be that daughter or that son even trying to address it because you look crazy, how dare you talk about your mother, she's so perfect because everybody only sees the part that you live with i mean the part that you don't live with they only see the the golden glittery stuff you know the nice outfits the hair always being done the smelling good and the charming voice and oh i don't have time that's why i got the cut off the cut off game gotta be strong if you want to survive and move on and just not be entirely bothered by this for the rest of your life ugh Dolores A says monster is the right word and Lisa says mine too my dad had malignant tumors and was very physically abusive taking care of him now well thanks for sharing that my heart goes out to you oh man Shirley Robinson God used my granddaughter Auntie Gracie for the journey that's what's up thank you for sharing that awesome awesome awesome sooner for me not have been pretty i'm writing a book regarding narcissistic mother shirley robinson please let us know when you're ready because warrior i love that i love your strength thank you for standing up and stepping up please drop that book we'll be ready for you we'll be ready for you so much love so much light thank you guys so much for taking the time to talk to me today it's important if you are a survivor like me you've walked down this road you went through this you lived with this you were raised by this but you came out so strong you came out beautiful you came out amazing not perfect but amazing what was intended to completely destroy you made you the best person you could have ever been if you haven't gotten there i pray you will just don't give up on yourself treat yourself like a mother mother yourself mother your little the little girl mother that little boy that's what self-love includes you know attend to your your emotions when you think about things that happened get in tune with what you're feeling and pour love into yourself and your soul don't stop doing it mother yourself like i said because you are a mother dear mother you're a woman you're a mother kids or no kids You're a mother. You were born to be. All right. Stay blessed, you guys. Thank you so much for your time. I appreciate it. Much love. Enjoy the rest of your day. Again, happy Mother's Day to you all. Stay blessed. Until next time, guys. Stay true. Stay blessed. All that good stuff. Any information you need to talk to me, you'll find it in the description box after. All right, guys. Until next time. See you tomorrow night, 9 p.m. Eastern Time. Let's go.